Self image vs reality

I was thinking a lot about a previous post that referenced a young gender bending YouTuber. People that are coming of age today have the benefit of living in a society that is much more open to, or at least tolerant of, gender expression diversity. Yet, despite this, it is the waifish, pretty, slender crossdresser that receives accolades for their ability to convincingly mimic a GG. This is fascinating because, despite all the progress that has been made in accepting and celebrating gender diversity, society is still very hung up on the binary expression of gender.

I bring this up because I sometimes talk with other CDers who express frustration over their not so fem physical attributes, especially when compared to what you find on display online.

I struggled for a long time with the fact that I have very large feet, large hands, broad shoulders and a lovely and large masculine head size. In hindsight, my hangups over these features probably played a significant role in my decision not to go down the road of transitioning earlier in life. Only with age and experience did I learn to appreciate and love my body as-is. This has been liberating with an added and unexpected benefit. When you are more confident, you become more attractive. Period. People, men especially, find me attractive regardless of my manly features. This is a recurring theme now that I'm not a youngster anymore. It's fascinating and liberating.

Whiney Houston sang (yet tragically did not heed her own advice) that the greatest love of all is to love oneself. We need to love ourselves more. As is.

I totally understand your thoughts - I am broad, large, with long slender hands and feet. I've always considered transitioning to be impossible because of how I'll look, which I perceive to be ridiculous.

One day I may love myself.

Charlotte, you are remarkably beautiful and still quite young. I spent two decades wringing my massive man hands over this nonsense. Oh the fun I missed out on! Do your thing. Love yourself. Live.

Monica,
So much of that is down to the demands of the media . When checking out clothing how many still show tall , wafer thin models , most retail shops have slender mannequins , most glossy magazines use the same format for models . Also consider what is the biggest moneymaker , losing weight and fitness , followed by haircare and skin care . We are literally bombarded with those perfect images that less than 50% of the population fit into .

You only have to do some people watching for a couple of hours to appreciate men and women come in all shapes and sizes , I came to the conclusion I'm going to slot in there somewhere just by being ME ! I have some male traits and I hope I have some female traits and that also applies to women , some have large hands , large feet and masculine features .

I admit I can't accept my image as a man anymore so I try and do it it as little as possible but I still don't make a perfect woman .

Your post reminded me of something that happened a very long time ago. I went into a liquor store dressed up and at the checkout, I asked if he could tell I was a man. He said my hands gave me away. I wanted to hide my hands after that.

Nowadays, I do not really try to fool anyone. I just try to look as pretty as I can with what I have to work with. It turns out for me, that is good enough. I have had a whole lot of fun since I took that approach.

Sandi

My life has been easy with slight and feminne features, I always looked ten years younger or more than I really am.

I can take a girls bangle and ring and slide them over my hands.

I am size 10 to 12 and wear a size nine shoe.

Beverly, that's awesome. That's just wonderful. Congrats!

Congratulations, Monica. You are a beautiful person and have a thorough grip on the reality of it all. Look around and I suspect you will find an awful lot of women that actually fit the description of your own body. The ideal ones - slender, beautifully shaped, and with everything else that screams stereotypical female - are often spectacular. They stand out in a crowd; which means you also have to look at the crowd. Oh my gosh, they are different and some in different clothes would look almost male. Forget the ideal; be yourself.

What is important? Not what is draped on the outside, but what is contained on the inside. Gender is behavior; not appearance.

Charlotte, if you don't feel you can pass, there is no hope for me! My body and worse, my head is about as male looking as one could get.

I envy those here that with a bit of padding and a touch of makeup and less than an hour later they are a convincing woman.

That's just it. We have to move beyond the concept of passing. Unless you are in your 20s, even the hottest, tiniest CD is not really fooling anyone who cares to pay attention. Therefore, why continue to be hung up about not being the hottest, tiniest CD? Not worth the torment.

