Female led Relationships

Hi all was just wondering if anybody here is in a female led relationship. When I first heard of this it sounded terrible to me. Why would I want to do that I thought.?Sure, I am a cross dresser, but I am the man and still need to be the man of the house I thought. However, as time went gone on I began to question the traditional male/female roles of the man being in charge of the house. The more I have thought about this the more I thought what a dumb idea.

My wife is an incredibly strong individual and a powerful leader. I told her about my cross dressing prior to covid. She was fine with it. Anyway, a few days ago I brought the idea of a female led marriage up to and shared an article with her "How to Be a Dominant Wife." She enjoyed the article. We decided we would try it out for a month then decide whether we would continue or not. I think this could tie in very well with my cross dressing. I feel what I consider to be feminine even when not dressed, as I am performing what are considered, traditional feminine tasks.

So where are with this? Well, my wife works and I am a retired military veteran which means I stay home. Normally, I will clean 1 or 2 things and spend the rest of the day online, looking at women's clothing, walking the dogs etc. Certainly not worried about my appearance or anything else.


Generally I hate cleaning. However, over the past couple of days I have fallen in love with cleaning. Windows, floors, bathrooms, you name it I want to clean it. Cooking, laundry and ironing. Yes please! Why? Sure, it is partly a feminine role, but more than that I am finding the idea of cleaning the house to my wife's standards, not my usual slovenly male standards, incredibly sexy. She comes home and loves it. She commented tonight how much free time she will have over the weekend and is arranging for a girl's night out at one of the bars. I stay home and she goes out for a fun night! Sounds great to me.

I am find I am less confrontational or whiny. My wife is in charge and that's it. What she says takes priority. Yes, I am allowed input, but ultimately she makes the final decision whether I like it or not. I love it and she says she does too.

Obviously this is not the kind of relationship structure that suits every couple. It may not even suit our marriage long term. However, it is fun trying something different.

Another interesting point seems to be that outside of the house and away from my wife I am more assertive and more masculine including with other men. This feels really refreshing to me. For the first time in my life I feel as though I am learning what it is to be a confident male. I think that being more submissive to a dominant woman at home, encourages my more masculine side outside the home.
My wife also seems to be even more dominant. We were at our kids softball game today and she was talking with her friends and was more assertive with me. It was great.

We have no idea how long this new arrangement will last, so we are taking it one day at a time. However, so far we are both loving our new positions. Feels so natural to both of us.

This may work for my wife and I as she is more of leader and has more of dominant personality to begin with than I do. So this is hot a hard transition for either of us, at least at the moment it seems to be an easy one to make.

My skin crawls when I see this sort if thing. Male and female roles one person in charge of another. It's a partnership not jail. Perhaps if you looked at it like that then you could be just as happy and do what you like as well.

Yo, Jennifer, you are you to judge?
It may not be your cup of tea, but one thing I have learned on this forum is that each of us is different.
If it makes you and your wife happy, KittySue, I'm happy for the two of you. :love:

I vote with GaleWarning........ But would say, Who are you/we to judge?
Still Jennifer is on track, no one should be...... Still maybe some desire to be.........
Some people might want / desire / need to be submissive....
Still from my point of view, I say let people live the life that they feel they need to live.
Maybe the rules don't apply to everyone like some people wish they did.....

Perhaps it should be viewed from a different angle. Kitty taking about more typically female roes, cleaning, washing etc. are a hangover from the days when men we're the bread winners and the woman stayed at home to raise the kids.

The partly came about due to many jobs were physically hard, getter suited to the male frame while women tended to be considered more nurturing. This model goes back many centuries and it stays that way right though to the 1st world War. While the men went off to fight, women began to do roles once considered male.

The 2nd WW further fractured the old model and as the workplace moved ever further from the fields and into factories and offices so the role of women changed with it.

So where does this leave Kitty? Is not in fact not one dominant but now just a levelling of the domestic playing field. I'm sure for Kitty it may not feel this way but in practice each partner has found a better equilibrium in the relationship. Both report being more assertive so in fact have moved not into a one dominant partner, the one who "wears the trousers around here" but to a partnership of equals with a redistribution of roles.

