Am I Just A Crossdresser Or Something More

I'm curious. How many of you simply like wearing women's clothing for the feel of it? And how many of you are into something deeper?

I have a fetish Twitter account. I don't want to go into that on this site because I know this is separate from that. I came out to my Twitter followers that I had a feminine side and I call her Diana. I received so many positive responses to that it was overwhelming. But one response stood out. It read "I see you and you are beautiful. Thank you for sharing Diana." I felt this joy bubbling up inside me. A joy of being recognized. Of being seen. I actually got emotional. This was my first real hint that something more is going on.

I keep dancing around. I guess Diana likes to dance. My reading choices have changed. I'm totally turned off the violent action thrillers I used to read. My taste in television shows has changed. I seem to be constantly watching HGTV shows about house flipping. I watched an episode of Say Yes To The Dress and I actually liked it. These are shows I have always shunned. My taste in music has changed. My wife and I were in the car the other day and the song Maria came on the radio. It's a song I'd always been indifferent to. I didn't dislike it, the song just did nothing for me. This time I was bopping around on my seat and singing along! I knew the words because my wife likes the song and had played it several times in our fifteen year marriage. When we got home I tried an experiment. There's a Donna Summer song I have always hated. I think it's called MacArthur Park. I always mocked the idea of singing about someone leaving a cake out in the rain lol. I just didn't like the song! This time I was again singing along and I actually danced with my wife to the song! She definitely found that amusing!

So I guess I'm trying to figure out how far this actually goes. Obviously I'm more than just a guy who likes to wear a dress. I have a feminine side with her own personality and her own tastes that differ from mine. I'm not sure how far I want to take this. I'm new to this whole world. I've only been a CD for a month. So I'm still finding out new things about myself. All I know is wearing a dress just feels RIGHT. Do you all have a feminine side and how does she let you know she's there?

I most definitely have a feminine side (called Heather in my case) who has been with me since age 11.

It wasn?t entirely apparent what was happening to me at first and found myself finding excuses to be alone in the house so I could try my sister?s skirts (which were my firstborn addiction). Anyway needless to say I was caught numerous times by my parents which started me on a number of years which probably informed my crossdressing habits more than any others (in short a therapist suggested that I dress as a girl full time to try and wean me off it - which was with me for the remainder of my education).

The fact therefore that to this day, Heather still has a tendency to take over tells me that I very much have a feminine side. There is no middle ground when I am in this frame of mind and I inevitably end up dolled up in one of a number of styles that Heather is drawn to and find myself trying to perfect a girlish frolick (though I suspect it comes across as more of a mince.

Do you mean Maria by Blondie? - I?ve been drawn to that song in the past, also.

I wear skirts, dresses, heels, nylons etc. mostly because I like the feel. For the feeling and for fashion.

No, this song is by a group called TKA. The song came out in the late 80's / early 90's. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c5JDgC0cyo

I'm just a mail in lingerie. A mial. Or mil. Lol. No feminine side at all.

I love skirts and dresses. The way they feel is so amazing. I have one skirt that swishes against my legs as I walk. It's the best feeling!

Hey Diana,

I don?t think that I can take it
Cause it took so long to bake it
And I?ll never have that recipe again
Oh no.


Haha you made me laugh because I have not heard that song in a long time. Sadly I recall when the original was on the radio in the sixties by Richard Harris. It was actually a trivia question on the movie ?Vertical Limit?.

Anyhow so you are in trouble because if you are only a short time into crossdressing, it can grow on you. My kids have harassed me for having Britany Spears ?Toxic? on my phone. I have other tunes I probably would not have downloaded were it not for the feminine thinking seemingly brought on by my dressing.

For me , the ultimate is dancing with other women in clubs while dressed and it has been a blast, but your wife may not like you doing that even if she approves of the dressing.

Have fun and be safe out there.

Sandi

HA! I think my male side was cringing as I read those lyrics but I still heard the song in my head at the same time. Talk about duality. It's fun discovering these new tastes and interests. A bit scary too, but I'm enjoying the ride.

I definitely have a feminine side. Boy me is an introvert. In fact, I actually pin the scale on introversion. Girl me is an extrovert. According to Myers Briggs, you personality profile is supposed to be relatively fixed.

Sometimes when I'm out in male mode, it feels like Steffi is right with me, but in the background. If she sees a really cute dress, she will drag me over to it. She will even have me compliment GGs on their clothes, makeup, nail polish, jewelry. I know Steffi is behind it, because, as I said, I'm an introvert. Only an extrovert would do something like that.

