This is the hardest post that I've ever had to make.

Hey y'all! :)

Well, I don't even know where to begin. But the restroom incident that happened to me a couple of Sunday nights ago has me considering something..... I'm thinking about quitting cross-dressing. A lot of you who replied to me in that post made a lot of valid points, one of which is the concern of safety. I do not want my ass kicked, or worse for using the women's room, whether en femme or not, (although I'd NEVER use the women's room in drab). Now, when I go out en femme to a restaurant, or Walmart or wherever else that's not a bar where restrooms are available, I have no issues using the ladies' room, because of course, no one in those places hears me singing like man while dressed like a woman and I am pretty passable! LOL I mean, my safety comes first and foremost. I do not wanna end up in the hospital or worse, simply because I was a man using the ladies' room. And yes, there are a lot of people in the deep south with a lot of religious beliefs and the belief that, "Men ain't supposed to the women's room" and vice-versa. So, those of you from the northern states, or California, or Canada or those who live in big cities like NYC, Chicago, LA, Miami, etc., this isn't much of an issue for you folks, but it IS for the southern folks, so PLEASE understand that.

But anyway, the LGBTQ bar that I used to go to in Jackson, MS, it had individual restrooms where you could lock the door and do your business without anyone else in there and it wasn't an issue at all. The bar that I go to in Tupelo, MS isn't an LGBTQ bar and the restroom incident isn't the only reason why I'm thinking about quitting CD'ing. I'm also thinking about it, because I could very well be caught by people who know me, like my mom and sister who both work at places in Tupelo. Also, because it takes me SO long to get ready and it's a big hassle for me and I don't get to do it very often at all.

Now yes, I know some of you may say, "Well, you can go to another bar"..... I really can't, because even though I've heard that Tupelo is an LGBTQ city, there are NO LGBTQ bars in Tupelo. I've Google'd that and the results come up EVERY bar in Tupelo. I've called around to most of them and asked if it's an LGBTQ bar and they're not, so that really sucks! Also, before anyone else says "You can go to another town", well, I really can't do that either cause you know the kinds of towns that surround Tupelo?? Tiny, TINY ones, packed full of rednecks! I should know, I was born and raised in north MS, around Tupelo. LOL

So anyway, I haven't yet decided for sure that I'm gonna quit CD'ing. Also, I know that it will be extremely difficult to quit, because I LOVE being Kimberly, I love my feminine side and it WILL be very hard to give her up..... Difficult, NOT impossible. One more thing..... I'm the kind of person that when my mind is made up, there is NO going back. If I do decide 100% to stop CD'ing, then I will stop FOREVER and I won't go back to it. Like when I decided to start CD'ing in the first place, my mind was made up then. But I will, of course let y'all know if I decide to quit.

Kimberly, I am upset that you are considering stopping CDing. Yes you live in the redneck south but that does not mean you should or can ever quit. So many of us have tried to quit, me included, but it comes back.
I agree you should not risk safety at that bar but do not let them ruin being Kimberly. You are who you are and we love you here. Please maybe take a break but leave the closet door open, even a crack.
The best of luck to you and we are always here for you.

You could stop going to bars you know.
Nothing good ever happens in a bar and I know I was a heavy drinker for years.

Safety must be the priority of course. However, maybe you can CD at home until you feel things have improved to go out again?

I understand how you feel. I'm in South East Ky. I'm not out in my home town because of some of the issues you mention. I rarely use the ladies rooms while out and never in drab. The talk in public where I live is leaning towards much violence towards people like us if their daughters ever see one of us in the bathrooms. I'm very careful with where I go dressed. Not planning on quitting anytime soon. Tried many times with no success.

In the 5+ decades I've been going out, I've been to ONE bar. A gay bar. Bars aren't my thing in either mode. I can also typically go a long time without using the rest room, so I either don't have to go at all when I'm out or I can find a safe restroom. The going out has always been the focus. I could go out just about anywhere and have a fabulous time just being out. Malls are becoming ghost towns, but if there's still a mall where you are, that's the old cder standby. Even if it's not a mall, shopping is the pastime of choice for a lot of us. Walmart is another old standby.