Instead of gender assigned roles it's just jobs and tasks undertaken by the person in the best position to do them within the relationship.

Sometimes you just need to view things from a different angle.

While my wife and I are equals in our marriage. She does make more of the decisions which works for us because I am more laid back and I am submissive to her. Attitude wise she is more the typical husband

Fifty-three years of marriage and we have done the traditional thing (early on) and then shifted to a more shared pattern and then a matriarchal pattern and back to a shared pattern. For us, the shared pattern definitely works the best, but at the time the matriarchal pattern also worked well because of the circumstances we were in at the time. I took over most home duties because, later in life, she went back to get her Master's degree while teaching full time. I still do most all of the everyday cooking. We found it was a good pattern and we were both comfortable with it. Didn't have anything to do with our sexes or expectations related to our sexes.

The point is, in our experience, the arrangement you have should not be based on some ideal image of what roles each should play, but rather on what works best in the context of what allows each to live the life they desire without idealized expectations defining the roles. A couple can have a relationship that fits the idealized expectations because that works best and it exists because of that rather than the idealized expectations of the marital roles.

That said, just as there is dysphoria in gender variance, cross-dressing, whatever, there is also dysphoria in marital relationships. The point is, if there is dysphoria on the part of one person or the other then something is out of kilter and adjustments need to be made so, ideally, dysphoria is minimized. So, forget the ideology and act upon the actuality to achieve a comfortable, loving and shared relationship. Whatever that may be.

An equal partnership is the only thing that works for me. I’ve been married to the same person for over 40 years, so it works for us too. When I put my foot down (almost never) she obeys me, and when she puts her foot down, I obey her.

But every marriage is different and you’ve got to figure out what works for you and your spouse. I’ve known several couples where the wife was the breadwinner and the husband was the homemaker. It works for them. When it comes to your marriage, you and your spouse are the smart ones, not some psychologist who happened to write a book. (Sometimes the smart thing is to go to a marriage counselor, but that’s a whole different topic.)

I wonder what single men do when it comes to domestic chores? Are their abodes closed down by the local board of health as a health hazard? Unsanitary? My wife and I worked and shared responsibilities before our kids were born. Then, the "more traditional" roles set in as she stayed home with the kids while I went to work. In my dailyabsence she did the vast majority of domestic chores which also included mowing the lawn. She once kidded in front of several of my male coworkers who were visiting that I had bought her a lawn mower for Mother's Day. Before, they got her joke, they were in awe that I had such a subservient wife. Actually, she mowed the lawn because that chores aggravated a shrapnel wound to my back and shoulder. When the kids were in school she worked part-time and the responsibilities became more shared.

Fast forward to my retirement. When I retired my wife continued to work part time but full days; substitute certified teacher. Now the roles were truly reversed. Not only would my daily life be boring, it would have been wrong NOT to do the domestic chores; vacuuming, laundry, ironing, baking, meal preparation, tending the rose garden, etc. The only thing she made a comment about was I seemed to forget to clean the bathrooms. I would not characterize this stage in our marriage as "female lead." It was only fair, if she was working for 7.5 hours a day that I should do the domestic chores. I have been the one who writes the checks to pay the bills. She has no clue what our finances are. She has made some comments over the years that lead our son to think, if I were to pass away, she would be in the poor house. I had to tell my son what our finances were,and, if I were to die what his mother's income would be. It drives me insane sometimes that she does not know what the heck will happen if I were to drop dead tomorrow.

My wife has finally retired. We share the domestic chores. I still do more than half of the meal preparation, and, we each do our our laundry. Before my wife retired I did all those domestic chores a la June Cleaver; dress, heels and hosiery, and all the proper undergarments, but, wig only, no makeup as too time consuming.

No offence Kitty Sue, but I smell a red herring. For one, u say u reversed roles. But, only mention her working and u cleaning now. How was it before? You're "retired military". So, did she do all the cooking, cleaning, and went to work, too?:eek:

That's a hard one to digest!:straightface:

What r all these decisions she's making now that u used to make? R they about money? Who starts action in the bedroom? What you're doing next weekend? This sounds like a number of fantasy posts I've read.

