In the event of?

As we get older my wife and I have spent considerable time and effort in our estate planning, ie wills, trusts, etc. One thing that comes to mind for me is what happens to the large stash of women's things that I have? My wife would dispose of the things in my dresser that she knows about but I have a large stash elsewhere that would only come to light if someone, my kids, had to dismantle and dispose of our entire estate. What do you do? Is this a concern? Have you made arrangements with a trusted friend or family member to dispose of your secret things? I would hate for my legacy to become, "He was a good guy but who knew that he had such a collection of women's underwear". What do the rest of you do?

One of the benefits of being out is I am not concerned abut discovery now or after I am gone but...

Even when I was in hiding I figured I will be dead so I don't really care.

Not in the closet at all, but I imagine if I was dead I wouldn’t be worrying about it.

My kids know about me i have not discussed it with them. They also know I am a very private person. If facing the tangible evidence my guess is that they will feel sad that I had not been able to openly express this part of myself.

I suggest letting your wife know about the rest of your stuff.

Of course, most of the time, we don't know when and how it will happen. Your wife could go first or the two of you might go together in an accident. What then?

Fortunately, since you will be dead, it won't really make a difference to you. I understand how it might affect your children or whoever has to dispose of your stuff.

You could get rid of it all today in anticipation of your death, but you may not want to do that. A possibility would be to store it all in a storage locker under a fictitious name. Once you die and stop paying the rent, they will just open the locker and sell the stuff. The problem with that is, it makes it hard to dress.

If your wife is fully aware then she can handle it.

I view it as "I'll be dead, why should I care?". The people that know me know my character and if something like this is sufficient to change their opinion of me after I'm dead, well then they either weren't true friends or they are very shallow.

I get it, people are afraid of what your family will think of you after you are gone.

For those of you in hiding or a DADT, it might be a good thing for them to discover how big your secret was. Maybe they will feel some of the pain you felt being forced to deny you're true self just so they don't have to feel embarrassed.

Kats mother gave me all of his things when he died .
Its always strange to me when these threads come up how many of you don't care or you think it wont be a problem or whatever .

No ^^ to the post above me , they wont feel any pain , they will just be certain they never really knew who that person was .
Some that really don't know anything about it will be shocked and disillusioned .

I have two boxes. My main storage is in the attic in a chest. I have another smaller box is in a spare room. It contains my makeup and items that might be damaged by heat. My wife knows that if I die before her she can just throw them out and not have to see what I have. There are some things (like breast forms) that she really doesn't want to know about.

I mulled your question over many times. Yes, it is possible my wife and I will died together in some horrific crash. If I go first my wife will be totally surprised by the extent of my wardrobe. I should leave a note for her. That's an issue with DADT. The husband acquires an extensive wardrobe. Mine is not hiding. It is in plain sight, but in about twenty Xerox boxes stacked up in our storage room which is the converted garage. There are many other Xerox boxes with all the crap both of us has accumulated over the decades. There is a box with five pairs of brand new unworn shoes in a Payless box. Maybe I'd explain to her, since she has not wanted to discuss the matter since 1983, that this is the consequences of DADT. If she were to predecease me I'd probably start drastically reducing my wardrobe to something an ordinary woman would hang in her closet. Fortunately, she and I wear the same size dresses and underwear. The shoes? Well, size 12W and 13N are a mite too big for her feet.

My daughter is a social worker and has a practice. Maybe, it would not surprise her or at least she should have some knowledge of this issue. Would her and my son's opinion change of dear old dad? Maybe, it made me a better person because of it?

Heck, I should get into all those boxes and set up an ebay store.

I am in the dreaded DADT status and the meaning of that term is predicated on a partner who knows but does not approve. I have gotten pretty casual about hiding my clothes and keep them in a dresser drawer, metal cabinet and at times some items are hung in my closet.

If I pass before my wife and she makes an issue out of me having been a CD I will come back and haunt her. Obviously the haunting will take place with me having access to an unlimited wardrobe of the nicest thing that money can buy but she wouldn?t approve of. If she plays nice I will not haunt her.

