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Lily has been out about a dozen times but only for walks around the block or to the shops. Now it?s the big one?a LGBT+ club in my city has a regular trans night. I?ve got a hotel room booked and I?m hitting it. Equal parts excited and terrified. Give me all your best tips - how to approach it, how to interact, makeup - anything! Feel like I?m going in the deepend now?
Lily, where are you, depends , uk usa , lol
Calm down and take a deep breath. It's going to be completely normal. Plan everything carefully to avoid getting lost or a long wait for transportation. You can treat the night like Halloween. Anything goes, most won't care. Give it your best shot to look good. Years down the road you will probably laugh about this night. How you looked acted, how scared you were. Everything will be fine.
I will add my two cents. I've observed many CDers from my hubby's group. The newbie's were very self-conscious, and I can understand that. However, try to avoid looking guilty for anything, you aren't doing anything wrong. No eyes darting around, no checking to see if people are looking at you, no man-spread, and just have a great time.
+1 for what Char said. Yes, it's a tall order, but relax. You're going to be clocked, so just accept that, because nothing bad is going to happen. If you appear nervous or guilty, reactions will be less charitable, so relax... and smile! A genuine smile is a powerful thing. It almost demands a smile in return.
No need to be terrified. Just be yourself, really. Like Aunt Kelly said, smile and engage people in conversation. As for appearance, if you are uncertain about your skills, try to keep it simple.
Respect Lily, that's something my wife is pushing for but unfortunately I'm 10% excited and 90% terrified and too chicken. Let us know how it goes.
Lily,
Firstly remember you will be in the company of kindred spirits who will come in all shapes and sizes, style of dress, levels of makeup skills. So once in there you'll soon find your feet.
Are you planning to walk from your hotel to the venue enfemme? If so remember walking in heels on a pavement can quickly take it's toll on your feet. Also, I would recommend looking at Google street view to familiarise with the route and general location if you're not already familiar. Going back to shoes while the temptation is to wear your highest heels, if you've not spent hours wearing them and possibly spending time standing, spending the evening in them can prove very uncomfortable. Well broken in shoes with a more modest heel could save you from a painful end to the night.
Don't be afraid to engage in conversation. Do the "Is this seat taken?" "Is it OK if I sit here?" "It's my first time out dressed attending an event so I'm a little nervous". From my experience people are usually happy to chat and to hear your story.
Stay sober and avoid getting into a round of drinks. Letting your hair down is for another time. Use this to find your feet and to feel comfortable just being there. This is hopefully the first of many so take it steady for now.
I'll predict that for the first few minutes you'll feel totally all at sea but that will quickly pass and you'll have an enjoyable and memorable experience to build upon.
Lily
Don?t forget that others are in the same frame of mind that you are in, so don?t feel like you are the oddball. You are normal to them as they will be to you.
Having been to 3 dozen clubs myself, so I have a pretty good feel for the environment. It is hard to relax initially but you will. Just try to smile when someone makes eye contact with you. I sometimes just give a little smile and a quick wave. That will test to see how engaging the others are. Sometimes they will invite you over.
When I sit at a bar next to someone, I say something like, don?t worry I don?t bite. I recall one GG said to me, you are fine, and another said - well I might. Haha. I had a good laugh when she said that. Just try to relax and engage with someone and you will have a great time.
Sandi
Lily, I go clubbing to LGBT friendly venues often. I've found the most important thing for me to feel relaxed and comfortable is the outfit I've chosen to wear!:)
Pick a club appropriate dress u think u look good in!:daydreaming:
Then, when u see u look as good or better than the other T's there you'll feel confident and able to mix easier!:thumbsup:
i know it will be daunting but just do you....be your "self" just in the appearance you prefer.
its a LGBT club that has a trans night....they'll be expecting you....they even invited you....have a good time....
most inportant wear something you feel comfortable in....it doesn't have to be a dress and high heels....
Wear shoes that fit and that you can stand all night and walk comfortably in.
I agree about Shoes. Reminds me of one of my early forays.
The court shoes with moderate heels were fine at home but I had to park a little way from the venue and was a bit late. Suddenly they became the loosest shoes ever.