This arrangement can be very fulfilling, and fun as hell for both parties when practiced in a loving and committed relationship, but yeah Doc, I don't like calling BS, this one smells.

I dunno...married 40 years here and my wife and I have always shared cooking, cleaning, all the domestic chores, financial decisions, raising the kids. I don't see it as a crossdressing thing, just as a human thing

If my partner was fully accepting of my lifestyle and demanded, in exchange, to call the shots and be the boss, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Talk amongst yourselves...

I kind of fell into it because my wife got into a car accident. As much as she insisted that she wanted to do it, I wouldn't have any of it and I took over the house hold roles. She is better now but I still do most of the house work to help her out. When it comes to decisions she will make the suggestions but she believes I have more of the common sence to make the final call.

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Originally Posted by JenniferMBlack

My skin crawls when I see this sort if thing. Male and female roles one person in charge of another. It's a partnership not jail. Perhaps if you looked at it like that then you could be just as happy and do what you like as well.

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Obviously this will not work for all couples. There are also different levels of partnership in the work world and in relationships. This feels nothing like jail to me or my wife. Great communication and boundaries are important to make it work. At no point have I felt my wife is taking advantage or me or being mean. Similarly my wife does not feel I am taking advantage of her or expecting too much from her.

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Originally Posted by GaleWarning

Yo, Jennifer, you are you to judge?
It may not be your cup of tea, but one thing I have learned on this forum is that each of us is different.
If it makes you and your wife happy, KittySue, I'm happy for the two of you. :love:

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Thanks for the vote of support. Very encouraging!

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Originally Posted by ronny0

I vote with GaleWarning........ But would say, Who are you/we to judge?
Still Jennifer is on track, no one should be...... Still maybe some desire to be.........
Some people might want / desire / need to be submissive....
Still from my point of view, I say let people live the life that they feel they need to live.
Maybe the rules don't apply to everyone like some people wish they did.....

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I hear you. I am definitely more submissive than my wife and my wife far more dominant. Formalizing what we both know seems to have given both of us a lot more freedom in our relationship to be ourselves. While the traditional powerful male weaker woman seems to be what society demands it is not what my wife and I want or gravitate towards.

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Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater

Perhaps it should be viewed from a different angle. Kitty taking about more typically female roes, cleaning, washing etc. are a hangover from the days when men we're the bread winners and the woman stayed at home to raise the kids.

The partly came about due to many jobs were physically hard, getter suited to the male frame while women tended to be considered more nurturing. This model goes back many centuries and it stays that way right though to the 1st world War. While the men went off to fight, women began to do roles once considered male.

The 2nd WW further fractured the old model and as the workplace moved ever further from the fields and into factories and offices so the role of women changed with it.

So where does this leave Kitty? Is not in fact not one dominant but now just a levelling of the domestic playing field. I'm sure for Kitty it may not feel this way but in practice each partner has found a better equilibrium in the relationship. Both report being more assertive so in fact have moved not into a one dominant partner, the one who "wears the trousers around here" but to a partnership of equals with a redistribution of roles.

Instead of gender assigned roles it's just jobs and tasks undertaken by the person in the best position to do them within the relationship.

Sometimes you just need to view things from a different angle.

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Really nice POV. My wife said tonight she feels so much better now that I do most of the cleaning and household chores as it gives her more free time to pursue her passions or spend time with the children if she is having to work around the house so much. Me, I thoroughly enjoy making the house look immaculate for my wife. I get so much satisfaction out of seeing how relaxed she looks when she comes home to a clean home. In turn I feel far more relaxed and at ease fulfilling a more domestic role in the home.

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Originally Posted by Jade P

While my wife and I are equals in our marriage. She does make more of the decisions which works for us because I am more laid back and I am submissive to her. Attitude wise she is more the typical husband

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This is true in our relationship too.

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Originally Posted by GretchenM

Fifty-three years of marriage and we have done the traditional thing (early on) and then shifted to a more shared pattern and then a matriarchal pattern and back to a shared pattern. For us, the shared pattern definitely works the best, but at the time the matriarchal pattern also worked well because of the circumstances we were in at the time. I took over most home duties because, later in life, she went back to get her Master's degree while teaching full time. I still do most all of the everyday cooking. We found it was a good pattern and we were both comfortable with it. Didn't have anything to do with our sexes or expectations related to our sexes.

