Do they sence it

Last night I needed to go to the mall, my wife bought a dress and she didn't like how it looked on her and she asked me if I wanted it to try it or she will return it at the mall. I tried it on and it fit and I asked my wife how she thought it looked on me, she said it looked fine but I just didn't like how it looked on me. I told my wife I like the dress but I feel like it doesn't do me any justice.
We go to the mall and return the dress, she hands the dress to the cashier and she looks up at me and said "what happened the dress didn't fit and you're making her return it". I kind of just stood there not really knowing what to say, I went to ask her to repeat what she said but my wife beat me to it and says "Yeh he tried it on and said it did him no justice". All at once they both start laughing like hyena's and then the cashier says to my wife "If he wants to do an exchange maybe he could find something that will do him justice and again they start laughing.
When we walked out of the store I asked my wife it I give off some type of vive or so reaction that gives me away. Even a few years back I wanted a pair of crotchless pantyhose, and when we went to pay for them the cashier ask my wife if I dragged her threw a snow storm to buy me those pantyhose.
I found it funny and I was just wondering was it the way I act or something or did the cashier just happen to make a joke with us or do they sence something

I once brought a shirt to checkout. SHe lifts it up and says it inside out it must be for you because you tired it one. I looked back at her and said I did. I had to make sure it fits. She smiled back and told me my total.

So Maria, what did your wife say when you asked if you gave off a vibe that gives you away?
Not many husbands would be returning a dress to the store with their wife and the SA was brazen and made that quip. Sometimes we may show too much interest. I can see how that can happen, and if the SA has been around she has seen guys buying dresses for themselves

Maybe gender bending is becoming so mainstream that people feel comfortable joking about it. Possible the SA also has a CD/trans friend or boyfriend and so it is ?on her mind??

I think she made a joke and your wife played along. You just happen to actually fit the bill and know the truth. You and your wife should be laughing at the joke you played on the cashier. My wife and I do that all time. I was buying a few items at the DAV thrift store I was paying and my wife tossed some eye shadow on the counter. Cracking a joke so I could leave her eye shadow alone. I said I never use her pallet as she doesn't have any colors I like. The cashier just stood there laughing. Little did she know that we were both serious.

Just a joke, but its fun to think that we give off a secret vibe.

My wife likes to buy things without trying them on first, then having me take back the things that don't fit. No problems.
Other times, she has had to sit down somewhere (mobility issues), leaving me to pay for the things she's selected. Again, no problems.
A couple times, when I was buying something for myself, the cashier has made a humorous comment like "for you?" or "think it'll fit?" I just play along and pass the joke back with something like "hope so - I hate the returns line" with a smile and a chuckle. then it's done.

Funny thing though, is this: the only times I've ever gotten any of these cute little comments were the times that I WAS getting something for myself. If it's for the wife - nothing!
This is even true if she is with me when I'm buying something for myself.

So - maybe there is something that they sense. Pheromones maybe?

Maria, I was once returning a dress to Macy's and the SA asked if it fit me and I just said no, I'll find something else.

Like SaraLin, I've occasionally gotten some kind of comment from the SA. I've got a number of canned lines ready, depending on the comment, for example:

I've already tried it on, with a tone of voice to indicate that I'm joking.

She really likes this style and she'll never believe the price.

It's for me but not for me.

I like to keep them guessing.

Sometimes, I think that they're being a little to forward and I just want them to shut up. I attempt to embarrass them, often times with a sexual innuendo that they won't respond to, like:

I often get rewarded when I get her something.

I'm hoping to "get lucky".

It could be how you responded to her question. Maybe you gave a “deer in the headlights”stare. Then you asked her to repeat the question. Most sales people have been at their jobs for a while and read situations. Anyway, it sounded like it all worked out. Smiles all around.

I believe women have a special gift..ESP. It?s the only thing that explains ?how?d they know??. Years ago, I stopped by Macy?s to pick up some pantyhose. The SA was most helpful. I tried to let on they were for my wife. It didn?t work. She picked up a sample card and slid her hand in saying ?these are my favorite color and would look good on you?. It took me back, but I figured the cat was out of the bag. Yes, I bought several pair. She just smiled.

Things like that happened and I went with the flow and played along.
Its not a big deal unless you make it one.
I did see a man and woman in the returns line in Talbots and the cashier made a comment then the man turned and bolted out of the store with a very red face.