Relax. Be comfortable, I found being trusted up in shapewear etc stressed me and I perspired quite a bit so I dumped most of it and was then able to be myself more. Have fun, couldn't be in a more friendly venue.
Do your best at femming up, and walk right in. Take a few minutes, if need be, to get used to the surroundings. If nobody comes to you, take a deep breath, walk up to the first likely person, and introduce yourself. You may be amazed at how relaxed you can feel when you are in the company of kindred spirits.
The most surprising thing I discovered is that it turns out that I am way more adventurous than a lot of the other ladies. I really wouldn't have thought that.
I concur on the heels or lack of wearing them....maybe stylelesh wedges? The Wingman idea works too ie power in numbers. Have fun be safe.
Totally disagree with those who think comfort trumps looking good!:sad:
Give me a sexy figure using 3 girdles, a silicone prosthesis, and 5" spikes! When I know I look good out dressed? Being uncomfortable makes me very comfortable!:devil:
1) Don't go out, it's a slippery slope of wanting to do it more and more!
2) Don't go out unless you're ready to be filmed and uploaded to TikTok/Twitter/Instagram. That's the world we live in - it may be for good reasons, it may be for bad.
Charlotte, thats a very harsh statement, which I think could be harmful to our community, I love going out meeting my girls of similar likes to mine, we go shopping meet in coffee shops, go out at night to pubs clubs, please dont discourage our girls from doing this, your gonna scare the jeebies out of them with this statement.
Not wishing to go off piste here but I'll have to agree with Debs.
I've been going out in public for well over a decade and in all that time I've only ever once had someone try to photograph me. I gave them my best teacher stare and they thought the better of it.
Plus, it's also my experience that we look so different to our male self it's unlikely anyone would recognise you anyway.
Lily, just go for it, have a good time, you'll curse yourself if you don't go
I'm sorry for being realistic.
Everybody has a video camera in their pocket now. Young people want to post videos to go viral.
It was recently posted in another thread, if you're not ready to be outed, you're not ready to go out.
Those are true words, and yes, they're scary, but that is what stops us following the pink fog and making life changing decisions.
As the new girl, you will likely have more eyes focused on you. This can be a lot of unwanted attention. Try not to focus on it. Hopefully some will realize you are new and say hello.
If your presentation is good enough that you won't be recognized, being photographed should not be an issue. If your presentation is not that good, you should probably stay home with the blinds closed.Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteCD
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Advice on going out to a club dressed: Don't get drunk and do something you would not do when sober.
Lily, my advice is: breath. It's not scary, it's not dangerous and you will be accepted.
Lily, Sat night in OKC was my first time out dressed as Diane. Thankfully it was a crossdresser event at a hotel, so I was among other Cd'ers. I felt welcomed and easily relaxed and had a really good evening. Since you're going to an LGBT+ club you shouldn't have any worries. You'll be among a group that will welcome you with open arms and make you feel right at home.
As Helen said what shoes you wear are very important. Are you used to walking in heels or do you prefer flats? For myself, since I've only been CDing since Sep, I chose to wear flats, actually a pair of nice sandals, Sat night. I'm certain if I had tried heels of any size I'd have fallen on my face.
As Krisi said do not get drunk and do something you wouldn't do sober. I had one mixed drink all night and that was fine for me. Above all else relax and enjoy yourself, once you're out among others at the LGBT+ club you'll find you wanting to do it again. I know I plan on going to the Girls Night Out in OKC again next month.
If you are staying in a hotel, when you are dressed, double check carefully for your room key,remember where in your purse you are putting it, and then open the door.
And then walk through it.
It's the first step on the yellow brick road to freedom. :daydreaming:
Wow thanks for all the tips girls!
And thanks for the honestly Charlotte. This is my biggest worry. Rightly or wrongly I?m definitely not ready to be ?outed? and pictures of me dressed ending up online would be devastating. I?m concerned about people on insta, TikTok etc like you say - or even photos posted by the venue itself. On the flip side I?m calculating the odds of me being in a photo AND people I know recognising it are pretty low?
