Definitely discovered today

I volunteer at a local tourist (and local) attraction. This is my 3rd year volunteering there. As luck would have it, the area I volunteer in is adjacent to an area one of the employees works at as part of her job rotation. We likely visit with each other at least twice a month between greeting and helping visitors. She is, I'm guessing, in her mid to late 50s. She is also a touchy-feely hugging type of lady. One day while wearing a lace bralette and A/B cup silicone inserts she hugged me "hello." I wasn't sure if she felt the metal strap adjusters on the bra straps or the 4 clasp adjuster on the back or the inserts. It didn't matter to me; but, I never knew. Well, when she greeted me today (it's been about a month since we've seen one another), I know she had to feel the metal bra strap adjuster on my left shoulder as she placed her right hand directly on it. She also had no choice but to feel the 4 hook clasp on the back as her left hand landed directly on it. I also suspect she felt the A/B inserts as she pressed her body next to mine in a gentle hug. Don't take any of this to indicate a sexual interest because there isn't on either of our parts. That is just how she is. Anyway, she didn't give me any reaction and didn't say a thing.

When I knew that she knew and didn't make an awkward move or say a thing, I really wanted to tell her how happy she had made me. Today, she was driving a small open shuttle between 3 locations; so, when I was getting ready to leave for the day I hopped on it, sat next to her, and rode for about 10 minutes before it returned to where it started. (My car was parked nearby.) I was hoping there would be no visitors on it so I could thank her today. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. But, when I got off the shuttle, I got another hug and the 4 clasp back adjuster was definitely felt again. Anyway, I'm ecstatic with this small show of acceptance.

It was not convenient to say anything today; but, the next time I see her, assuming the opportunity presents itself, I feel as though I should say something along the lines that since the cat is out of the bag, I appreciate her not giving off any negative vibes and I appreciate her apparent acceptance. Are there any words of wisdom from the more experienced as to why I shouldn't approach this topic with her? I suspect the only alternative is to remain mute on the topic. And, if that's the consensus opinion, I'm fine with that, too.

As an aside, I almost feel that if I start the conversation with her, it could result in some fashion and makeup hints from a GG. Of course, I don't know that for a fact; but, if she's willing to acknowledge she accepts me as a CDer, I could see asking if she'd be someone willing to help me.

Ah, the allure of the GG in the know! Soon it will be fashion talk, manicures and wine at that chic little spot with you in your most flirty ensemble!

Let sleeping dogs lie for the moment. Who knows what she might really be thinking but you don’t want to push it from “oh that’s cute” to creepsville. Being overly eager might have her regretting things so just show that you are a cool cat for a while and then, if she remains warm and huggy, cast a fly into the stream to check for nibbles.

I believe that the best way to gain acceptance re the wearing of clothing normally associated with the 'other gender' is to act as the two of you have done and simply carry on as usual.
She has not yet felt the need to raise the issue. As you say, she accepts you. Good.
I think that if the two of you continue to cross paths, the time will come when the topic will open up naturally, of its own accord.
Don't rush it. It may backfire on you.
I don't think you should feel compelled to say anything to her.
Just carry on, as normal.
After all, it is normal for many males to wear a bra, either because they have to, or because they want to.
Enjoy yourself in the voluntary role, Heather.

Heather, I would let her take the initiative and talk about it if she feels like. Even if you think there is almost no chance that things will go sideways, why take the chance. Just continue to enjoy what sounds like a lovely friendship with this nice lady.

I agree with everyone here who is saying to just be casual about the whole thing, no need to mention. However, be aware of certain "hints" in the conversation that could lead to your reveal in a comfortable way.
And don't be surprised if one day she asks outright.

What cat's out of what bag? That she knows u wear a bra to hold your moobs in?:heehee:

U won't know what she knows until u ask her.:straightface:

Altho, it sounds to me like you're having too much fun thinking you're outed to risk finding out you haven't been!:devil:

I have to agree with Docrobbsherry.
You do not know what she thinks and hope you do not make it awkward bringing it up.
Just carry on like usual.
She probably just enjoys you as an acquaintance and thinks no more about that.
You are focused on that , others are not going to be.

Women in general notice things. But not all of them. I know some who are completely clueless about what's in front of them, they just don't notice things. I wore forms in front of my wife for about 2 months (not all the time, just in the mornings before work, but this included hugs) before she wondered what was in that box in my office and opened it and saw them, she had no idea I had them. In other words, even though you're sure she noticed, she might not have. Assuming she has without evidence could blow up in your face.

If you just need acceptance, I and others here know you wear a bra, and we're fine with it. There ya go.

Don't say anything now. Wait until she snaps your bra strap.

