Returning to Boy Mode

Hiya Girls!

Just had this random thought a couple days ago. Not sure if this thread has been made before. It?s also more for those non full time gals who are mostly closeted or in DADT.

After those lengthy dressing sessions, how difficult is it for you to remove all those gorgeous things and return back to boy mode for you? How quickly do you make the adjustment not just physically but mentally as well? Also, what is your process?

I find that I can slip into my inner woman with relative ease. It does take a while to prepare for her arrival though (shaving, lotioning, and perfuming). But I find it emotionally and painfully difficult to switch back into boy mode. Just physically, I?ll have to remove any trace of make up and perfume, put all my feminine items away in their proper place, etc. Even putting on my boy clothes feels alien for the first few hours. I think part of this is still the lingering scent of my perfume still on my body, or the phantom feeling of false lashes and make up. I find myself missing the tugging of a bra strap on my shoulders or the loving touch of lace. It takes me a few hours to let go of who I am when I?m knee deep into my Kimberly Marie Cross mode. I?m more vulnerable and open minded. I allow certain privileges that I could never while in boy mode. There?s a long reflection period for me.

I just kinda wanted to see how you ladies cope with transforming back and forth.

Well, I tend to dress for about 7 hours 4 days a week. I go full out. Nails, makeup, wig and everything in-between.

When I am done, I shower to get my makeup off. (Mostly). Clean my nails or I might just leave it on. My mind set is mostly girl mode for the most part so I do not see a mind shift. During long bouts of non girl time, like 4 days I pretty antsy and I will ask my wife if it OK for me to doll up. She makes a grudge sound but lets me do it. We are actually having fun, I am sharing my wigs with her and she is knowing that I use some of her jewelry. It is a nice balance.

I do have a problem with bra lines on my body. We go to the pool after work and there are days that the marks are showing. Maybe I should go as Natalie and be done with it.

These days I live about 70:30 so I may not be the exact person to respond, but for me the change is fairly quick and easy. If i need to swap out of girl mode for some reason, it takes about the amount of time and effort as getting ready for bed. Some cosmetic wipes to remove makeup, pop off the nails if I am wearing any, and put wig, outfit and underthings back in my closet for the next wearing.

Mentally, I am pretty much the same person regardless, so no mental readjustment is required. That does not mean I am equally or even 70/30 ok with making the switch. I do feel a niggling of discomfort whenever I am obliged to present as male.

I think that I know what you are talking about. I get to be Gracie about twice a week for about 4 to 6 hours so I'm in drab most of the time (although I am underdressed). I tend to put off returning to drab as long as I can. The process of removing clothing, makeup and my wig is somewhat depressing.

My wife and I were just on vacation at our cabin for an entire week. I spent 95% of the time in women?s clothing, including going in the lake in a swim dress. She made a comment that my clothing was strewn all over the porch (sunroom). I let her know that she brought more bras than I did. Come Sunday morning I packed it all up and drove home in boy clothing. Never even gave it a second thought.

I also find that returning to male mode after a full day dressed as Janine is terribly depressing. The worst part is removing the makeup and wig.

After being dressed and out and about for a few days, when I return to male mode, I find it very awkward to walk in flat shoes, doesnt bother me changing, becuase I know I will be back dressed in a day or so.

I find that the longer I am crossdressed, the more difficult it is for me to change back to drab. I don't want to change back. If I've only been dressed for a short time, it's pretty easy. If I've been dressed all day, I just don't want to change back. Of course, reality insists I must.

Retirement isn't too far off in the distance future. My wife and I have discussed this, and that early on in our retirement I might be crossdressed most of the time, but that this will likely fade to more of a balance. She's ok with this notionally, but will let me know how she feels (as she always does). I'm wondering what feeling I will have when I don't have to change back.

Changing back is tough for me

Good question, I like going back to male mode because everything is obviously is not real. For example, my wig, and no woman enjoys wearing panty hose all day at work and now I see why lol. OMG the fake hair holds so much heat. Secondly and just my opinion but your title for this post, I'd change to drab mode or male mode, just saying.

Natalie, go as Natalie!

Yes I can relate to this, I don't get to fully dress often but when I do and it's time to change back I struggle a lot mentally.

If I under dress (once or twice a week) that doesn't seem to affect me the same

Definitely have sad feelings when I have to go back to boy mode. I only get to dress occasionally so when I do I want to prolong the experience as long as possible.

Hi, Through the years I have developed a routine of getting up a couple of hours early on weekdays. My only male time is basically when I am at work and occasionally when I have family things to do. I live alone so I become Sylvia as soon as I get home each evening. I try to go to bed early and always sleep in panties, nightgown, and sports bra with my hair pulled up in a bun!
I get up at five and am able to make coffee and sit out on the deck for a while as myself before getting ready for work. I love this life!!
It is not too exciting for me to dress for work but have found a nice routine to make it bearable.

When my wife was still working and I was already retired I was able to be en femme every day she worked. It afforded me six to seven hours a day. The time was dependable. It did not bother me to don my male clothes again because a future session was assured. Then, my wife retired and wham no more dependable sessions. The Covid. Housebound with a non-accepting wife. Right now I am banging away on this keyboard attired in a black bra, panty and full slip under an ankle length short sleeve sun dress. My wife and I sleep apart and she is a late riser, so now I am able to sleep en femme and have limited morning sessions. I am resigned to this limitation. O got my head screwed on right.

