Unfamiliar Situation

Since the Covid I've picked up the guitar again and have been hanging out with some old friends sharing a few beers and playing some old songs bringing back memories.
On the afternoon of Halloween my friend wanted to sing a few songs for his sisters birthday/Halloween party and asked me if I could play with him. He asked me if I had any Halloween costume under short notice, I told him I had an Elvira costume I wore a fee years ago. Surprisingly the dress still fit and my wife insisted she do my make-up and I wasn't going with those press on nails so she painted my nails black.
My wife wasn't applying make-up, she was plastering the make-up on. When she was done with the fake eyelashes and all I couldn't believe how amazing it came, I didn't even recognize myself.
When I got to my friends house he answered the door and just stood there, I asked him "what's Up". He said if I didn't talk he would have never knew it was me and how amazing I looked. We were going to practice before going to his sisters and he asked me to sit on the couch. When I sat down the dress opened up and when my friend brought me a beer I could see he was trying to look up my dress causing me to ask him again "what's up" and that he was freaking me out and I was going to leave if he doesn't snap out of it. He was telling me again that he couldn't believe how I looked, and then this mouthy, arrogant kid comes in. He asked his dad who the chick was and why he was never told there was a girl in the band. This kid was dressed in a green costume, I think it was the Green Hornet or something like that, he then sits right beside me and stairing me straight in the face. I asked him what he was stairing at and he was making me feel very uncomfortable. He asked me if those were my real boobs and while I was explaining they were silicone he started grabbing them, I now start to pull away from him and he's sitting on my dress and I could feel his hand up the back of my dress trying to open the splits and raise the dress. I'm now in a unfamiliar situation and I aggressively ask him what his problem is and that I'm a man and to stop. With no avail he's still trying to lift the back of the dress like a spoiled kid. I just didn't know what to do, punch him in the face, he was a kid I would guess around 10 or 11 years old I couldn't get physical with him. I put my hand on his forehead to keep his distance but he still is pulling my dress towards him, my friend walks in and I could tell there was very little discipline because he was telling him to stop but he wasn't listening and still ripping the dress off me. Finally he stops and walks away with some swear words to his dad and my friend apologized and almost laughing and telling me the way I looked could I blame the kid. The mood was now gone and with ripped pantyhose and shredded dress I decided to leave. My friend apologized the next day but I didn't like how he handled the situation and haven't been out to jam with them since. I told my wife and she also couldn't figure out what I could have did different without some kind of physical action and after all it was a kid.
I haven't had time to write this but since then I asked myself what I could have did, I guess if I was a women it would have been ok to wack him one but I just didnt know what to do.
I was in unfamiliar territories and hope women don't have to go through that and hope if I do start to venture out I don't have to deal with stuff like that.
Can anyone share some light on this for me if I did the right thing and hope none of you who go out don't have to deal with stuff like this.

The kid has to learn that actions have consequences. I think that I would have punched him out, 11 y.o. or not.

What would have a GG done in your place.

Maria, congrats on handling such a horrible experience with such self control, it had to be quite an awful event. As to a child being so out of control, it speaks volumes about so many things but first off I'd advise that you lose your friends phone number and realize you will be so much better off without them. Friends are people you can relate to, depend on and most importantly be safe with, this one doesn't qualify for sure.

On a positive note, I guess you passed, apparently a bit too well but try to reflect back on that!

Sorry this happened. A GG shouldn't hit another person's child without serious consequences. Obviously the boy was a brat.

I would have got up and left.

Well after the fathers reaction, you know the saying "the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree"

Kudos for your restraint... Your "friend" handled the situation poorly, and it speaks volumes about his attitude too, especially the line "... the way I looked could I blame the kid" as if it was excusable to behave that way if the person, male or female, had the right "look". A lot of women have had to go through this sort of thing. They call it sexual assault. And the guys that do it are essentially behaving like horny, spoiled 11 year olds. And when their parents of these budding abusers let them get away with it...it's no wonder it's so pervasive in out society.

But you were right, no need to explain yourself - no one should put up with this. Get a new jam band. Lots of good folks are into that, and need a guitarist.

Good grief, that kid will likely grow up thinking he can get away with groping whoever he wants until he gets in trouble for it.
I spend plenty of time in bars and occasionally get hit on but I can deal with it. There are no kids in bars which one of the things I like about that environment.

The fact that he was starting to tear at your clothing is pretty appalling. It seems you did the only practical thing, but personally I would have given the kid a tongue lashing before heading out. That was way out of line what he did.

Sandi

The old glass of water to the face works a treat

This is another one that I am not believing but whatever , no I would never hit a child . No way no how . I have also never experienced an 11 yr old child acting or talking that way and I have 4 sons and 2 daughters 38-20 and none of us are goody two shoes .
You will be charged with assaulting a a minor with several of these suggestions . Anyone who is reading this should not even entertain the thought . IF this actually happened you just simply get up and leave before you are naked . I've just never heard of that young of a child stripping the clothing from a grown man - or use that type of sentence structure . Sorry .

