Is Dressing your fetish?

As I scroll thru all the posts of girls enjoying their dressing day or looking forward to one, I had an epiphany!:eek:

When I started dressing 25 years ago I couldn't get enuff of that either! Used to dress in motels out of town. In a store room at the office, under dress, even get up in the middle of the nite when the family was sleeping!:battingeyelashes:

After my ex and I separated, I'd hang around at nite enjoying just pantyhose, girdle, bra and home made forms when the kids were with her!:)

When I discovered cd.com all I thot about or did in my free time was dress up!:heehee:
Then later, I began dressing all the way or not at all. It was and is the look and feel of completely transforming into a female that excites me! Throwing on a few fem items doesn't do it for me anymore.:sad:

So, now? I can't be bothered wearing fem things even tho I live alone. So I can do it whenever I like. I only dress for shoots or to go out. The need/desire/fetish, or whatever it was that excited me to just throw on anything fem has gone!:straightface:

Anyone else relate to this?:straightface:

I like wearing women's clothes. I don't view it as a fetish. There are healthy fetishes and unhealthy fetishes. I don't have a problem with a healthy fetish but try to stay clear of the unhealthy stuff. I too live alone but still get great pleasure out of dressing up. For me, it's not just the dressing up but also the pampering and looking after myself. As one gets older it's all too easy to let oneself go and I find crossdressing a way of helping me keep an eye on my diet, my weight, ensuring I take regular exercise, applying body lotions, etc. Crossdressing is more than just the dressing, or can be.

Not a fetish in my case Sherry. More of a compulsion and a times difficult to control urge.

No. It's not a fetish. Not for me anyway. It was once, when I was young, but not now, and not for a long time.

This is something that many people seem to think applies to us all, and it does not. I get angry when I hear people talk that way, or the idiots who once heard the term, 'autogynephilia' and now apply it to every man who ever pulled on a pair of panties. I don't know about any of you, but I find that to be both false - it certainly is in my case - and downright offensive.

No, I do it simply because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good about myself - and because I'd rather be mature, confident and reasonably-attractive Wendy than sad, balding old Jimmy with his health issues and DV-survivor baggage.

I have been all over the place with trying to place a label on my behavior. For the longest time I was entirely satisfied as having a harmless king or fetish. Both my exes were comfortable with dressing as a fetish. Maybe I would still be married if I had simply gone along with that label and not acknowledged that there was anything more to it.

Isn’t it curious that within the context of a relationship, a fetish is more acceptable than accepting the transgender label?

Ditto Debbie Denier. I so enjoy the comfort, feelings, pampering, and the whole process. I just flat out enjoy wearing women?s clothes and do. Dressing is in my daily routine.

For me it's not a fetish. It's more than that. It is a part of me. I imagine it's how a drug addict or alcoholic must feel when they need their next "hit".

The word fetish too often carries a negative connotation.
Started as a component of our private life and is evolving into something involving a lot more than bedrooms now.

Doc,

I suppose one could argue that I fetish dress if looking at some of my outfits, but that would not be entirely accurate. I dress in the looks that I like. I will say we are totally on the same page about dressing. I dress to go out dressed up to socialize, period. I only dress up partially when I am testing out new outfits or looks, and sometimes am brazen enough to go out in hybrid mode to grab something to eat or whatever, but that is rare.

When clubbing, I have seen many women wearing pretty revealing attire. I see them as women who have the looks and are cool with showing off their beautiful bodies. Some try to apply some meaning beyond that, and I have never subscribed to that kind of thinking. If you have the looks, flaunting those looks is fine by me. It is not necessary a fetish in my eyes, but I do love to see an attractive female form whether on others or myself.

Sandi

It is for me, and I accept it, even embrace it - Miriam Webster defines "fetish' as the following:

1: a strong and unusual need or desire for something He has a fetish for secrecy.
2 : a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement a shoe/foot/leather fetish

Perhaps because I am still relatively new to this activity, I enjoy a strong sensual pleasure when I dress fully - that seems to fit #2. Perhaps for some this edge has diminished, but I'm not there at all. I'm still in the early go as it were.
I also desire to dress up and take great pleasure in that, even when I dress partially, or am just practicing putting on makeup. or shopping on Amazon. That fits #1

Initially, I took issue with the word "unusual" - but I can accept that too. Our activity is not usual, but again that's OK. It's totally harmless, and gives great pleasure and release to the participant and for me at least great psychological benefit. The word has a negative connotation I guess, but I don't accept it in our case.

