Have you gotten past the fear?

I went to the trans support, group that I'm part of last week. They meet once a week , they just started in person meetings again.

I haven't been in 3 to 4 years. It was a very small group only four others besides me. When I used to go the group , there would be anywhere from 10 to 15 people.

These two things weren't really part of the discussion they were just two things I took away from the overall comments that they made.

The one thing was, they expressed feelings of fear. Now everybody has legitimate fears. And then there's the fears when you're like first going out, about acceptance. This is the fear I'm referring to. I would have thought they were past this.

The other thing was they were like lamenting that they would like to dress up and go out, more.

I basically have no fear, I always wear a dress. I rarely wear anything else.

I go out a couple nights a week on average. On the weekends I'll be running around doing all the normal stuff you do.

I'm typically in a dress with full makeup. I never leave the house without looking my best.

I have lots of friends, mostly GGs . Like my best friend. I have a few gay friends. But I don't hangout with any trans people. I live in a small town, there are no gay bars, there's four dive bars , I can go to any of them.

I have been living openly as Jean for years now. I stand out, I do not try to blend or hide.

This guy who's new to town,* he's here temporarily for work. He made the comment to me, "every time I see you, you're in a different dress. I wish my wife would wear a dress once in awhile."

I've also received a comment a few years ago from one of my friends, she's at least 15 years younger than me.* I was wearing ,* palazzo pants and* a blouse. She told me to never wear that outfit again ,* burn it. She said it made me look old. My roommate at the time who was like 10 years older than me, she liked the outfit.

So here's my question.

Have you gotten past the fear of being outdressed in public, worrying about the acceptance of others?

Secondly, when you go out dressed,* do you feel your putting your best foot forward?


Full disclosure
I do work in guy mode. Everything I wear is women's except for the oversized company t-shirt, and I pull my hair back in a ponytail.*

I have a very hard rule that I only do my girly guy mode for work.

The same roommate asked me why I always wear a dress. I told her, it was because I wear skinny jeans to work , so I consider them work clothes.*

Yes and yes.

I went from being afraid to not being afraid in the space of about 24 hours in 2016. I haven’t looked back.

As to my best foot forward, I will have different levels of makeup depending on how long I have to get ready and how long I will be out, but yes I try my best for the time I have.

I still occasionally feel apprehensions about how I look or perhaps what others may be thinking. I tend to go out in daylight and early evening hours, so I have little fear about encountering any dangerous people.

When I go out, I of course try to look as nice as possible, and at the same time, try to blend in to the extent I can. I do ocassionally wear a dress or skirt, but I am as likely to wear jeans, slacks or shorts, depending on the situation

Being relatively new to crossdressing, I cannot answer your questions directly as I've only been out in public fully en femme twice. Both times involved an absolute minimum of contact with other people. I'm hoping to be dressed fully en femme in a bit over a month at a Pride event nearby. All that said, I was not, and do not expect to be, fearful of being dressed in front of others. I'm a bit concerned of how I may react to any rude comments that may be directed at me as I know I do not pass. I hope I have enough composure to let any poor comments go off me like water off a duck.

On the 2 occasions I went out dressed, I tried to put my best foot forward. I will try the same the next time I'm out. The only disclaimer is my best is that of an amateur as I need a lot more practice with applying makeup. But, that will come with time and practice.

I have only been outside Dressed TWICE myself---But I had an excuse---and that made it easier. The first time as a Gypsy Fortune Teller at my Adult Sunday Schol HALLOWEEN Party (I won the costume Contest BTW) ---and ALL the ladies wanted me to read their fortunes (Weird way to meet Girls, but it works ;) And a second time a few years later at the Church "Womanless Beauty Contest.. (It was rigged, the old preacher won ;) ) But STILL I was able to go out without fear, so long as I could come up with a reason, should I be questioned. That might be the key to overcoming fear.

Transwoman here!
The more you are out without hassles from others, the more you will want to go out and the fear subsides! Mostly dress for the venue! Dresses are OK at the store but it depends on how fancy, etc! I live in central NC and do everything as a women and I do not really pass but am just me! I wear no make up! I get no hassles so far and have been out for years! The fear does subside!
Hugs Lana Mae

For me going out dressed is like climbing a ladder. Heights scare me enough to make me careful.

And so it is with being out enfemme. I know that not everyone is kind and caring and especially at night there can be people the worst for drink and hence unpredictable.

So while I'm not constantly nervous I am aware of my surroundings. It's recognising those higher risk environments and taking the necessary precautions such as walking away if necessary.

Thing is, in male mode we can still find ourselves at risk from the same drunks. So in many respects being out drab or enfemme require the same level of awareness.

So fearful, no. Just careful.