That's a great adventure and accomplishment. Many of us would pay big time to do what you did. And be sure to appreciate that great wife of yours! As for the kid his parents are the ones responsible, so just look at the world today and sigh, that's about all you can do short of getting into trouble.

Nothing I can say except any adolescent that acted like that, whatever his age was, is a sociopath and the parent, well, IMHO, failed a long time ago.

I do not need to go further and read any of the responses before I post my comment. If this is the way a 10 or 11 year old kid acts, I pity the woman who may marry him. The kid, as well as his parents, need some counseling. "Spoiled kid?" Nope, blatant disrespect.

Hitting the kid would have exposed you to all kinds of liability. Even though he deserved it, this is 2021, don't think for a minute his lousy parents wouldn't sue you for it if they thought they could get some money out of it.

You should ask his parents to pay for your damaged pantyhose and dress. Seriously.

I don't have children but had younger sisters and brothers and have interacted with some difficult kids in my babysitting days (and scuba-diving instructor days, but they were 12 or older). In my experience a few things worked better than others when I wanted a very young one to listen to me:
1. Crouch to be at his level.
2. Look at him straight in the eyes and speak to him/her calmly.
3. Repeat what you have to say until he looks at you and listens. Usually, at some point he will drop the act and listen.
4. Some physical contact like holding a hand may help but don't insist if he won't have it.

I don't wait for the kid to be too excited before doing this. I do it at the very first inappropriate gesture (children can totally tell the difference between what is possible with one person, like their dad, and what is with another, like you). If I told him to stop once, that is enough warning to intervene the next time (if it surprises him because he's not used to it, then good). I ask him why he did it and explain to him why it hurt or offended me, or why it was dangerous, whatever. I don't use the "what if we did this to you?" line because it is dangerous. I am not him and our boundaries can differ, and he needs to understand that. Knowing I don't want him to do something to me should be enough information for him to stop doing it.

If the kid is excited he needs to cool down before you can get to him. Kids are very self-conscious when there are adults around (that includes you, unfortunately, hence the crouching) and you need to make sure that you are not giving him the impression of humiliating or dominating him, or he might keep a show going for a while just to not lose face.

If the thing seems out of control, Char's solution (get up and leave) is simple and effective. Unfortunately that wasn't an option for me when babysitting or having a friend's child staying home for a few days :) I never slapped a child, the worst punishment I have used is to take one to his room and ask him to calm down and tell me so before he can go out. Usually the kid calms down and tells you so. At that point he generally wants some proof of affection so it is time to give it to him and make peace.

I don't know. If the boy did that to a GG, it would be called sexual assault. Punching him out would be called self defense. I don't think that a woman would have to put up with it. Where is it written that a GG can't defend herself.

I'm not a lawyer here, I think that doing what he did to you would also be classified as assault or sexual assault. Self defense would be legal.

Would I really punch him out? I don't really know. But, I would stand up in a boxing or karate stance.

I would have freed myself from the cough which I think you could do without hitting him,stand up and called for the dad. Sounds like the kid wouldn't care but you would have save the cloths before ripped pantyhose and shredded dress. I can't help to think the fun you might have had at the other the sisters party.

Maria, I'm so sorry that happened to you. The lack of discipline is going to end that kid in jail some day when he touches a young lady in that manner.

Dutchess I have better things to do in my life then to wright a B/S story on this site. My daughter is a teacher of grade 4 students. She tells me things I don't believe, she had death threats, things thrown at her and kids doing things to each other. When brought to the principle for discipline she tells me that the principal won't approach it because they don't want complaints to the school board because it will make him and the school look bad. When she calls the parents, the parents tell her it must have been something she did to provoke there child. When I hear that it relates to what happened to me, my X-friend laughted at me and told me because I was sitting there with my dress wide open, I provoked his son. I was in a no win situation and the kid knew it and had got away with stuff like this before. So before somebody calls B/S on me they better get into the real world. I take this site very serious and have to believe everyone here is being as honest as possible

I'd hit the brat!

There, I said it.

People say you should have gotten up and leave. HOW! He was sitting on your dress and stopping you. He was trying to "...open the slits and raise the dress." You were being assaulted. After he finished ripping your clothes off was he going to grab you crotch? He was already groping your breasts.

I'll say it again, you were being assaulted. Your defense, YOU call the cops and report the assault. Then the brat is on the defensive.

Might I suggest starting to carry pepper spray while out dressed? I do.
(ADD /only consider this if legal in your country)

There's no correct way to deal with unruly and out of control kids that aren't your own, other than to smile, ignore them, and move on. That child's behavior is a direct reflection on his parents. Anything you say or do will impact your relationship with your friend. Therefore, it's best to just avoid putting yourself in that situation again. Next time, you stand up and exit the room. I have been in this situation before. Just leave.
It is possible for a person to be a great friend and a terrible parent at the same time. Enjoy the former and avoid the latter.