Right, what Di said. You could be spot on, but it is easy to read way too much into a hug. You only know when it is discussed - a hug really says nothing. But do not be discouraged as acceptance is definitely out there.

Sandi

I'm just wondering what that would sound like to a stranger. I just want to thank you for your acceptance and discretion. Yeah I dont think they would figure it out unless they already would have.

I know the consensus opinion and appreciate it. My lips are sealed. Thanks for the quick responses.

Heather, she may know, she may not. Don't make her uncomfortable by mentioning it. If she brings is up, be demure.

Zip it.:shutup:

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Originally Posted by Heather76

As an aside, I almost feel that if I start the conversation with her, it could result in some fashion and makeup hints from a GG. Of course, I don't know that for a fact; but, if she's willing to acknowledge she accepts me as a CDer, I could see asking if she'd be someone willing to help me.

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I also so agree with Doc and Di and the others , because if she doesn't know you could really scare her and you run the risk of her telling others before you are ready..but this above ^^^ please don't do this... I've had many married guys from right here over the years try to get me to go see them,meet up with them go shopping with them, do make up with them etc etc etc ,besides being a waste of my time, I always hate knowing that they are trying to use me to do stuff behind their wives backs - I'm just a prop to a fantasy , not a human with feelings...and past the teen years women just don't do that kind of stuff.
Get your wife to do these things or whatever but don't do this stuff with another woman.. many SO's that stop being accepting become that way after they find out their man has female friends to "help" him with this on the side..

I agree with everyone - do not have any future conversation about what underwear you have on. IF she knows, she probably doesn't want to talk about it. (Think "awkward & creepy"). You may be overthinking this because it sounds like you would like someone to know.

As Dutchess pointed out, if you want hints from a GG or any other CDer support, ask your wife.

By the way, most GG's past the teen years don't "talk make-up hints" unless they are selling it at a makeup counter.

Don't bring it up with her. Bask in the glow of knowing that she knows and doesn't care either way. You run the risk of creeping her out by bringing it up.

If during your hug, you felt her bra, would you expect her to start talking about it with you?
Of course not.
It seems to me that it should be the same with you.

I'm joining the others in saying "unless she brings it up, don't talk about it either."
If she has something to say, she will.
If she has a problem with your wearing a bra, the hugs will most likely change - or stop completely.

No reason to rock the boat, she may know or not, most likely does, but why risk ruining a nice friendship. Just let it lay.

My advice is to not mention it to her. Act normally around her.

To me it appears that you're assuming way too much here, let it go.

Or, tell her that you will show her yours if she will show you hers!

What Karren said...........:eek: .......................Debra

Heather, maybe she likes to play Minesweeper.
Hey, you are playing it too!
Your current game:
333
3[]3
333

Anyway, even if she'll never know, it's nice to have a friend.

I agree with the others don't say anything at all just continue on the Way you are.

I have lots of girlfriends (GGs) we don't talk about fashion generally. It's just more like relationships and what they've been doing just like with anybody else.

Her acceptance says you can continue on with the relationship you currently have it's really that simple.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Or, tell her that you will show her yours if she will show you hers!

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Not the best idea but it did make me laugh

Well, the consensus is still at 100%. I'm glad I sought out the wisdom of the more experienced. As I said yesterday, my lips are sealed. Or, as another put it, I'll "zip it."
I do understand that so long as I wear a bralette in public, I risk someone figuring it out. And that's okay. But, yes, it makes perfect sense for me to ALWAYS remain silent unless someone asks me about it.

Seriously, thanks for all the good feedback. You girls rock!

I will mention something that many people don't understand. That is the fact that people with ADD/ADHD often are unable to pick up on social clues. We often don't put 2 and 2 together to understand how to behave properly in social situations. With the responses I received here, I understand my desire to show appreciation, while maybe admirable, could have well made her uncomfortable - something I would hate to do. So again, thanks.

Maybe it is me, but she sounds awfully touchy-feely for a platonic stranger. Almost like she is setting you up for something.

A man would be torn to pieces if he hugged a woman (who is not his SO) and groped her bra hooks like that.

Vickie, I'd describe her more as a cheerleader as she is like this with most people. She is simply exceptionally bubbly in her personality and makes everyone she meets feel good about themselves. Yes, men would be in trouble in this day and age initiating contact like that.

I agree to not saying anything, its probably best not to.....................But maybe next time she hugs you and feels your bra maybe step back a half step after she lets go then reach into your collar and adjust a shoulder strap to see what she says or what her reaction will be? Sounds like she knows to me.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

Don't say anything now. Wait until she snaps your bra strap.

