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I just now came from a Walmart wearing
a bandeau tube top, short skirt, long hair,
turquoise bangles, pendent, dangly earing, and nail polish,
and a short beard.
Everyone has always been super nice to me
with no discussion of my appearance.
But a few minutes ago a middle age man
respectfully asked me "Are you transgender?"
How should I answer?
Me personally, I would say "Nope, I'm just into dressing like this." I am a heterosexual monogamous crossdresser.
Truthfully. Or not at all.
"Yes". Then, if he wants to get into it u can elaborate. Most Vanillas don't!:straightface:
"with no discussion of my appearance"
Small correction:
I am very frequently complemented
for some aspect or other of my appearance.
I just say 'thank you' and return the compliment.
By the way, what I said in reply to
"Are you transgender?" was
"I'm just me".
Actually I don't know if I'm transgender.
I presume that my friends and 5 grown children
think not.
I would say no, why do you ask? Followed up by "Are you sure you know what Transgender means?"---------You would be surprised by how many people do not know. Quite a few put Transgender, Homosexual, Transsexual along with Crossdressers in the same category.-----or they may have their own definitions. It's the Scientist in me I like to make sure everyone is on the same page before I discuss things.
My answer would be "yes, I'm on the transgender spectrum and I would be happy to answer any questions you have."
Without doing the whole ordeal, here is the Wikipedia definition, which I agree with:
Quote:
Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from the sex that they were assigned at birth.[1][2][3] Some transgender people who desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another identify as transsexual.[4][5] Transgender, often shortened as trans, is also an umbrella term; in addition to including people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex (trans men and trans women), it may also include people who are non-binary or genderqueer.[2][6][7] Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or else conceptualize transgender people as a third gender.[8][9] The term transgender may be defined very broadly to include cross-dressers.[10] The term transgender does not have a universally accepted definition, including among researchers.[11]
Tamroi, I like your "I'm just me" answer.
Strangers don't need to know more than that, anyway.
If it ever happens that the discussion continues - in a friendly manner - then you could explain in more detail and without using labels.
Sounds like a legitimate question and you note he was respectful. You are under no obligation to explain anything, but it does seem like a chance to help someone better understand the complexity of ?trans?.
You replied with the perfect answer. I"m just me, is both truthful and simply understood.
No I'm a transvestite or crossdresser and 100% heterosexual. I have never been interested in giving up my manhood. I just enjoy dressing and imitating a woman, I suppose it's a fetish that evolved into a therapy.
I don't know, maybe it's just me being an old crank, but even if respectfully asked, this seems really nervy, like asking a complete stranger if they are pregnant. I say nobody's business but your own! Your answer is more than enough in my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamroi
I fully agree with Julia and others. Answer truthfully. Be proud of who you are. Your answer of "I'm just me" is the very best.
But are you transgender? Using the blanket definition, you betcha!! But what kind? Quite frankly I have no idea what flavor-of-the-day you are, but you clearly have some degree of: 1) gender reversal, and 2) a desire to express outwardly what you feel inside. That is enough to put you on the spectrum. WELCOME!
Rude question. I would?ve looked him in the eyes, smiled, and walked away. In today?s world, it seems like everyone has their own definition of anything. Some informed?some not. JMO
I would have said, No, I lost a bet, sarcastically! Lol
I majored in psychology for a couple years and went from one floor to another in the huge library at the university and read every book I could on the CD/TS subject. As far back as the mid 1800's the top German mentalists and a few others said that if you "cross dress" you will start with one "object" and progress from there. I started with sheer, original nylon stockings. As the books and reports they wrote, as well as the case-studies continued on over time the consensus was that all CD's are actually transsexuals. You start with the "one object" and in the end you will be sitting there totally and fully dressed, from head to toe and from the skin out. Not only that you'll have makeup on and be wearing jewelry and have a feminine hair set. You will be at the point where you are as "feminized" as any male can become but still be wondering and possibly wanting even more. There is no end to this condition and no cure as in reality a man cannot become a woman. Then they dealt with the problem that the male has no memory of being raised as a girl and all the rest. Everybody that studied this seemed to fall into the same category in the end and in a lot of ways these thoughts persist today. Why? Because nobody really knows anything, anymore than someone can tell you what it's like to die and go to heaven. Aside from the tall tales of those with pre-death experiences whether real or imagined we can never know what death is because that is a one way trip.
I just started out with stockings, but over time enjoy dressing as fully and totally as I can and yes, often wonder and think it would have just been easier all around if I had indeed been born a girl from the start. But then again, I have enjoyed my male life and don't want to see those memories go away. Maybe it would have been easier to be a woman but either way it's a condition we all were born with. I agree that we somehow got an extra dose of estrogen or something from our mothers as we were in the womb that changed that part of our brains into a more female model. As science dictates, all humans start out as "female" for a time. Growing a human being is a long and complex process that we may never truly figure out. The only rational conclusion I got from all the shoe leather I wore out in my search for all those dusty books? You just be a good person in life and you do the best you can. That's it.