The point is, in our experience, the arrangement you have should not be based on some ideal image of what roles each should play, but rather on what works best in the context of what allows each to live the life they desire without idealized expectations defining the roles. A couple can have a relationship that fits the idealized expectations because that works best and it exists because of that rather than the idealized expectations of the marital roles.

That said, just as there is dysphoria in gender variance, cross-dressing, whatever, there is also dysphoria in marital relationships. The point is, if there is dysphoria on the part of one person or the other then something is out of kilter and adjustments need to be made so, ideally, dysphoria is minimized. So, forget the ideology and act upon the actuality to achieve a comfortable, loving and shared relationship. Whatever that may be.

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Great points. I think you mentioning how your relationship revolved through different styles is important for me to keep in mind. My wife and I trying as much as possible to take this one day at a time. We have committed to talking about our FLR as it evolves and realize that this may or may not work for us in the future. At the moment though we are both thoroughly enjoying our respective roles in the relationship.

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Originally Posted by CynthiaD

An equal partnership is the only thing that works for me. I’ve been married to the same person for over 40 years, so it works for us too. When I put my foot down (almost never) she obeys me, and when she puts her foot down, I obey her.

But every marriage is different and you’ve got to figure out what works for you and your spouse. I’ve known several couples where the wife was the breadwinner and the husband was the homemaker. It works for them. When it comes to your marriage, you and your spouse are the smart ones, not some psychologist who happened to write a book. (Sometimes the smart thing is to go to a marriage counselor, but that’s a whole different topic.)

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The 50/50 partnership definitely works for a lot of couples and I am glad it does. Congrats on 40 years of marriage by the way :) In the past we have both put our foot down on different things. So will be interesting to see how that plays out in the future. At the moment we are looking at I me having input which my wife may or may not ultimately follow as she will make the final decision. If this does not work for us then we will likely come up with a different solution. I think I will be comfortable with this going fwd as my wife is smart, trustworthy, and caring and she is an excellent listener and communicator in general.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

I wonder what single men do when it comes to domestic chores? Are their abodes closed down by the local board of health as a health hazard? Unsanitary? My wife and I worked and shared responsibilities before our kids were born. Then, the "more traditional" roles set in as she stayed home with the kids while I went to work. In my daily absence she did the vast majority of domestic chores which also included mowing the lawn. She once kidded in front of several of my male coworkers who were visiting that I had bought her a lawn mower for Mother's Day. Before, they got her joke, they were in awe that I had such a subservient wife. Actually, she mowed the lawn because that chores aggravated a shrapnel wound to my back and shoulder. When the kids were in school she worked part-time and the responsibilities became more shared.

Fast forward to my retirement. When I retired my wife continued to work part time but full days; substitute certified teacher. Now the roles were truly reversed. Not only would my daily life be boring, it would have been wrong NOT to do the domestic chores; vacuuming, laundry, ironing, baking, meal preparation, tending the rose garden, etc. The only thing she made a comment about was I seemed to forget to clean the bathrooms. I would not characterize this stage in our marriage as "female lead." It was only fair, if she was working for 7.5 hours a day that I should do the domestic chores. I have been the one who writes the checks to pay the bills. She has no clue what our finances are. She has made some comments over the years that lead our son to think, if I were to pass away, she would be in the poor house. I had to tell my son what our finances were,and, if I were to die what his mother's income would be. It drives me insane sometimes that she does not know what the heck will happen if I were to drop dead tomorrow.

My wife has finally retired. We share the domestic chores. I still do more than half of the meal preparation, and, we each do our our laundry. Before my wife retired I did all those domestic chores a la June Cleaver; dress, heels and hosiery, and all the proper undergarments, but, wig only, no makeup as too time consuming.

