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Curious as to how many have sought relief, solstice, comfort, even denial or repression through various means of alcohol, or even over compensation in choosing overly traditionally masculine occupations, such as the military, fire fighters, policemen, etc.
Christin (Chris) Beck, a retired, multi deployment, combat Veteran (13 as recall) Navy Senior Master Chief Navy Seal?
Im reading her book, "Warrior Princess " she spoke of going through the entire 'Buy and Purge' cycle?
No alcohol, not overcompensating with my job.
Oh, and I have met Kristen Beck FtF several times.
I have also met Kristen at my best friends friend's house for dinner and fun conversation. She spent the night there and was in town for an LGBTQ+ event. Quite a wonderful story for those who are not familiar with her.
My apologies for misspelling Christin for Kristin
I'm androgynous, so we may be at odds. I have different reasons for the birth and struggle with alcohol in my life, but I know that the tendency to use can be powerful.
More so than any other word? "Androgynous " would be the word to describe me, myself and IQuote:
Originally Posted by Emptyeyes
Hm. I see. Very nice.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana3
I have a few beers a month.... and have never abused alcohol, drugs or tobacco. Maybe a bit overly caffeinated at times! lol And I don't consider my carrier in underground coal mining as compensating for anything except maybe I really love underground mining..... for the last 45 years... Never had a full out "buy and purge" cycle and don't have an issue with myself or what I am/do....
I am a child of the 50's ~60's. Of Southern Folk, raised in.the Deep South.
Heavily handed indoctrinated culturally. Socially. educationally, even religiously to comform to such.
But? Throughout my Life.?
I've wrestled with the call to comform with my "upbringing" as a male, and my call and attraction towards my feminine side?
Kristen Beck's book "Warrior Princess " spoke deeply to me, and I very much related to her struggles.
I suppose some that people cope with inner conflicts over their gender identification or the difficulty of reconciling that identity with a hostile family, community or larger society. And there may be others who experience some internal struggles not necessarily related to gender, but struggles none the less, who for some reason may find some episodic relief from their emotional discomfort in the act of cross dressing. Both groups (and the many variants in between) may pursue hypermasculine activities and roles as a way of disguising this part of themselves...just as they may self medicate as a coping mechanism. For me personally, as I get older. I am increasingly unsure whether I cross dressed as a coping mechanism or if I struggled with anger issues, self loathing and sexually addictive behaviors as a way to cope with repressed gender issues. Clarity and certainty evade me.
and.... Guess lucky for me being a heathen.... never had a deity dictating how I should feel about myself and what I should or should not be wearing....
Great question. Never really thought about it, but don’t ever remember feeling guilty or any other negative thoughts. Just kept looking for the next opportunity to enjoy being me. If I could push a button and magically become a new me I would do it in a heartbeat.
Over the years I didn't really go through emotional struggles over this "peculiar pastime,' as I regard it for myself. True, I became confused a couple times and purged. I chiefly became confused over what it actually means to me. Too many posts made me scared that this was a road that led unswerving to gender issues or Permanent changes -- before I recognized the great variety in cross dressing. Now I can understand that, for me, it is just something interesting I do for fun. I look forward to opportunities, but this isn't the only fun thing I do, so I have other outlets, be it working on lawn and garden, woodworking, music, family activities, or other hobbies. Now, I enjoy writing and exploring ideas that way (even though it can increase the desire for that sort of fun). I understand that for many cross dressing fulfills a deep need, and becomes a lifestyle. I'm fortunate in where I am.
I have a beer once in a while, usually after working out side in the heat. Nothing tastes better than a cold beer on a hot day! I also like a shot or two of Crown Royal 3 to 5 times a week, but some weeks I don't drink at all. I do not believe I have an issue with alcohol as I drink randomly, and often not at all, and never more than one or two drinks.
I never had issues with alcohol and I never had the desire to have a macho job either.
(Khristin (Chris) Beck, a retired, multi deployment, combat Veteran (13 as recall) Navy Senior Master Chief Navy Seal) Id seen the story on CNN. What a GREAT, courageous, Trans American Patriot woman!
[/QUOTE]Curious as to how many have sought relief, solstice, comfort, even denial or repression through various means of alcohol[/QUOTE]..
1st off there are several layers here for conversation sake but Ill stay on point.
I have matured from my high school heavy drinking days (up bringing Irish Catholic heavy drinking abused family). Now I (Kara) have only drink on dates with a 1/2 glass of wine OR a quick shot of whiskey with my GG.
Well, let's see...