Please be assured that this reply is tongue in cheek. I agree with those who say they won?t care because they?ll be dead. I certainly wouldn?t purge over it.

I've definitely thought about this. Of course, I've thought about, "I'm dead, why should I care at that point." However, I also wouldn't have the opportunity to explain myself, should wrong conclusions being drawn, and whether we like it or not, we'll all leave some sort of legacy, and I'd hate for it to be tarnished by a false conclusion.

So, I've thought about leaving a note with my things, that would presumably only be found once I've passed away. Explaining my feelings. What I am, and what I'm not. I haven't written that yet, though.

All these worries about tarnished memories makes me wonder why as a society we romanticize the dead. I mean I get it, we miss our friends and family who have passed and only want to remember the good things.

But maybe if our survivers understand how painful it was for us to have to live in the closet. Maybe just maybe they will change and put their issue aside and allow someone still alive to be their true self.

Victoria,
The biggest surprise they may get when they clear my wardrobe out is finding no male clothes ! At some point it's probably best to check your items and thin out what is really redundant . I don't mind anyone finding suitable clothing items but maybe you get to a point when any fetish items and skimpy mini skirts need to go . If you cleared out a GGs wardrobe you wouldn't expect to find items like that , I feel I should consider my choices more in that way .

I thought about that a few times and purged about 80 items, slips, lingerie, panties, and anything I thought my family wouldn't want to imagine me wearing!

so to keep my typing to a limit....this....https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...h**&highlight=

i got to feeling the "ill be dead theory" is a cop out, respect to those who come to clear out your past would most likely respect you leaving behind your notes....better than them assuming a laundry list of scenarios. i have something for my son and just recently my sister in the event the mrs. and i bite the endgame together.....hope it helps someone.

Write yourself a codicil and attach it to your will with a note that it is Not to be opened till after the will is read.
A codicil is an attachment to your will that changes its terms in some way.
Codicils can accomplish such changes without the need to redraft your entire will.
Generally, codicils also clarify that all original will provisions not mentioned in the codicil remain unchanged.

Before I came out to my wife I had written a letter that was there with my clothes & stuff, I figured someone would eventually find it. It was there to answer questions that would be raise on finding my stuff. I showed her the letter when I told her about what I do.

I have thought of this my wife and daughters know where I keep everything (in the bedrooms closet lol). However son in laws do not, daughters would have to come in a head of time to remove things themselves. Wigs, breast forms I'm sure that they both will be shocked at how much I have lol.

I think Brandi's solution is the best one, in my opinion. Write a letter that is kept in a likely spot and with some of your clothes. In the letter explain what dressing meant to you. Explain about when it began and, if it applies to you, the shame you had to deal with and a desire to not do that but the need being so intense you were miserable when you did not have an outlet for this kind of expression. Don't place blame on any one person of few people in your family for your being closeted, but do mention that because society itself found the behavior unacceptable you had be closeted to protect your family and yourself.

Leaving it open to whatever interpretation the discoverers might wish to apply is not a loving or caring thing to do. This behavior is rarely ever able to be stopped once it is triggered. Irrespective of what causes it, the behavior becomes a part of who you are and, to some extent, completes you in your own sense of self. You couldn't tell them the whole story even though you wished to and you couldn't out of fear of rejection as being mentally ill or something like that. So, be sure to reveal that nearly everyone who has this behavior pattern lives in some degree of fear of discovery and complete rejection. Say you are sorry but put it in terms of something that is a part of you that cannot be denied.

I had another though about this post this morning so here it is:

I posted that once you are dead, it won't matter to you who finds your stuff and that is still true. But, suppose you don't die but are in the hospital with a stroke, heart attack, etc. and find that you will be transferred to a nursing home. Someone will have to pack up your home and may find your stuff. If you are not dead, you may have some explaining to do.

There is really no perfect answer to this situation.

As far as my legacy goes if I passed some family and friends will be upset for a short time but they will do just fine eventually. My wife knows but she may have convinced herself that her objections put an end to my dressing. Whatever she thinks if I were to pass and she finds my clothes, jewelry and makeup she will likely realize how difficult life must have been for me having to hide my passion.