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I like your perspective. I think roles definitely modify in a marriage over time with the addition of children, health concerns, retirements etc. I think what maybe different at least in the case of my wife and me is that we are very much going for a FLR. We have decided that I will take on almost the entirety of running the home. Which I enjoy. It works too, as I am retired military. Before the FLR I was doing the majority of chores anyway, so taking over her portion of housework was fine with me. I think the biggest changes are in the decision making process. She makes the decisions on pretty much everything. She takes my input, but the has the final decision on travel, socialization, what I make for dinner etc. I totally love it, as I get a lot of pleasure from pleasing my wife and I tell her so.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

No offence Kitty Sue, but I smell a red herring. For one, u say u reversed roles. But, only mention her working and u cleaning now. How was it before? You're "retired military". So, did she do all the cooking, cleaning, and went to work, too?:eek:

That's a hard one to digest!:straightface:

What r all these decisions she's making now that u used to make? R they about money? Who starts action in the bedroom? What you're doing next weekend? This sounds like a number of fantasy posts I've read.

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Hi Doc,
Not really fantasy at all. A lot of it is just formalizing how we were previously. For instance she chose the city we live in, she chose the house we bought, and yes she has always made most of the financial decisions. She does decide when we have sex and has for a long time which I like. What is different now is that she has the final say. Her word is ultimately law. Sounds domineering when I say it, but its not as I have ample input and am able to express my opinion. I think for this too work the partner in charge needs to be great at listening, communication, caring, understanding, trusting and loving. My wife is all of those.

As for cleaning I did more than she did previously as I am retired military and she works. So people would say that makes sense. What has changed is that I am now doing pretty much all the cleaning and cooking. She has far more time to do things she enjoys which I like. You may not believe it when I say this, but I absolutely love being the homemaker. Can't get enough of it. She knows that the more jobs she gives me to get done the more I like it. I also realize that if it gets too much for me I can approach her and she will cut back on the things I am meant to do.

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Originally Posted by cindylouho

This arrangement can be very fulfilling, and fun as hell for both parties when practiced in a loving and committed relationship, but yeah Doc, I don't like calling BS, this one smells.

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lol. Not lying. My wife is awesome and a natural leader. I am naturally submissive.

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Originally Posted by audreyinalbany

I dunno...married 40 years here and my wife and I have always shared cooking, cleaning, all the domestic chores, financial decisions, raising the kids. I don't see it as a crossdressing thing, just as a human thing

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Sounds good.

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Originally Posted by MonicaPVD

If my partner was fully accepting of my lifestyle and demanded, in exchange, to call the shots and be the boss, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Talk amongst yourselves...

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It seems to be working for us. Who knows if it will in the long term. However, I really recommend it to any couples considering a FLR.

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Originally Posted by Maria 60

I kind of fell into it because my wife got into a car accident. As much as she insisted that she wanted to do it, I wouldn't have any of it and I took over the house hold roles. She is better now but I still do most of the house work to help her out. When it comes to decisions she will make the suggestions but she believes I have more of the common sence to make the final call.

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Car accidents are horrible. Just got off the phone with my brother tonight. His wife got into one yesterday back in New Zealand. She is okay thankfully. Hit by a drunk driver who was also high on Meth. My wife definitely has more commonsense than I do which is another reason why I trust her to make those judgement calls.

Kitty Sue, This may not be for everyone but it works well so far for you so that is what counts.
Thanks for letting us know.

Hi Chrissy, thanks for your support. I don't know how it will go over the long term but right now it is great. I am sure no matter what, the dynamics will change like with any relationship as time goes on.

My wife said to me today "how long do you think this will last"? I replied jokingly "IDK, maybe a couple more days." "She said I hope not! Maybe a few more years." At the moment we are really enjoying being in an FLR. However, we have not encountered any serious challenges so whether that would impact our FLR only time will tell.

Perhaps I came off a bit strong. I am not anyone to judge and have no right to. I just have a problem with the gender roles dictating who does what. And I feel each person should do their share in a relationship and each should reap the benefits. The whole I'm in charge or she is in charge so that person goes out while the other stays home. If one can go out why can't the other?