I would grab the kid's wrists and use my advantage in physical strength to incapacitate the child. If the parent has me charged with assault, incapacitation of an assailant is a legally valid defense in Canada. Further, I would be inclined to go after the parent for character defamation, child abuse (failing to discipline), and vexatious litigation if they did so. The child's treatment of you likely is likely to have been perpetrated on someone else on a previous occasion.

While I'm not a lawyer, I somehow doubt a judge would see striking the child hard enough to incapacitate as proportional to the situation.

Hi Maria, I generally agree with Monica here. This is a no win situation for you. You chose the only reasonable option to leave. Well done. Vale

As an aside, I'm really enjoying these Tarantino-esque takes. Brilliant!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maria 60

Dutchess I have better things to do in my life then to wright a B/S story on this site. My daughter is a teacher of grade 4 students.

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Maria, my wife is a retired elementary school teacher (K-5). Over the years she has told me of behavior that should be of concern to any parent. This is of physical and verbal abuse towards other children. Children as young as kindergarten using racial and sexual slurs towards other children; inappropriate touching included. The elementary school son of a neighbor is in counseling for inappropriate touching of the nature an adult would be incarcerated; sexual assault plain and simple. And, yes, the school district my wife taught in tries its best to keep these incidents in-house and not referred to the criminal justice system.

Having managed to get out of the situation. I would suggest you tell his parents to explain to him he might not be so lucky in future.

This kind of behaviour will end up with jail time if he does not quickly learn to control himself.

Maria, Ex Friend is an appropriate designation for this miserable excuse for a parent. That childs behavior constituted gross sexual imposition under the law. This behavior, prosecuted or not, is clearly and totally aberrant. So, the socalled father thinks gross sexual imposition can be justified, as evidenced by his own “groping”. Unless both parents and child undergo intensive psychological intervention, I fear that this conduct will be repeated and escalated.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maria 60

Dutchess I have better things to do in my life then to wright a B/S story on this site. So before somebody calls B/S on me they better get into the real world. I take this site very serious and have to believe everyone here is being as honest as possible

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Oh I DO live in the real world . You should've called the police if this happened instead of sit there while an 11 yr old rips off your clothing . No way am I going to sit there passively while I am unclothed by anyone . I'm going to get up , leave and if it gets worse by the time I get to the door Ill file charges .

Honestly you should've left before that when the dad attempted to grope you first as you described but no one is bringing that up .

Very interesting. I have not experience any of it but then I do not have that good of a looks and I actively started CDing at a more elder age. But if my children even show a hint of that they would have soon found out the social rule again and with more force.

Thank you all for the great response, I have great respect for you all. I waited almost 2 weeks to write this because I couldn't have figured out what I could have did different. If I would have did any thing physical to that kid I would have been the adult who should have known better. At the end of the day the reason would always be "he's a child, he was playing around etc.ect. I was totally caught off guard I never expected that in a million years. I was wearing a long tight Elvira dress with a huge split that when I sat down there was no way to keep it closed. With my strength I could have thrown that kid across the room, but it happened so fast and I have to act with discipline, after all I was the adult. I blame my x-friend, he should had made his son recognize what he had did wrong and that he demaged someones property and should never lay a hand on anyone. Instead his son swore at him and he didn't do anything about it. He's a poor excuse for a father, the day one of my kids swear at me. The next day he should have had his son call and apologize not that he called in care of his son. I was really excited that day, he wanted to sing the song Yellow by Cold Play to his sister. I played it so many times put never had anyone sing along to it, and not to mention playing dressed was a bonus. I wanted to know what everyone here would have did and I got my answer, I just wanted nothing to come out of it and I didn't want to hurt the kid even though he deserves a few shots. The rest of the band has been messaging me and I told them to ask my X-Friend why I'm not playing with them anymore.

I seriously doubt that the ex-friend, pathetic parent will ever honestly explain to the other band members what his sociopathic kid did, because he evidently doesn?t grasp its seriousness. Find another band,

So, let me get this straight. You wrote that the kid was 10 or 11 years old. And now you write that your xfriend should have had the kid call you to apologize. A 10 or 11 year old call to apologize? 😂😂😂😂😉😅😜😘

Yes, Monica, the child should call and apologize and if he can't dial the number then dad should do it for him. And if he were my child he'd be doing the apology standing because sitting would be too painfull.

Maria, were I you I'd have grabbed the child's hands and told him in no uncertain terms that to touch without permission would (not could) result in a painfull lesson in proper behaviour. Ie. a slap across the face with an open hand, which any lady would and could perform with no legal punishment from a court.