So, u waited for your "woman inside" to appear. But, she didn't. Now what?

When I arrived here breathless and excited many years ago, I read many posts about the woman inside trying to get out of many of u. And, I still read them.:battingeyelashes:

I have a number of CD/trans friends whose speech, mannerisms,demeanor, even personality changes when they r dressed.:eek:

I am disappointed at not finding a woman inside. Except for my learning how to sit, walk, and look female, I'm exactly the same person no matter how I'm dressed.:sad:

How many others have discovered u have no woman inside trying to get out?:straightface:

How have u dealt with that, or have u?:heehee:

Assuming that the so called woman inside is a different person is a false assumption. My femininity is a part of me. It does not slip on or off like a pair of panties. No matter how I am dressed, I am the same person. Mannerisms, ways of walking and talking, etc., are part of gender role socialization that are learned and may even vary culture to culture. Being transgender does not come from the clothing. Instead, clothing is only an expression of gender. I know I am on the trans spectrum no matter what I am wearing. Nancy

I am not a "woman trapped in a man's body". I am simply a guy who enjoys the heck out of dressing and emulating women. I do feel somewhat feminine when I'm dressed and out and about which is exhilarating but it's not because I think I'm a woman.

Like Fiona, I do not have a woman inside struggling to get out either. I do have a female alter ego however, who embodies a look I like, mannerisms I have learned, and imaginary personality characteristics I would like to have. However, I know she is me - a fantasy - just with female and other personality attributes amplified. I have no desire to integrate the two, I enjoy the duplicity and the taking on at least superficially of a feminine look and mannerisms. Yet, I know there is more going on psychologically than just clothes, and I am a much happier more well adjusted person for it.

Of course, I speak only for myself and my own situation. It's my story and mine alone, and I'm sticking with it.

Hi Doc, I started a thread about this once. No feminine persona nor alter ego for me. At best I take a few poses when dressed and taking pictures so that it doesn't look too odd, but no mannerisms. I am a man in a female costume, and I like to look the part, because it's simply magical and fun to see. But it's a part.

I have no woman inside me. I know I'm just an old man who really enjoys dressing in women's clothing. I also enjoy going out dressed to blend - if blending is possible. I have no illusions that I can pass other than most people seem not to notice Heather any more than they notice my drab self. I think Fiona's explanation is pretty much how I feel.

Well Doc, the nails head must really sore right about now. We are who we are, the clothes can bring an escape, but never much more than just a temporary escape. It doesn't matter what clothes I wear, I'm still me. The only real difference is I have learned to like myself for who I am regardless of what I am wearing. Being a CD'er, a female impersonator, or what ever, we still have to find a way of accepting ourselves.

I might be the same person, but I am treated so differently when dressed up, my confidence gets a big boost. I am happy to just have that.

Sandi

I like feminine clothes, and I like to look somewhat feminine. But I'm not a female, and I can prove it by taking my pants off or by checking my chromosomes. I've never thought I was a woman, because I'm not. There is no "woman inside", and I never thought there was, because that would be lunacy. It would be fun if I could pass, or otherwise pretend to be a woman for a night, but there's not enough makeup in Hollywood to make me pretty, and even if there was, it wouldn't change facts.

If, through a Harry Potter spell or a Star Trek alien device I could become or switch places with a woman for a weekend, I would in a heartbeat, just for the experience. But that's unlikely to happen, so I remain a guy.

Doc, I guess I’m on the other side of the fence. I had the girl/female thoughts in back of my head since around age 5 (1960)
1st pair of panties was at a friends house (girl playmate that lived on the block)my age we actually switched underwear and panties in her bedroom. Then her mom called out to come to the kitchen and eat lunch. So we did quick change back, we did not get caught by her mother. Actually puberty was very hard on me. Ie girl in the wrong boy body. puberty late 60’s.

Married 43 years, 2 kids, 1 grandson. Still an issue but I can manage the desire most of the time. I do undress daily.

We're all so different, each with our place on the male/female spectrum. For me, though I've always felt non-binary I've lived my life as a male (kids and all). My ex-wife used to enjoy saying that I was the woman in the relationship (I would smile and nod in agreement). When I dress I just notice and enjoy my feminine side that's always there.