I would be lying if I didn't say that this concept intrigues me just a little. My wife and I have pretty much split the household "duties" throughout out 30+ year relationship. IT works for us. She makes the meals, but I clean up. We both vacuum and clean somewhat equally, but as infrequently as we can get away with. I do the vast majority of the laundry, but she did it early on. I have been doing my own laundry since about middle school, so it just seemed natural to take care of it all for the family (now just the 2 of us and my son does his own). I do the mowing and majority of the yardwork (which I HATE!), but years ago when I was hobbled with knee surgery, she mowed the lawn for awhile. We generally discuss and share responsibilities for decisions be it financial or otherwise and both of us are willing to let the other "win" or have their pick, but frequently we both agree on what WE want.

With all that said, I do find it somewhat erotic to be the submissive and not have the responsibility of making the decisions or always having to ask or initiate relations. I think that is the biggest turn on would be for her libido to be anywhere near mine or god forbid exceed it!

I think however, if I were to approach this subject, instead of her embracing it, she would laugh and say, no. She already has the best of both worlds whenever she wants.

I'm happy you found something new and fun to try out. I hope it works out for you, but it sounds like you're in a great place whether you decide to keep it up or not.

My wife absolutely loves mowing the lawn. I always wonder what the neighbors think seeing me standing on the porch on Saturday afternoon, drinking a beer, watching my wife mow. Actually, I probably don't want to know! :)

Dana

Kitty Sue, Others may remember that I posted about this topic not too long ago. My experience was that there was not a lot of interest, some misunderstanding, and a wee bit of judgement. I?ve sent you a PM. Nancy

I really can't comment sufficiently on this topic without getting too political. Suffice it to say that if women can run nations they can run relationships as well. Anything that undermines the Patriarchy is okay by me.

Kitty Sue, thanks for your reply! I understand better now. You've always acknowledged being in a "woman led" relationship. :thumbsup:

While the rest of us THINK we r the leaders while actually being led around by our noses by our wives!:devil:

In almost 30 years of marriage, my wife and I have never considered gender when deciding who does what around the house. It was just never an issue with us. We always went with our strengths and weaknesses. Also, practical things like our schedules played in to our dividing the responsibilities. I got home from work before she did, so I took over most of the after school responsibilities when the kids were growing up. Thankfully our strengths complimented each other! I?m better at the house and yard work than she is, so that?s my station! She is WAY better at handling the household expenses than I am, so that?s her world. She is also much better at keep track of upcoming events and appointments, so that?s hers also, thank god! So far it has worked for us. I have never understood why gender would be an issue with that.

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Originally Posted by JenniferMBlack

Perhaps I came off a bit strong. I am not anyone to judge and have no right to. I just have a problem with the gender roles dictating who does what. And I feel each person should do their share in a relationship and each should reap the benefits. The whole I'm in charge or she is in charge so that person goes out while the other stays home. If one can go out why can't the other?

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No worries Jen I often come across a little harsher than I intend. I believe FLR flips traditional gender roles on its head. Obviously it is not for everybody. So far my wife and I are very comfortable in our FLR. Whether that remains the case over the long haul I can't say.

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Originally Posted by Mary Loo

I would be lying if I didn't say that this concept intrigues me just a little. My wife and I have pretty much split the household "duties" throughout out 30+ year relationship. IT works for us. She makes the meals, but I clean up. We both vacuum and clean somewhat equally, but as infrequently as we can get away with. I do the vast majority of the laundry, but she did it early on. I have been doing my own laundry since about middle school, so it just seemed natural to take care of it all for the family (now just the 2 of us and my son does his own). I do the mowing and majority of the yardwork (which I HATE!), but years ago when I was hobbled with knee surgery, she mowed the lawn for awhile. We generally discuss and share responsibilities for decisions be it financial or otherwise and both of us are willing to let the other "win" or have their pick, but frequently we both agree on what WE want.

With all that said, I do find it somewhat erotic to be the submissive and not have the responsibility of making the decisions or always having to ask or initiate relations. I think that is the biggest turn on would be for her libido to be anywhere near mine or god forbid exceed it!

I think however, if I were to approach this subject, instead of her embracing it, she would laugh and say, no. She already has the best of both worlds whenever she wants.