The problem with looking to the media and yes even a supposedly user generated content format like you tube is that they only show us what they think we want to see. Who is going to take weight loss tips from a fat person or beauty tips from someone with wrinkles. So we have to be savvy media consumers and compare the image to reality just as we would compare the claims of an ad to reality by reading product reviews. These YouTubers are a new generation of media personalities. And just like when you meet someone famous in person the character and person are not usually the same.

Here’s a secret. Those gorgeous girl you see celebrated? Most of them have some pretty masculine features too. They’ve just learned to camouflage them.

I wear pretty nail polish to draw attention to my small hands, which are usually near my thin waistline. I'm not super curvy, but my hips and bust are filled out enough to have an hourglass figure. :)

Marion

I too, have many masculine features that are difficult or impossible to "mitigate"; height, shoulders, head size, feet, but I keep in mind that no woman is perfect. In a sense, I am grateful for the free pass I have by virtue of being AMaB. Unlike the criticism faced by cis women throughout their lives, almost nobody ever mentions my face, hair, boobs, waist, legs, etc. I change the things I can, accept the rest, and give thanks for my health.

Indeed, acceptance will make things a lot easier, while at the same time I do try to accentuate what advantages I think I have while downplaying my flaws.

I'm only 5'6" so I tend in most situations to stay away from heels because I like being of comparable height to the women around me. I have broad shoulders so I stay away from things that draw attention to them. I have a thick WWE wrester neck so I wear my hair down more often than not.

On the other hand, I've started wearing nail polish more which draws attention to my large hands but I do so because I like nail polish now, and I think I'm happier for it.

"Yet, despite this, it is the waifish, pretty, slender crossdresser that receives accolades for their ability to convincingly mimic a GG."


The thing is, GG's are drawn to looking that way. To be slender, shapely, these are attributes many young girls aspire to so when a CD'er looks like that, yes they'll get accolades.

I think I'm living proof that if u want to look good bad enuff? U Can and WILL!:daydreaming:

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I do believe your self image becomes reality to those who do not know you and you are out in public.
Several times while working in downtown Chicago I have seen very "jaw dropping" beautiful women with masculine traits.
Some were very tall, very muscular, broad jaw, ladies with big feet and some might have been TG, but you never could be sure.
One thing was a fact, they were confident, had feminine mannerisms, masters at hip swing, walking in heels, and were not wearing anything conceived as masculine wear.
I studied a lot of women since I was a teenager and used that knowledge to emulate female traits.
The slenderizing of nail polished fingers, walking with a swing step, smiling while being presented.
Standing up straight with chest out and shoulders back and down in a relaxed position.
Keep the legs close together, calfs kiss as I walk, and look directly ahead with confidence.
You're meek, demure, not boisterous or crass, a bit bubbly and upbeat. I tend to talk in whispers, be polite, and learn to enjoy the moments.
And "YES....you have to really love yourself!

Talk about the media image. Some of the web sites have the measurements of the models. Many are 5'9", but wear a size 4. I'm 5'9" and wear a size 12 to 14. Big difference.

This Youtube TedX talk by CiCi says it all, and truly continues to inspire me.

https://youtu.be/fw30yjccnD4

What also inspires me are the words of the 'Desiderata':
(Paraphrased) "Change the things you can, accept the things you cannot change; move forward."

Whether you are a crossdresser, or a transgendered individual, it applies: OWN IT, and change/disguise/conceal/minimize the 'flaws' of your appearance. ENHANCE those aspects that highlight your femme appearance.

In the immortal words of ZZ Top: "She's got legs, she knows how to use them"

In a perfect world, I'd be 5' 8", size 6 feet, with all the right curves in all the right places. In reality, I'm a 6' tall Slenderman with ridiculous clown sized feet, and hands that look like an Alien Facehugger. BUT, I still present as a woman, finding make up and clothing that compliments my appearance, and downplays the flaws.

