Looking back on your journey ...

to where you are now as a CD'er/girl....can you remember back to a specific point that started you on this journey or was it just a slow gradual process?

Was it easy for you to evolve because you had support from your wife, girlfriend to dress femme, or as I know for some you had to do it secretly?

I'm asking because I know some girls had it easy making this transition forward, and others much more difficult.

For me, it was pretty easy since my wife indirectly got me going and had no issues going forward other than I use to borrow her makeup from time to time and forgot to put it back.

I started gradually from nail polish at the age of 3 to full dressing when I was in highschool. Acceptance was a quantum leap. I went from hiding and ashamed to embracing and proud almost over night.

I went from red lipstick about age 12 to full dressing by 13-14. (All secret of course)

For me it has been a long, chaotic scramble of ups and downs, guilt, depression, uncertainty, desire, longing, excitement, frustration, fear, anxiety and inspiration. Thank heavens I was able to find a life partner who, though she didn't understand it any better than I did, was willing to stand with me while I tried to work it out.

Now she's gone and after seven decades of struggle I still can't really say I've fully embraced my own nature.

It has been a very gradual process, beginning with some vague memories from very early childhood. From there on, it s been the familiar three steps forward - two steps back pattern, including periods when my former wives initiated, encouraged or at least humored me. Lots went wrong in those relationships (both long) including some other personality/behavioral issues and accompanying errors in judgment. To be truly honest, the cumulative effect has been to leave me a somewhat disheartened person.

To be truly honest, the cumulative effect has been to leave me a somewhat disheartened person.

Yes, Pretty much my story as well along with some serious professional work issues as well.

But those life experiences have left their mark on me but not concerning my female side.

I am starting a new path in life now, alone literally and I have no idea what lays ahead for me. But I am trying to bring forth my female side as my primary gender...self...who I am. But I am having problems putting it into action. I am experiencing some sort of "block" where I just can't bring myself to taking the time, effort etc to become totally femmed up. I've done nails or worked on my brows or did foundation etc, but I just can't bring myself to bringing out Stephanie.

My wife passed away after a year long battle with terminal kidney and liver disease and I suspect that is mainly responsible for the "block". She passed away this past June. It left me totally broken and pretty much destroyed, but that's expected when your with someone for 27 years and she was the love of my life, best friend and soulmate.

My wife and I discussed what I was going to do once I was alone and she had no issues with my plan to be in female mode most of the week being here at home and alone, not counting the 10 dogs she left me with to take care of.

I've bought some wigs and a breast plate for my planned going femme most of the time, but really haven't done much with any of it.

Anyway, my thinking is, at some point soon it will all kick in and Stephanie will emerge and we'll go forward with my "new life's path".

But I do know that each one of us girls all have a story to tell...

Enjoy Ladies...

For me I would have to gradual with long gaps in between. Started when I was young probably 7 to 10. Of course my mothers slips then bras and her dresses. In high school when I had the chance I would try something items on. Then went dark for about 8 years when I was married I would dress using my wife?s clothes. She new I liked to dress but again not a lot of urges early on. Then I hit my fifty?s and hit me like a brick, now with the resources to own my own clothes I really have gotten into it. My same wife knows and is fine she just doesn?t want to see me dressed. She will even buy me a blouse or panties and bras on occasion. Now I am totally shaved 100% of the time paint my toes often she loves when my toes are done because she knows I will do hers as well lol. She also loves me smooth all over. I then experimented with hormones off and on then I got the courage to talk to a dr and get prescription hormones did this for a little over a year and made great progress but I knew I wasn?t going to transition so I stopped. Good news I now have a 38 Full C chest and love it. With the pandemic I wasn?t traveling for business so wasn?t able to dress. But travel has started again and I am dressing when on the road.

Maybe I was born this way. There were different highlights throughout my life starting at a young age. I only had one GF that was really supportive 40+ years ago.