Alcohol abuse is a BIG problem (IMO) in my family, so I was really terrified that I'd go down that path too. But as it turns out, I dodged that bullet. I have the occasional drink, but it's not a big thing for me and I can just as easily pass on it.
I did join the military - but there was a draft at the time and Vietnam was in full swing. I decided I'd rather go in voluntarily and do something I liked (computer operator) than to get drafted and shot at or told to shoot at someone else. So - in my case at least, I didn't do it as "overcompensation." It was my way to avoid being forced into a macho role where I didn't belong. Even then, I was a poor fit and got the heck out as soon as my enlistment was over.
Like so many of us,she has evolved and found a more happy middle.. Acceptance from many in her past life,never happened,and it kicked her hard. Kristen enjoys creating and now blacksmithing seems to be her outlet.She is a FB friend,so I see her posts and pics.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana3
I was brought up in an environment where alcohol was a social drink, not abused, and was available. I drank light wines from an early age. Beer didn't come until I was 18, really only because my (single) mom didn't drink beer. Heavier stuff didn't come until some parties I attended. I think growing up in the environment where I did where alcohol wasn't a taboo, when I came of age I didn't feel any particular urge to drink. That, combined with a somewhat close relative and another person who was married to a close family friend who were both unapologetic alcoholics informed me that abusing alcohol was a dangerous path. So, I've almost never used alcohol as any tool in regards to anything, much less alcohol. I did have the occasional night where the stresses of the world got lost in a bottle amongst friends, and times with fellow Navy sailors (we drink like fish, as the stereotype goes). But relief, solace, comfort, or repression regarding crossdressing? No.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana3
I joined the Navy not out of any self observed need to over compensate, though I've read that the TG population in the military is about twice the % of the general population.
I have felt repression from myself in that trying to fit into various roles in life results in incompatible overlaps. Thus, I've had to repress my femme self all of my life in one form or another. I have felt considerable repression from certain women I have dated in the past, which resulted in me refusing to accept lack of acceptance anymore. I know women don't grow up dreaming of marrying their knight in shining white wedding dress. But, I can't change who I am. Who I am means I wear heels, hose, skirts, slips, bras, dresses, blouses, etc. With my refusal to accept a lack of acceptance, I was fortunate to meet a woman who did accept me. She's not encouraging, in that she doesn't ask me to get dressed, suggest we go out dressed, etc. etc. but she accepts me as I am, and doesn't reject me nor make me feel less human for it. So, no repression from that quarter in my life anymore. But, repression still is present from other quarters. My job, for example, takes an open stance of supporting LGBTQIA+ issues. It's a large work environment. You'd think given their stance there'd be at least a few people who are TG who would feel comfortable to come as they really are. But, not one. I'm not going to be the first. I need my job. Going to work en femme is not an option, though I do underdress on occasion and on some weekends when no one else is there I will be en femme.
Anyway. Ramble ramble. In short; no, alcohol hasn't been a means to an end in this, nor has my occupation.
No self-medicating for me. I've never felt I was in that much need.
About the closest I've come is one time in college when I found a full package of birth control pills and had the strongest urge to take them and see what might happen. I didn't as there were medical people in the family and it was always drilled into us that you don't take what's not prescribed for you.
I still wonder what the effects may have been...
Macho jobs have included the catapult crew on the flight deck of a carrier and photographing Sprint Cars from the infield of dirt tracks.
Self medication included alcohol for years but I gave that up over a year ago. I am still fond of partaking of a certain herb by smoking and am retired and live in a decriminalized state. That doesn?t get me in trouble and it makes Netflix pretty awesome at night after the work is done. Don?t know if I can say that but it?s legal in a dozen and a half states and all of Canada.
I beat myself over wearing women's clothing during my teen years. There was a definite conflict between what I was told in the 1960's that men who wore women's clothing were homosexuals. I lusted after unobtainable female starlets and neighborhood girls. Hardly a gay guy? There was the institutional @#$& coming from the pulpit I had to contend with. After graduating college I had to contend with two years of military life has an infantryman in Vietnam. I had bigger issues to think about after Nam than figuring out my re-emerging interest in women's clothing. Send a guy off to war to kill and be killed by society? And, kick the same guy in the balls for women's clothing? To coup with my war related issues I bought more feminine attire. Pretties were/are less injurious than alcohol and drugs.
The pandemic has taught me that I'm a social drinker. Not being able to socialise I've all but given up drinking. The times I have over indulged over the years have also taught me it's not a good feeling the next morning.
I've never suffered with depression partly I feel because I had very pragmatic parents. Bad things happen, deal with it the best you can and move on. It's the "Don't cry over spilt milk" philosophy.