Lily, you should be able to tell people that you don't want your picture taken and they should respect your choice. Depending on your makeup and hair even people who know you probably wouldn't recognize you if a picture does end up online. I guarantee that there is a world of difference between how I look, as Diane, in the pictures Emily posted from the Sat night get together in OKC and the way I look normally. I don't think anybody that knows me in male drab would recognize me as Diane. So go for it and enjoy yourself!
Hate to be the one to throw cold water on this but...
"In my city" is a problem. I think it'd be better if it was 150 miles away, at least. You've got to get out of the hotel and to the event, and even at the event... It's just be better if you were further away from home.
Don't leave your drink unattended even for a second.
I'm glad most of my dressing was done before social media got to the point it is now. When I had long hair I was absolutely recognizable. I did quit going to Walmart because of the "People of Walmart" website. I knew people who looked at that thing every day, and a lot of the pics were of non-passable crossdressers. When I went through my divorce found out that several people I knew had seen me, but either didn't tell anybody at the time or at least kept it pretty quiet. It never got back to me, but it did get back to my wife, some of it not until she told everybody she was divorcing me because I was a "transexual". Undoubtedly some of those "sightings" back in the day would be somebody's social media post today.
I'm not one of those who secretly desires being outed. Although you're never truly safe from it, when I got miles away (the further the better) I could do my thing without any worry. I need/needed the anonymity and that feeling of safety to truly enjoy myself. That's not to say I never dressed at places right down the street. I certainly did, and I almost always left the house dressed. There were places within a few miles of my house that knew me only as a "woman". But I was always looking over my shoulder. My nervousness literally melted away with every mile I got away from home, and by the time I was an hour or so away I had pretty thoroughly become my feminine self, and it was a much better experience than worrying about being spotted around home.
Having said that, I was lucky to be able to get some distance away pretty much at will. If I had not had that freedom, I would have taken my chances. I am not the stay at home type.
I luv getting out all the time. But, I luv doing it at night. Something about night time excites me! Also, maybe you can wear a mask, too. It helps give you a discreet feeling and is acceptable.
SO much great advice here. When you return please tell us all about your adventures.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily88
If you are going to a LGBT club, the people taking pictures are more than likely LGBT, aren't they? So how many of your acquaintances are going to be following LGBT social media. If they are, then they are likely LGBT also, and they are unextremely unlikely to recognize you in the first place, and if they are in the closet they aren't going to out you (because they would also be outing themselves).
At this point, I've been out about 500 times. A couple of times to Pride, a couple of times at LGBT places. Every other time has been to places with muggles, like a Twin Peaks last week and a crowded casino before that. I've never had an issue.
I've even been places--four times--where there was someone I knew. I knew them, they didn't know me.
My picture has been on Facebook twice, on my GG friend Michelle's page. Her picture of us at Halloween got like 80 comments and NO ONE asked who was with her. She posted another picture of me from New Year's Eve.
I've also been posting my picture on Kandi's blog for about 4 years and have even been on Stana's a couple of times. No one has noticed.
The fear of seeing your picture on social media is vastly overblown. Don't let the negative Nellie's here--like going 150 miles away--stop you from getting out.
Lily,
I've writen before about attending a CD social group where some of the attendees would change a the venue.
It was getting towards the end of the evening and I was sat chatting when 2 males suddenly appeared out of the gents and preceeded to walk towards us. "Where did they come from" was my initial reaction and it was only after one spoke I realised they were part of the group and had got undressed, taken off their makeup and gone drab ready to go home.
They both looked so different. I'd been sat next to them chatting and I had difficulty recognising them. So make of that what you will but as others have said, we do look a lot different with our slap, wigs and finery on.
This is way too easy ……frist thing think a ought what to wear so many choices something cute not over the top not trashy comfortable .., hair ?wig? Shoes something you can walk or dance in agin comfortable counts… shave pluck wax debut yourself… go have fun relax enjoy..
Big tip …… Don’t worry abought people will care less abought you being dressed up as a woman than you think enjoy
Here is terrible advice:
Drink too much
Dress really revealing
shortest skirt you have
5" high heels
Do not bring a comb, brush, or any makeup touchup
Use your Man wallet
Leave a purse in your car
Park far away from the venue
let yourself get picked up by a few men.
Ok, I am sure I am leaving out some good stuff. What else is terrible advice for a newbe?