I think if I was not married to a non accepting wife . Then I would go for it. I have been out in the past to support groups. Its down to personal circumstances as well as choice.

I have lost all fear, I go out regular shopping and at night time, I love it !!!, I actually feel more comfortable and confident dressed than I do in male mode

Actually I always thought that a little fear was a good thing. Keeps you grounded and aware of your situation and surroundings. Being fearless always spelled disaster. Of coarse working in underground coal mines for 4 decades might have something to do with my outlook. And I do not go out enfemme unless I was at my best.

I have been out dressed approximately 25 times the first outings I was terrified but now no fear i only go to areas I consider safe. I go out completely dressed skirts & dresses only full makeup and hair. My only cross dressing fear now is hurting my wife when we have the talk.

For me I have been out in public fully dressed in the late evenings for walks and such for years. Driving around. Hotel hallways. I attended a club a few weeks ago and I couldn't have felt more normal or at ease than if I was sitting at home. Me, Myself and I loved every single second. I had no fear. Others complimented my dress. I so enjoyed the night and am so looking forward to next months gathering. When I left the club it was still a bit daylight out but I walked down that side walk to my car and owned it. Felt oh so good, natural and powerful.

I always have a moment of apprehension before opening the door, but once out I relax and enjoy.

I have been going out regularly for many years with no fear of being out crossdressed. I go anywhere an ordinary woman would go and do the ordinary things that women do - eat at restaurants, shop, put gas in the car, do banking business, attend plays, visit museums, go bowling with friends, etc. I am situationally aware and do not venture into places alone that I think would be dangerous for any woman (or man) to go. I am not full time and only show my femme self to the world about 4 or 5 days each month. When I do go out I always try to look my best. I do not dress to blend, but I do dress to be appropriate for what I am doing. I always go out wearing a skirt and top or a dress. Sometimes with heels, sometimes not. I am usually dressed better than the majority of the "real" women I encounter and do stand out a bit in a crowd. I have gotten many compliments on my appearance over the years. It doesn't matter to me if I "pass" or not. What's important to me is that I am treated with respect.

I still feel a little apprehension before going out, but once out, I?m fine. In our small community, while I dress well, I?ve found it best to blend in, consequently I rarely wear heels or hose with a touch of makeup.

Definitely not past any fear here.

It has been only on very rare occasions that I have stepped outside dressed
I have on occasion changed once I was out. but that is very rare as well.

Not sure if I will ever overcome that fear.

I no longer have any fear about going out; I've been doing it for many years. But I am careful and do not take necessary risks. I think that is good advice if you are dressed or in drab. Always be aware of your surroundings.

I'm a crossdresser, Jean, not a TS! So, I don't need to present as female all that often. Especially when going out!:battingeyelashes:

Answers to your questions:

1. No. But, it's not fear, it's annoyance and interference. I don't enjoy the snickers, rude comments, staring and eye rolling.:eek:
Nor do I want servers and SA's to go over board worrying about not offending me!:doh:
When I go out to eat or shop? That's what I want to do. Not spend time worrying about who will think what about that man in a dress!:straightface:

#2. Maybe. Depends on what u consider my "best"?
Many here consider it best to blend or be invisible when out. I like that, too. So, I go out in drab and no one notices me! Perfect!:thumbsup:
I like to look attractive, sexy, even hot when I dress. Otherwise, why bother to dress at all?:devil:

I was working up the courage to go out although it would have been at night at least at first. My makeup skills leave a lot to be desired since I don?t have a lot of time to practice. Then Covid hit and changed everything. No time to dress and I grew a beard. My wife loves the beard so I haven?t shaved since. There?s no way I could go out in public as a miad. It would not be healthy for my confidence or psyche.

Sometimes I'll put on a little lipstick, but that's about it for makeup.
Pretty much full time now. My girl clothes fit much better than my guy clothes ever did.

Shoes are currently more sensible, even for work, so I can make the occasional last minute shopping trip as needed with a minimal hassle.
A couple have floral patterns to gender as feminine.

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Originally Posted by Debs

I have lost all fear, I go out regular shopping and at night time, I love it !!!, I actually feel more comfortable and confident dressed than I do in male mode

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I feel and do much the same except that I rarely go out at night.
i should say that with the advent of the virus, the masks have totally embolden me to go most anywhere as Barbara.
With my basically feminine body (with breast forms), long natural hair. and wearing a dress or skirt, I am just another woman out shopping.

i said it before a few times but it's worth repeating......
You must have the mind set that you are just wearing the lingerie and clothes that females are supposed and expected to wear.... and are doing nothing out of the ordinary.
You also must realize that most females are not beauty queens and are all shapes and sizes.
So, if you are reasonably passable, even with a COVID mask.... what are you waiting for :)