You're reading too much into this.:eek:

Men rarely, if ever, accompany women returning clothes. The SA was making a joke. Your wife blew the whistle on u. Period!:battingeyelashes:

My wife and I have been in a DADT relationship our whole 37 years of marriage. I once dropped a pair of satin and lace panties on our bedroom floor without noticing. I know she knew they were mine when I found them on top of a load of laundry she had just finished. They had been washed and neatly folded on my stack of clean laundry. She had also found my "stash" of high heels and stockings, and a big selection of skirts, blouses, and blazers. My shoe size is 8.5, and hers is 6. She knows very well. Once when I was shopping for a new wrap style dress the SA picked out a size 12 for me after I had told her "my wife takes a size 10. The size 12 fit me perfectly. SHE ALSO KNEW. Just by vibes? Probably, I guess.
Yes, they know, but I'm not sure exactly HOW!

Thanks for sharing, and thoughts,
Linda

Most probably, she said to the shop assistant that she was buying the dress for her husband.

Maybe, there are some tell tale signs given off by a guy. If he appears too comfortable, then the SA is making the assumption he has done this many time before and it must be for himself. If he looks scared, then it must be for him because he does not want anyone to assume he is "one of them." I'm sure there is a lot of chatter going on in the lunch/break rooms about cross dressers and their lame stories. I think people who get paid to interact with the public develop a good sense of what they can get away with when it comes to ribbing someone or joking. It can also be a way to let the guy feel more at ease.

I would say the SA was just joshing you a bit.

I've got to correct myself!

I remembered one incident where I was getting something for my wife, and the sales clerk said something.

For some reason, my wife wanted me to get her a pair of cheap leggings. I can't remember why, she doesn't normally wear them, and if she wore them at all, it was only that once.
I just went to one of the local "dollar" stores and picked up a pair, along with a few other things, I'm sure.
The cashier insisted that I must be buying them for myself and wanted me to "try them on" - AWKWARD!!!
He wouldn't listen to my reassurances that they were for my wife, and kept talking. If I HADN'T been getting them for her, I would have left in a huff.
Odd - but there you go. No real harm done, but I wonder what his issue was.

Had an older assistant at a Rainbow store tell me "Don't be shy, come back anytime". It was one of my earliest forays, and yes, I was nervous.

For me the only time I?ve gotten a comment along these lines was when I brought some of my wife?s dresses to the dry cleaners. I don?t remember the exchange exactly, but the woman at the counter made some comment about them being mine.

I think that many of them do figure it out. I remember one time a young lady at the checkout line asked me very directly if the parties I had were for me. I was dumbfounded and mumbled something incoherent. Probably today, I would have admitted it. But more than once, I have gone lingerie shopping and have even helped by SAs and we have poured through the racks looking for a size 42 camisole or size 7 panties. One time, she pulled,out a beige pair and I said no, I prefer white or pastels. So I am sure they knew things were for me but never made a big deal about it.

When looking at dresses when younger .The SA asked me if I would like to try them on. Of course I did. It was a CD friendly shop and my nerves gave it away.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fly2188

For me the only time I?ve gotten a comment along these lines was when I brought some of my wife?s dresses to the dry cleaners. I don?t remember the exchange exactly, but the woman at the counter made some comment about them being mine.

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You should have said something like, I should be so lucky to have so many pretty dresses.
I know easier said in hindsight but it would have been good.

In the wee hours of the 6th of June of the year of grace 1794, captain Finn O'Malley, commanding officer of the vessel Belfast Mary Eleanor Frillybottoms, woke up from an uneasy sleep. He quickly dressed, sprayed perfume on his clothes and went on a quick morning inspection of his ship's deck, ordering around his manly crew in his tenor voice has he progressed. Little did the sailors know that their captain had this curious habit of underdressing with frilly women panties when he was at sea. In fact, nobody knew about it, not even his beloved wife Erin, who still wondered why her husband had the only vessel in the Kingdom bearing sails with lace linings and this most exquisite tint of pink the entire fleet was envious of. Except one person. His neighbor, Molly Collins. The old nosy hag had this annoying habit of popping out of her house the moment he left his, quickly walking to her gate by the big cedar tree as if to greet him, and as he was passing by, sniffing the air with a frowned expression, looking at him right in the eyes and saying in a scornful tone: "Pink fog is coming down this morning". The captain would pay his respects by waving his hat silently and move on quickly to avoid showing how pissed off he was.
But a month before, something changed. As he was leaving the house on a rainy day with heavy clouds and his neighbor frantically strolled to meet him at the gate, a blinding flash came down from the skies and struck the old cedar, bringing it down in a cloud of ashes and smoke on the very spot where Miss Collins once stood. The captain thought for a moment that the old witch had embarked on a one-way trip to meet her ancestors, but moments after, she emerged from the smoke scot-free, with a strange expression on her face. Trembling and mute, she approached the gentleman, sniffed the air and looked at him. The captain stood frozen, waiting for the usual, dreaded punchline. But she didn't say a word. Finally, she turned around, and as she made her way back to the house, the old commander heard a weathered voice saying "Good day, sir".
And that was it. From that day, Molly Collins stopped popping from her house and never said the irritating sentence again.
And that day, as he was walking on his ship's deck, remembering that event got the captain thinking.
He initially thought that the reason for his neighbor to stop harassing him had been a lasting effect from the shock of nearly meeting her creator. Or, maybe she loved that cedar tree more than he thought, and it had broken her heart to watch it slain by a bolt of lightning. That cedar tree.
The cedar tree.
The CEDAR tree.