I think the question is "Are you"?
We can't answer that for you unless you tell us if you are transgender. How you see yourself is the first thing to decide, then whether or not you tell someone when they ask is another.
I have had people ask and I have always said yes, because I am.
The fact the man was respectful does, in my opinion, deserve a respectful response. In my case, I would have answered, "Yes, I am transgender in that I enjoy cross dressing. However, I am not a transexual as I have no desire whatsoever to be a woman. Do you understand the difference?" If the person didn't understand the difference, I believe it could be a good opportunity to help educate one more person. I don't believe there is ever anything wrong with RESPECTFULLY asking a question. If one is offended by the question, "I'd prefer not to discuss this with a stranger. I hope you understand." is always a respectful reply.
Most of those in this community want acceptance and to educate. It can't be expected that someone who has never seen a CDer/Trans person in real life knows what to do, say, or think.
If a flippant answer is given, that will possibly be a "rude" impression that the requester has of CDers/Trans.
Most likely a polite, short, reply is best. Make sure you leave the requester with a good impression. You will probably do everyone in the community a favor by being as nice as possible.
Well said, char GG! IMHO there are too many on this site whose attitude and arrogance does our cause no good.
Tamroi, your answer was the best!
Shiny: what you wrote about is true in many cases, but Cross- dressing itself has many different root causes, depending on the individual. Some people who cross-dress, are indeed "transgender/Transsexual." and at some level "identify" with women to various degrees. But many other "cross-dressers" are motivated by other factors other than identifying with the opposite sex. Just because one or one group of psychologists thinks they have found an answer, does not mean they have found THE answer---or indeed if there is any one answer at all. I know for a fact that I am an "escapist" type CD -- "symbolically" "changing" my gender to become an entirely different person who is "not me", breaking psychological "taboos" to the thrill of it and relaxing and de-stressing by dissociating me from my male self. I have seen cases where other CDers have several other reasons, such as the masochistic thrill of "forced feminization, of a fetish condition, or even just simply the sensual feel of the fabrics themselves---or a combination of other factors. Dysphoric Gender identity or sexuality issues often lead to cross-dressing, but the term "Crossdresser" is most often reserved for those of us who cross-dress for reasons OTHER than issues arising from gender identity or atypical sexuality. ---- Some may disagree, but it all comes down to how one defines their terms.
As Cheryl said, are you?
The answer I would give might depend on how much time I had to give it and my own judgement of how much information the person really wanted. Yes, would be the quick answer. A longer answer might delve into the blurred lines that make it so hard to assign or accept labels. I have had both kinds of conversations.
ummm
I probably would have replied "I'm more gender fluid"
For me, transgender sounds more 24/7 rather than part time.
I think anyone should answer respectful inquires in a truthful manner, as best that can be explained in a brief encounter. I would not be rude or flippant. For that brief encounter you are a representative of a larger community. Does it make any difference if a man or a woman asks that question? I've read a lot of posts where there seems to be a lengthy chat when it is a woman making the inquiry.
I use the same answer that I use if someone asks me if I'm black.
"What do you think?"
That let's them answer their own query. Often the answer is akin to what they see and perceive.
If their perception is wrong than that's on them...not me.
I agree with Heather and Char GG. If the person asked in a respectful manner, I would definitely respond in a respectful fashion. No need to potentially tick someone off in what could potentially be a tricky situation at times.
If I run into a similar situation I will probably reply with something along the lines of "I dont really know. Maybe"
My gender is a mix of male and female so I believe that makes me Gender Fluid and under the Transgender umbrella. I dont think I will ever become female 24/7 though.
I have some transgender attributes and qualities.
I find that it more understandable to muggles if you just stick the TG story. Less confusing to their mind.
For example when I went out shopping for my new wigs. I called and asked them if they were TG friendly. Vs do you mind if crossdressers shop here.
I know I did not give them the option but I thought it was a simple option.
Although I don't feel like a transgender (mainly because I don't dress as a mean to express my female side, but as an experience out of the ordinary), I like the qualifier, since it's what I do, technically, I am crossing boundaries. My answer would therefore be "yes".
"I'm feel most comfortable in a skirt and heels." Once a man came up to me and asked respectfully, "What's your deal?" I just told him I was Gender Fluid. I don't think he had ever heard the term before, but he seemed satisfied with that answer.
It's an inappropriate question for a stranger to ask. "Why do you ask?" is a perfectly appropriate response. If their response to that indicates innocent curiosity, I'd explain that, "Yes, I am, but that's not an appropriate question to be asking of strangers."
On the past (very) few occasions when I've felt the need to explain myself to an SA or medical professional I've said "I'm in the transgender spectrum."