But, I thing you ought to do what you want to do. If that mean quitting, more power to you! We're largely a community of "do what you want to do" kind of people. I'm sure we'll all wish you well! That doesn't mean you can't check in every now and then!

Only you know your situation and your surroundings. Do what you have to do.

Kimberly, I hate to see you driven from something you enjoy because of concern for your own safety, but I would also hate for you to become a statistic. You will need to do what's right for you. One suggestion, though, is finding a friend who will stick up for you. Good luck!

Kimberley, you are probably upset by the recent incident and still munching over it, which is normal. My impression is that you feel trapped in an impossible situation and want to find an escape hatch, and one of course is stopping crossdressing. Like Crissy said maybe you should take a break and try to change your mind, you will see things more clearly once the dust has settled a bit. And you can always dress at home, although I understand it is not the same as going out in the world. Take care, and take your time.

I usually book a room in a hotel, so if I want a rest room I can go back to my room, are there no hotels nearby, you can book a room to use, you dont have to stay in it overnight, but youll get no hassle going to the loo.

You should do what makes you happy - whether that means dressing or not dressing

Kimberly, you are considering a drastic change. That will be difficult to do simply because in most of us this behavior is not really a choice. It will likely leave a huge hole in your identity. Safety is very important and we are entering a period in much of this country where behaving in a way that is not on the straight and narrow can make one a target. This was the case 10 years ago and then it shifted to more acceptance. Now it is shifting back, especially in the Southern states. But it is also occurring in the Northern states.

All that said, it need not be an either/or choice in the way we satisfy the expression of our identity. It would not be fun but one can change their expression and habitual methods; adapt in such a fashion that your expression is not so obviously contrary to the strict binary concept of gender and gender expression. It would be a bumpy road to change but our brains are very good at adjusting to changes. Although our mixed gender identities are not likely to be a choice, how we express it is a choice. A much milder expression that is a bit like a semi-closeted form and even though that is not as satisfying to our needs it doesn't leave a huge hole in our identity and the severe problems that can cause with serious depression and other problems. Gender dysphoria is very real. But the dysphoria of restrictions can be addressed in many ways.

Whatever you choose, a change need not be permanent. I seriously expect that this period will pass as it did before. Nearly all of us will have to do some adjustments as this political agenda held by some eventually fades into the history books. I am a staunch believer that truth always wins, but getting there requires going through some very tough country full of briars and toxic people, but in the end it will fade because it is false and unnatural. The fact remains that people vary tremendously and forced uniformity requires too much energy to maintain - as a result the forced uniformity collapses.

Kimberley, it is so sad to read that your recent bad experience has had such an effect on your CD lifestyle.
Over the last few years you have been a significant contributor here and your posts and video clips are always so positive and lively. It has been amazing to see your journey from tentative new member to somebody who is confident and bold about going out to enjoy life. You have provided inspiration to others here who may one day wish to come out of the closet and i hope that your decision to stop does not become permanent.

Living in a different part of the world, i do not pretend to understand the social climate where you are. All i can say is this: It may be instinctive for some to defy the haters and carry on going there, but if you truly feel that it could be dangerous then you are right to avoid the place from now on. Safety is always priority.
There always remains the possibility that in time a new venue may open in your part of the world which Kimberley can enjoy safely.
Whatever you decide, remember that it doesn't automatically have to be an irreversible decision, and please, please don't purge! You will probably regret it later.
I truly hope that you will be able to share good news with us here in the future. Take care! :thumbsup:

I am sure that you understand that you can stop going out cross-dressed, but will still be a cross dresser. It is a part of who you are. The decision to accept that and express your real self, or to suppress that is yours alone to make, of course.
Keep in mind though, that you are breaking no laws, and are allowing bullies to cow you into something that you would rather not be. If you can live with that, more power to you. I mean that. It is your call to make. Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

I should think you could take a break from dressing in public and still do so at home. You made a contradictory statement in your post. Here it is:

I'm the kind of person that when my mind is made up, there is NO going back. If I do decide 100% to stop CD'ing, then I will stop FOREVER and I won't go back to it. Like when I decided to start CD'ing in the first place, my mind was made up then.

