SO suggested I get ears pierced..help!

Hi All,
So my wife and I went girly shopping together, and it now seems she is OK with me buying anything I like, she even picked me out a bra for our dress up nights, which tend to be every 4 weeks approx. She also suggested I get some leggings for around the house when I feel like wearing something, but not in front if kids etc.

All this is great of course, but when we got back she caught me totally off guard, and suggested I get my ears pierced! What the?
I have dreamed of that for ages. She said she likes masculine men with earings, how ironic.

Now, why don't I strike while the iron is hot and run to the nearest shop to have them done? Well, its not that simple. My parents would freak out, yes I'm an adult but they are hyper conservative, and my dad would think I was Gay etc.. I thought i could get them done and only wear them when kids at school etc, so they dont report back, but then they would close up wouldnt they?

What would you all suggest? Too good an opportunity to pass up, but I can't do it in reality. .or can I?

Thanks
Gina x

First the good news - having my ears done was one of the best and most affirming (to myself) steps that I have taken.

Should you have it done?

Only you can really answer that and there do seem to be some good reasons to and some reasons not to. You mention your parents, you mention your kids.
Both good things to think about.

One thing to consider is that if you have them done, then you have to wear studs, 24/7 for some number of weeks, and, if you're unlucky this could become 2 - 3 months. The holes have to be kept clean and the studs turned every now and then otherwise they will close or may go 'gunky' and gunky ears are not good. It might be the case if you can't wear leggings in front of the kids then you'd struggle with studs. Also, on the closing up thing, then once you've go through the first stage and they're settled holes, you'd really be better having something in most of the time for the first number of months or even a year or so - again to stop the holes closing up.

Having said all that, if you can make it work then go for it. I wouldn't be without earrings in nowadays. And however it works out - all the best

Gina,

Ok, the parent thing....

They will "freak out"... will they disown you, write you out of the will?

They'll think you are gay. And? How do you know they don't already?

Maybe make a joke of it, tell them "look I gave you grandchildren, so what does it matter?"

It's your life, not theirs. I'm 66 years old and still letting what others might think hold me back. Life is TOO short not to live it.

Getting your ears pierces only seems like a big thing before you do it. Afterwards, its like "no big deal."

Love ya, be strong, be fierce

Davina

Gina,

You have the PERFECT answer to your parents. You can truthfully say "My wife suggested it. She likes men with earrings."
If they freak - too bad. They'll just have to get over it.

Go get it done.

I think SaraLin said it perfectly, your wife has given you all the cover you need, lucky you!

If you get your ears pierced don't worry about the kids. If they have been in school for a few years, they probably know more about gender expression and variance than you do. "Earrings? Cool Dad!" is more likely the response. If they are before school age they will look at them and be curious but are unlikely to make anything of it especially if mom's ears are also pierced. They will likely think "That is what some adults do."

Go for it. Please your wife, but make sure she understands that you need to wear earrings a lot or it is pointless - the holes will close.

I got mine done when I was in my late 40?s when I still had long hair. Whether anyone suspected anything I don?t know but I believe they thought of it as one last grasp and being an old hippie from the 60?s. My guy like conduct and dressing in male mode probably kept the rumors and speculation to a minimum. I was traveling around to neighboring states photographing and writing about dirt track auto racing. The only tip off was the bag of female clothes I carried with me to motels. Aside from that I didn?t wear anything that would generate suspicion.

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PS, my holes in my ears are still there even though I don?t wear earrings except when I dress. Once they are broke in its easy to pop them back open if I haven?t worn earrings for a few months.

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Originally Posted by SaraLin

Gina,

You have the PERFECT answer to your parents. You can truthfully say "My wife suggested it. She likes men with earrings."
If they freak - too bad. They'll just have to get over it.

Go get it done.

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Pretty much.

I did mine a couple of years ago. My dad mentioned it. I mistakenly said "what do you think". He said "I don't like it. You asked. I don't think it's you.". And that was the end of that. I wear earrings all the time now. Dad has to deal with at least 3 gay grandchildren, a trans grandchild (mine) and a variety of other "issues" that were unthinkable or unmentionable in his generation. Guess what, he's dealing with it and is just glad to be able to spend one more day with us. Maybe there is some appreciation of the time together after this last year.

Your wife is encouraging? What more could you ask for!

After the initial 6 week healing period you can take your earrings out for a few days before they close up. The longer you have them the longer the holes will take to close. But you absolutely should not remove them while they are healing. Closing up is the LEAST of your concern. Taking them out while they’re healing is begging for infection.

Gina, go for it! You will only regret it forever if you don't....
Getting ears pierced is a very special moment for many TG/NB people. :cheer:

It's less of an issue these days anyway. I worried what my ultra-traditional parents might say, but my wife told me that if they were disagreeable she would put them straight and point out that she bought the ear-studs that i was wearing. :c9: (As it was they gave me a few quizzical looks, but didn't say anything.)

Men having earrings these days is no big thing. Even to my wife's parents who were mid 70's when I had mine done about 10 years ago. The posts they put in are also very small and you have a choice of gold or silver...or?? So not too much to worry about and besides, like a SaraLin said....what mamma wants...mamma gets!

Of course you can get your ears pierced and if your parents make a stink, just say you like them and your wife likes them, so its none of their business.

Hi Gina,

You have an amazing wife. She has given you all the permission you need. Go ahead get your ears pierced. YOLO!!

Go for it!

