Would your friends be shocked?

I am one hundred percent in the closer and plan to stay that way. Only my wife knows and is in the marginally tolerant category. I often wonder what some of my friends would think. I have some male friends that I have known since childhood. We spend time with certain couples on a regular basis. Would they reject me or ridicule me if they knew I wore panties? That I thought of myself as trans? That I wish I were a woman and love dressing in feminine clothes? I do not believe any of them would understand. I tend to think only those of us who feel the same way understand. Part of me wishes I did not have to keep me secret, but I will. Nancy

I have a lot of friends who I think would accept me for who I am. I know some would not but that would be their loss. I worry more about my wife being ostracized than what people think of me.

I agree Nancy I believe only those that feel the same way would understand. My wife does not understand and does not accept. The only person that did was my late mother. I believe she accepted due to a nervous breakdown and fear of losing me.I don?t think my friends would. I was on the verge of coming out to my life long best male friend. He confided that he wore his mothers stockings when a child . I confessed I did too. A few weeks later he was offered a free hospitality package but refused because it was a drag show. I know drag can be a send up of CDs and not reflect the reality of how we are.But the negative and condescending manner of his criticism of drag artists and men that dress up feminine, convinced me not to come out to him.Like Rachel pointed out I was also concerned of the consequences for my wife, daughters and family too.

Hi Nancy, I totally hear you and agree. I?m one of the lucky ones with a supportive wife. Living in a small town keeps us very secretive as discovery would not be good. We don?t think any of our friends would accept or understand my dressing. One of my friends admitted to wearing pantyhose, but only when he went hunting. I wondered, but made no comment. I have no desire to become a women. I just love dressing and looking as female as possible. Yes, I?d like to know someone else who dresses and can be discreet, but we play it safe. One never knows. Discovery would be a disaster both socially and politically.
A couple years ago, we had a fund raiser dinner/ vaudeville event. Along with 7 other guys, I was asked to be part of a chorus line ala the Rockets. I agreed. I had everything. My wife did my makeup including false eyelashes and I shaved my legs. After the show one of our friends commented that I really seemed to really enjoy myself. Little did he know.LOL.

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Originally Posted by RachelB.

I have a lot of friends who I think would accept me for who I am. I know some would not but that would be their loss. I worry more about my wife being ostracized than what people think of me.

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I agree totally Rachel. I am not ashamed of who I am. I have two major male friends, one would be accepting, one would not. Neither are on my list of "needs to know" persons, so it is a moot point. On one level, I would find it amusing if they were to find out - how might it change the relationship we have had over the years? In my opinion,it would reveal more about them than me, because my proclivities do not change me at all. I'm not going to push that issue though.

However, I am keenly aware that what I do affects my wife, and will remain guarded for her sake. When I came out to her last year, after a few tense days she realized I was the same person I've always been. She accepts me totally. It's wonderful for a person to know you so completely, and loves you just the same. Nothing is more important to me.

There are 4 people who know about Fiona and all of them have been very open-minded and accepting when I told them. However, none of them are "friends" per se. I have maybe 2 friends who would have no problem at all while the others would would have varying levels of problems with it. I have no intention of telling any friend, accepting or not. My relationships with these people are much too valuable to me to potentially jeopardize in any way.

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Originally Posted by RachelB.

I have a lot of friends who I think would accept me for who I am. I know some would not but that would be their loss. I worry more about my wife being ostracized than what people think of me.

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Spot on for me as well.

Okay, one reason we keep our secret is to protect our wives. Excellent point. And who would want friends who are bigoted and would reject us? But, would they be shocked to find out we crossdress? I think mine would. I was an athlete and still am active physically and seen as an outdoors person. Nobody would see me as a wimp which tends to be stereotyped with trans and men wearing feminine clothes. Nancy

I couldn't begin to describe the hell storm that would descend on me if I were completely open about this "peculiar pastime." Over half of my immediate family would totally reject me and my habit. I can't think of a single friend who would accept seeing me dressed (shy of a silly Halloween effort). Nobody outside this forum knows anything about Geena, and it will probably have to stay that way.

