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For those brave souls that go out as the world may not expect to experience you: what is the importance of that for you?
I suppose I mean to ask was the realisation of an ideal self for others important for the strength of your identity but would love to hear all the ways it was important - like maybe it was it arousung or was it just the sense of freedom?
Was it at all a holiday from the actual self within. Did you foget yourself at all?
Hi Britney,
For me, it boils down to a feeling of validation. My fem side is as much a part of me as my male side. Not two personas, but one complete person. I don't dress, or go out to escape from anything. Going out in girl mode gives my whole self a chance to just be 'out there'.
I remember vividly, that feeling the first time I ever stepped foot outside in public. It was at night, and only a 50 foot walk from the car to the entrance of a trans support center. It felt like my feet weren't touching the ground, and the sense of freedom overwhelmed me.
The girl was finally able to spread her wings, Since then, I take the opportunity to go out every chance I get.
Samm;
What a positive read! Samm the whole self - who couldn't appreciate that?
Samm nailed it for me as well!
I would have to concur with Sam. I feel free when I enter the real world as a woman, a part of me that was hidden and denied for too long.
When I dress, I am "playing the part of a woman". Going out in public is just a test of how well I am doing at it.
Putting it another way, I am testing to see if the public sees me as a woman.
What a great topic. I wish I had thought of it! teehee. I have wrestled with this question for quite a while. I have feared for my safety on two seperate occassions, yet... I ache to go out and do go out. Part of my reasoning is: - I was frequently bullied in grade/high school. I always assumed that would end in the adult world. Wrong! I'm very disappointed with myself when "I let the bullies dictate how I live my life... once again." I felt like a coward in the past and now when I let my fear stop me from going out. Sometimes I just feel like I'd rather be physically assalted than live with my anger, shame and regret. I live in a very non-progressive part of the country (Southern Indiana). - I think of the gender revolution that we are all fighting in and how vital it is for love to win on our planet. A movement in which many people are dying (murder, suicide, or denial of self). At my age, this will probably the last major cultural movement that I could be a part of. I would like to leave this realm with a smile in my heart, knowing that I choose to be a part of something that really made a lasting difference. - and lastly, and more importantly, it has to do with what you mentioned Britney, self-identity. Due to the very dogmatic theology and conservative environment in which I was raised, I have trouble letting go of all the toxic shame and allow myself to get to know Beverly or to let her evolve. BUT... when I'm out in feline form, I am in total bliss (except for my fear of being attacked! haha). I just feel so alive and free... and me. Bty- you asked, do we forget ourselves at all... I must admit, when I'm out shopping and looking at sooo many beautiful feminine clothes, the ordinary world ceases to exist! lol. Whether I'm in drab or in femme... I'm always me in heaven! teehee. Beverly
Yup, Samm nailed it. When I dress it is for validation. I want to present as and be perceived as a woman to the best of my ability. I want others to see me as I see myself.
In my experience, as I'm primarily a fantasy dresser, going out en-fem is more of an adventure into the taboo.
There's an exhilarating feeling of vulnerability and excitement
that starts when I leave the safety of the house.
For me the importance is that I am a human being.
We are social animals, not solitary ones. Interaction with others is part of our makeup and I wish to interact as a woman. Participating in society, experiencing the world in all its' beauty are things that I enjoy whether drab or fab.
As John Donne said, "No man is an island, entire unto itself"
Arousal then - if not in a sexual context but maybe also?Quote:
Originally Posted by CarlaWestin
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I took Samm's answer slightly different with less emphasis on validation being from external sources. I don't think external sources are reliable... to some I'm an arsehole, to some I'm a dear and to a stange few I'm a catch... I don't think anyone sees us as we see ourselves. You might have a few approximate somewhere close but that's best case scenario.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth G
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Agree with the social aspect entirely. Not sure how the social experience is improved by someone else's perception of me - unless you interact with dfiferent people when going out in Woman mood and so there's a differemt dynamic? Or you want the same people to make a different effort? My mates would probably treat me the same way, tell the same jokes, roll ther eyes and I'd be the joke haha.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheryl T
Just to clarify... I don't look for validation from others, specifically. It's more of a generalization. Just the feeling of validation, or maybe self validation, is enough for me.
Great question I like to blend and pass as a female. Thats not to say I don't like to glam up but I save that for a dinner or club outing. But to go malling to a museum I dress down, flats, simple skirt or slacks and minimal makeup. I find it fun and certainly a rush to pass and be mamed. I find just sitting around the house and trying different looks boring after awhile. I will say after a few days of going out and being a girl and what I think of as passing or at least people not caring it also grows old. But the first few days are great fun. I guess that's what makes me a cross dresser and not wanting to transition. I need to have that fun every so often.