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Extremely wise. When we hug somebody, we are probably not particularly sensitive as to where our hands land. She probably didn't notice.

UPDATE TIME: I've seen this same lady several times since the episode that prompted this thread. Today was another encounter seeing her. When we greeted one another, she said, "I saw you yesterday." I asked "Where?" as we do not live near one another. In the shopping forum I had recounted my day of shopping and doing other things yesterday. One of the things I had done was buy a dress at Ross Dress For Less. She told me that was where she saw me. She then asked what I had bought and I told her a dress. It took her a second to say (in reference to my wife), "Did she love it?" I told her, she liked it to which she asked it I buy my wife clothing very often. I told her the truth that I do buy my wife clothing from time to time.

It was at that moment I knew I simply could not lie to a friend. So, I said, "I bought the dress for myself. I like to cross dress at home." She said, "No, not really?" I said something along the lines of, "Listen, Stephanie, I cross dress at home, my wife is well aware that I do, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone. I hope this doesn't dampen our friendship; but, I just cannot lie to you." She assured me the fact I cross dress isn't an issue for her. She then went on to tell me she believes me to be one of the more knowledgeable volunteers at this place and one of the volunteers that interacts with our guests better
than most other volunteers. BTW, Stephanie happens to be an employee of this place. Anyway, when we parted I told her I truly appreciate her being so nice and non-judgmental.

I hate that people lie and I simply cannot do so myself. While I didn't actually lie, letting her have the impression I purchased the dress for my wife would have been akin to lying. There is also the real possibility (as mentioned in my initial post) she's aware of my CDing having probably felt the bra straps. If she did figure me out, I would not want her to think I purposely led her astray or lied to her. Friends don't lie to friends. At least, that is a part of my belief system. The bottom line is the exchange went well.

Heather,

Did it make you feel good to have confessed the truth? Especially since she was non judgmental? I have to guess she hadn’t suspected or felt anything with the hug, but glad you were comfortable enough to share and your friend took it well.

I don't know that it made me feel good to confess the truth. But, I am pleased that I lived up to the same standard I expect of others which is to not lie. I also don't know that I was comfortable sharing with her that I CD. But, it was that or lie. I was extremely glad she took it so well. I actually feel blessed that she did. However, while we are not social friends, I anticipated she would have no problems. She is 50 years old (a few years younger than my daughter) and that age group is a whole bunch more accepting than the old grumps in my age group.

Nicely done Heather. I have wondered how I might handle a situation like this and now I have a model.

Glad it worked out okey for you Heather.The temptation to come out to this lady was obviously strong . Once the genie is out of the bottle or toothpaste out of the tube. There is no going back.You must trust her implicitly.

So happy that it worked out well for you Heather. Honesty is such a admirable virtue and it's very affirming to see it win the day!

Love reading about this experience! Great outcome.

I think the fact that she told you that she saw you in a dress shop changed the dynamic considerably. You were no longer talking about your underwear. It was a public place and you were making a public purchase. There was still the open ended question as to how she would take it, but obviously you read the situation correctly. I think you handled it well.:thumbsup:

When I have been 'caught' underdressing in this way and she gives me the look that says she knows, I get very soft and thank her for her understanding and acceptance. I def agree with the girls that you don't want to get too enthusiastic but you do need to tell her the truth: that you are grateful to her for being a true friend. Every woman wants to hear that. And let's face it. Getting caught is the best part of underdressing.

I once was in male mode shopping for vintage girl clothes and asking about dress sizes. The lady was very direct and said she figured me for a size ten. In other words, she knew I wasn't shopping for a girlfriend. I thanked her as above, and we had a deep and intimate conversation. You'll be missing out if you don't even try. Besides, it feels so good to own your crossdressing at that level.

That was a very smooth process, especially the coming out part.

I hope things are still moving along swimmingly.

Things are just fine. I have seen her a few times since coming out to her. Each time has been just like the others - always a hug and a bubbly greeting.

That's nice to hear Heather.

Today I happen to be volunteering in an area that put me very close to where Stephanie was working. Thus, our paths crossed quite a few times today. There was one time when we were alone with nobody else within earshot so I simply had to say, "Stephanie, while were not social friends, we are friends and I really want to thank you for being nonjudgmental." Her response was quite simple in asking why would she judge me. We ended up having a great 10 - 15 minute conversation. She actually found it difficult to believe that folks of my generation (mid 70s) would have issues knowing I CD. When I explained that during my younger days, crossdressing was regarded as a mental "defect" and those that did CD were often thought of as sexual deviants, she couldn't believe it. Anyway, it was a wonderful conversation. When it was over, I hugged her and said, "Stephanie, I love you."