The people I know where I now live would most likely be ok but like others my wife would not like it. I get my nails done at a local salon so the chance of seeing someone I know is there. I feel I could just pass it off as NBD.

Shocked is an understatement. They would be more stunned than my wife would, and that would probably be the end of "us" right there.

I really relate to music and there are two songs that have stuck with me for a long time. I related to both when I was discovering my submissive side while learning BDSM, and not that I'm finding my fem side. First is Sly and the Family Stone "Thank You for Letting me be Myself", and the second is Adam Ant "Goody Two Shoes" I think the chorus really sums up my life "Don't drink, Don't smoke, what do you do? Subtle innuendo, must be something inside". What I feel inside has always been suppressed and is held inside. I love the freedom of being able to let it out.

There is nobody on my need to know list. Actually, there is no list. Both my parents are deceased, and I have 2 sisters and they don't know and i don't speak to them very often. As for my friends, forget it. They would sever any friendship we had if they knew. I am lucky in I have a very supportive wife. A few people who i met off this site know, but that is it.

Anyone that knows me would be shocked to learn I crossdress. I suspect most would not care to see me again socially. The secret shall remain between my wife and myself. As others have mentioned, I'd hate for my wife's friend to cool their friendships with her because of me. It wouldn't bother me to lose the friendships as none of them are truly close friendships.

I wear a dress out and about every Halloween. Trust me that not one of my friends or acquaintances would be surprised. They more than likely already assume.

I think many would be surprised but not necessarily shocked.

As with several others, my wife is the key. She believes people would feel sorry for her if they found out she was married to a CD. Yes, she is aware I dress, and has known about these desires since almost the day we met.

I have told one person from my boy world I'm a CD, the wife of a long-term friend (almost 50 years). I told her because they have a transgender child, born female, considers themself to be non-binary, and presents male. I told the wife because I believed I could help her better deal with her transgender child, and she appreciated that Intrusted her with my secret. Several months after I disclosed, I met the head of the local Transparent chapter, and was able to pass on the details to my friend's wife, which she also appreciated.

Would my friends be accepting? On the whole, I think so. My best friend from work has a daughter with a same sex marriage. Two of my wife's sisters have been in long-term same sex relationships. I am (retired) white collar and known for my left of center political views.

I also have been fortunate to make friends while Dee. These friends are very accepting and many are Facebook friends of the guy me. My bestie Michelle actually met my wife last weekend at a party we hosted (guy me, of course).

I have found people to be accepting. I would hope my friends would be the same.

I guess some friends might be surprised, shocked or remulade. I also know that some of my friends would simply have their suspicions confirmed.

I imagine my friends would be shocked. They know I?m ?liberal? and pro-trans rights, but I don?t display feminine traits. It might be too much for a few, and I?d adapt to losing their friendship. Others would find it surprising but I suspect accept. Some would likely be encouraging. My wife would be terrified of others knowing, but I suspect would adapt too. Having said that, I?m satisfied staying in the closet but being to able to mostly share with my wife.

For sure my parents would be shocked. I know a few people that are bi or alternative life styles that would not be shocked. But they are more like yea we know each other and have hung out together but we are not in a true friendship. I am retired military that took me all over the world and made friendships yet we are worlds apart today. Retired to my wife's home town and really I have no friendships yet.

This is why I am on this site and others trying to make friendship? Now it's not sad because my wife is my greatest bestest mostest wonderfulest friend. We have such an amazing life together. She was helping pick out some cute outfits for me just yesterday.

I don't have any friends, so I am OK. :-) (just kidding)

I am much like you Nancy. I don't completely hide the fact that I love feminine colors and some of my common T-shirts this time of the year are probably women's. But I say, crew neck T-shirt for a gorilla is just fine for humans because there isn't much you can do with a solid color T-shirt to make it speak to gender. On the other hand, when a man wears so many feminine colors it should send a signal that something is up. So I suspect many have figured it out and would not be shocked, but maybe surprised. There are a few who would very much frown on it, mostly quite traditional males.