What incredibly profound responses! Somehow it is reassuring to know so many of you who I so respect and admire have such an incredible grasp of reality. Actually it isn’t a question I have ever asked myself. For me the urge to dress simply is. My best guess is that I started when I was five. There are some possible reasons - I clearly identified with my mother as my father was an abusive heavy drinker and someone to be feared. Still, 83 years later I’m happiest when I can feel the weight of my make-believe breasts and feel my earrings dangling. Would I love to be beautiful and sexy? You bet. But I’m not and never will be. I remain a very happy person steeped in wonderful make believe.

I think as myself in female imagery as: sexuality extension ....Let's face it, a lot of female clothing is impractical lol but fun to express, at least in my case.

One of the debates that arises regularly is prompted by someone writing something like," I feel womanly" the replies being you're not a woman so how can you know what it feels like.

That then raises the question in regard to this thread, how would you know how your inner woman is supposed to manifest itself?

Who, like me, feels going full time is something they could do but for personal circumstances, but wouldn't consider full transition. I'm as comfortable in femme attire as drab but I have no way of knowing what a woman feels even if we lived similar daily lives.

I can feel greater empathy towards women as we experience similar issues. Even the process of getting dressed each morning as an example.

So perhaps from what I (we) do we have found our inner woman. We just haven't realised it.

Great question, I tell myself Im just a straight married crossdresser but with age I sometimes wonder is there a woman inside. In male mode I do not have feminine mannerisms but that definitely changes when dressed I catch myself acting feminine without trying.

thanks for summing up so nicely.

exactly how i feel.

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Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy

I like feminine clothes, and I like to look somewhat feminine. But I'm not a female, and I can prove it by taking my pants off or by checking my chromosomes. I've never thought I was a woman, because I'm not. There is no "woman inside", and I never thought there was, because that would be lunacy. It would be fun if I could pass, or otherwise pretend to be a woman for a night, but there's not enough makeup in Hollywood to make me pretty, and even if there was, it wouldn't change facts.

If, through a Harry Potter spell or a Star Trek alien device I could become or switch places with a woman for a weekend, I would in a heartbeat, just for the experience. But that's unlikely to happen, so I remain a guy.

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It's not something I can turn on and off again. I am who I am. This has changed me. Yeah I'm still myself but a new combined version of myself.

When my wife and I had "The Talk" which was way before the internet and this forum I used that phrase or something close to it. My wife through back at me, "Tell me about it when you can have a baby!" Enter the forever "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I have no idea why I wear women's clothing. Yes, when en femme I do adopt some mannerisms that women display. Most seem to go along with the clothes; keeping the knees together when wearing a dress, crossing the legs at the knees and not the ankles, etc. But, waiting for some mentally feminine personna to appear? In my mind I think what has happened is a great part of society has come to the realization women can do anything men can do.

It would have been unheard of in my parent's generation to see women in the combat arms of military service; enter professional field once dominated by men; the list goes on. Guys are becoming nurses and school teaches. Of course, there are too many people adhering to the confinement of social roles which, IMHO, is outdated and a relic of the past.

Maybe, due to my age (75) and hormonal changes I do not get a "rush" when en femme. If I was left alone, probably on any given day, I'd be grabbing a pair of jeans and tee shirt of the closet rack or a pretty floral dress. I adhere to the concept that I have some dna within my genetic makeup that has me sliding along a continuum between male and female on any given day. None of this is black and white anymore. It's shades of gray.

Steph, I'm still not clear from your post whether you've ever felt like a woman inside? :battingeyelashes:

However, I CAN tell u I'm 79 and that during a practice dress up session for Halloween last nite I got turned on! And, u know---:o
Doesn't happen all that much anymore. But, I'm happy it still does!:heehee:

Great topic Doc -

I'm not sure whether or not I have found the woman inside of me but I do live a very feminine life - I have a great boyfriend and I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed almost every night, so I definitely 'feel' like a woman whenever I'm dressed and even more so when I'm dressed and intimate with my boyfriend. Not sure what the actually criteria is for having a woman inside you appear, but definitely feel feminine most of the time which is good enough for me.