I think that there was a level of fetish involved in the earlier years. The wearing of various lingerie (and whatever else I could mustre the courage to purchase) that I would see and feel on girls (the ones I dated, of course) would bring me to a boil at times for certain.

Then there were many years that I, too, would wear my favourite outfits whenever the opportunity presented itself. If I awoke early I'd put on some panties, satin pjs, a gown and some slippers. Wife is out for a few hours then on went a blouse, skirt and heels. She's staying late at work then maybe a dress and such. If she is home for extended times then I'd underdress to a degree and do this even to go to the grocers or elsewhere.

In recent years I can indeed enjoy periodical fetish moments yet for the lion's share of my dressing time I simply enjoy what I'm wearing, how it all feels and looks, how it drapes and such. My true hope is that as the years progress and the fires gradually fade that I continue to enjoy wearing such things just because I do enjoy it. It's just a part of who I am.

Good post!

I relate. When I was young, 30's I found myself "grabbing crumbs of time." My wife had a nursery care job at a church and she took our kids along to Sunday school. I had about two hours to myself. Later, as I progressed I would take a "therapy" day off from work. My wife had a job and the kids were living on their own. That gave me seven hours of June Cleaver time; domestic chores, baking, laundry, etc. Now, it's all or nothing other than sleeping in a nightgown, bra and panty every night. Sleeping in a nightgown and having some time in the AM gives me about 9-10 hours a day of fem time, although a good part of it asleep.

I totally understand what you are feeling, Sherry! I have felt that over time. For me it borders on fetish but its more of an obsession. Dressing is not so much the fetish but once dressed it has turned me on to other fetishes! More like an obsestish? Or fetsession? IDK.

We tend to get hung up over the term fetish. Probably because it has been used forever to describe behavior that the vanilla world deems deviant. Is dressing a fetish, a strong desire, for many of us? Technically yes. Does this mean that there aren't 700 other reasons that compel us to dress? No. It's amazing how much time and energy we dedicate/waste to trying to understand why we do this. I spent years trying to figure it out, until I decided that it didn't matter. That I could better use that time and energy living in the moment. I don't care anymore, just like I don't care to know why people like different foods or have different hobbies, or even sexual preferences. I choose to live! In this moment. Before we get older, get sick, and die.

So, call it what you want, enjoy it, and move on. Don't try to unlock some greater meaning. Don't expect an aha moment. Just enjoy it.

I believe it's just different stages we go threw. For myself I enjoyed pantyhose and a slip for years and then just like yourself I joined here and the wigs/breast forms/jewelry and make-up started. Now I can't even imagine putting anything fem on without a wig. I can't just wear the slip and pantyhose anymore, it's almost a all or nothing, but that does change now and then. Seams like things change pretty fast when it comes to my dressing.

It definitely is a fetish thing for me. Lately, i have not had a lot of interest in dressing. Maybe it will.come back or maybe i am in the end phase of dressing. Ive had other fetishes in the past that fizzle out. Interests change. I change. Who knows what the future holds.

And my wife is supportive and buys me things

I think it's fascinating the different paths we have all taken in our dressing. They are as varied as the flavors of ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. :)

For me, it's just a part of who I am.

When I was younger, I was trying to figure that out and my dressing was more impulsive. As I've gotten older and learned more about who I truly am, it has just become part of the normal me.
Panties and bras are just my underwear. When appropriate, I add stockings and garters and heels. I have fem clothes I wear all the time and some I only wear at home.

My modest forms are unobtrusive enough that I can wear them out and not be too obvious.

I dress because it's me.
Different life choice and different circumstances, I'd honestly probably transition but that's just not in the cards for me, so I make due with what I have.

Back to the ice cream analogy, I like Rocky Road, what's your flavor?

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I totally understand what you are feeling, Sherry! I have felt that over time. For me it borders on fetish but its more of an obsession. Dressing is not so much the fetish but once dressed it has turned me on to other fetishes! More like an obsestish? Or fetsession? IDK.

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Originally Posted by MonicaPVD

We tend to get hung up over the term fetish. Probably because it has been used forever to describe behavior that the vanilla world deems deviant. Is dressing a fetish, a strong desire, for many of us? Technically yes. Does this mean that there aren't 700 other reasons that compel us to dress? No. It's amazing how much time and energy we dedicate/waste to trying to understand why we do this. I spent years trying to figure it out, until I decided that it didn't matter. That I could better use that time and energy living in the moment. I don't care anymore, just like I don't care to know why people like different foods or have different hobbies, or even sexual preferences. I choose to live! In this moment. Before we get older, get sick, and die.
So, call it what you want, enjoy it, and move on. Don't try to unlock some greater meaning. Don't expect an aha moment. Just enjoy it.

