I'm sorry trans. But, this thread isn't about u. You're dealing with much bigger issues. :doh:
But, a number of CD's, like me, don't go out a lot except to meet other dressers!:hugs:
And, it has taken me YEARS for some of the dressers in our crowd to accept Sherry!:sad:
I would be lying if I didn't admit it bothered me.:straightface:
I don't give a rat's butt about what anybody thinks. I don't live for anybody but me.
If they don't like anything I do, that's their problem, not mine.
Me? Vain?
Absolutely.
Doc, I have to admit that first and foremost I want to look as close as possible even if I don?t pass.
But it?s not a fair race between myself and a GG.
But when I meet other sisters, yes I do a mental comparison of who looks better in terms of who has put in the most effort. This means that I put aside that my facial structure may be more feminine than theirs, or my overall build bigger. But if my weight is low enough that I can have a much better shape than the other girl, then I consider that due to me working on that aspect of my presentation.
Yes, it?s a weird vanity I guess. It factors in experience at developing your presentation. A CD like me who only recently started going out in daylight publicly may not have perfected the art of selecting an outfit that says you are well put together, and when I compare to a sister who is better at it, it tells me that this is an area I need to work on.
Comparison is good when it helps a person get better at what they want to do.
Do I stress about it if she?s better than me? No.
I just want to be treated with respect (I do not judge others - I hope I am not being judged either)
I am very influenced by what I see other CD are doing. What are they wearing? How do they present themselves in pictures, videos and in person? What are their thoughts and philosophies on CD related topics? All these are in mind when I connect with other CDs in print or, hopefully soon, in person. I consider my own persona a work in progress, so when another CD acknowledges me in a positive way - especially by someone I admire (which is most, I find something to like in just about everyone) - it feels great. If I don't get that affirmation I am not particularly bothered, but it does make me look at myself and decide how I might improve. I have not experienced too much outright rejection, negativity or outright nasty stuff, to that I let the NJ state bird fly. I enjoy this way too much to let that sort of thing get me down.
I just do not care what others think, no matter if they are crossdressers or not.
For some time now with the exception of the covid years I've attended a support group once a year. At my last meeting I noticed that most there were dressed in casual wear. Me, I was in heels, tailored skirt, blouse, the whole nine yards.
For them it's just another monthly meet up. For me it's a night out.
So if after the meeting you wanted to just pick something up from the supermarket they were better dressed to blend compared to me and that can be the problem with comparisons. Being attired for the time and place.
I have been guilty of looking at other CD's when out in a pub and thinking that they've pushed the boundaries too far. It's been those wearing clothes a shapely 20 year old could carry off but it for me doesn't suit a 50 year old CD. But hey, if they feel good more power to them.
If another community member were to tell me I'd got my outfit all wrong then I'd have to listen but as generally I get positive comments I think being a people watcher has paid off and I'm happy with my look.
I like to think most CDer's see me in a positive and friendly manner. I hope that I look presentable for my age and health. But, if they don't that's alright too. Last I checked there is no one but me and my wife paying our bills. So take me or leave me but I don't owe them anything or have a big concern what they think.
I know I am always comparing myself to other CDs I meet and with gg women in general. I just try to blend in. I have generally been readily accepted by the other CDs and trans women I have met. While others here have expressed the "I don't give a damn what they think" mentality, I DO care how people see me and I WANT to be accepted as Claire. When I'm presenting as Claire, THAT is who I am.
I'm a - if your going to go out in the big wide world - do it 100% to the best of your ability.
When I go out I want to blend in as much as possible.
When I sit at home I wear a dress or skirt but just in male mode. My wife and son and my neighbours are all used to me wearing skirts and stuff and dont care. I wish it had been this easy 20 years ago.
For me? I care not a jot. It's the only way to normalise the world of CD in the eyes of the rest of the world that isn't us. However, if it does matter to you, to look your best and get the level of acceptance that you want and nice comments, they just go for it and do your best. Thing is we can't all be great at everything however much we might want to be. I think that's the thing here. Find your happy place and live with that.
It is logical for us to want acceptance from everyone when we dress up and expose our true inner selves to the world. Personally, I do not specifically go for acceptance from other dressers. In fact I do not see all that many, so it is far more important for me to receive acceptance from cis women. I probably would not go clubbing if not for their acceptance, because I mostly dance and hang out with them. Doing so just adds to the illusion of being one of the girls - so I guess the short answer is that acceptance from all is nice but not as important as the general public for me.
Funny thing, I did talk to two crossdressers last Saturday night and one was wearing a mask like Sherry does. From what I could see, she was doing just fine with being accepted.
Sandi
Not at all. I wear whatever I want and which is consistent with who I am at the time in terms of identity. That said, I am usually a blend of mild male and mild female and ambiguous enough that everyone who cares can put whatever interpretation on it that they wish.
But Doc, how many CDers like you have you actually met? And how do you know what it's like to interact with a CDer like you if you haven't met one yourself?Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
@ Docrobbysherry
Why does it bother you that other 'dressers may not care for your presentation?
I don't want to sound judgmental, or anything, I try to accept people as they present themselves. But can you see how some 'dressers may feel uncomfortable with the way you present? You seem to prefer 'doll suits' & masks. Good for you, you wear it well. BUT other dressers might feel that you are "cheating" in a sense. In a sense that they are out there, exposed to the world in nothing other than a thin shield of cosmetics, wigs, padding, and working with what they have, while you are basically wearing a suit of armor,
Personally, I don't really care how anyone presents, or what others think of my presentation, as long as they don't bring 'shame to the game'.