One time at Keystone, I'm out at a restaurant with a bunch of TG/CDs fully dressed. I'm flirting with the GG waitress who tells me that she's Bi. I tell her that I could be her best friend. I could be a boy when she feels like a boy and a girl when she feels like a girl. Half jokingly, I invite her to the Saturday Night Gala Ball dance with a live band. She actually meets me there. My CD friends want to know who the GG is. I tell them she's my date. They're flabbergasted.

And she's not the only GG I've flirted with while dressed.

I can totally identify with that! Male me is pretty shy and doesn't like to be center of attention. My Diana side loves to dance and she's really helping me come out of my shell. I even make business calls now that I would previously have struggled to do or asked my wife to do. Even my wife has noticed a change in me. It's like for so many years there was something missing, even though I didn't KNOW it was missing. If that makes sense.

I'm actually hoping to learn how to be an extrovert from Steffi.

She has already taught me some useful things. Boy me used to need about two bottles of liquid courage to get on the dance floor. Boy me is really self conscious. Steffi loves to dance and doesn't really care what people think. One time she went out on the dance floor alone when she couldn't find anyone brave enough to join her. I figured if Steffi can do it, I should be able to do it also.

You sound so like me we could be sisters lol! Boy me used to wait until the dance floor was nearly full or until I'd drunk enough liquid courage before I got up on the dance floor. My wife loves to dance and would try to drag me onto the dance floor at parties. But unless there were at least seven or eight couples on that floor I didn't want to know. Diana keeps emerging and making me dance. I've never been dressed as her outside, other than wearing a pair of women's shorts the other day, so I don't know what would happen if I was dressed at a party. I'm curious to see what does happen when I go to the next family party, once everything has (hopefully) returned to some kind of normal.

Boy me hasn't been to any parties with my wife in a long time, so I've never had the opportunity to put into action what Steffi taught me.

Steffi has gone to the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg for the last 8 or 9 years, until it was cancelled this past March due to Coronavirus. There were always several opportunities to dance while there. At one time, there was a local disco in downtown Harrisburg where a bunch of us went on Friday after dinner. There would always be a lot of us TG girls dancing, and there was a small number of GG girls dancing in the "mosh pit" with everyone else. Steffi often got to dance with some of those local GGs.

BTW, I lived in central Jersey in the early 80's not far from where the trotters race

Are you talking about Freehold? That's where I live. We've been here nearly four years now. Those conferences sound a lot of fun.

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Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi

I definitely have a feminine side. Boy me is an introvert. In fact, I actually pin the scale on introversion. Girl me is an extrovert. According to Myers Briggs, you personality profile is supposed to be relatively fixed.

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But also, according to Jung, who MBTI is based on, you will have another personality inside that will contrast with your outer one. CD's will often experience this as a second self and live both, lol, causing lots of fun and adventures.

BTW, Steffi last time I saw you, you were gorgeous and "renting the runway." Has it been 4 years? Wow.

Diana,
The brain at times has locked doors or areas not aften used , it only takes a mental key to open those doors . If you have had the usual upbringing as a " normal " male some of this is nurture , somethings men aren't allowed to accept so you build a mental block on certain songs , television programs , films , possibly even appearance .

Crossdressing is partly down to revealing our hidden identity , one person's comment validated that for you , it told you mentally it's OK what you are doing , which then allowed those hidden feelings behind locked doors to come out , now your world has opened up , you enjoy things now which you were told was wrong .

How far does it go ? No one can answer it's up to you , all I know is through this process I'm now enjoying being Teresa full time because my mind has been allowed to open up , I can enjoy what I want to enjoy and not what I'm supposed to enjoy or dislike .

Talk about locked doors in the mind is so appropriate to my situation. Because this whole adventure began on the 7th of July through an image that just popped into my mind. I was relaxing trying to go to sleep and I had this image of myself wearing a dress, a wig (or maybe natural hair, who knows?), makeup, the whole nine yards. I have no clue where that image came from but the effect was visceral, like a punch to the gut. Ever since then I have felt the need to dress up. I came out to my wife about it the next day. She knew something was on my mind. We've been married for 15 years and she can read me like a book. We had a rocky first few days. She was afraid she was going to lose me, that I was turning gay or bi. I had to work hard to reassure her that nothing like that was happening. Then one evening I begged her to let me try on one of her dresses, even just for five minutes even if I just locked myself in the bedroom so she wouldn't have to see it. Well, she picked out a gorgeous purple gown, helped me into it and even took a photo. I actually let out a soft moan as I felt that gown encase my body. It was a feeling I can't describe, but I'm sure you all know what I mean.

