Hi all,
I know I am not much of a poster here, but...
Yes, yes I am still a still quasi in the closet, and I expect to get an earful. But I am curious. Are there any closet cases like me here? Or I an anomaly?
Thanks, Brenda
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Hi all,
I know I am not much of a poster here, but...
Yes, yes I am still a still quasi in the closet, and I expect to get an earful. But I am curious. Are there any closet cases like me here? Or I an anomaly?
Thanks, Brenda
I suspect most here are like you - quasi closeted. But a lot are out of the closet completely while still others are still deep in the closet. The variation is probably caused by a combination of choices based on fear, shame, or simply their personal circumstances. I am in the personal circumstances crowd. But some who have more favorable circumstances and have moved beyond the fear factor go out completely. We are all different.
Except for my friends here I am totally still in the closet. I have never admitted my cross dressing to anyone that I know. Now, I obviously admitted my cross dressing to a sales associate when I tried on and purchased a dress at Dress Barn but I used a pseudonym and paid in cash. And I am sure that other sales associates have guessed when I told them I was looking for a size 42 bra with an A cup or size 7 panties. But beyond that, yes, I am very much in the closet. Early in my marriage, I tried to tes my wife?s attitude about crossdressing by pitting on a pair of her panties and while wearing a bathrobe, I would flash her and flirting ly say ? Is this what I have to do to get into your pants?? She shrieked ?Take those off?. I never pushed the issue after that.
YOU are not alone. Lotsa people here, like me, are still "in the closet". Many of us do not find a "need" to "show off" who /what we are. Or we do not want to face the "hassle", potential for abuse, embarrassment, or social life disruptions "exposure" could cause. It is "worth it" to stay "closeted". Crossdressers come in several varieties. Many don't care who knows, others "get off" by revealing themselves publicly, or "being able to get away with it" and fooling people. We are NOT ALL like that. Us closeted types are perfectly happy by ourselves and free to do whatever we want in private. Indeed it also opens up other variants, like "fantasy" and "retro" we couldn't get away with publicly. I personally like to see and photograph different looks and experiment with disguise and makeups. I have quite a bit of fun. This site is all I need to express what, if any "public" aspects I wish to express---and not feel "isolated".
Hi Brenda,
I guess you could say I'm quasi closeted. I'm out to my wife and kids as well as a few friends.i would be out completely and likely be on a transition path but my wife wouldn't be onboard at this time. Since I love her and truly value our relationship the closet door remains ajar, not thrown wide open.
Elizabeth
I would say that I have one foot in the closet, and one foot out. I do wear female underwear in public when I am not fully en femme, but once in a while I may want to go out dressed up. I am in need of a haircut, and am contemplating ditching the wig and getting a female hairstyle.
Hi Brenda, I was out to my late mother. No w back in the closet due to wifes non acceptance. I agree with Marina and Gretchen depends upon one?s circumstances. I would like to do more but limited due to family constraints.
Closeted? Yes. Except my wife knows, of course. I respect her boundaries, but she is quite accustomed to seeing me in panties, panty girdles, and feminine pajamas. And I do housework chores wearing a very femme apron :-). Nancy
I?ve definitely got both feet in the closet! I haven?t told anyone about my cross dressing I?ve brought the subject up a few times with my partner but it gets shut down immediately so the closet door will stay firmly shut.
I am in the closet. My wife knows but is not accepting.
I do underdress every day, though. Panties every day and bras as often as I can. Occasionally I add pantyhose. All outwear is male.
What is your definition of "in the closet"?
My wife knows, but nobody else. I sometimes go out in public, but I don't leave the house or return dressed. People where I go see me (hopefully, they see a woman, not a crossdresser), but they don't know me.
Well, there is "out of the closet" and then there is "OUT OF THE CLOSET". Myself, I'm out to my wife, a GG friend, a couple of sales agents at Sephora, and the members of the group I go to.
I think the term, Out of the closet, means different things to different people. I am Out of the closet to my wife but nobody else.
Just like no two of us are alike no two would have the same meaning of that particular phrase
Hi Brenda. This site appears to serve a wide variety of people, some much like you. For me, only my wife and my ex have ever seen me dressed, and only at home. On the other hand my ex outed me to all family and friends, and a few of them now treat me differently as a result. . . . vale
My wife know. My therapist knows. A very few people have seen me going to and from therapy sessions dressed androgynously. But, I definitely would consider myself to be in the closet.
Ditto, Kristi. My wife knows. I told her before we walked the aisle. Happily, she is very helpful and supportive. No one else knows, so to that degree, I guess I?m still in the closet. Because of living in a small town, I seldom go out totally dressed. However, being retired, I dress every day. If we run out for an errand, I just change my top, maybe remove my forms, or change into my a cup bras, but keep everything else on. I know the risk when driving, but I?m very careful.
Everybody is in the closet to one degree or another unless they are out to everybody 100% of the time.
Although a number of my friends know, the vast majority do not. So while I am not totally in the closet, I'm not totally out, either.
In my compartmentalized life, I am in the closet to everybody in my male life except my wife and my former therapist. That said, I enjoy stepping out as female as often as I can. My female me has several friends but none know any particulars about my male side.
Mostly closeted.
My wife knows that I cross dress, but prefers that I didn't.
Except for her, I am not "out" to anyone else in my family, including my daughter.
Except for my wife, I am not "out" to anyone who knows the male me, except for some people who met Steffi first, with a few exceptions. Some of my physicians and other medical associates either know or should have already inferred. Some I have told, some have seen me with female artifacts, typically toenail polish, and a rare few have seen Steffi in full-on female mode. All of my therapists know about Steffi, and most of them have actually had Steffi show up for an appointment on more than one occasion. Many SAs have seen both boy me and Steffi, or have at least helped me select and try on clothing. I've been to a number of nail salons, primarily in boy mode, who must know. Some of the nail techs have seen me in full girl mode. I've had makeovers from a number of makeup associates, so they all know.
As I said, my wife knows and tolerates my CDing. But she allows me to go "out and about", typically to vanilla venues, but in the accompaniment of multiple CDs. If you look hard enough, you may find a picture of me and a hundred or so other trans women on the US Capitol steps (in DC). I have many more friends in the trans community than boy me has.
Awhile back someone on this site described themself as "in the closet with the door open". I think that pretty well describes me.
For me some people know but most don't. I'm out and about but not advertising the fact to anyone.
There are people who are in the closet and people who are out of the closet and people who are in and out of the closet, sometimes both at the same time.
There are very few people who know about me.
I am deep in the closet, but there are a few people who know the connection between Suzie and my male self.
There are many others who have seen or even met Suzie over the years, but they do not know the connection.
I told my wife about this side of me a few weeks after we started dating 40+ years ago, and at the time I could do nothing wrong in her eyes. In the early years, I would say she was not exactly accepting but rather was tolerating this side of me and she would sometimes buy me things and would make time for me to dress up at home while she was away. With a few exceptions she would not participate and I would not dress around her.
Later on it changed to a deep hate and fear of my girl side, and this has caused me to pull back into the deep dark corners of said closet. There was never a opening for a compromise, so I think it went from DADT to JDDI (Just Don't Do It) with nothing said.
While I never lost the desire to dress and present as a woman, I have managed to not act on those feelings for years at a time. Recently I had to give in and have taken advantage of some opportunities to dress again, and I am somewhere between loving it and hating it to be honest.
As many others here I am a master of covering my tracks, but I also know how easy it is to miss something. At this point I don't know if she has picked up on it, but there has been no indications that she knows.
Years ago I had kind of a social life as Suzie, and a very few people knew/knows the connection to my male life. My wife has even met these ladies several times, including after they transitioned, and we have had some good visits. I think their life altering transitions are a big part of the reason for her fear, which I can totally understand. I do not have that need, but I understand why it is hard to take someones word for that.