I put a lot of work into my presentation, so I hope that others would appreciate the work. That being said, I'm out having fun, and if they don't like my presentation, I won't loose any sleep.
Val, I get what you're saying. I've gotten many great ideas from the other dressers I've met in person. However, I never compare myself to them. Only to myself. I'm constantly trying to improve my fem image. Not for anyone else, but for me!:daydreaming:Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie Louise
I wish it worked that way, Bridget, but it doesn't! Like it or not? U and everyone else judges!:sad:Quote:
Originally Posted by bridget thronton
I hoped to avoid comments like this by restricting who posts, Ellie. How u feel or dress while going out to Walmart or Denny's isn't relevent. My thread's about going out to intentionally hang with other dressers!:heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellie52
Good point, Patience. But, the fact is I look and interact like most any other old dresser when I'm out. MOST of the time. Unless it's Halloween or a costume event, I only put on a mask for a short time to take photos. And I rarely, if ever do that if I'm around a new group of trans!:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Patience
Its not a competition so why would I care what CDs think of me?
I have three types of outings; solo outings, outings with my GG girlfriends, and attending meetings with the St. Louis Gender Foundation, which include individuals across the transgender spectrum.
For the third category, do I care? No. I usually dress because I have something I want to wear for a reason and I chose to wear that. With my GG girlfriends, it depends on what we are doing and where we are going. I do care how I look for them, because in one case my friend gave me some of her clothes, and she likes seeing me in them.
But I dress for myself, and lately I've gotten more courageous in what I wear, because I'm more comfortable these days.
Doc,
The closest I can come to answering your question is this:
I used to belong to a support group that was for straight crossdressers, and yes - I did find myself both caring about how I was accepted as Sara AND found myself getting "judge-y" about some of the others.
It bothered me to be around the "careless dresser" type. You know, throw on a dress and a pair of panties and sit "man-spread" in a chair, airing it all out.
I was SO envious of the members who looked so good they could go anywhere - at any time - and never be seen as anything other than natal females.
I couldn't help it. I compared myself against the others all the time. Needless to say, I never voiced my opinions.
As for myself, I seemed to be accepted into the flock without issue. Of course, I don't know what they really thought, but no unpleasantness ever came my way while with the group.
Still - I was so terribly self-conscious and shy that I never really fit in and became one of the girls. That's not just because of how I was dressed. I'm that way around strangers - especially in a crowd.
Yes - I cared how I was "accepted" by the others. It's vital to me. I tend to be an "approval junky."
Any negativity would have had me scurrying away like a scared rabbit.
I have always considered this to be a solo sport or hobby. Or spobby? Never needed anyone else?s input or acceptance.
An interesting question. One that I'm not sure I have a good, complete answer for but here goes....
I'd like to think that another CD'er would be a good, critical judge of how well I present when dressed. Having been out to my first group meeting recently, I know that I was closely looking at the other attendees to see how they did, and thought they all were very good. It made me want to improve my presentation.
Dressing to look like a woman and do a reasonable job of "passing" in public is not easy. I like to get opinions on my "look" from other CD's to either confirm that I'm doing the right thing or maybe to learn how to do something a little better. So in general I do care what other CD's think but I don't make that big of a deal of it. However, if their comments are overly negative (which thankfully they haven't been as of yet) I wouldn't let it distract me from who I am and the look I wish to present.
I don't care what others think of my look or my style.
I don't dress for anyone but myself. I wear what I think looks good on me and what makes me feel the way I want to feel.
That's part of the reason I try not to criticize others. I always try to give positive criticism. Knocking someone down isn't helpful.
After ? real woman watching ? and how they dress. Must have magic mirror!!! I dress better then a lot of them. I just don?t want to be a stand out don?t want to look out of place. ? Wearing red in a Green Day ? I am ok with myself. I don?t care what other people think. Just want to fit in meaning not standing out
I have no female persona, and to my knowledge I've never been seen by another CD while wearing anything feminine, so it really doesn't apply to me.
That being said, I do spend too much time planning my outfits and looking in the mirror, my goal is to look good and not like a guy with no fashion sense, even though I largely am. If I ever were to be seen by any of you, my hope is that even though you'll know in a second that I'm a guy, you'll like my outfit. (or at least appreciate that I tried!)
Yeah, I do not have a separate female persona. It is hard enough having one! I appreciate when anyone compliments me, either on my appearance or my behavior. However, I strive not to live for the approval of others.
The only person whose thoughts I really care about is my wife. I would love to meet another CDer to see how they do what they do. There's no way I would be critical of a sister as I know on a scale of 1 - 10, I'm somewhere between 1 and 1.5 in my presentation. My interest in meeting other CDers is to learn from them - both dressing and makeup tips as well as family dynamics and how they deal with those.
I always respect the opinions of sisters.Especially if it results in an improvement in presentation.
I would love to meet another CD if I felt safe enough. Seems like a great moment to teach each other things and share this experience as girls
I want to be passable so I appreciate little tells that other CDs may point out about my appearance. As far as persona, we all have individual tastes; short skirts or longer dresses? Jeans or leggings? makeup or mask etc.
I don't wanna be affected by peer pressure but it's nice to be accepted.
What is their problem?
SJ
The problem is; people r judgemental, Sabine. And, that includes trans! The most detrimental comment I've ever heard dressed, came from another dresser!:doh:
And, she was a very obvious MIAD!:straightface: