Wearing a smaller size than your SO?

This is something I haven't seen yet in the forums, although I haven't tried to search further back in the archives. When I met the woman who would become my wife, she wore size 10-12 clothes and dressed very stylishly for her job. After almost 30 years of marriage, she is now at size 18-20 and tries to dress well, but is limited due to her medical issues. She does not approve of my dressing (and she doesn't know the full extent of it), but she is upset that I have occasionally worn women's plain jeans in a size 10. Today she said it was "hurtful" to wear something she can't fit in, and wondered if I was projecting my preference for her younger look. I told her that it was not meant to disparage her, that it was for me, but I went and changed anyway. Does anyone else have an issue with their SO being larger than them, and how do you manage the sizing disparity?

Hugs, Tina

It is just a lightning rod for her own personal issues, and disapproval of your dressing. If it wasn't jealousy over size, it would be something else.

Rationally speaking, many GGs wear a size over 10, probably a fair majority of GGs her age wear over a 10. They make stylish clothing in an 18-20, if you need a bigger size you just buy a bigger size, it is what it is. 30 years of marriage is one heck of an accomplishment. She should take pride in that and not focus on her size.

Take her to Lane Bryants. They have some very nice and stylish clothes.

Though it really could be just an excuse to fuss.

My current So is edging in that direction. We both wear a 40DD, though I really think she is an E cup. Though only two years ago she was a 38E. We wear the same size blouse and dress. I wear a 14/16 skirt and she wears an 18. I wear a 7 panty and she wears a 10. She is very aware of her butt. I don't mind it but she has stopped wearing pants because of it and she complains that I don't gain weight in that area.

She has thrown fits over this, but usually when we go shopping and especially when she had to go up in size. Other than that we are usually at peace. Other than I can wear all her dresses and she sometimes can not wear mine, if it is too form fitting.

There is really no easy answer on this one. We are all somewhat vain and it can wear on an SO at times.

Good luck!

My wife started out seventy pounds lighter than she is now. She was five foot two and 115 pounds. Now still five foot two...you do the math. I started out 6' 1/2", 175 pounds. My waist was 34, now 38. Her bra size was 34 B. Now? I don't know. She cuts the tags out of all her clothing because tags cause her to itch. I know she wears a size 8 panty. So do I. I wear a size 16/18 dress. So does she. In fact she and I have the same dress, but she does not know that. She borrow many of my graphic tee shirts of Snoopy. If she knew of my extensive wardrobe I know what would set her off. It's the damn high heels. She had foot surgery...a fused big toe. No more heels. She would love to wear a high heel. High heels will not enter the conversation. I want to live long and prosper.

There can be mental health issues with a change in health status.

Maybe a chat or two with a licensed mental health worker (social worker, psychiatrist, PhD psychologist) will help smooth the waters a bit. Her primary care physician is an excellent resource to find one.

My wife just said that three kids and 50 years will do it to most anyone!

You each have to wear sizes that fit you. She can't expect you to wear size 18 jeans if size 10 fits your body. Even if you wore men's jeans they would be smaller than hers.

She shouldn't be taking out her frustration on being "heavy" on you.

OMG yes...
This was a large point of contention when I first came out to her. She always thought I was "compensating" for her weight gain. She became distressed when I would slip on my size 14 skinny jeans and she would don her size 20W's. She would order a summer dress and try it on only to dislike her image in the mirror and then become more so when I would put it on and it would fit me so much better (I'm larger up top than on the bottom of course).
It took her some time to realize that I'm just different and that's the way it is. I'm not doing this for her, I'm doing it for me and I have little control over what size I am.
She's ok with it now but it took time.

I am a size smaller than my wife now. I am sure she is jealous, but she does not let that effect her opinion as she knows I have worked very hard to get my weight down.

Tina,
I'm sure it could be a touchy subject with many wives and partners when you can slip into something she can only dream about now . Although we had split up my wife started to attend keep fit classes and reduce her weight , she didn't say as much after seeing me the one time a but my physical shape when dressed gave her something to think about . She hoped I would look stupid and people would laugh at me but was proved wrong .

None of this was intentional I had to find myself and get an identity , I learnt about the fit of female clothes and the importance of watching your weight , moreso than as a man .

It isn't as rare as you might think for a CDer to take a smaller size than their female partner.
Bobbie Thompson covers this subject (amongst other things) in her excellent TG book "My husband looks better in lingerie than I do, damn it!"

I too have this issure being a size smaller than my wife... the look on her face when I would look at size 12 dresses and skirts.

For the most part I wear one size smaller than my wife. I don't think she cares about that too much compared to just preferring male clothes on my body. This means some of her hand me downs can fit me.

My mother in law is the same size as me and the dress I am wearing now she borrowed for a wedding in October. I got it for $7 at the thrift store. I get even more hand me downs from her.