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Originally Posted by DianeT

Hi Doc, I started a thread about this once. No feminine persona nor alter ego for me. At best I take a few poses when dressed and taking pictures so that it doesn't look too odd, but no mannerisms. I am a man in a female costume, and I like to look the part, because it's simply magical and fun to see. But it's a part.

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Dead on for me too

Hi Doc, I suspect the phrase ?have a woman inside? may have a half dozen different meanings to various people on this site. In my case I do seem to feel different, and have different behaviors when en femme. I have had 2 wives in my life, and both have told others that he definitely has a woman inside. Years ago, my first wife told our shrink that he doesn?t need a better half he already has one. That was not promising for the marriage. But I am also a full featured male. As a mathematician I have been accused of being a complex number, meaning I have both real and imaginary parts. As in math, the imaginary part often controls the behavior of the system. So I guess that is my woman inside. ?.vale

About twenty years ago I joined a CD/TG support group in order to help find the answer to doc's question. Their recommended attire was that of an everyday woman, casual or office or dress, whatever made sense. My annual Halloween dressing didn't fit the bill. So, I bought a lot of everyday clothing (shopping fun) and started attending meetings. I met a lot of great people and learned a lot about the individualized TG journey but pretty quickly determined that that was not my journey. No matter how I dress I think of myself as male. I'm definitely not alpha, and that might have clouded the issue back then, but I'm male non-the-less. I've been mistaken as a women a few times on a dark Halloween night (always men) but I never had a moment where I wished it was true. (Women seem to always get it right away, but are generally incredibly friendly.) My personal full-femme prep takes five to six hours (no joke). One night out will last me for months.

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Originally Posted by Jessica Secret

Great topic Doc -

I'm not sure whether or not I have found the woman inside of me but I do live a very feminine life - I have a great boyfriend and I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed almost every night, so I definitely 'feel' like a woman whenever I'm dressed and even more so when I'm dressed and intimate with my boyfriend. Not sure what the actually criteria is for having a woman inside you appear, but definitely feel feminine most of the time which is good enough for me.

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Thanks for your post, Jessica. I'd say you're quite lucky. I always dress to the 9's and see sexy, gorgeous, women in my mirror and photos!:daydreaming:

Looking like a hot woman blows my hair back. But doesn't make make me feel like one!:sad:

When I have a girlfriend over it is a common occurrence for her to tidy up my house. If I was to invite a crossdressing friend over most likely they would leave and the place would be messier than when they arrived.
I was out at the Tiffany's Triangles 2022 reunion in CT last Saturday. I was a bit surprised how much sexual talk was going on amongst the so-called ladies:eek:. When I am out with a bunch of ladies... and I am frequently because I am a social dancer, we never talk about sex.
Men tend to be much more crude.
When I am out as a girl I am much more touchy, feely and huggy. When I hug my bros it is kind of rough when I hug gurls hello and goodbye it is much softer and feminine.

I am like your friends who \

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I have a number of CD/trans friends whose speech, mannerisms,demeanor, even personality changes when they r dressed.

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We all put on a persona. When I am girl I do my best to be a proper girl and find that more fulfilling...now if I could only get that girl in me to come out when I am cleaning :heehee:

In the past, the more I tried to be a regular male, the louder the "woman inside" screamed to be let out!
Then came the day when I gave up and decided to let "her" out and have free reign.
To my surprise, "she" didn't take over and drive my life into the ditch. Instead, "she" sort of merged with "him" and they became the "me" that I am now.
Day-to-day, people probably don't notice that much difference but I can tell that I'm less timid, a bit more sociable, and don't waste my efforts trying to fit in with the alpha-type males. In a social setting, I'm more likely to find myself chatting with the ladies about the kids, or the recipe for their brownies than with the the man talking about sports or cars.

At home, I'm more comfortable in something feminine and only my wife's discomfort level stops me from doing more than I do.