If your mind was made up when you decided to start CDing, how could you now decide not to continue CDing? By the same reasoning, if you decide to quit CDing, is there a (good) chance you may want to start once again? Why not just take a break as to when and where you CD? Good luck.

Kimberly, I live just north of Walnut MS so I know what you are talking about. I only dress at home because I don't want my ass kicked also. My wife is not happy but as long as there no makeup she handles it ok most times. Does make a smart remark when she gets the opportunity, but I can take that most of the time. I wish you the best of luck.

Of course, do what you feel is right for you. As you consider your decision and subsequent action, consider whether you are quitting cross dressing, or for example, are quitting cross dressing in bars where you have been made to feel uncomfortable. There is a difference. It may be that bars tend to cater to and bring out the worst in people, particularly those who are hostile to anyone who not conforming to their own narrow idea.

Also, are there other activities that you might enjoy while cross dressing? And I suppose its reasonable to consider whether you might be happier moving to an area where residents are more accepting.

I find it hard to understand somebody who talks about quitting crossdressing, because you can't.

Your posts sound more like crossdressing is like alcohol, where some people need it to have a good time and lose their inhibitions.

Crossdressing is an innate desire that we have to do in the vast majority of cases, not a fashion accessory.

hello Kimberley,
I don't think I am qualified to give you much advice because I am a stay at home crossdresser, but I realise that this has clearly caused you great upset. However there may be many places you can still visit during the daytime en femme - such as cafes, shopping malls, small restaurants, art galleries and museums which do not have gender specific facilities?
stay healthy!
luv J

I can fully understand the fear of winding up in a hospital from using a restroom. I think it's a fear most of us have had at some point (if not many points).

Making up your mind 100% to do something can be a great strength. It can also be a great weakness. It's how you use such an ability that makes the difference. Using it to actively harm yourself isn't a good thing. I can't know what it inside you, but you're here on this forum because you felt a need to be here. Most, if not all of us, know that crossdressing is something inherent to us. It doesn't go away. It's always there, always part of us. Trying to deny it is very, very likely to be mentally unhealthy. It might work for a while, but eventually it will fail. This ultimately is a form of self abuse.

For me, what you're suggesting wouldn't be a solution at all. I would be angry at the thought of allowing myself to have my life dictated by people I've never even met. It's your life. Live it. Take counsel of your fears, but don't let others control you. Come up with other ways to express your femininity that do not involve having to decide which restroom to use. You can solve this. Quitting cold turkey isn't a solution at all. It's just pushing the problem down the road for your future self to contend with, and the results may not be pretty.

I guess we all have had bad situations that leave us with a bad taste in our mouths and in your situation it's still fresh. Our niebourhood has been exposed to a lot of violence lately and my wife locks herself in and doesn't want to be alone. I told her she is missing out of what she enjoys, she is altering her life and maybe nothing will never happen. So I told her to just be more alert and aware of her surroundings instead of re-altering her life just to make some adjustments. That would be my suggestion to you, excercise to the most of your safety and as much as something bad can happen in any situation try not to expose yourself and adjust your life to avoid dangerous situations.
If you believe quitting is the way after all quitting is always the easiest way then I could only wish you health and happiness in the future and do drop in and tell us how your doing.

Its very unfortunate that you had to experience that but maybe it's a bit precipitous to quite (or attempt to quit) something so ingrained because of one negative interaction. Sounds like a more sophisticated type of purging and we all know how that movie ends. Give yourself some time.

I have had two bad experiences since I have been going out. The first time I didn't leave the house for two years after it happened. The second one set me back six months. Now, I don't let them stop me.
For all you Mississippi girls ya'll need to come down to the Gulfcoast.