I didn't have a specific point where I got started - unless you want to count being born. My feelings, urges, or whatever you want to call them have always been with me.

Was it easy to evolve? Quite the opposite, I'm afraid. It has been a lifelong struggle to fight off the negative beliefs that were so deeply programmed into my head in my early youth. Even today I still struggle.

The earliest conscious thought I can remember was wanting to be a girl. I fantasized about finding a potion or plant that would convert me. Dressing in my female relatives’ clothes was the next step.

It was a slow process for me. I recognized when I was about 4 that I was somehow different from the other boys. I had a certain attraction to girls the other boys did not have. I just immensely enjoyed being with girls. At 4 that is certainly not a sexual attraction. By the time I was 7 I wanted to be accepted as one of them, even though I still played with the boys. At 8 I felt I wanted to be a girl, yet it was not a constant desire. It was a mix from early on. And now at 76 it is still a mix where the male-like portion and the female-like portion of my identity tend to support each other and interact in dealing with situations where gender behavior is important or relevant. Very non-binary.

SaraLin, the description in your second paragraph was just the way it was for me until 9 years ago when I surrendered and ended the war. Never been happier.

First memories are about age 5 wearing moms lingerie.
First outfit and makeup (horrible attempt) in high school.
First real outing in college.
No real support until I at last came out about 15 years ago and wife became accepting and helpful.
Never would have imagined at 15 where I am today and have no idea where I'll be in 15 years.

When 3 or 4 years old I always played with a group of similar aged girls, I was chosen to be a baby as I liked being pushed around in a stroller or pram.

Later I always played dress up with them in old discarded clothes. The big crunch came when I went on a Sunday drive dressed as the others were in our Sunday best.

I was about six at the time and I still have that dress in a box wrapped with tissue paper.

3-4: Sister and a friend dressed me in her dress. I enjoyed it too much in the opinion of my parents. I would regularly suggest my sister dressed me up, and my parents wouldn't allow it.

5-10: Went to bed every night wishing that I was a girl

11-18: Dressing became a sexual thing for two reasons. The clothes my older sister wore changed into tights, stockings, fitted dresses, lingerie etc. Confusion during this period as I thought I wanted to be a woman, but was led to believe I was just a transvestite because it was sexual.

19-27: Had cancer during this period and totally lost any sexual feelings, and didn't have any motivation to dress. Serious brain trauma was possibly a big part of this.

28-29: FaceApp became "a thing", and I went into a crazy dysphoria period when I first used the app. My desire to dress increased massively, and I started to buy my own clothes and makeup. Bought a wig for the first time. Started to question if I was actually transgender.

31-Now: Wife discovered my clothing, I told her I was on the trans spectrum. Didn't go too well, but we're still together in a DADT relationship. Started going out for the odd walk. Out to 8 or 9 of my closest female friends and became more visible. Accepted that I am transgender and would transition if I didn't have non accepting friends and family. I'd rather be an 80% good dad than a not-dad/not-mum who may lose access to their daughter.

I remember being younger than when I started dressing I used to ask my mother why I couldn't wear girls that were advertised on TV. When I was 12 I really started to get an interest in wear female clothing. It was all thanks to a show called totally spies. When i was first starting it was hard to dress since I was using some of my mother's old clothes. As I got it got easier. I'm still hidden in the closet.

Hi Stephanie :hugs:, It had to be 74 years ago when I was 4 years old, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

I struggled for 10 years all alone. Confused, embarrassed and ashamed!:doh:

Then, I discovered cd.com and all of u! That changed everything! Within 2 years I was traveling to T events all around the country meeting some of u here and hundreds of other dressers!:hugs:

And, after my shots I am back doing that again!:heehee:

I would describe my path as a series of starts and stops and retreats over 50 years. It has really just been in the past year that I really made peace with myself and began really enjoying this 'peculiar pastime.' That is when I started working with my whole look, and liking what I see.

Ressie...

You said, "maybe I was born this way"...