The first 2 or 3 times I went out in public en femme I was a little nervous but much less than I anticipated. After that the nervousness disappeared as I quickly found that I enjoyed it and I haven't looked back since. I am out 4 or 5 days per week primarily in the daytime & occasionally in the early evenings and I do anything & everything that another woman might do. I very much look forward to going out, am confident when I do and don't care how many looks I get. I am not fearful but I am observant to insure I don't inadvertently wander into a bad situation or to see if anyone is taking an unhealthy interest in me. The only make-up I've ever worn has been lipstick. I wear sunglasses everywhere to hide my non-made up eyes and have tinted readers & tinted plain glass glasses to wear when it's darker. I'm going to start practicing with eye make-up so that when I hopefully meet with other CD's or go to the Keystone Conference next year I fit in better. Other than leggings, I usually wear skirts & the occasional dress but not pants.

I think most would say I am over any fear considering my many outings. I am kind of like Dee, thehiddenme, in that once I went out and socialized with others, there was no turning back. I just started a little later - 2017 for me. I also tend to have similar thoughts about my outings as docrobbysherry in that I do not bother with vanilla venues as doc puts it. I go to clubs where interactions with others is pretty much guaranteed. I understand why many like to avoid interaction with others, but I thrive on it so maybe I am a little different.

Oh and I do go to a lot of effort to look my best whatever look I am going for. Of course for clubbing it is often sexy clubwear but not always. Of course about the only place I have worn my black sequin minidress is Vegas ; )

Sandi

Long ago. The excitement and sense of fulfillment overwhelm any fears.

I am a plain vanilla cross dresser who is six foot and 200+ lbs. Before Covid my outside journeys were evening strolls in a quiet/safe neighborhood of single family homes and small shops and restaurants. I have no desire to interact with fellow humans as that is outside my comfort zone. I primarily wear women's clothing for stress relief; becoming a woman and shedding all vestiges of maleness for a short period of time. The prospect of receiving verbal or non-verbal snickers or comments would break that tranquility I seek. When I was younger I did make an effort to interact with fellow humans on Halloween. I was 25+ lbs lighter and did get a positive comment or two and one heavy duty dose of snickering from a guy who had too much to drink while buying soda in a grocery store. He was buying more beer.

If and when Covid is over and the opportunity arises for an evening stroll again I will probably venture forth again. However the mental drive is no longer there to "Just Do It!"

I've been over the fear of going out for many years now.
It was thanks to my friends in our support group who introduced me to the public eye and pushed me through my fear. As to how I look, well of course I put my best foot forward. I don't try to overdo things as we live in a rural area. My clothing is typical of what women here would wear so basically I blend in and that's always what I've wanted. I'm not a wall flower, but I'm not the leader of the pack either.

Funny to look back how scared I was in the beginning. Now I dress much of the time. Pretty much like you. The bucket list of things I haven't done in a dress has gotten very small. not sure there's anything left. if there is it's kind of like a challenge how quickly can I go do that next? LOL

I was terrified, and never been out (with people...plenty of walks/drives to the mailbox) until a old friend (and the only person who knew) pretty much insisted that I go to a Christmas party with him. He was awesome, his friends were awesome, and it was one of my best experiences in recent memory. And it opened up a whole new way of thinking for me, literally overnight, and opened up new possibilities I'd never even considered.

Thank you all for your responses.

The support group I attend is a trans support group. Their level of fear is very low. I was surprised they had any at all.

A friend, actually more of an icon in my world. She told me that her nephew just came out as trans and asked me for advice. I told her I know of a support group but I first need to go visit them. This is why I went to the group meeting.

Where I live the climate is mild, I can wear a dress year-round.

Love Jean

I have been out so many times, I now find it trivial.

I will admit I still do my best to avoid neighbors when leaving home dressed, but that's it.

I've got better and a bit more daring but no, I will never get past the fear.

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Have you gotten past the fear of being outdressed in public, worrying about the acceptance of others?

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No. Even if I had no fear, my wife has a great fear of me being found out as a crossdresser. I might not care myself, but I have to keep her concern in mind. I don't want to disappoint her.

Jean, great question with no definite answer!

For me it seems to come and go, just last week I went and picked up an order at JCPenney, was very nervous until I got out of the car and started walking, each step was a bit better than the last and finally I was inside, at the counter, talking with the SA as she found and bagged my order. I actually had to go back to her when my order kept setting off the alarms at the door, she asked if it was OK to go through the order and then proceeded to pull out the bra, bracelet, sunglasses and finally the white boots! If I wasn't comfortable before that, I now had absolutely no choice; she handled it so well, very politely running each item through the device, commented on how nice the boots will be when winter gets here, etc.