Nancy great post, I'm sure that some friends would not be shocked and even would except me. I have worn panties 24/7 for over 35 years I'm sure at some point without my knowledge some one has caught a glimpse of them. However the damage to my wife and two daughters (all of course know I dress) from the ones unexcepting one would be terribly. The shame it would cause me would be unbearable. Connie

all my friends would be shocked as was my wife when she found out

Definitely. It would be... difficult.

I don't have any close friends, only acquaintances. I think family and acquaintances would be surprised. Some would not care while others would drop me like a hot potato. How many of you actually are aware of or suspect someone in your immediate circle is a cross dresser?

Maybe the feelings about this have something to do with where you are on the spectrum - I have no desire to be female, so I am not trans - so that is my perspective. Because of the life my "twin" lives, both at work and socially, everyone would be shocked, including and most especially family - who would also be hurt. Whether they would be justified in their own minds or not, I have no desire to be ostracized or risk any change in attitudes or potential loss of time with wife, children, and grandchildren. I accept that things may not be "fair" as respects this issue but there are a lot of things that are not "fair" and so I try to move forward in the world as it exists - protecting my loved ones even if I have to limit myself. That is what I promised to do when I got married and then again when we made the decision to have children - they all come first! I really liked the title of the book by Gale Sayers (though I wouldn't be surprised if someone else said it before him) - "I Am Third" (for those that have not read the book or heard the saying, he said he came behind God and Family - 3rd).

Hope I did not get too soap-boxy.

I'm sure the majority of my friends would be totally shocked were I to show up somewhere as Cheryl and it not be Halloween.
I don't think the shock would be how I was presenting as much as it would be that they had no clue for so very long. There would be some that would accept, but not as many as I would really like. If it weren't for that and for family, who would mostly reject me immediately, I'd be full time and maybe more.
For now the secret is mine to keep peace.

Some would be shocked. Others would say they sort-of knew all along. I don’t go to a lot of effort to hide it, but I try not to be "in your face’" about it either. I don’t have any male casual clothing, but some of my casual stuff is only a little feminine. So when in male mode I’m either dressed to the nines or sending out subtle hints. (Sometimes not so subtle.)

I know that none of the people that I know would understand. My nephew is now my niece and totally cast out of the family and lost all the friends he/she had. I. Understand what is happening, but not the rest of the family. It is a real shame as she is quite a great person with a lot more class than most people.

Who would be shocked? Not sure. I have had women say to me, "you are such a girl". I loved it. But I do have some really old friends that would be knocked over.

But then again, shaved legs, longer nails, plucked brows should be a giveaway right. My long hair is gone for good, just ask my wife.

I am cool as long as people stay out of my special closet and my special chest of drawers. I wish I had a make-up stand and forms for my wigs.

I've known their attitudes about LGBTQ for a long time; while they aren't militant haters, they also don't socialize with anyone who isn't absolutely, positively, perfectly straight and 'normal'. While they are of the 'not that there's anything wrong with that', they're obviously uncomfortable being anywhere around non straight people because they assume that would make them suspect for not being straight, themselves.
When I went to nursing school, of course all the male nurse jokes stopped, but I already knew their attitudes about men who work in the girly jobs, so I knew what they suspected about me, despite that I was married at the time.
It's just one of the things about having grown up in the times that we did (1960's); you were indoctrinated into the 'all male, all the time', or you're a sissy or homosexual.
So while I know where it comes from, that doesn't mean I'm willing to sacrifice my friends and acquaintances just to be a martyr to the cause.
So I stay in the closet.

I may soon find out. I'm financially set and thinking of dating. Being out would certainly help my confidence.
I've been invited to a party of friends in which I could wear a sun dress. A few months ago one of them asked about my pronouns.
As for family, I haven't seen them in twenty years. My father has passed and my mother has always known I was different. Her memory has failed to where she can't live independently anymore.

Marion

Several of my friends from before I was married know I am bi and a crossdresser. However, now that I am married our married friends don't know. Kind of sucks to be honest.

Well, I only have two people who I consider to truly be my friends. The rest are (at best) acquaintances.
Both friends know about me and haven't run for the hills, but only one has actually SEEN me in femme mode. He has no problems at all with me, no matter how I'm presenting.
A TRUE friend, indeed.