You might be closer to the truth than you realize.

I started at 8yo and it was a difficult journey, all sorts of emotions, good and bad though the years, teenage years were difficult for me, hard to admit what I was, then on to a non-supportive wife through to finally coming to terms with me and finding that inner peace an an acceptance of this is me

Wouldn't it have been fantastic back in the 70's / 80's to have a website like this where you could see that you were definitely not alone

Having said all that, I am where I am and I like where I am, I like who I am

My first recollection is at about the age of 4-5 trying on a pair of yellow and white nylon frilly knickers and wearing them to bed. Mom's stockings and girdle proved to be a draw through into my early teens and then things subsided until my GF came along and I found myself drawn to femme things once more.

Occasional try-ons of dresses, size 9's squeezed into size 7's shoes, nothing of my own for years. My first real acquisition was a hand made blond wig. I span a story to some female wig makers that the long blond wig I wanted was for a life size doll my wife was making for our first child. The tales we tell eh! That wig in "borrowed" dresses and balloon wigs saw me taking night time drives, drives that went on for a good few years. The wig was eventually lost when having changed before heading home, I left the wig on the car roof never to be seen again. I often wondered what anyone finding it thought.

The arrival of the internet and then on-line shopping was the game changer. My own clothes, shoes that were my size, and of course finding out you weren't alone and there is a community of like minded souls out there.

Solo holidays spend enfemme brought about a growing confidence along with support for this forum and meeting other CD'ers until that first day when I stepped out of the car fully enfemme and walked into my first shop. And the rest as they say is history. A history spanning half a century.

hello Stephanie,
my journey has been in the following order - tights, panties, nighties, skirts, shoes, perfume, dresses, make up, bras.
I dress in private with the support of my wife. The journey progressed when the children had grown up and left home.
It all started when I was about 7 years old when I "borrowed" my sister's tights so I could dress up as Robin Hood. That wasn't cross-dressing or was it?
stay healthy,
Luv J

Although I do not consider it the beginning of a journey I suspect others may. My first foray into women's clothing was trying on my mother's full slips because I loved the feel of the nylon. The fabric was unlike any of my clothes. I have no thoughts of being a girl; wishing I was a girl; it was just the fabric. It wasn't until puberty that I expanded into my mother's undergarments; granny panties, bra, girdle and hosiery. I have no idea why I started down that road. Now I have over twenty Xerox boxes of women's attire.

My journey was like most others. I dressed deep in the closet as a teen. Got married hoping it would cure me, but it didn't. Finally came clean with her and went through that as a DADT. My journey was slow until like that until I met my current wife. Since then it has progressed fairly quickly and easily. Prior to her it took 30 years to progress. My current wife and I have been married for almost 13 years.

There are pictures of me dressing up when I was four. I guess it must have been there then. The real start came when I was 42 and my new partner started stimulating me to dress as a woman.

Until I was about 6 years old I was oblivious to gender. Since then I've passed through a variety of ways to respond to the feelings I've had. At first I was confused, later I was shocked and embarrassed, feeling like I was the only one. From the time I was a young adult until my early 40's it was a secret that I held closely knowing I wasn't unique but also understanding it was something that would threaten my stability and security. None the less, I began meeting others, eventually was out to my wife and accepted that I am Transgender. Eventually I realized I needed to transition and have been full time for the last year and a half and making both social, legal and medical changes.

Throughout the whole process I realized I was picking the low hanging fruit to get the kind of emotional response I needed. However, the fruit on that tree got higher and higher and more risky all the time. I struggled but avoided doing anything permanent and kept my poorly held secret in place until I'd managed to move into a lower risk life. Once I realized my core social group of family and closet friends supported me and I had retired with reliable income, there was nothing to hold me back. I've finally stopped carrying dysphoria around as a constant burden and for the first time in years I'm happy.