So - did the "woman inside" fail to show up? Did I kill her off? Or am I now a conjoined (spiritual) twin? Dunno. Either way, I'm better than I was before.

Hiya Doc.
I?m also a longtime CD.
My addition to this discussion is that there seem to be a very few times when I dress, that after looking in the mirror, there is a change in how I feel about myself. It is very nice, and all I can say is that I THINK it?s a feminine feeling. Most of the time I cd it?s about the technical aspects of the look. Is my bra too high on my chest? Are the earrings right for this outfit?
I?m not unhappy in my skin as a male most of the time, but I sure like those fleeting moments where that wash of femininity comes over.

Such a great topic, thank you Doc. Do I have a woman inside, yes I think. Is she trying to get out? No, but she sits with me and we chat all the time and sometimes her voice is most prominent. Most times she'll just whisper, "ooo thats's pretty, wear that for a little bit." She also manifests in the form of compassion, gentleness, and slowing me down to notice things like flowers, beautiful fabrics, and just notice the world around me and to be grateful for it. In turn, I nurture her through better self-care, underdressing when I can and now sharing with you wonderful people.

actually I WISH 'the woman inside me' would express herself more by my being more compassionate, gentle and patient. Unfortunately too often I find my stereotypical male behavior takes center stage and I find myself being less understanding and patient. Working on it.

i do it to create looks and characters, not to express my "inner woman". its entirely possible to like dressing in costumes without it going any deeper than that.

Thank u, Spicy. You're preaching to the preacher!:heehee:

Actually I think there is a guy inside me trying to get out. And if so I would hope he would leave and take his testosterone and a few body parts with him.

I always had the opposite problem. Faking the guy stuff. False bravado. Feigned interest in sports. Whatever to blend.

Over it, thankfully.

Me too Rachel, I just can't fake the guy stuff anymore. The "woman inside" finds the entire male experience so boring. Being single, I get to spend my time with lovely caring women. Such a gift...

I tend to agree with both SaraLin and GraceM. Yes I believe I have a woman inside, her name is Diane, which I'm using here. She introduced herself to me when I was on the way to Walmart the beginning of Sep to buy some thongs. I had two thoughts pop into my head that I had never had before. The first was "I wonder what I would look like dressed as a woman" which was immediately follwed by "transforming Dean into Diane".

Since that day Diane and I have been talking a lot, either just in my head or out loud. When she talks to me out loud, her voice sounds like mine but with a southern accent. In fact since she introduced herself I feel more whole and complete as a person than I ever have before. I'm really comfortable with wearing women's clothes. In fact if nothing else I wear a pair of bikini panties or a thong under my normal male clothing, to me Diane is truly my 'female half".

There are several times where I thank Diane for introducing herself and giving me the idea to start dressing as a woman. She responds by saying thank you. Of course I tell her I'll probably continue to thank her for years to come because of how natural and normal I feel in women's clothing. I enjoy sleeping at night in nightgowns, wearing dresses or shorts and tops, sometimes with wigs that I have bought over the last couple months. I've also started taking pictures of myself in a dress with each of the three different wigs I have, Brunette, Red Head and Blonde. As strange as it may sound I've found myself starting to get turned on by looking at the pictures I've taken of myself.

So the long and short of it is yes I do believe I have a woman inside, she didn't really want to 'break out' she just wanted to be acknowledged and help me realize how wonderful life is wearing women's clothing, even if it is just at home for the forseeable future. I have a beard and 'we' will discuss whether or not to shave it off.

hello,
it is an interesting post that many of us have have tried to answer after the "Where did my crossdressing come from?"
- "do crossdressers have split personalities?"
If we had a "woman within" wouldn't we want to transition?
Or are we simply a bit transgender and enjoy the clothing?
stay healthy!
luv ?

Interesting thread. Not to many women inside. I don't think I have one either I do enjoy dressing and don't seem to get enough of it. But I am me no matter what I am wearing. Its funny after a day or two out some times I'll pass by a mirror without noticing and I'll catch a glimpse of Sallee and she will surprise me that I am her today. I certainly enjoy crossdressing and I almost think it is more fun when I get the time to be Sallee for a day.