I always a "moderate" drinker, at peak maybe one drink a day, perhaps two on Saturday night, but I've been forced to give it up completely due to diabetes. Since doing so my blood sugar control has been much, much better and my BMI no longer flirts with the high limit of "normal". I will have a beer or glass of wine on rare occasions, which comes up maybe once a month or so.
My "drug" of choice is cycling-induced body-produced endorphins. Nothing works better for me, over 5000 miles last year. As for masquerading, aviation and cars. Gave up aviation, but I still need a car. I just keep 'em longer than I used to.
I was a hot mess since birth.....Born male, male likes, male activities, attracted to females etc. yet incredibly drawn to women's clothing, undergarments, and materials which is forced down your throat as *Gay*, wrong, abnormal etc. which was horrible enough on it's own. Add in a pinch of Anxiety disorder from my father, and a dash undiagnosed/untreated Bi-polar disorder from my mother......mix well... and add a giant heaping cup full of gynecomastia at puberty and lack of pubic growth.... and you have yourself a Blue Ribbon winning Hot Mess Casserole!
With that said, I absolutely self medicated from age 13-32 until I was diagnosed and treated with the right medication combo. 3 months after diagnosis and treatment the *roller coaster* stopped and was able to be myself, be OK with myself,and process things like a rational adult, and magically the need/desire to self medicate trickled away. The diagnosis/medication and the love, caring, compassion, and understanding from my wife completely changed my life, and I am and will be forever grateful! <3
I never quite understood the desire to 'get f***ed up', or to just get 'a little' intoxicated. Even though a great deal of my childhood was absolutely horrific, escaping to a drunken stupor was never seen as preferable. I will have a drink with others socially, such as wine or a beer with dinner, but spending an evening drinking or smoking something in order to forget about life, has never been my cup of tea.
That said, in the past two years, I've started using alcohol for it's pain suppressing qualities, as getting prescription pain medication from 'the gatekeepers', those medical professionals who maintain a death grip on their power to stop people from getting the medications that they need, for my arthritis has become impossible because our medical society has deemed protecting those who are potential addicts, as more important than giving pain relief to the rest of us. So once every few months or so after overdoing some sort of physical activity (which may only be a day of walking around at a flea market or sightseeing), I may use the old 'take two shots of hard liquor every ten minutes until the pain is gone' over the counter prescription of one bottle of spirits or another. But despite my doctor's insistence to never use alcohol that way, I don't see it as being an alcoholic. I simply don't understand why so many people in the medical field think that people should be in chronic pain, just so they can say that they never used drugs. After all, why have so many worked so hard to develop pain medications? Western medicine is still far too puritanical, and paternalistic, to truly be beneficial to it's patients; for despite their professing to be doing it 'for our own good', they, themselves will give each other (and VIP's and family members) as much pain medication as they want, but won't do it for the rest of us. Their reasoning? 'Oh, we're smart enough to be able to handle it, so WE CAN HAVE THOSE DRUGS, WHILE YOU PROBABLY CAN'T, without getting addicted to them'. Right. Sure. I've known numerous physicians who were addicted to one drug or another, over the years, yet, other doctors will insist that they are the exception rather than the rule. The traditional 'we're better than you are' attitude.
That said, I do feel sorry for those who, for whatever reason, have some sort of predilection towards addictions, especially since in my earlier life, I just judged it to be a matter of not having enough will power to avoid it. I now support whatever means is necessary, whether it be a 12 step program or institutionalization for help kicking whatever habit they can't kick on their own. Drug/alcohol addiction must be a horrible thing to have to live with, knowing that you can't overcome it on your own, and with society's treating you like some sort of leper because you can't.
Crossdressing? I've managed to come to my senses, and just do it because it feels like the correct thing to do. I manage to deal with wearing man clothes, by looking at it as my 'man uniform' that I have to wear to get some sort off 'job' done, the same way a diver wears a diving suit, or a policeman wears a police uniform to do their job; the 'man uniform' isn't who I really am, it's just something that I need to do for a while until I get whatever chore done, that needed 'a standard issue man appearance', to do it.
Not cursed with any addictions, though my ex would classify my dressing as such, but who cares what my ex says... :)
Thanks for the recommendation, I had never heard of Kristin and just bought her book. Can't wait to read it.
The guilt most often associated with being trans is bad enough without complicating it with alcohol or drugs. I have used exercise as my "medicine" for over 40 years. It has helped me maintain my health and mental well being. Now I exercise more than is recommended. Many people would call it excessive or addicted; but those are mostly the ones who don't exercise at all. The relationship between physical and mental health is well documented.