Well, none of us can make the decision for you.

I think perhaps a course of action is to go to the bar and discuss the incident with the management. They probably don't want issues with patrons getting into fights and having to deal with cops and the like. Sometimes bars have bouncers and if this one does, then perhaps when you need to answer nature's call you can have the bouncers escort you and make sure the rednecks don't get involved.

Let's face it, you're probably not gonna be happy not going out. That's really NOT an option.

If you let this one incident change what you're doing, then you are letting other people run YOUR life. That could be the woman in question, or your sister or mom.

Good luck.

Thank you SO much for your kind words, Crissy! :) What you said, take a break but leave the closet door open a crack, is a very good idea. LOL

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I know I could, TAG..... But dang it, I love karaoke SO much! LOL Also tbh, that was the first negative experience that I'd ever had at a bar.

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That thought crossed my mind as well, Kitty Sue..... I used to do that before I decided to venture out as Kimberly and it is boring as FRICK to sit at home, by myself all dolled up! LOL

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I completely understand that, Amanda.

If I were you in that situation, I would contact the local LGBTQ resource centre and see if they could suggest any friendly karaoke events and other interests of mine. The resource centres are there for such purposes.

Kim, whenever I read a post like yours it grinds my gears! You're not doing anything to hurt anyone else so u should be able to live your life the way u like!:thumbsup:
Of course, I realize that this is NOT always possible in real life!:sad:

However, thinking you'll stop dressing just because u stop going out as Kim is border line delusional!:heehee:

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Originally Posted by JulieC

I can fully understand the fear of winding up in a hospital from using a restroom. I think it's a fear most of us have had at some point (if not many points).

Making up your mind 100% to do something can be a great strength. It can also be a great weakness. It's how you use such an ability that makes the difference. Using it to actively harm yourself isn't a good thing. I can't know what it inside you, but you're here on this forum because you felt a need to be here. Most, if not all of us, know that crossdressing is something inherent to us. It doesn't go away. It's always there, always part of us. Trying to deny it is very, very likely to be mentally unhealthy. It might work for a while, but eventually it will fail. This ultimately is a form of self abuse.

For me, what you're suggesting wouldn't be a solution at all. I would be angry at the thought of allowing myself to have my life dictated by people I've never even met. It's your life. Live it. Take counsel of your fears, but don't let others control you. Come up with other ways to express your femininity that do not involve having to decide which restroom to use. You can solve this. Quitting cold turkey isn't a solution at all. It's just pushing the problem down the road for your future self to contend with, and the results may not be pretty.

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I concur with Julie's assessment 100%, well said.
Personally, I'd be damned if I would allow people I don't know or care about dictate what makes me happy. Not in a million years...

Kimberly, I am sorry to hear that you are considering this. You can always just dress at home. I realize that is not optimal, but it is an option.

Agree with TAG. I do not understand why you would need to stop crossdressing if you can not crossdress and safely go to a bar. Many, maybe most of us, have never been in a bar crossdresser. If I had to choose between dressing En femme or going to a bar, we?ll?

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Originally Posted by KimberlyJean

I have had two bad experiences since I have been going out. The first time I didn't leave the house for two years after it happened. The second one set me back six months. Now, I don't let them stop me.
For all you Mississippi girls ya'll need to come down to the Gulfcoast.

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Or come on up to the New Jersey/New York area where nobody really cares how you dress.

Memphis and Southaven MS are just an hour or so up I-22. Not any further than Jackson was from where you used to live. There are lots of LBGTQ bars and most any bar would be accepting. Just stay out of what we used to call "beer joints". They attract rednecks like a flame attracts moths. There used to be some friendly restaurants and bars in Tupelo (15 or 20 years ago). I have been out dressed in Tupelo. You might try Coilumbus or Starkville. Both are college towns and tend to be more accepting.

I understand your angst. One bad encounter can and will set somebody back. It's one thing to get some verbal abuse walking down the street; it's another to have a confrontation in a confined space. I'm a home-body and not just within my cross dressing needs. It's my nature.