Thinking about something Marina said:
I kinda feel the same, but at the same time when I am dressed I long for something to do! The old "all dressed up and nowhere to go" comes to mind. In the past, going somewhere has filled that need, but it didn't have to be out among people. A walk in the woods or along the beach was just fine, and at this point I would really like to be able to do that again.Quote:
MarinaTwelve: "Many of us do not find a "need" to "show off" who /what we are. Or we do not want to face the "hassle", potential for abuse, embarrassment, or social life disruptions "exposure" could cause. It is "worth it" to stay "closeted"."
Another activity that used to fill the need of "doing something while dressed" was taking pictures of Suzie. I have had great fun doing that as it was a way to further polish the illusion of being female. Sometimes mirrors can be pretty harsh, but a camera and the choice of lighting, view angles, and making a story, can show the best and hide the worst, which for me at least is a very good thing.
- Suzie
I am very firmly in the closet and quite content to remain there. My wife tolerates my wearing panties but will not acknowledge any other feminine traits I have.
I am out to those that I trust and to others well if they find out I will not lie.
I would like to be out, but limits from my spouse are currently keeping be from venturing out. My desire to be out is to socialize with others like me, not so much as out in public on my own.
I guess I would be considered locked away in a closet -- no one (including spouse) who knows me drab knows anything about Geena. That being said, however, I also have a secret exit from the closet. For almost the last two years, as I settle the estate, I have been using my father's vacant house as a base for Geena outings, or even just dress up times. Although I know that this arrangement is temporary, I have been taking advantage of it in the mean time.
My wife knows, all you ladies, and some local gurls. However, I am not out to family and friends.
I'm firmly in the closet. There is no one, except people on this group, that knows about my Cding and I pretty much intend to keep it that way. There is no one I can think of that needs to kmow what I do.
My wife knows along with My Mom, My daughter, and my daughter's girlfriend. I have also talked to a counselor and had some conversations with various people I have purchased goods and services from. I have never left the house fully en femme but I am moving in that direction.
I agree with Krisi. How would we know if we dress like u when u haven't told us yet?:heehee:
I consider myself a closet dresser even tho I go out dressed nearly every month and have attended countless T events around the country for 15 years!:battingeyelashes:
But, I NEVER go out dressed near my home town and only my immediate family, (and 100's of people that only know my fem side), know about Sherry!:devil:
Like so much of crossdressing the in versus out of the closet seems to a be a big spectrum and can mean different things to different people. Personally I think totally in the closet means it is an absolute secret and no one knows anything about it including spouses or online friends. Many, many, years ago that was me until my wife discovered some Danielle stuff hidden away. It then became a DADT situation which I guess means I was teeny bit out of the closet. I became a little further out of the closet when I joined this forum to share Danielle's experiences and through the forum I have found some very close email friends I share everything with. As you know from recent photo posts about fashion shows for my wife her acceptance in seeing Danielle in person means I have come out of the closet even a bit further. For me being totally out of the closet would mean family and friends knew about Danielle and I was comfortable being out in public as Danielle. Both of those things are not of personal interest to me and not something I have a need to add to my Danielle experience which is satisfying enough with how much out of the closet I am.
Well, I mean, one could argue that if you're 100% out? Aren't you kind of transitioned socially, anyway? :strugglin
In which case, might as well just get HRT at that point. :devil:
If you're still in the closet with some person(s), then who cares? Fairly typical, I'd say.
I'm not out to a decent swath of my life (though quite a few would not be surprised in the least! :laughing: ). Also, a (non-SO) segment where it's basically DADT.
Meanwhile, I'm busy over here gaining the reputation of "The Neighborhood Tranny"! :roflmao:
I've been loving it, though. :c9:
I'm partially out of the closet. Some friends and family know about my crossdressing. I have a statement about my crossdressing on my Twitter profile. I may wear panties and stockings underneath my clothes sometimes. I only wear dresses in my own home. doubt that I'll ever go out in public in a dress.