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

OMG yes...
This was a large point of contention when I first came out to her. She always thought I was "compensating" for her weight gain. She became distressed when I would slip on my size 14 skinny jeans and she would don her size 20W's. She would order a summer dress and try it on only to dislike her image in the mirror and then become more so when I would put it on and it would fit me so much better (I'm larger up top than on the bottom of course).
It took her some time to realize that I'm just different and that's the way it is. I'm not doing this for her, I'm doing it for me and I have little control over what size I am.
She's ok with it now but it took time.

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Cheryl, my wife is exactly the same, she obsesses over her weight and how she looks, she hates taking pictures because she feels she looks "bad". She doesn't wear dresses or skirts now due to medical issues with her legs, but she is working to lose weight and heal in order to get back to that and her (lower than mine) heels.

When I was married her weight was a trigger issue and we both knew it. The one time we went to mall to shop at VS she waited outside.
Toward the end we found out that she had a rare disease that made it impossible for her to safely lose weight.

But, I think she thought I was hot in women's clothes, as it allowed me to flaunt my toned size 2 figure.
Her line in the sand was HRT. I think she was worried about what they would do to the family jewels.

Marion

My wife is sometimes discouraged by the fact that I can fit into some of her jeans. We're both on the petite side, her much more so which means that most clothes end up bigger on her anyway which is part of the reason. However, she is very accepting and understanding, and I make sure to remind her that I always find her beautiful and attractive, regardless of the number on her clothing's tags. We both workout together and try to keep each other on track meals wise as well.

This is an amazing post and to be quite honest I can understand the shall we say resentment of the wives just in the female nature to want to be more appealing. My response to this post is simple, "I wish." When I started I wore her clothes and they fit very nicely, years later and a different and smaller wife not even close. But should I have stayed married to the 1st I would be still the same as her or a little smaller.

My wife would hate to see how good my legs look in a short skirt and heels and I would feel terrible making her feel that way what a dilemma.

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Originally Posted by Tina Davis

Today she said it was "hurtful" to wear something she can't fit in, and wondered if I was projecting my preference for her younger look.

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Everything you wear would not fit her, male or female. Are you supposed to run around nude, of wear clothes larger than hers, just because?!

Like the other post, she is just projecting her frustration on you. She needs to understand that. Also I don't know what her medical issues are, but if you don't over eat, you don't gain weight, plain and simple. Medical issues can mess with metabolism, and your desire to eat, but she can control it is she wants too. She just needs to eat less and get some exercise.

I have a relative that was way over weight. She claimed her thyroid was messed up causing her to gain weight. I told her that was B.S., too much food was the cause. She even had a doctor tell her the weight gain was from her "medical issues". At some point she changed doctors and her new doc started busting on her about her weight. Well, she is dropped 100 pounds in a couple years, and guess what, her thyroid is normal now, so it appears it was the other way around. The weight was messing with the thyroid.

Pumped ,
Food is like sex you can have too much of a good thing !!

Teresa, I have never had too much sex!:heehee:

Pumped, she is a type 1 diabetic with hypoglycemic tendencies (low blood sugar). This makes it difficult for her to safely lose weight, although she has done it before. She does not have the stamina for much exercise at all - if we were to walk, I wouldn't get any benefit from the slower pace, and she would have to stop and rest after 15-20 minutes. She keeps trying to eat less, but when she plateaus, the old habits come back. Our New Year's resolutions will be to work together on healthy choices and smaller portions.

Of course, that won't change her view of my dressing, like was said earlier. She'll find another reason to be disapproving, even if she doesn't know about my full wardrobe.

For my wife, the issue is less size than styles that are available to me versus her. I've got lots of cute stuff that get a comment of "I wish I could still dress like that" when she sees me in something new. She was very stylish in her twenties and thirties and I loved shopping for her. I never thought about choosing anything for myself back in those days, but I'd often think that "If I were a woman, I'd wear something more like 'this'" than the item she might choose. I don't think she ever chose anything I didn't like for herself, but my taste was developing long before I began choosing and buying things for myself...

I'm wide shoulders with no hips so I wear a larger size than my wife for tops and dresses but a smaller size for jeans / skirts / panties.

When we moved in together, she was 5' 4" and under 100 pounds. I was 5' 10" and 172.

When we separated 10 years later she was about 140 pounds and I was 155.

She left some of her sexy club outfits behind when she moved out. She knew she could never wear them again. But, I could!:heehee:

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My wife is considerably larger than me. My biggest concern for her is from a health perspective. We are trying a whole new approach starting New Years day. We are putting together a meal plan for 120 days, the idea being there will not need to be any last minute planning or fast food unless its part of the plan. We're putting together a fitness program as well, again for 120 days. Its a lot tougher because with covid neither of us are going to gym and im a firm believer in variety in exercise.
She's wanting to change things and i am excited about helping her get there, not to mention i will gain from it as well.