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Hi Mary my wife and I have been married for almost 10 years. In many ways as for chores went I was already doing a lot of them. I think the FLR kind of formalized what we kind of already knew in our marriage and that my wife was the true leader. Recognizing this seems to have benefited the both of us. I am far more relaxed as I don't feel that I have to take on society's unspoken rule that the man is the head of the house. My wife on the other hand enjoys taking charge and gets to implement many more of her ideas without unnecessary push back from me.
I do find my sex drive has increased with the FLR. Which is great as my wife is always the one to initiate sex. We both like her in charge in the bedroom.

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Originally Posted by Just Dana

I'm happy you found something new and fun to try out. I hope it works out for you, but it sounds like you're in a great place whether you decide to keep it up or not.

My wife absolutely loves mowing the lawn. I always wonder what the neighbors think seeing me standing on the porch on Saturday afternoon, drinking a beer, watching my wife mow. Actually, I probably don't want to know! :)

Dana

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Thanks Dana. My wife and I were both saying today we both hope this lasts long term. I believe it probably will. While I still get to mow the lawn, unfortunately, my wife is taking the lead on most decisions regarding the marriage and running of the house and family. We were certainly in really awesome place before trying out a FLR. However, I think the FLR has taken our marriage to another level.

As for the neighbors gossipping about the mowing of your laws. Let them gossip they are probably just jealous that your gets to use your awesome lawn mower! :) Last night my wife had a girls night out and told them all about our FLR. I guess the next party where she invites all her friends to our house should be interesting. :)

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Originally Posted by NancyJ

Kitty Sue, Others may remember that I posted about this topic not too long ago. My experience was that there was not a lot of interest, some misunderstanding, and a wee bit of judgement. I?ve sent you a PM. Nancy

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Hey Gurl. Yup thanks for the PMs.

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Originally Posted by April Rose

I really can't comment sufficiently on this topic without getting too political. Suffice it to say that if women can run nations they can run relationships as well. Anything that undermines the Patriarchy is okay by me.

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Great point. I can't stand the patriarchy.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Kitty Sue, thanks for your reply! I understand better now. You've always acknowledged being in a "woman led" relationship. :thumbsup:

While the rest of us THINK we r the leaders while actually being led around by our noses by our wives!:devil:

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Hi Docrobbysherry. Thanks. You are right I think. I think my wife and I have only just admitted to ourselves that it has always really been "woman led."

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Originally Posted by Camille58

In almost 30 years of marriage, my wife and I have never considered gender when deciding who does what around the house. It was just never an issue with us. We always went with our strengths and weaknesses. Also, practical things like our schedules played in to our dividing the responsibilities. I got home from work before she did, so I took over most of the after school responsibilities when the kids were growing up. Thankfully our strengths complimented each other! I?m better at the house and yard work than she is, so that?s my station! She is WAY better at handling the household expenses than I am, so that?s her world. She is also much better at keep track of upcoming events and appointments, so that?s hers also, thank god! So far it has worked for us. I have never understood why gender would be an issue with that.

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Hi Camille, sounds like you and your wife have a great relationship. I think the biggest thing with the FLR that my wife and are in is that she now has the final say in our decision making. So after listens to my input she will ultimately decide on the direction we take.

The skepticism is understandable Kitty (What a cute name) being that what you described can easily construed as sounding like a pretty sweet fantasy to some, myself included. In reality genuine FLRs are not as they're depicted in porn stories, but can be just as sexy when the element of reality sets in, if you know what I mean. You've got to have the building blocks in already in place before you can build a successful FLR with your SO, ie Does she have a naturally dominant side? Are you prepared to put this into practice 24/7, and before all of that; Is she actually fully into it? There's more but that's off the top. At any rate, congratulations Kitty, it sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun.

Skepticism is totally understandable. For us the transition has proven rather straight forward as my wife is naturally dominant and a strong leader. My wife already was controlling the majority of our financial decisions. She chose the town we live in, the house we bought and decides when and if we will buy new cars or get credit cards and the like.

Sexually, things have not changed a lot either as once again she already decided when we have sex and frequency. She has always made most of the decisions in that area. So far our sex lives look nothing like a porn movie. However, if that is the road she decides we will go down I would be open to that. In saying that I think the chances of that occurring are slim to none.