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cedar | ˈsiːdə |
noun

any of a number of conifers that typically yield fragrant, durable timber.

• a large tree of the pine family (genus Cedrus, family Pinaceae), in particular the cedar of Lebanon (C. libani), with spreading branches, and the deodar.
• a tall slender North American or Asian tree (genus Thuja, family Cupressaceae), in particular the western red cedar (T. plicata).
• a large tree of the pine family, endemic to Ireland (local vernacular O'Cedar), famous since the end of the 18th century for its essence, extracted from its resine and used by the fair sex to clock transvestites. A whiff of it is said to highlight transvestites with a pink halo in the viewer's central vision, provided that the viewer has a minimum level of oestrogens in the body. In the modern era, the essence was added as an unmentioned ingredient by some perfume brands in selected fragrances for women.

ORIGIN
Old English, from Old French cedre or Latin cedrus, from Greek kedros.

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Perhaps you do give off a vibe or you have an inviting, friendly look that silently invites permission to joke with you. Or both! Seems logical that a sales associate - especially an experienced one - would be able to size up anyone who walked through the door, female or male.

In my shopping experiences I tend to lean more towards the notion that my small degree of worn-out cd paranoia tries to convince me that I'm being read 100% before I even step foot in the mall or store. Not likely, of course. Like many others here I have developed strategies over time to put myself more in the driver seat so as to avoid any possible uncomfortable feelings even if somebody was comfortable joking with me (it has certainly happened and not just about clothing.) I also have some casual, polite and light responses should someone wish to joke a little and even elevate the degree a bit should the rep be a little extra silly and closer to my own age. I can be polite yet playful and why not, right? While I shop 100% online these past few years I would employ the same strategies if I were to return to the brick and mortar world of lingerie and dress shopping.

Good topic...!

You maybe on to something. Years ago late at night I bough a bra and panties at Walmart. The cashier smiled at me and said "have a fun weekend." I wondered if she meant anything by that comment. I like to think she knew they were for me.

I've not purchased a lot of my wardrobe in brick-and-mortar stores; but, I have at a few. I've made purchases at Walmart, Ross, a shoe store, and Kohl's. At Walmart I usually use the self check-out lanes but have bought panties using a check-out clerk. I've never had anyone make a comment. I suspect the size 12 shoes I purchased were a dead give away. If a SA ever made a comment to me indicating they suspected the item was for me, I'd have no issues confirming their suspicion. If they ever asked if I wanted to try something on, I'd gladly accept the invitation. Why would I care what a total stranger thinks of me?

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Originally Posted by SaraLin

The cashier insisted that I must be buying them for myself and wanted me to "try them on" - AWKWARD!!!
He wouldn't listen to my reassurances that they were for my wife, and kept talking. If I HADN'T been getting them for her, I would have left in a huff.
Odd - but there you go. No real harm done, but I wonder what his issue was.

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Maybe you bought the last pair and he had planned on buying them after the store closed? lol

I have had great chats with at the check outs with both the SA's and fellow customers.... One woman behind me wanted to know where I found those cute boots I was buying... they were the last pair so she was out of luck.

About 10 years ago I was buying my Queen a red set of lingerie for Christmas as I usually did every year and the sales assistant said to me as I was paying "just your colour sir" and I instantly replied "ah thanks, I usually only wear pink" and the look of shock on her face was priceless, I let her of with "oh and white" and we both laugh. That innocent comment from her put me at ease since whether I am buying for myself or my Queen.

They know SA'sn are not daft. The thing is they have seen it all etcand although some of us find it nerve racking at the check out deep down there should be no worro; I remeberback in 2013 when i was begining to "come out" and a small degree of confidence was within i chose a nice clothing store of the main drag, somewhat quiet and when, looking at the skirts within minutes a delightful SA (she later got to be a friend) came to me and offered her help, i explained I wanted to buy a skirt, and this is when i took the plunge and straight out told her the skirt was for me, she gave me a quick glance to have a guess at my size and showed me skirts one of which I chose, paid for it and left. I never looked back after that, iot gave me the starting confidence to enjoy the journey of Bobbi

I think when I hand the sales attendant three dresses for me to bring into the changing room, she assumes I?m the one purchasing them :). I?m slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with shopping for girls clothing, but it?s mostly a mindset of not caring, I may get some weird looks but no rude comments thus far.