I am fortunate in that my wife is very accepting of my dressing. She often says we need to move someplace that is more progressive so that I can be out regularly dressed up and be comfortable. I know I don?t ?pass?, however when I do get fully made up, my wife says I look like a clone of my mother .... who we both consider to have been a very attractive woman. Body size and hand size are another story tho. My daughter, much to her dismay, is built like me. Fortunately she has her mothers face and bust but she regularity thanks me for making her a man. She supports my dressing as well. With all that support you?d think I?d be comfortable in public but there is something about being called out in public that only lets me do it at my bravest times, and I wouldn?t ever talk to anyone. But the feeling of walking down a sidewalk in heels, skirt/dress swaying in the wind simply enjoying the day still motivates me.

Teresa... You only have to do some people watching for a couple of hours to appreciate men and women come in all shapes and sizes , I came to the conclusion I'm going to slot in there somewhere just by being ME

Sandi Beech... Nowadays, I do not really try to fool anyone. I just try to look as pretty as I can with what I have to work with. It turns out for me, that is good enough.

For myself, just being happy for excepting who & what I am, is enough to bring a sunny smile to my face. :D

Just my own thoughts...I learned that just being "me" is more important in life, than trying to inmate and be someone else. :daydreaming:

It's difficult to love yourself, when it's the things about yourself which are perpetually in your way, from enjoying your life. For example, a soldier who has had his arms and legs blown off, would be considered a bit mentally ill for constantly exclaiming that it's great to have no arms or legs, because you save money on shoes and gloves! Or that it's great to not be able to scratch an itch. Because being a crossdresser, is something that usually gets in the way of having a loving intimate relationship, unless you are a homosexual or bisexual. There simply aren't enough straight females who find us attractive, and the ones that are, are almost impossible to find. I maintain that anyone who disagrees, can demonstrate it by opening up a 'date a crossdresser' website or bar, which caters to women who want to date and marry us. Charge even a slight fee, and you'll get very, very rich if you can find all of those crossdresser loving women, who you believe actually exist.
Being TG or a crossdresser when you're only attracted to, and turned on by, women, isn't something to love, because it's a hindrance to being able to get what you want out of life. Lovingg being that, doesn't make any sense. I understand why one should like ourselves, but to blindly love everything about ourselves as wonderful, is delusional.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

I think I'm living proof that if u want to look good bad enuff? U Can and WILL!

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Unfortunately, that's not reality. Sure, I can look sort of good as a male, but being six foot four, often weighing well over 250 pounds, and built like a football lineman, with typical male bone structure, is never going to look good as a female.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GretchenM

What is important? Not what is draped on the outside, but what is contained on the inside. Gender is behavior; not appearance.

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Unfortunately, what's on the inside (personality wise), is part of what the outside describes. A man who crossdresses demonstrates feelings and behaviors which are unacceptable to most of society, and more importantly, unacceptable as a mate, for nearly all women.

I like many things about myself, but being a crossdresser, with the psychological baggage from everything that happened to me as a kid, no, I don't love all of that.

My (cis) sister is tall, quite flat-chested, and has large "man hands" (as she calls them). Folks of all kinds come with a variety of attributes.

At one time in my mind I thought I passed this was when I was in my 30's and going out as Kristy, I didn't. Now around 60 I know I don't pass and I'm good with it. If you can except you don't pass and become Ok with it life gets much better, my opinion.

Now I rarely go out in public as Kristy if I do its not to anyplace real public like a store or some kind of sporting event. I know I don't pass and don't have the need to feel excepted in public. Hell I'm also not a very good looking guy anymore either.

I just dress for myself. I have pretty safe taste and as long as I feel good nothing else really matters.

I am not in love with my body, never have been... that's why I keep working on modifying it to become more feminine. Think age is progressing faster then I am. Most likely I will fall short and end up the old guy in the nursing home with the large breast and big fanny.... sigh... Just hope Alzheimers doesn't kick in and I revert to my childhood and run around the facility stealing the elderly female resident's bras....