Following such a good experience I continued shopping and stopped in a number of other stores but I can know that each outing requires a bit of build up, it's getting better but still can be a challenge.

So I'll say that the "fear" is always there, of running into someone who knows me as a guy, having an accident or otherwise having the two worlds collide, but it can be minimized so as to allow me to enjoy what this activity has to offer. My goal is just to blend as much as possible, be well dressed but as close to the surrounding women and still feel like I'm out in the world as Jamie.

Jamie,

We have all been there. It will get better the more experiences you have.

Unless you come out you will always have the fear of running into somebody who knows you, the others should subside.

I don't care for the word blending or even the idea.

I would suggest you find what clothing styles work best for you and your body , go with that. Develop your own sense of fashion. Be a fashion leader.

For me I prefer dresses that do not have a defined waist. Like an empire look. I like wearable fashion , everyday fashion.

I have only been out 2x and both were within the past couple of months. Both were at the beach. Yes my first time out was in my black 1pc I have been saving for this special day. This is a very quiet beach but I was extremely nervous. Was so nervous from the car to beach walking someone would say something. Nobody did. Not even the fisherman I walked past.

The second time there were more people. Again walked past other bathers and nothing. Even the rangers drove by and waved at me. A family walked past me and setup about 100 yards past me. Didn?t say a thing. Again I was nervous but no one seemed to care. Felt very thankful afterwards as was a great feeling.

Krissy,

Wow, you were extraordinarily brave to go out in public for the first time in a swimsuit! The first 2 or 3 times I went out, I dressed as "frumpy" as I could so people didn't look at me. I finally did get to go out in my 1 pc. swimsuit but that was after being out in public over 40 times. I went to the pool at a resort which was crowded and I was a little nervous but not overly so. It went well, I had a great time and I agree with you - it was a great feeling.

You have nerves of steel girl!

Fiona

I think I lost ‘the fear’ just a few months after going out in public as Ceera. The turning point probably was when the local lesbian community openly accepted me as female, even though I admitted I was only living part time as a woman, and still uncertain if I was a crossdresser or actually transgender. They, as have most people I have interacted with since then, could feel the ‘feminine energy’ in everything about my presentation. Four years later, I started medical and legal transition, and ‘burned my boy card’ forever. Never regretted it.

I’ve been living full time as a female for the last four years. Sure, some people ‘clock me’ as being trans, and occasionally I get misgendered. But most of the time, I am accepted as female, no matter where I go. I’m just living my life, and being the woman I was meant to be. No fear.

I would ask "what is it you fear?" If you're afraid that someone will know you aren't actually a woman, get over it. It's going to happen, and nobody really cares or reacts. I am certain to get 'made,' but, in my limited experiences, no one has ever 'dissed' me, I never saw someone give me the stink-eye, and I actually got complimented one time.

If you are afraid that someone you know will recognize you, that is legitimate, especially if you aren't out and open about it. Find ways to limit the risk by where you go and what you do.

Will you ever be completely safe from negative feelings or remarks -- not at all. But then, you can get the same thing from wearing team sports apparel, political slogans, or even religious phrases.

I don't know if the fear will ever really leave, but I went out as Jennifer to pick up an item at curb side. I am pretty much wearing female attire at home all the time, but I can't go full Jennifer (spouse). However, the opportunity came up and I just kind of went with it. I got my wig and purse and put them on in the truck. I drove to the store, spoke with the male worker, and got my item. It all went off without a hitch. Maybe I expected to be scared out of my mind but it was so fast and so unthinking that I don't think I had time to overanalyze it and get scared. When I got back home I realized what happened and the feeling was amazing. My confidence has gone up a notch and the world didn't end. Hoping for more "opportunities" in the future.

For me, it's like this, I get up, I get dressed, i go out. I'm fully out, at work out, sometimes with full make-up, sometimes with no make-up. I don't pass, I blend, but I bet most people who see me from more than 10 feet away think that I'm a woman and don't give me a second thought. People don't look and stare, only four people have ever made a negative comment and that's never been from a cis woman. I have no problems in shops or in public loos. Over the years I've had dozens of positive comments and nice things said to me by complete strangers. The world (UK) really is an accepting place out there never mind all of the nonsence that you read in the press or hear on the radio or on the telly, real people don't give it a second thought. So yes, I'm well past the fear and yes, it's best foot forward.

Cheryl I absolutely love your look in your avatar and your attitude!! Very wholesome attitude. Your situation seems a lot like mine. Riki

My fear has about 90% gone. I do go out to stores, banking, gas and other errands.

I have not gone to bars, clubs, or restaurants. I would love to. Maybe this Friday Night I will go out for dinner. My wife will be away and I can make a night of it.