Buying is easy it?s the returns the SA?s always have a comment for.

It's their job to learn to read their customers. Most of them work on commission, so the better they get at reading people, the more they make.
Besides, I don't think us "gurls" buying frilly things is as uncommon as we like to think it is.
The first time as SA commented to me, I was trying to be discreet buying a few pair of panties that were on sale.
The SA asked if I needed anything and then commented that her other her male customers had really liked the matching bras that went with the panties, offering to let me try them on, if I'd like. I never even got to pull out my 'I'm buying these for my wife' line I had so carefully prepared.
Yes, I bought a bra, too.

I made my comment at #16, however, SaraLin's comment at 18 jogged my memory of a story I have told in the past. Many years ago, decades, JC Penny had a print ad in our local newspaper. Remember those days? Newspapers? Print ads? I'm dating myself. Anyway, the add was for Vanity Fair "Shapers" which were control half slips. They came in black and white. Very sexy with lots of lace at the hems and a built panty. I tore the ad out of the newspaper and wrote the size "my wife wanted" and off I went to JCP. I selected it in white. To aid in this ruse I held the newspaper ad in my hand at the cashier's station. She smiled in a way that said she knew and said, "Oh, how nice. She even wrote the size down for you." Later, I went back and bought the black shaper and did not get any comments or smile or sneer.

Before posting I checked ebay to make sure of the garment's name and behold there is a white one in size medium for $39 NWT's. I still have them in my wardrobe.

Is there is significant size differential between you and your wife? The size might have given it away.

The saleslady's boss should talk to her about the importance of discretion. If she had made that comment to a different person/couple, it might not have been so funny.

Usually shop assistants or cashiers are pretty discreet, but it happened to me a few times when I was buying female clothes and shoes in drab, that I was openly asked if I want to try it on to see if it fit. First time really surprised me and I felt pretty embarrassed. I was buying high heel sandals at smaller shoe store and told shop assistant that I'm looking for a bigger size (EU42, big, but still a normal size for bigger women with larger feet). When she brought them out of the storage room, she directly asked if I will try them on to see if they fit. I immediately became hot red in the face, barely able to say yes, but I did it, since we were alone in the store. I just didn't expect that.
Another "regular occasion" is at big self serving shoe stores where I often buy shoes. It happened a few times when I was at the cashier paying for the shoes and she ended the sale with sentence "enjoy wearing them". I think it was more like a slip of the tongue, because they probably say that to every customers. Well, still not the best thing to say to a man buying women's shoes. First time this happened, she saw my surprised reaction and she immediately corrected herself and added "or whoever will be wearing them". After that (different cashiers), I just replied "I will" and they usually gave me a smile, not saying anything else. Of course, it's always a possibility that they noticed when I was trying them on. I was between the shelfs, no direct view, but I don't know what they see and what not.
When buying dresses and makeup at different shops, it also happened that shop assistants asked me if she can help me pick one out that will fit me best. And I was just browsing and looking at dresses, skirts and blouses, not even showing any signs that I want to try them on. When buying makeup, I was wearing clearcoat nail polish, but it's still not really an obvious sign that you will wear red nail polish or lipstick. Shop assistants openly asked me if I'm buying for myself, not even giving me a chance to say it's for someone else.
I guess they can sense it when you're a crossdresser or just have enough experience with different customers to tell who is buying for self or someone else. But this trend of openness I noticed in recent years, not before. I guess younger people are more open about that than before.

My policy when receiving such a comment from an SA is to seriously own it with a straight face. It puts me in clear charge of the situation.

I am not really perceptive so such joking could be mean or helpful and I would not be sure of which. If the SA is being mean, owning it takes the wind out of her sails, making it clear that any commission was just forfeited. Some will pivot quickly to save the transaction. Some will not. If the SA is being helpful, owning it immediately focuses us on the business of buying clothes.

A competent SA knows what the store has, much better that I know. She will determine what would be best for me and focus on making me happy with purchases. Often, she will suggest great ideas that I would have missed on my own. I have even had some SAs work with me in the dressing room, fetching better fitting sizes and bringing other items that work well with what I am considering. My happiest purchases have come from a helpful SA.

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As for your wife and the SA making jokes with you present, I am not sure what to think. There seems to be more to this story than I understand. Their behavior seems mean to me, making jokes together at your expense, but that may be my background with my own immediate family biasing me.