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Thank u, Karren and Monica, for your prescient posts. While I didn't post this thread to ague about what is or isn't a fetish? U may prefer to call what u do a compulsion or obsession. That's fine. I openly admit mine's, to some degree, a fetish!:thumbsup:

So, if female clothes blow your hair back, whether it's the feel, look, or just the thot that you're somehow more female? Some folks mite consider that to be fetishistic!:devil:

My point was; I don't bother to just put on a few fem things because that does NOTHING for me anymore. Whether it used to be a "compulsion", "addiction, or "fetish" doesn't matter.
I just don't feel the need to do that now!:tongueout

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Originally Posted by NancySue

Ditto Debbie Denier. I so enjoy the comfort, feelings, pampering, and the whole process. I just flat out enjoy wearing women?s clothes and do. Dressing is in my daily routine.

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This is how I would describe my dressing. I love beautiful lingerie and how it makes me look & feel, but don't consider it a fetish.

I too enjoy wearing feminine attire, it works for me as it clearly does for the majority here.
This "fetish" narrative is getting old...

My dressing started out as a fetish when I was much younger. Now, as my signature states, I just enjoy wearing women clothing for the styles and fabrics. As I have aged, my dressing also matured into taking better care of myself.

From the Merriam-Webster on-line dictionary:
Essential Meaning of fetish
1: a strong and unusual need or desire for something
He has a fetish for secrecy.
2: a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement
a shoe/foot/leather fetish
3: an object that is believed to have magical powers
He wore a fetish to ward off evil spirits.

I'm guessing based upon the 1st meaning, it could be considered a fetish for me. The 2nd and 3rd definitions do not apply in my case. I definitely have a strong desire to wear women's lingerie and clothing. And, I would agree it is rather unusual. The desire to wear lingerie certainly isn't uncommon; but, it isn't as common among men as wearing a sport coat and a tie. So, from that point I would say it is a fetish. All that said, I suspect most people think of sexual fetishes when they think of fetishes. If that was the intent of the original question, then it is not a fetish for me.

A good example is what's happening right now. I spent the better part of 4 hours putting together a piece of office furniture I had ordered and delivered. When I finished the task, all I wanted to do was sit down and relax. So, that's what I'm doing. But, because my wife is still awake and with me in the family room, I'm wearing my panties, stockings, bralette, and inserts under my male socks, long slacks, and sport shirt. When I finished that task I so wanted to take my male clothing off and relax wearing one of my dresses. I find it 100% relaxing to be dressed in Heather's clothing rather than this old man's clothes.

Thank's for your post, Heather. And, for mentioning some other words that crossdressers preferred to that terribly upsetting "F" word!:doh:

Other girls here also find woman's clothes more, "comfortable" or "relaxing", than men's things!:battingeyelashes:

And, I hope everyone reading this realizes we r discussing crossdressers? As those of u who feel like women would naturally wear women's clothes for reasons NOT mentioned in this thread!:thumbsup:

I think it is difficult to reduce complex behaviour down to labels. For me fetish is certainly part of what is going on and so is autogynaphilia if I understand the term correctly. I think I am also somewhere on the autistic spectrum and that has something to do with it as well. I also find wearing woman's clothing relaxing and more comfortable. In the end it is just part of who I am and after many years of agonising over it I am learning to accept my self. I am so fortunate to have a wife who loves ME, all of me, and accepts me just as I am. I really feel for those of you who are not in that position.

I had to lookup the definition of the word "Fetish" to see if it meant a sexual obsession with something. It can but In the case of CDing I don't think the sexual aspect applies. Unless one is getting sexually excited in the process which would make tucking extremely difficult.
My son was concerned that his fetish of wearing soft female underwear would cause him to become trans like me. He said he only wore them for sexual gratification and that once the act was concluded he felt guilty about it. I assured him that there was nothing wrong with him. A lot of young men do that. It doesn't make you become trans or want to CD.

I am very hesitant to apply labels to behavior because a label sets a boundary as well and, sometimes, a source of motivation. We are all different in the details of this because we all have unique histories. Labels also tend to carry rather generalized specifications. I can think of a lot of labels that would fit me at different times, so I tend to steer clear of labels unless it is clearly applicable.