My gf and i were having this conversation last week.... We have a few circles of friends that we spend time with....we were discussing which ones wouldn't be surprised, which ones would be shocked, and which wouldn't be accepting of it. She says that most of our friends would not be surprised.

Lexi, I appreciate your perspective and agree for the most part. That said, things can be a bit different these days and the strictness of toeing the line back in the 60's is only true in some geographic areas these days. In the city where I live there are neighborhoods where you do have to turn your watch back 50 or 60 or more years, but for the most part it is live and let live in much of the city. But when one goes to other places the environment can make you feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome if you happen to be centered a bit outside the range of the local normal. Shunning can be the way they message you that you are standing on thin ice.

I am pretty sure all of my male friends would be shocked. I have come out to a handful of GG friends over the years and I always get the response of…. “I would have never guessed but it makes sense.” It would be a shock to people on the job I retired from. In my current job, where I am the only male in an office five women, I routinely hear that I fit in great. I don’t think it would much of a shock there.

My friends are either very accepting and encouraging (have lots of gfs I shop with at times or go get pedis, makeup, etc), or they simply dgaf, which is where most guy friends are. I came out to close friends several years ago and now I wear whatever I want whenever and pretty much wherever I want. I never went to any great lengths to hide or suppress anything anyway, but life's too short to live any other way for me.

I have to say yes. Although many have seen me in leggings many times at the gym, I don't think they have any idea. Certainly outside of my wife my family does not know.

I don?t know? Once I had a coworker say near Halloween ?You should dress as a woman. I think you would look great in a dress.?
I said thanks I guess. It was nearly 20 Years ago the world didn?t seem so friendly back then.

I have only two male friends, whom I see very very rarely. One knows and finds it very amusing when our conversation strays onto the subject. The other knows but isn't very interested.

Nobody knows I CD. I do it just for myself even though some of my family and friends would be understanding, Pretty sure my daughter would understand but Im not ready to tell anyone.

Yep, everyone I know would experience varying degrees of shock.

Some of my friends know. Most don't.

I expect we all know folks of all kinds and all walks of life. Naturally, their reaction would vary. I expect the folks I've befriended between childhood through college would be fairly surprised. Friends I have made as an adult, less so.

I doubt most would give it much thought after having a good laugh. It is 2022 after all. My wife thinks they would all run for the hills though. I suspect the truth is somewhere between us. When I was a teen I was far more out about my dressing etc and generally my feminine side, to my family girl cousins et al. Stupidly the one person I kept it from was my fianc?e, now wife of 40+ years. So these days, we play by her rules on that front.

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Originally Posted by NancyJ

I am one hundred percent in the closer and plan to stay that way. Only my wife knows and is in the marginally tolerant category. I often wonder what some of my friends would think. I have some male friends that I have known since childhood. We spend time with certain couples on a regular basis. Would they reject me or ridicule me if they knew I wore panties? That I thought of myself as trans? That I wish I were a woman and love dressing in feminine clothes? I do not believe any of them would understand. I tend to think only those of us who feel the same way understand. Part of me wishes I did not have to keep me secret, but I will. Nancy

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Yea same here. I would be willing to bet I?d not only lose all my friends I would lose my wife and business. Blasted on social media with small town drama etc. my kids would probably distance their self as well. Might be an excessive opinion but that?s how I feel it would go down.

Even in a day where things are acceptable vs 10 years ago I feel they still aren?t. People just pretend to be politically correct for social image.

My manager recently hired a young 19 year old boy that?s as gay as it gets. Flamboyant and all. He runs our front counter and at 1st I thought I?d have customer issues but I haven?t had one yet. So far he?s been 100% accepted and I?m happy about it. I find myself intrigued and chatting with him quite a bit. The main differences is that he?s extremely feminine, make up, the way he moves, talks, twirls his hair with his fingers when we talk etc. me, I?m extremely masculine. Not one person would ever think I was wearing panties and wondering how awesome it would feel to be in heels. Lol.