Just read all the responses thus far They all make good sense I really wish I knew a better reason other than it is a thrill I am anxious each time and some times I back out and don't leave the car I do think most of the time I look fine I'm 5'9" 170 so size is fine just a slightly tall girl I know I have been clocked I also know I have passed well once I passed as a spouse at a support group or maybe the speaker was just humoring me that night. My voice is a give away I think. I have never had any trouble when I've gone out. But I have been clocked and no one really cares
Yes indeed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth G
great answer I would agree
Britney,
It's an involving evolution for me (and hope others). The first time I went out, it was to a formal gala so it was the clothes and meeting others. Once I started going out in San Francisco with a good friend, it was going for drinks and diner at any restaurant in San Francisco and interacting with others. Later is was making friends while out. All the while it was still the clothes somewhat but as time went by, it was just going out to have fun.
Hopefully this helps.
R
In the early years it was a rush of adrenalin for fear of being caught. Now it's to fulfill my feminine needs. Life is difficult as my male self and being Joyce is very fulfilling to my soul. I feel I have to have a balance m/f or it can be very distracting to me and my work and things in general. That part just needs attention too! :)
Britney, let me start with 2 disclaimers:
1. I'm a CD, not a TS. I do not think/feel I'm a woman. I know I'm a man in a dress and so does everyone else!
2. I'm a fetish dresser. Meaning I sometimes get turned on by my dressing. So, I've been out dressed maybe 200+ times? And, how many of those times have I been aroused? ZERO! I'm only turned on in private!
That being said, I don't go out dressed to vanilla venues like malls, Denny's type restaurants, shops and stores. Because there's no thrill in that foe me. Just stress and mostly unpleasant reactions from the Muggles. Having an SA or server call me, "Ma'am", means nothing because I own a mirror!:doh:
Where I DO go out and have had wonderful results is to LGBT or even vanilla bars and clubs! I've recently had countless folks, mostly women, come rite up and say something nice about my sexy outfits or to give me trans encouragement! With nary a fisheye glare from anyone! (I get countless nasty stares at daytime vanilla locals!) :thumbsdn:
Since I'm one plug ugly, old, man faced T, from the neck up? I find this attention both encouraging and rewarding! And, is it's the cherry on my good times out dancing, drinking, and socializing with other T folks or just my T buddy and friendly Muggles!:hugs:
Sallee
Just read all the responses thus far They all make good sense I really wish I knew a better reason other than it is a thrill I am anxious each time and some times I back out and don't leave the car I do think most of the time I look fine I'm 5'9" 170 so size is fine just a slightly tall girl I know I have been clocked I also know I have passed well once I passed as a spouse at a support group or maybe the speaker was just humoring me that night. My voice is a give away I think. I have never had any trouble when I've gone out. But I have been clocked and no one really cares[/QUOTE]
So there's some things I can relate to here.
Sitting about looking at myself would be a total bore in any look.
Glamming up - that's probably it. At a trance night dancing in a cage or on a podium. Although I should probably have grown out of that lol.
I have quite the affliction of feeling too ugly to be seen - in any clothes or naked but also relishing attention...
I've read alot of content that advises the plain Jane approach to avoid attention but generally being loud is how I overcome well cultivated shame.
Quite settling to hear you've mostly been met with positivity or ignorance. I wonder, are you disappointed the times you don't pass?
docrobbysherry
Ooosh. Mrs boombastic haha.
1. I had made an assumption based on my experience of you thus far and where we all are lol.
2. Fetish dressing is cool - we've all done it I expect - my SO would definitely prefer to know this is a kink for me. I'm a freak in many ways.
Aroused/Thrilled = Tomato/Tomato - without trying to be familiar I might guess you'd conflate sex with the word.
Are you unable to enjoy those activities in drab? Do you feel you would not be recieved as well in drab?
I totes understand the wanting to wear fashions women get to wear. So versatile.Getting complimented on your art would be a big boost as well. Honestly, some of us do it way better haha. You can wrap confidence in a bin bag and it'd win best dressed.
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I think when others write of validation what they (and I) mean is that we have overcome any shame and present ourselves to the world, warts and all, refusing to hide behind locked doors anymore. Here we are, in public, and life is grand!
For myself, the first hundred times or so I went out always felt like magic the moment my heel touched the pavement. The exhilaration, a sense of floating in a way, sent happy brain chemical production into overdrive. Anyone who has gone out knows this sensation, you feel absolutely fizzy.