It started because of being molested, and being told that god made a mistake, that I was really supposed to be a girl, and that if I was good, god would fix me. That started towards the end of summer after 1st grade; at some point during my second grade year, he started dressing me up regularly in his younger sister's clothes. At some point during third grade (so, I was 8 years old), I had started really believing it, and watching my sister and her friends, trying to learn the important things about how to behave once I became a girl. It was during that year, that I started sneaking up to the attic, and borrowing her old clothes that would fit me (my own sister was always taller than I, so I had girl clothes to fit me all the way up to my senior year in high school; she's 6' tall), to get used to wearing girl clothes. In a very short time, I only felt normal when I was dressed as a girl, and since everyone in the family worked, I would come home and dress up as a girl almost daily for at least a few hours.
Half a century later, that feeling has never gone away; I still only feel normal when I'm dressed in girl clothes. Boy clothes, feel like some sort of costume or uniform that I have to wear for specific purposes.
The sexual confusion started, when I started getting sexually aroused in my teens, which made me wonder if I was gay or TS, since when I was dressed, I was getting get turned on while dressed and feeling like a girl. I didn't understand until decades later, that the two things weren't connected, even though they were happening at the same time; I was just a 'horny all the time' teen boy, no matter what I was wearing. Reading my sister's fashion magazines while I was dressed as a girl, and getting turned on by seeing the pretty women in print, kick started the sexual excitement, and when added to what I was wearing and what I was feeling, resulted in a world of confusion, as I was never attracted to men at all; it was always one of the girls. So thinking that I was one, and being attracted to the girls at the same time, really messed with my mind.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

It has been a very gradual process, beginning with some vague memories from very early childhood. From there on, it s been the familiar three steps forward - two steps back pattern, including periods when my former wives initiated, encouraged or at least humored me. Lots went wrong in those relationships (both long) including some other personality/behavioral issues and accompanying errors in judgment. To be truly honest, the cumulative effect has been to leave me a somewhat disheartened person.

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Yeah, I can relate to how your feeling....similar experiences...

Unlike many of you, my gender dysphoria did not start until I was a teenager and hormones were raging, but were clearly sending mixed signals.

I was able to skip attending church (with family) due to my work schedule, which allowed me to have time home-alone and to try on my mom?s lingerie and makeup. Too, the next youngest sister?s dresses and clothing were tried on, albeit slightly small.

Alas, such interests were then on hold for a few years, College, a little dating, marriage. Until I got divorced at about age 30. It was then that I found the ?Ex? had left behind the dress that I had bought her when we were engaged. Oh my gawd, it was too small, but after trying it on the Pink Fog suddenly rolled in. Big Time!!!

Almost immediately I discovered that I wanted to yet again experience my alter ego feminine side. With just a couple of brief (unsuccessful) stints at purging, this urge has never subsided.

Thus, I remain to this day, Lydia!

I have found each of your personal experiences to be very interesting. Each of you girls has faced similar issues in your journey to the "femme world" but some have faced individual issues along the way.

Another reason that I posted this thread is to see if any of you experienced any situations similar to how I progressed from straight to becoming a girl, learning all those things required in the process of becoming a girl, being able to present yourself well enough to go out in public. I also was interested in seeing how you all have handled various is going public and to what degree your "coming out" to others have gone.

I was curious to see what matched my experiences going forward were similar and there were some on the outside like wives being OK and some wives were OK but didn't want it done in their presence etc.

But no one has come close or had a similar journey as I have experienced and more importantly what tomorrow will bring.

But I was able to be reached out to and a discussion ensued coving a host of topics mostly outside of our dressing and I shared my process as well. It was agreed that it was unique in and of its own elements. But it probably wouldn't be allowed to be posted because of its prohibited contents.

Unfortunately, the content of my process is long and detailed, and probably on with a phone call could I be able to share it with any of you girls. But I'd be happy to do that by phone and would very much enjoy meeting any of your ladies if you are interested.

So PM and I will provide contact info.