The only people who know about my crossdressing are my partner, psychotherapist and mental health worker who are all women. Nobody male knows of my crossdressing.
My partner is very supportive with me crossdressing and both my psychotherapist and mental health worker say there is nothing wrong with it.
To understand your question better, I'm curious why would want you to know? Obviously not every member is going to respond to your post. Thx ��
I hear this comment and I'm not surprised yet it feels like we are living on different planets. Hard for me to think back to a time when I wasn't going out. It's so much fun going out being about interacting with people. Things are a bit different here. No wife to deal with. Also living near New York City I spent a lot of time exploring there. I know I've got it better than small town America. But even so the concept is hard to fully appreciate. I'm out so much even locally now that work knows but no one really talks about it. It's that supposedly accepting/ corporate atmosphere where it wouldn't be the appropriate to talk about. So it hasn't really changed anything it's just fun! Don't get me wrong it's been a very slow process. I'm thankful to be so fortunate.
It occurs to me that we are all anomalies!
I might be the only one in the world who is normal!
Hmmm ... wait a minute ... ;-)
- Suz
Thank you all so much for your honest comments. I realize that some people on this planet fall into all of the norms, thus "normal". I guess I was just getting worried that I was somehow being left behind here too. So many gatherings, so many adventures, so many stories; when did I put on the breaks, why don't I have any stories? Self confidence is not one of my superpowers. Again, thank you all so much! I'm just happy to see that I am still on the bell-curve. Brenda
Brenda,
Everyone here has their own comfort level when it comes to crossdressing. Just participate at whatever level you are comfortable with and above all enjoy!
Just wait til you & some of your GG co-workers eventually decide to get all dolled-up & have a girls night out together! :confused2:Quote:
Originally Posted by Genifer Teal
Seriously, it's a real trip! :battingeyelashes:
You'll see... :devil:
That happened long ago. Even been to a work party. Definitely no secret just only talked about with work friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by ellbee
Only my wife knows, but apart from underwear she has never seen me in anything girly. I wear female shorts like denim but not obvious female and pre kids would wear tights at home. I occasionally go out away from home but other family and friends don?t know.
Ah, got it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Genifer Teal
In which case? Let our tales of girly escapades show others that not only can it be done -- but that it's fun as all heck! :GD:
Yeah, obviously not for everyone, or maybe not in this current time of their lives, anyway.
Also obviously not for every employer & group of co-workers, either.
But yeah, if anyone is leaning that way? Sometimes all you need is a gentle nudge in the right direction.
By the time the night is nearly over? You'll wonder what the heck you were even concerned about. You should have done this ages ago! :D
I am still basically in the closet. I try to use my imagination as best as I can. I don?t get much Olivia time and when I do it feels rushed because my wife is coming back soon from whatever errand. I am currently Olivia so I feel like myself?..for now! I would love to have more time free but it?s just not right timing I guess for me. I wish my company would have to send me on a trip where she wasn?t able to come and then I would have a field day! If only??.
XoxOlivia
I'm fully closet except Friday nights between 7PM to 11PM when I go for my Friday night drive in which I usally only get out of the car to put gas in my wife's car. So I don't know what we could consider that.
Well - in the past <mumble, mumble> years, I've been out of the house fully dressed - exactly once.
THAT time was my recent visit with a friend, and even then I didn't have any makeup on - so in a sense I still wasn't FULLY done up.
so, I guess you could certainly count me as closeted.
As to who knows - Well, let's see. My wife knows. My sister, my two "real" friends (but only one has seen), a few exes and whoever they told, counsellors, etc.
It seems a fair number of people know about this side of my self, but only a select few have actually seen it.
In the closet and hate it! I need to tell my wife my desire to dress is increasing I have been out in public so like others many sales associates know my secret.