But, yes, I do understand the lack of desire under certain circumstances. My main thing about women's clothes, especially T-shirts, is not that it is a women's. A T-shirt is just a T-shirt. But I am very much into the feminine colors - bold and bright rather than often rather more subtle and not a lot of color variation available in men's. That seems to be changing a bit. And yes, many people associate certain colors with certain behaviors but that does not mean I am wearing pink for the reasons they might think, but on the other hand, sometimes I am. In other words appearances can lead to erroneous assumptions that may not fit at all. For example, some people will think a man in a kilt is wearing a skirt and therefore may be "one of those weird crossdressers." Maybe yes, maybe no.

I very rarely ever go all the way with my dressing anymore and for me I think a lot of it is age. Motivations change with age and often, but not always, become more and more casual about a lot of things.

So, I would say it is best to do that which makes you most comfortable for the moment or the situation you are in.

I used to enjoy wearing pantyhose, nylons and garters, shapewear, slips, for the look and feel. It was usually for a short time when I had time to myself, really not sexual just felt wonderful to wear. Later in life when I had my first make over by a professional (me age 50)with make up, wig, bra with forms, pantyhose, painted nails, a dress and heels everything changed. She was very encouraging and supportive and I though I had no idea what to expect I looked in the mirror and loved how I looked and from then on I dress fully when I have time. I enjoy spending time and usually take photos and relax. Also I try to go out once a month fully dressed to meet friends. The exception is I have been a daily pantie wearer and recently have added a simple Hanes wireless no padding bra on occasion.

Sherry, with me it's an activity that indulges in experiencing something other than just the daily routine much like a mini vacation experience. I can acknowledge that since retirement has vastly expanded the amount of discretionary time, I have more opportunity for every indulgence. And Carla is certainly along for the ride.

Crossdressing isn't my fetish. It's just a way to accessorize my fetish which is more about emasculation in general. It started out as a female domination fetish well before puberty and crossdressing wasn't that important at first although I had CDed occasionally since I was about 5 yo. CDing gradually became a bigger part of it. But the goal is emasculation, not emulating females.

Great Question. What is a fetish? I am not sure of the definition. Is it a sexual thrill? Is it just having fun masquerading as the opposite gender? I tend to think it is a fetish but I am not sure, does it matter. as long as you enjoy it and it is not harmful to others. I guess if you go out to the grocery store in super high heels, short skirt looking way over done with your makeup then it might be a fetish or at least it would be perceived that way. When I go out I tend to dress down slacks or jeans or a conservative skirt. I dress to blend and pass at least in my mind. Now it is fun no doubt. If going out to somewhere more exciting like a gay pride event or a T-club I am definitely a little more done up still not outlandish but more fun. Bottom line I think it is a fetish but that's okay as long as it is harmless to you and others and you are enjoying yourself

When I was preteen I had a fetish for women's underwear. I enjoyed it. Now that Im a lot older I have a wardrobe and a love for women's clothing. But the fetish is still there. I don't understand why it has to be one or the other.

Since people r persisting with this "fetish" subject, I've no choice but to go with it now!:doh:

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Originally Posted by dawnmarrie1961

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My son was concerned that his fetish of wearing soft female underwear would cause him to become trans like me. He said he only wore them for sexual gratification and that once the act was concluded he felt guilty about it. I assured him that there was nothing wrong with him. A lot of young men do that. It doesn't make you become trans or want to CD.

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"A lot of young men do that". I'm sorry, but that is not true, DM.:sad: |
And, " ---that doesn't make u trans or want to CD" is debatable!:straightface:

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Originally Posted by linda booth

When I was preteen I had a fetish for women's underwear. I enjoyed it. Now that Im a lot older I have a wardrobe and a love for women's clothing. But the fetish is still there. I don't understand why it has to be one or the other.

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Whoever said it had to be just one, Linda?:straightface:

I agree that if we could remove the negative connotation from the word fetish there would be many more people on board!

For me dressing varies. Some days it is fetish, some days I just want to dress up in something comfy and wear female clothing. There are times I put on bra and boobs, a sweat shirt and leggings and just lounge around the house.