I "Google" buzz word combination for Mississippi are there seems to be a lot of activities and events. They may not be the bar scene, but there are outlets for self expression. There is always the risk that your cross-dressing will become known to family or friends or co-workers; car accident? Assaulted?

Kimberly, there's nothing I could add to all the wonderful advise and support the gals here have already offered. All I can do is reiterate that there are many ways to express our gender identity and share that quitting did not work for me. CD came back and I'm so glad that it did!

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Originally Posted by MonicaPVD

Its very unfortunate that you had to experience that but maybe it's a bit precipitous to quite (or attempt to quit) something so ingrained because of one negative interaction.

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Having lived through an entire childhood of being beaten up on a pretty regular basis, it doesn't take much to spike a memory of that, and the reluctance of doing anything that might bring it upon us again. As an adult, there is no realistic way to stop the harassment from people who hate us, other then moving away. 'Restraining orders' only tend to cause after the fact punishment for those who disobey them; not preventing it from happening.

Hi Kim :hugs:, You have to do what whap you need to do,

Just don't Purge right away, Put everything in storage for a Year, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

Kimberley, If I was you I would pause, reflect and take some time out. I also have put Debbie on hiatus as there is just not the time or opportunities. I would try to find another venue. I don?t know Tupelo except for the Van Morrison song Tupelo Honey but have heard of the reputation of the American South. Take care, come back determined and better.

Thank you all SO much for all the kind words and support, I really appreciate it and it means a lot! :) I'm not going to reply to all individually, cause there's just so many. LOL

But, I will say this..... I'm gonna make a separate post about it, but I did go to the same bar last night in drab. That same woman was there, not sure if she recognized me or not, but I'm pretty sure she did.

Anyway with that said, I've seen a lot of you say that CD'ing isn't a choice, it's a lifestyle. Well cool, it may be for most of y'all here, but it isn't for me. For me, CD'ing IS more of just a hobby, because I can't do it near as often as most of you and not near as often as I'd like. Yes, I have a very strong feminine side as I've said here on more than one occasion and I have chosen a feminine name for her, obviously. But still, CD'ing is a hobby for me and I CAN quit doing it and never go back to it, IF I need to or want to. And as I've said, it would be extremely difficult, but NOT impossible.

Now, I think I'm done talking about this, I'mma go make that post. LOL

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Hi Orchid. :hugs: Nah, I'm not gonna purge cause I've spent WAY too much money on all of it! LOL

Sometimes dressing at home is all you need

It has been my observation from many years as a commander in the Army and as a leader and manager in civilian life that giving up going to bars is more likely rid you of the trouble that you describe than giving up crossdressing.

Well Kimberly I know we here at crossdressers.com will support you in whatever your choice, i but my guess is CDing will rear its made up gorgeous head again and maybe you can resist maybe not I do wish you lots of luck in quitting. I would like to say I have quit but I won't because when the opportunity arises I'm in a dress and that isn't very often :sad: When I dress it is to blend and I will go where the CDs go, The Mall. Fortunately I live in Calif. and no one really cares and there are bars where CDs go, me too. So I will keep dressing when the opportunity presents. My wife knows and would prefer I didn't. At one time she was quite accepting and almost encouraging but those days are gone.
I would say store your stash for awhile, it will save you money. You seem like you really enjoy your cd time so just try to keep it in perspective with the rest of your life. I know it can get carried away with cding very easily but there are lots of other things in life besides women's clothing, just don't know how much fun they are compared to CDing.

I have tried many times to quit CDing, but I always return to what I love. In terms of restrooms, I have never had an issue. I live in SC and always use the restroom that fits my attire. I have used Walmart, McDonalds, and various bars without incident. I was in a gay bar and the bartender said that they do not discriminate against straight patrons; I used the ladies bathroom while dressed as a female. I did dance with a number guys; they knew I was CD.
Love, Sabrina