These days (it is in excess of 500 outings now) that initial rush is gone but still I feel contentment upon stepping outside, it is absolutely natural but it is also very hard to describe. I suppose it is like you exhale a colossal metaphorical sigh and feel a sense of relief. Or maybe that sensation of when you are stuck in heavy traffic and suddenly you can accelerate away! Either way, once you taste this delicacy, you know you must always have it.
Well said, Angela.
When I was planning my first venture out, this question struck me as well. I certainly would not pass under scrutiny, so I planned no close contact. There is a certain thrill seeking element to it, especially to someone as closeted as myself. But, by getting away from places associated with my male self, I could be seen (at a distance) and I wouldn't care. I felt very feminine on my first venture, and really was unconcerned if someone saw me -- in fact I hoped they did. It was quite a reversal from taking timed photos on my back deck and avoiding being seen by passing cars. Being dressed and not hiding is really quite fun. I have high hopes of cleaning up my face this fall and stepping out with my face fully feminized, and just walking around and enjoying being dressed and feeling feminine.
I too am very closeted but I took my first steps out tonight.It was a wonderful feeling being outside in femme
I started going out from the very beginning after dressing up completely for the first time as a crossdresser and that was in 2007. I loved my first time out and every other time after that. I did not do it for validation, though I regularly got that, I did not do it to prove anything to anyone, including myself. I did it because it was the first time and I wanted and had fun every time after that. Over the years taking one unplanned step at a time I realized that I was more than a crossdresser, I was a CD+. A few more steps a CD++. Per my friends I reached CD+++, and not long after that I came out as a TS woman. I now live full time as a woman and being me is still a lot of fun. However, there are a lot of seriousness in my life now as I grow and learn as a woman and a human being.
If anything, if you can have fun being you, just do that and then go, if you so desire, with the flow. But always try to have fun!
Initially, I was so scared but as to the importance it was dressing in an outfit that is so sexy and getting that inner woman going.Quote:
For those brave souls that go out as the world may not expect to experience you: what is the importance of that for you?
It's just me. I guess at first there is the thrill of everything is New.
But now it's just life. Actually I'm expected to be dressed as I live as Jean.
I work in guy mode, but I'm out , so ?
So basically I live openly as a crossdresser.
Wednesday night is karaoke at the bar with all my friends. I'm kinda popular, I tend to win at pool, won every game last Wednesday night. I sing , well I try. The main thing is I have fun.
My best friend and most of my friends are women, for what I think are obvious reasons.
I have learned a lot of what to do, try and develop a sense of style.
It's not that hard, start going out making friends, before you know it you are living in a new life. I don't know,it happened to me.
Watch out what you wish for as it might come true.
I'm not looking for anything to be improved by someone's reaction or my reaction.
It's just the experience of being a part of the larger whole that's satisfying.
Britney:
Over seven years ago I first started to go out. At first I would only accept myself as CD. But as time went on, I now realize that I am TG. I blend quite acceptably so I would have to say my importance is socialization with other GG?s and the utter surprise of how accepting they are of letting me in their social circles. I just love being treated as an equal.
Zoey
Its the freedom to be myself rather than behaving the way that I was told to, even though it didn't feel right.
Added bonus is that women treat me differently. They will start up a conversation when standing next to each other. I feel like one of the team rather than someone to be wary of.
or was it just the sense of freedom?
I think it possibly was. Four walls became very constricting. Just walking around the house in heels all dressed up didn't seem to make sense any more. I needed to express myself more fully, to no longer be constrained, hidden from the world. Just being able to walk out the door and be me once done was a huge relief and feels as natural as anything else I do.
Going out isn't brave, or at least it didn't seem that way to me. It became my mountain, something to climb because "it was there". Later, going out became a means to an absolutely fulfilling social life to the point where if I didn't have someone to hang out with, it wasn't much use to bother with going out.
My sentiments exactly Helen.Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater
Karen
When I?m at home, I?m 100% en femme all the time. When I go out I think to myself ?I can go anywhere I want dressed like this, and I don?t have to pretend I?m someone I?m not.?
I guess that there's three basic reasons:
1. I can't dress at home, so the main place I can dress is with my CD/TG group. We go to a gay bar sometimes, but mostly we go to regular places and just take over the bar.
2. I sense of validation from the CD/TSs that I hang out with, but especially from GGs, who treat me as normal and often compliment me on my outfit. I've also gotten so affirmations from GMs, if only to talk to me like another person, not someone to fear.
3. Lastly, I like to plan and execute a fashion statement whenever I go out. I love it when I get compliments from GGs and when they ask me where I got my dress.
I pretty much go out for one reason. The thrill it gives me to be seen in public. I've realized that I've got an exhibitionist streak. I want to be seen. And I don't care if I pass or not, which I don't. If I dress in the house, I'm bored in minutes and looking at the door.