Printable View
Well I'm just another Closet-Dresser loosing the opportunity to dress!
Not complaining, I'm just loosing my girl cave.
It was in the basement of an apartment building we owned and just sold.
I purged more than half my stuff and still can't find a good hiding space. I may have to purge more.
Boy I hate this hiding. but, my wife says she'll leave me if I keep dressing.
This secret life is a bummer!
Why is dressing so much Fun?
What is more important to you 🤔
Judy, Too bad, maybe a storage unit for your clothes but of course that does not solve the issue with where to dress. Good luck, I hope something works out for you.
i second this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard
Judy - it looks like you are experiencing the very definition of being caught between a rock and a hard place. The stress must be crushing!
If there is no chance to come out and convince you wife that what you are doing is neither about her nor hurts no one, I'm thinking a storage unit as Crissy suggests combined with an occasional room rental in a hotel might serve the purpose . It will put you back a bit, but you may get what you need, if sneakily. Perhaps you have a local support group as well which might provide opportunities.
Best of luck to you, keep us posted on how it goes.
Sorry Judy - hope you are able to figure something out
Judy, my heart goes out to you. When my mother passed away and we sold her house the same happened to me.I also had the same ultimatum as you from my wife.It is stressful. Kris has made some good suggestions but it can be expensive. I myself buy from a thrift charity shop when I know there is a safe opportunity. But then dispose of the purchases after. Not as satisfying I know . But something as opposed to nothing.The purge of beloved clothing is heartbreaking. Good luck and I hope you find a solution . If you do please let us know how you get on.
Judy, I'm sorry you lost your dressing space. Have you considered a storage unit?
Judy, you are in my prayers! As one who has almost 0 opportunities to do more than underdress, I feel your pain, anxiety, etc.
I hope a solution quickly arises for you..
You just sold a building? Geez, buy an RV and tell the wife you're going fishing.
Yeah, the big threat. Yawn.
A short term solution like a storage space might be a good idea for now. It will give you time to figure something out without having to go through a complete purge.
Best of luck.
Judy, I just find it weird how you were able to hide you huge stash at the apartment building. My wife would notice it, even there. It isn't that she is nosy, she is simply busy and interested in every thing. If we owned a building, she would be checking it out.
Judy, you have been alluding to the sale of the building for some time. It's sort of like having the sword above your head; waiting for it to come crashing down on your neck. Apparently, your wife is to some extent aware of your cross dressing. Maybe, it is time to take hold of the bull by the horns. If she says she'll leave you, if you "keep dressing," then force the issue. If she is the one you leaves, then the space problem is solved, no? She has drawn the line in the sand, not you. If she think marriage is a game of ultimatums, cross that line. You do not have to push your cross dressing in her face, but, you need to negotiate an agreement that meets your NEEDS. What's the difference between doing your fashion shows in that basement or in some private area of your home? Basically, nothing. These situations are one of the things that annoy the crap out of me. Ask, why guys sneak around, even in a long term marriage, and, cases like your marriage are the answer. Ultimatums thrown down, lines not to be crossed or some peril will happen.
Force the issue. Ask her, "Are you ready to leave? I'll help you pack!"
So sad to hear !
I do hope you can at least find a good home for your dresses or maybe loan them to someone or sell them on here. You have such amazing style !
Any chance you are a size 12-14 ? LOL I am in the closet also so its not like they would get alot of wear !
Stephanie, your suggestion is pretty hard line AND I tend to agree with you. I'm not sure why we are so afraid of unreasonable ultimatums given by our wives. While my wife originally said she didn't want to see me dressed (a preference - not an ultimatum), she finally said that it is my home, too, and I can do what I want in it.
Judy, I'm not sure how I'd handle your situation other than to attempt having a calm conversation with my wife where you can set boundaries. I'm not sure I understand the difference between dressing and having a desire to dress. You might ask her to explain the difference.
I think you need to decide between staying married and crossdressing. Finding another place to hide your stuff is not solving the problem. You will get caught eventually and have to deal with the consequences.
.......digest all comments, present to wife - duck, roll and cover ...:bonk:.............good luck and let us know..........Debra
Could not live without dressing. It is simply a huge part of who I am. Happily my wife knows that. She does not mind that I dress. Mostly worries that the word will collapse if the neighbours find out. I know that is not the case, but I respect her views. So will remain hidden from the rest of society as long as she whishes' it so.
Only u know how important dressing is to u, Judy.:sad:
If it gets to the point where you're too unhappy living without dressing? U may have to issue your own "ultimatum!:straightface:
Tell her you really miss running an apartment building and want to go buy another one! Tell here you will work twice as hard (aka long hours) to make this one a success!
To each his own. You chose to hide it but keep on, aint it funny that she has been living with you and you are a CDer and that is only because of a lie? The point is you have already chose and you are not going to quit. So in my life it is simple I tell her and point out that knowing/seeing makes no difference except to her satisfaction. And she would see that it could very well improve our relationship. I know I've been down this road 3 times. The only other thing you can do is self destruct. Purging is a waste of money and an emotional downer. So you have to go on hiding and living a lie. I'm not being ugly I'm just telling it like it is. There is always a choice and if you are happy with yours it's the right one for you, but if there is remorse and a part of you that is suffering from it you are cheating both you and your wife.
Judy,
If my memory is correct, you buy new dresses on a regular basis, amassing a sizable collection. Perhaps losing your storage space is a signal to alter the style of your dressing and content yourself with a much more modest wardrobe.
I've kept my modest collection hidden at home for years and as for dressing there are occasions, like today in fact, were I'm home alone for a few hours and can go around the house enfemme. What I can't do is put on makeup due to time restraints but that's nt a biggie.
Again if memory serves, you've not been one for going out despite having such a good presentation. Again perhaps you need to find somewhere, a support group where you can change, and express yourself there.
These are just a few other options I'll throw into the mix. This is a time of change for you, adaption is the name of the game.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Maybe a new hobby?
Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?
Go ask Alice, I think she'll know.
Judy,
Sorry to hear of your situation, I feel for you and can certainly understand your dilemma. You?re losing the space that makes you, you and that which makes you happy. A friend suggested I rent an apartment or studio if I would lose the space I had. Depending on financial and location, may be an option for you. If dressing is the only thing that is an issue, then either common ground or finding another space may be good options.
I personally do not think one is cheating if they are doing their thing, providing there is no harm to another. You should do what is good for you. This is such a complicated thing and I do not envy the situation you are in
Hoping all works well for you.
Jess
Heather (#15), My recommendation (#13) may seem to be "hard line" but it is in response to a hard line. Like you, my wife is not appreciative of my cross dressing and express the desire to be excluded from it. She also said, if I wanted to join a support group, that was alright with her. I looked, but, none was near in the early 1980's. Her response was one of sanity and not like Judy's wife, who has drawn the line in the sand. Does a marriage like that become one of continuous hostility and based on only economic security. Live like brother and sister?
Life is definitely interesting.
I love the feeling of dressing up but, I love the family occasions much more. Weddings, birthdays, cookouts, etc.
It seems to me if I want both I have to keep dressing a secret.
Maybe I could keep a small stash, one dress at a time.
Thanks everyone for your input.
I'm sure you'll figure something, Judy!
Sounds like you have come to a decision..And that is good! Hope all works well!