Best to all you ladies...

Stephanie

It all started on the day my sister dressed me up as a Ballerina at about 8!

It was extremely difficult seeing is how I didn?t have a support system in place around me. It was very taboo growing up. The one time I was caught it was def not accepted. I still don?t have the support I desire so it?s basically a miracle that I?ve gotten this far.

I recognized when I was about 5 that I was different from the other boys.

On the street I lived their was only girls my age. 1950?s time frame, so way prior to age 5 had lots of playing house /dress up and dolls with my friends. So my defining moment was one day Beth and I were playing in her bedroom and we switched underwear my tightly whites for her panties.

Non sexual at that age, but for both of us seeing each other lower body parts was a defining moment for both of us. She had no brother and I had no sister. The panties at age 5 was my defining moment in my life, just felt correct.

As most of us at an earlier age the JCPenny and Sears catalogs coming in the mail was special moments.
That started going to my mom?s cloths dressers drawers.

Puberty was very difficult for me, hated my lower bits and pieces had severe mental issues being in the wrong body / constant desire to be a girl. Caught several times by mother, but parents had their heads stuck in the sand. DADT, dad never once made a comment.

College was still difficult but purchased my 1st foam forms from Sears, back then a phone order and walked into the store to pick up the package of forms, body shaper, etc. SA verifying I got everything I ordered.

Married 43 years to my wonderful wife / best friend. Nearly 66, still the need to be female. But life / family / health not an option to complete the transformation. But learn to manage most of my mental issues over the years. Bra and forms is my pacifier. Panties are just underwear 24/7/365, clothing is just my cloths.

I would describe my dressing like ripples on a pond. Like many others, it started with a single item like pantyhose and, while I borrowed things from my mum (no sisters or cousins), it wasn't until my 20s and I got married that I started to 'accessorise' if you like. Wearing her panties, skirts and dresses; trying desperately to squeeze into her shoes. Occassionally, I would try make up but was never any good. In my 30s, I bought my first lined skirt and the feeling was exhilarating. I progressively added (and at times purged) shoes, skirts, tops and underwear, going closer and closer to being totally en-femme before ultimately buying a wig and accumulating my own make up bag. From there it was getting the confidence to go out dressed, starting with secluded areas and working my way up to mingling in public.

Still in the closet and a DADT relationship; comfortable with where I am

Oh wow. It all started when I was in elementary school. I started wearing my sister's lingerie, slips, pantyhose, and high heels. I dreamed of becoming a girl. While home alone one weekend as a college student, I applied makeup as best as I could and went out one night completely dressed to a convenient store. It was autumn and I used a scarf to cover my short hair. Now, years later and divorced, I live alone and dress whenever I want.

Long, slow process with a sixteen year gap beginning at age 25 to get my career established. Multitasking is not my long suit. Wife opposes this and has fought it every step of the way. I store my finery and I dress at a heated storage unit and when traveling. My progress has shown much improvement over the years when I compare my items and outfits from even just a few years ago and now.

Some of my earliest memories are of wishing that I was a girl when I was maybe six or seven years old. I would sneak into my mom's closet when she was at work and try on her stuff. Of course, she was a total neat freak and I never put stuff back with her care and attention so I was soon busted. I dressed on and off through high school. Gave it a break while adjusting to college but resumed in years three and four. Then went out to the real world and put dressing on the back burner until about a decade ago. After a couple of years of dressing in public, I graduated to going out, then interacting with random people, then going out on dates, and here I am. Now that I'm old, I am mostly OK with the fact that I am not a woman, and with the realization that I will not transition ever. Plus, I really enjoy the escapism and attention that comes with being able to switch into female mode even though I sometimes regret that I didn't live out my dreams when I was younger and much more beautiful than I am now.

I know my journey started around 11 when I developed an interest in skirts but there was no obvious trigger and any attempts to rationalise it have been mostly guess work.