I think you are absolutely right in saying having the building blocks in place is important to have a successful FLR. In that area I am very fortunate. I told my wife about FLRs. She read an article and agreed without any hesitation that it would a good idea to try. She really likes it, as do I. I could not imagine trying this with a partner more submissive than I am. I believe its really important for this to work the woman be more dominant than the man. I have always been attracted to assertive and confidant woman who are not afraid to achieve their goals. The majority of my relationships with women prior to marriage were with strong women. I could not imagine trying to beg a spouse to enter an FLR if she was not open to it. Niether could I imagine trying to force or manipulate my wife into such an arrangement if she had a submissive personality.

So far our FLR is absolutely 24/7. It is definitely fun. It is also a lot of work and the sexual side is really only a small part of it, at least with our FLR.

It would be nice to try. But doubt it will ever happen as wife indecisive and more submissive than me. Before I married I had a relationship with a girl that took the lead in sex. It was very exciting at the time but didn?t work out. Would love to have had a relationship with a CD accepting girl.It would be a dream come true shopping,sharing and dressing. Would be happy for a female lead dressing friendship but unlikely to happen.

i have to be dominant at work. i have coached, instructed and led many kid and adult activities. i usually take the lead in our play time. ive asked my wife to take the lead more, but alas its just not her thing. so i continue being the dominant one in our relationship.

ps. she did suggest i visit a dominatrix for fun.

I'm really not certain if ours is a FLR or not. I would say it is 75% so. My wife is infinitely more organized than I could ever hope to be. When we are interested in doing something, it is she that thinks ahead to any conflicts that might arise. When buying our homes (we purchased several in our 38 years of marriage) she has always had the final say. This is likely because I can live most anywhere but want her to be 100% happy. With rare exception, she has the final word on decorating. In our present home, I chose the color and hardware for the guest bathroom (which I use) and she will have chosen the colors for the other 7 rooms. I chose the fence location for our backyard (style is dictated by our HOA). I generally do all the contacting of contractors, etc. as she doesn't want to be bothered with that chore. A home we purchased in 1994 was an adventure. She knew where my preferences lied. She went to about 50 open houses over a several month period of time. She took me to 3 or 4 of them. From there we made the decision which house to buy. It was, like our present home, a joint decision. But, she took the lead in scouting them out. Cars - she buys her car and I buy mine. Our social calendar, other than when I'm playing golf, is 100% driven by her. I'm not a particularly social person and it takes her making plans with others to get me out.

Our sex life, when we had one, was pretty much a mutual venture. Our lack of one now is definitely led by her. But, in all fairness, it is the result of physical issues she has and sex is not at all comfortable for her. If I had to guess, the last 12 years of a sexless marriage (with NEVER a complaint from me and NEVER a thought of infidelity) is likely one of the reasons she is as accepting of my CDing as she is.

We talk about our finances when necessary and make joint decisions regarding it. I do the research regarding investments as I'm more knowledgeable in this area; but, we do make joint decisions in this area. I pay the bills, balance bank statements, etc. because after a lifetime as a bookkeeper she simply doesn't want to do that kind of thing. I also have a strong background in finance so it's no big deal for me.

Anyway, in the final analysis, I do believe she is more in charge than I am; but, if I had a major objection to something she would consider it and probably acquiesce. Regardless, I WANT her more in charge and could happily live with her being 100% in charge provided I had the leeway to CD when and where I wanted (within the boundaries of not embarrassing her) and could play golf when our group wants (generally twice/week at most). I'm low maintenance and don't require a lot to be happy.

Thank you, Kitty, for your thoughtful comments on this topic. And it is nice to see other girls sharing thoughts as well. I do think that wives lead in many marriages without it being formalized. For us, acknowledging that she is in charge of the house, assigns the chores (which I enjoy completing to her standards), has authority over my crossdressing, and is in charge in the bedroom is something that I want (it just takes the guesswork out of it among other things). I asked her for this, and after much conversation, she agreed. So, I agree that this has come as a result of and because of a mature marriage and good communication. This is not about kink, it is about devotion and a choice to submit. No one else knows, needs to know, or is involved. But we both see this when we are with other couples: we are often the most connected couple, and other wives often comment how well I take care of and am attentive to her. If they only knew that I was wearing panties approved of by her. Nancy