Speaking of Legacy what is everyone?s first thought when they hear the name J Edgar Hoover? Hint, it?s probably not about his job as FBI director. If I were to pass I would be soon forgotten but if my family finds my clothes every time my name comes up they will think of my secret life. I think that?s a pretty good legacy to bring a smile to their face like old J Edgar does, at least I?d be remembered for something.

Seems the only real solution is if you are that concerned with someone discovering your secret after your death...then stop now and purge. Then you have no worries.
Ok, show of hands. How many will do that....?

Yeah, thought that might be the case. We're all going down in flames....LOL

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Originally Posted by Star01

Speaking of Legacy what is everyone?s first thought when they hear the name J Edgar Hoover? Hint, it?s probably not about his job as FBI director.

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Oh but it is... I can't say that I have ever read anything about J.E.H. being a crossdresser anyplace except for here.

Cheryl, or take my advice and come out.

There was a joke many years ago about having a "porn buddy" who would come around and clear away your naughty magazines to prevent embarassment.

This then changed with the Internet to a "browser buddy" who would clear your internet browsing history for the same reasons.

I'm sure there are one or two here who would be far more embarassed by their internet browsing than by their wardrobe.

Certainly for me, I wouldn't have concerns over my stash because I consider it to be classy clothes and nothing overly racy - they're just fabric, and the discoverer would need to use their imagination. I'd be far more concerned about keeling over *in* my clothes.

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Originally Posted by Brandi Christine

Before I came out to my wife I had written a letter that was there with my clothes & stuff, I figured someone would eventually find it. It was there to answer questions that would be raise on finding my stuff. I showed her the letter when I told her about what I do.

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My wife and I talked about the letter if we both died, but need to do it. My wife said just to admit it is all my clothing and she would add that she knew, supported my dressing and loved me because I was still me no matter what clothing I was wearing.

My children all know I Cross Dress. What they do no know about is the 3 memory devices where I keep all of my photos. 2 2TB flash drives, one 1 TB hard drice (C) and one 5 TB drive with a 2 TB folder that is password protected. Last month I gave my son a sealed envelope to be opened after my death. It has my self written will and codisil. It also has all my computer passwords so he can purge all my flash drives and most of my hard drives. I also told him were I keep all non-Leslie Mary files If any of the family wants their 'Kid" photos all the way back to 1896. My son is my exactor.
As you can see, I have given a great thought to my future. I live alone. but I have a friend renting two rooms in my house who knows to contact my son if I pass. I am hopping my reoccurring dreams are wrong and that I live past my 84th birthday.

The OP feared for his legacy.

My father was not a CD, but he was a terribly difficult, sometime abusive person. When he passed, my family didn't say "Oh he was a terrible person." We missed him for his good side (he had one too) and began to understand him much better- his shortcomings and why he was the way he was. And now, we remember and share the good times and his good characteristics and we laugh, grieve, and celebrate him at the same time. And we see him in ourselves.

In no way is CD'ing a bad thing- please don't misunderstand me. But I think your family will remember, grieve, and celebrate you for who you were as a person, not that you wore women's clothing. Well they may, but only in the sense that they will feel they now know you a bit better. And maybe even have a good old fashioned laugh about it all.

But I could be totally wrong too :)

Becky I think you are right on.

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Originally Posted by Victoria1

As we get older my wife and I have spent considerable time and effort in our estate planning, ie wills, trusts, etc. One thing that comes to mind for me is what happens to the large stash of women's things that I have? My wife would dispose of the things in my dresser that she knows about but I have a large stash elsewhere that would only come to light if someone, my kids, had to dismantle and dispose of our entire estate. What do you do? Is this a concern? Have you made arrangements with a trusted friend or family member to dispose of your secret things? I would hate for my legacy to become, "He was a good guy but who knew that he had such a collection of women's underwear". What do the rest of you do?

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I'm single and live alone, and I also think about this topic. I'm out to my family and friends, so I'm not worried about them discovering that I was a crossdresser. They might be surprised by how many dresses, skirts, and shoes I own.

I'm at peace with it, I am who I am.