Gina, fricken GO for it! LOL..... I got my ears pierced back in September of last year, a few days before my birthday as for one, a b-day gift to myself and two, because I got tired of using clip-ons. It's awesome that your wife is supportive of your dressing and even suggested that you get your ears pierced. Now as far as your dad goes, my dad is the SAME way..... He came over to my house one day, maybe a couple of weeks after I got my ears pierced, (I still had in the starter earrings and was still within the six week healing process, so couldn't take them out) and when he noticed, he did this hand gesture thing which meant he was calling me "gay", or in his word, that dreadded F word that means gay..... Smh.

But if your dad sees you with pierced ears number one, you have your wife in your corner to back you up on it. Number two, I wonder if your dad is like mine, a classic rock fan? Most if not all classic rock stars and bands, (when I say classic rock, I mean mostly 1970s and 1980s rock), were comprised of men and MOST if not ALL of them had earrings..... Of course not all of them were gay, which don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing them if they were/are. Anyway Gina, if that's the case then ask your dad, didn't the men in the rock bands you like have earrings? LOL

I mean, it does tick me off how some of us have parents who are SO bigoted and conservative that they won't hesitate to judge even their own children.

But anyway Gina, I don't think you would regret at all getting your ears pierced..... After the six week healing process, like you've been told here already, you can change your earrings. But if you like dangly earrings, you'll still want to wait a while even after the six week healing process to wear dangly earrings, otherwise they could stretch the holes in your ear lobes...... At least, that was the advice I got from my GG friend. LOL Also if you get your ears pierced, I suggest going to Walmart or wherever you want that carries it and buying a can of saline solution spray for your ears. After you get your ears pierced, you'll want to spray the stuff directly on them, with the earrings in, of course to help prevent infection. You can then wipe it off of your ear lobes with a paper towel. Also another thing that would help to prevent infection is wiping down your ear lobes with rubbing alcohol..... I did that and it didn't hurt a thing. LOL

Anyway that's my two cents and again, I say go for it. :)

Gina, if your wife is good with it and you want to too, then go for it! Parents be damned! You don't live with them, you don't need to explain yourself to them. your wife wanted you too, that is good enough! If anyone has an issue it is their problem, not yours!

Go and do it. The first studs you have to wear for a few weeks will not be very showy. By the time you are ready for larger ones everyone will be quite used to your decision. They will be given another opportunity to buy something different when they select a present.

Swore in my 20's that I would not have any piercings! Now in my 60's I got both ears pierced! Go for it! Your wife approves and that is enough if you really want to do it! Hugs Lana Mae

DO IT!!!!! You have your spouses support and that is ALL that matters.....For your parents re-read the last statement! Not to mention earrings = *gay* is sooooo 1940's!...Against my parents wishes, I've had my ears pierced since age 15 and I've had more trouble with people *assUming* I am rough/tough than I have had *gay*. . As for your kids, it could be and excellent opportunity to teach them individuality and acceptance/tolerance of others. Good Luck!

Do it. You will not be sorry. Most people will not notice, or if they do, won't care enough to say anything. Those that speak will be complimentary.

Do go to a real piercing parlor. The tools and techniques they use are superior to the "gun" used in dept stores and mall kiosks.

I went back and read many of your posts. It appears your wife has been continually warming up to your feminine desires. When a man and a woman get married their parents' should not factor into the equation at all. Your wife has suggested it. That's who matters; not your parents. Go for it. As others have stated if your parents give you some flack I would not explicitly state your wife suggested it. I'd tell them both of you discussed it. Otherwise, your parents may frown upon your wife for making "poor" choices. If your parents are "hyper conservative" I hope you confront them on any negativity towards the LGBTQ+ community.

My wife has given the ok for me to pierce my ears, but I'm not willing to do it. Pieced ears would be completely incongruous with my male presentation and, as an occasional crossdresser, I present male 97%+ of the time. None of my wider circle of male friends/acquaintances have pierced ears.

If you’re wife has your back, if she will stand up for you, then you should do it. It’s not her job to do this of course, but you could discuss it. If it creates an awkward situation, and she doesn’t openly back you up, that could be tough. But then again, it’s really your call in the end.

My hair is longer now because my wife has told me to go for it. And when parents and other family ask she says... “I love it, he loves it...and it’s going to get longer, so get use to it.”

The wife in this equation matters most to me. Be smart, slower is best, and good luck.

Go to a piercing shop. They will do a better job. It will heal better. Would you rather make a hole in a piece of paper with a pencil or a hole punch? The hole punch is much neater. Go to a piercing shop.

I would have been in my mid-teens when I had my first piercing (left ear) then a second in the same ear then one in the right and so on until I had 3 in left and two in right.

I did enjoy wearing feminine earrings when fully dressed and actually going out, this was mostly when I was in my late 20's and I'd usually have some form of stud or small hoop in when not at work.

Come forward another 20 years and I never wear anything but I still poke a stud through now and then to keep the holes from completely closing.

The feel of a weighty pair of earrings swinging when doing normal things is always a pleasure and to have two and a half sets in is fantastic especially under a nice wig.

If you have approval from the wife then why should you care what others think.

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Originally Posted by Genifer Teal

Go to a piercing shop. They will do a better job. It will heal better. Would you rather make a hole in a piece of paper with a pencil or a hole punch? The hole punch is much neater. Go to a piercing shop.

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I have to concur. If you go to a place in the mall, they'll use a gun that smashes its way through your ear. Sure, it works, but it causes a lot of local damage that might not heal well. If you go to a professional piercing salon (often also a tattoo parlor), they will likely use a sizeable needle that causes a lot less damage as they make the piercing.

It's 2021.
Just do it and enjoy the freedom and the styles you can wear. Life is short.