The thing is while this is all so sudden, there were little signs I hadn't recognized that hinted this was coming. For instance, at the thrift shop I manage I'd been admiring certain dresses or blouses that were very pretty and then telling myself they would look good on my wife. Now I realize it was my own taste for these clothes that had drawn me. That vision unlocked something in my mind that allowed all this to come out. I don't know how far this is going to take me, but I am enjoying the adventure!

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Originally Posted by Wen4cd

But also, according to Jung, who MBTI is based on, you will have another personality inside that will contrast with your outer one. CD's will often experience this as a second self and live both, lol, causing lots of fun and adventures.

BTW, Steffi last time I saw you, you were gorgeous and "renting the runway." Has it been 4 years? Wow.

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You made my day, no, maybe my month.

I always try to be pretty, or at least as pretty as I can be. But, I never thought I was gorgeous. Thanks so, so much. We must have met after one of my glam makeovers.

And yes, I was a "Rent the Runway" girl for a few years. One year, I wore a blue sequined Badgley Mischka cocktail dress. Is that what you remember me in? Since renting at RTW, I managed to score a couple of similar Badgley Mischka cocktail dresses off of eBay in different colors (red, burgundy and gold).

As for MBTI, that's interesting. I wonder if I can get Steffi to take the MBTI test. I guess I'd have to be dressed to the nines for the test to be valid.

Lady Gaga or Katy Perry or even Taylor Swift are my occasional musical indulgences. Another indulgence is drinking my morning coffee on the patio, out of some really nice floral porcelain mugs, while sitting in my outfit choice of the day. Once I accepted that this kind of indulgence was 'feminine' but now I'm considering it more as an extension/expansion of masculinity for me. I don't feel "like a woman" I feel like a man who has realized that my masculinity is much broader and more indulgent than society seems to want it to be.

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Originally Posted by DianaW

Are you talking about Freehold? That's where I live. We've been here nearly four years now. Those conferences sound a lot of fun.

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Lucky guess ? I figured that anyone in New Jersey would pick up on the reference.

I actually lived in Marlboro, just up 79, near Marlboro High School.

We may actually be twins.

You can lookup the Keystone Conference here. But with COVID, there may never be another one.

Also, if you ever want to see what you'd look like as a girl, fully made up, there's a TG make-up artist (Amanda Rich) in Bethlehem PA that does a wonderful job. If you look at my profile pic, not Bugs Bunny, you can see what she did for me. Plus over 100 pics in various outfits, including a wedding gown.

We lived in Staten Island for 12 years before moving to Freehold. I know Marlboro pretty well. We did DoorDash together last year and delivered to a lot of places in Marlboro.

Your profile pic is great. You look so feminine. I'm curious about makeup but it's kind of a hot button topic for my wife right now so I'm going to have to table that for the future. I've only been a CD for just over a month so this is still very new to both of us.

Well the question you ask is one I've been asking myself for a long time. I still haven't found the answer.
I simply know that I have this very strong feminine side. I suppose all this started about the clothes but then it morphed into much more. I'm more happy, more content and just feel more me this way.

As for the tv shows I definitely have changed my tastes. I love "Say Yes to the Dress" and religiously watched "What Not to Wear". Just wish they would have a CD version of both. I'd love to participate. Then there is QVC and "Shoe Shopping with Jane". That's my greatest weakness. Some love lingerie, others dresses but my weakness is shoes. So, yes, there is more than just clothes, but how much more for me remains to be seen. This journey isn't over yet.

Back to the OP.... we are all something more. I don’t want to split hairs semantically, but instead of more, perhaps one might substituted the word ‘else’. Being a cross dresser is not a lesser status to some other identity. As for changing likes and dislikes, that’s part of life. We change over time.

All I know is I seem to much happier when presenting as a female. I tend to feel less masculine, more feminine, and it puts a smile on my face.

I didn't mean to imply that being a crossdresser "only" because you just like the way the feminine clothes feel somehow makes you less. I'm just questioning it's more than that. I'm really beginning to feel I have a strong feminine side and she lets me know she's around. I'm still figuring this all out as I'm so new to this world.

Hey Diana,

I was following your discussion with Steffi about having a personality change when dressed up. I have had a huge change when I am dressed and out at clubs since I began going out in public around 2017. It was subtle at first but over time became obvious that the female version of me is much more outgoing and I find it fascinating that I am not the only one experiencing this. I used to be a wall flower at dances. Not when dressed up as Sandi. Of course I have to give a lot of credit to the women who initially grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to the dance floor. It can be SO much fun. Thanks for sharing that Diana and Steffi as it makes me feel like some others have experienced what I have so I am not imagining it.

Sandi

Hi Sandi,

I'm glad we could help. While I'm still figuring this all out it's nice to know conversations I'm having are making a difference to others. I guess we're always going to be learning new things about ourselves.