From there though, it was a gradual process (mostly through trying my elder sister?s clothes in secret), gradually incorporating more different types of clothes until eventually I was in a position to furnish my own wardrobe.

My earliest memories of trying to be or look like a girl go back to age five or six when I would wear my mom's slips.

I gradually advanced to borrowing stuff from my sisters as they got old enough to wear things I could borrow and then became pretty hit or miss for a long time as opportunity just didn't present itself or the interest waned.

Key events include;

• my mom catching me wearing my sister's panties and replacing all of my boys briefs with bikini briefs without even talking to me, of course, I still borrowed my sister's panties,
• trying on the rejects from my sisters prom dress selections; my favorite was a wonderful green satin full-length gown with a sequined bodice. The zipper got stuck when I was taking it off and I thought for sure I was done for, but I eventually got it off and don't think I got caught,
• when my marriage started to deteriorate (the reasons why are not appropriate for this forum and had nothing to do with my dressing), the old buried desires came rushing back and I found comfort in wearing my ex-wife's things, she is a full figured woman and some of them fit pretty well, and
• When I started therapy to try and 'save the marriage,' my therapist helped me understand that there was nothing wrong with my dressing as it was perfectly legal and didn't hurt anybody. I just never stopped.

I'd like to add my story, it's a little different than most, and much more recent.

As a child, I really have no CD type memories other than occasionally clomping around in my mom's high heels...not to pretend to be a girl, just to do it. She never said anything positive or negative, just put them away when you're done.
Growing up, as a teen and into college,the socio/sexual side of things naturally took over. Again, nothing too much different from the norm for me, but I always thought the traditional female role in this...to be the pursued rather than the pursuer...was the better one...the ability to "turn down or accept" advances seemed better, and less risk of rejection. I'm sure many GG's would disagree with this assessment, but that was my belief. Needless to say, I didn't date much...only one person through HS and college, and didn't grow up much. Marriage ended badly and acrimoniously after just a year or so. I don't feel like my adult life really started until I was 28 and met my second wife. My fantasy realized, she pursued me. It was wonderful, we were married within a year and remain so 41 years later.

And all of this leads to the CD part. I found myself drawn to her clothing. She was always a snappy dresser which I really liked. One day when she was not home I tried on her pantyhose, succumbing to a sexual impulse that was brewing. I really liked it. Over the next couple of years this progressed to dresses and other outfits, always in the deepest secret. Simply stated,these clothes made me feel sexy. After a couple of years of this occasional fulfillment,the sneaking around (hated that part) coupled with the (medieval) societal stigma got to me and I stopped...for 25 years. My impulse was there, but I did not act on it. I compensated by buying her some nice clothing and outfits for gifts. She always wondered how I had such good taste in women's clothing. Now she knows.

Fast forward to just a short time ago. With my wife out of town for a few days, I finally gave in to this urge. Rather than sneaking her stuff now, I went to the store and bought some underwear and garments of my own. That made all the difference. The rush in putting on these things was incredible. Again I felt sexy, but this time in a freer, more honest way. I bought some more outfits. There would now be no turning back. I realized I would have to tell my wife about this, and did so as soon as i realized what was happening. She accepts this, but does not want to see me en femme. I accept this also, It took me a lifetime to figure it out, how can I expect her to do so right away? So, we're OK.

And there you have it, a late starter experiencing many of the things most of you experienced when you were much younger, even kids. I do know that I can't shut this down now...WAY too much fun, and it seems to fill a need somehow. When I dress up, I feel sexy, and that is great. When I put on a new outfit, I feel desirable. I also feel that in time as I develop my persona I will want to go out in the community en femme. And who knows, maybe someone will hit on me.

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Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing

It all started on the day my sister dressed me up as a Ballerina at about 8!

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I had a similiair experience when I was about 7 with my mother and aunt dressing me in my sisters party dress ! I was in shock how much they made me look just like a little girl and how fun the dress and slip looked and felt.