Hey Doc! We've spoken before.. YEARS ago. But.. I'm back at it again.. and now I think I can relate. I'm not separated from my wife - however many times I've fantasized how my life might be different if I was - and I wonder if it would really be better or not. My wife has never been terribly attractive to me.. long story.. but anyway.. As I sit in my office 100% dolled up surrounded by mirrors - I can't help but reflect on your message - and yes.. it IS different when you can dress all the way whenever you want. I love the way I look right now, but I'm not aroused. I've been sitting here since 9 AM dressed up and loving it.. but not going to "get there" like this anymore. Does that make sense? I still absolutely love it, but it's only sex for me now if I focus on that.. which usually I don't anymore.

it's both i guess. i have a fetish to do with my crossdressing but i dont always dress in a fetish way and when i dress street legal it's not about getting off per se it's just to chill. i would also say im an all or nothing person too. i used to dress from the neck alot when i was younger, but since i really enjoy the transition aspect doing it from the next down really doesnt interest me at all.

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The need/desire/fetish, or whatever it was that excited me to just throw on anything fem has gone!

Anyone else relate to this?

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It comes in waves for me too Doc but deep down it's more for me. The body and my mind dont match at times.

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Originally Posted by Keyplayer74

Hey Doc! We've spoken before.. YEARS ago. But.. I'm back at it again.. and now I think I can relate. I'm not separated from my wife - however many times I've fantasized how my life might be different if I was - and I wonder if it would really be better or not. My wife has never been terribly attractive to me.. long story.. but anyway.. As I sit in my office 100% dolled up surrounded by mirrors - I can't help but reflect on your message - and yes.. it IS different when you can dress all the way whenever you want. I love the way I look right now, but I'm not aroused. I've been sitting here since 9 AM dressed up and loving it.. but not going to "get there" like this anymore. Does that make sense? I still absolutely love it, but it's only sex for me now if I focus on that.. which usually I don't anymore.

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It isn't for me anymore either, Key. I go out all the time now. Been out 100's of times. Know how many times I've been turned on while getting ready to go out? ZERO!
Know how many times I've been turned on while out meeting countless trans, GG's, and guys that have come on to me? ZERO!

It's only when I'm alone with Sherry fully dressed, and no where to go and no one to see, that things sometimes get------------interesting!:o

These days I dress all the time I do not have to work.

No fetish here I feel comfortable in attractive clothing.

Fortunately I am 130 pounds and a trim figure to boot.

Male clothes just hang on me.

It's never been a fetish for me. It is just part of who i am. I've always enjoyed female clothing. It just feels better.

You have to be careful dropping the "f" bomb in the forum. Many seem to regard it as something tawdry. Thank-you Kris B for the clarification.

To your real point, though. I know what you mean. I have just dressed to try out an outfit or combination, but it doesn't give the satisfaction of really dressing up, with the eye makeup and everything. Dressing a little (like underdressing) helps remind me of how good it feels, though, and I'll take what I can get.

For me it was definitely a fetish. And while I could not do it often, when I could cross dress, I could not get enough of it even though I never managed to ? go all the way? with a wig, shoes, makeup, shaving legs or breast forms. I wanted to but never really had the opportunity. But instead, I dressed with what I had in my comparative small stash at home and in private. And it was only rarely that I tried on outerwear in a store. And each time I dressed it was sexually stimulating. Nowadays though, it is very much less stimulating and I dress more infrequently and for the most part it is underdressing or just being at home alone wearing panties, a bra and maybe a slip or a cami. I still enjoy the feeling of nice nylon.

No, not a fetish for me. I get immense satisfaction from dressing, but its a feeling of being the real me rather than anything sexual. I did react that way when I was a teenager, but I began crossdressing long before i went through puberty.

I agree with you in one way: just throwing on a few femme items doesn't do it for me. I need to get fully dressed, which I do every day. Not necessarily all day every day, but all day most days. Of course, since I have no male underwear, I'm wearing a few femme items all the time.

IMHO to answer this question, we must define our terms:

What is a fetish vs. transgender sexual orientation. Is there a qualitative difference or source point difference in the brain?

Does a woman who loves wearing lingerie have an undergarment fetish the same as the man who wears the same clothes?

If yes or no why? I don't know the answer - but there is online MRI imagery of hetero male vs homosexual vs TG brain imagery , perhaps a start is compare any fetish MRIs to TG maybe they are very close?

If I was on a date with a guy who has a female clothing fetish - it may be a great time but it would not have the intimacy of a date with another TG or the same character because of the above MRI - no real surprises from the scans . .

I don't think so. A few years ago I decided to only wear skirts and dresses after work and weekends. After i finish work and shower I never change back into male clothes. On Sundays when I am dressed in femme clothes sometimes I like to try other outfits during the day but when I am finished I stay in female clothes. I also wear a nighty in bed so I don't get back into male clothes until the next morning.

Most certainly is my fetish. I have a bigger fetish for Maryjanes though.