Taking the wig off is especially hard. In today’s dynamic, I am never sure when the next time might be.next week? Next year?

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Originally Posted by Debs

After being dressed and out and about for a few days, when I return to male mode, I find it very awkward to walk in flat shoes, doesnt bother me changing, becuase I know I will be back dressed in a day or so.

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This is an interesting part of this conversation. There definitely are awkward physical things associated with transitioning back to drab. I too find it weird to walk in regular shoes after wearing heels for so long. I have that phantom feeling of my breast forms still weighing on my chest as well. These little things that linger for a while post glam sesh.

I believe this is one of the major differences between us CD's and u trans!:heehee:

For us CD's our female side mostly comes off with our dresses, wigs, and make up!:battingeyelashes:

I dress mainly during my working at home days, and have to change before my wife arrives home.
If I’ve got something planned that I’m looking forward to after work, it’s not so bad.
However, if not I often find it quite difficult.
My mood can be quite low for a few hours afterwards.

It’s certainly created a new dynamic to the working day.
I sometimes find myself quite looking forward to Monday morning, and that didn?t happen before Lucy was around

Returning to boy mode always makes me sad. It's easier if I know I'll have another day en femme in the near future, but even taking a break for an hour or two -- like, say, a trip to the office -- feels like a major imposition. Even in the week-long stints I've enjoyed the last year or two, I have never reached the end of the week and said, "Thank God I can stop wearing women's clothing for awhile." Instead, it takes me a week or two to stop sighing when I put on even the most colorful items from the boy side of my wardrobe.

Anytime I'm fully dressed and have to "undo" everything I feel sad and disappointed. It's like saying goodbye to a dear friend that I know I won't see again for awhile.

I usually take a minute to say "goodbye" to her/me in the mirror, express gratitude for the wonderful time and experience, and tell her she is beautiful, I love her, and can't wait to see her again. Then I move away from the mirror and undress, starting with my wig since without it I no longer feel that femme, so the taking off the rest becomes easier. I've found this ritual to be helpful in ending my dress-up time with a better feeling about things.

Although the Danielle day I have about every 2 weeks is very enjoyable and relaxing I have no problem reverting back to boy mode. I experience no sadness or depression and in fact I am on a bit of an endorphin high for several hours. But I do NOT enjoy the tedium of removing all the makeup, fake nails and packing away all the dresses, lingerie and shoes. I do look forward to the next Danielle and will plan ahead what I am going to wear but the anticipation is not stressful unlike years ago when a Danielle days could be 6 months or a year apart.

Much like Danielle and Sherry, I really don’t have a problem going back to drab.

I kind of enjoy the whole changing clothes and putting on and taking off of the clothes in general. Of course I prefer getting everything out and on more than taking off and putting things away. Sure I would generally enjoy staying en femme longer, but it really isn’t a problem for me to go back to myself when circumstances dictate it. That is, I enjoy being myself and my normal life, so no sadness or depression returning to it. Of course, I also enjoy playing dress up and being en femme, but it is more of a luxury/hobby/opportunity for me than a requirement.

Why do you need to have a boy mode? It does nothing but make you feel sad and inferior. Why not just stay in feminine male mode and wear what you want to wear? It took me over 50 years to realize this and I am much happier and don't feel trapped in some lame boy mode.

I do certainly feel a tinge of sadness when reverting back into boy mode. But then I just think about the next time and the excitement overcomes this.

It was never easy for me and has become more difficult the last few months as I've spent more and more time on the Softer Side.
I can do it when need be, but there's always a lingering in my mind. Some mannerisms are more difficult to shake and I find myself standing a certain way, moving my hands a certain way and it takes more concentration to avoid.

For some reason the beginning and the end of Brenda is always in front of a full length mirror. The smile that lights up my face when I am fully dressed, my makeup done, and I have my wig on just feels right. I am always sad when it is time to leave Brenda, I stand in front of the mirror, I take one last look at the pretty woman and with a heavy sigh I take off my wig and heels (I know a little odd). The rest is easier.

My mannerisms are definitely more feminine even in boy mode. My wife has picked up on this and remarks all the time.
Particularly the limp wrist!

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Originally Posted by Jamie001

Why do you need to have a boy mode? It does nothing but make you feel sad and inferior. Why not just stay in feminine male mode and wear what you want to wear? It took me over 50 years to realize this and I am much happier and don't feel trapped in some lame boy mode.

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I absolutely do not feel sad or inferior in boy mode and love my role as a husband, father and grandfather. I do not feel trapped in lame boy mode and I am happy in every single second of my male mode. Not all crossdressers are gender dysphoric and the spectrum of transgender/crossdressing of members of this forum is vast and we should not be pigeonholed into one category based on our own personal experience. I love this forum because of the diverse commentary and advice I have received since joining.

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Originally Posted by nancy58

Returning to boy mode always makes me sad. <snip> I have never reached the end of the week and said, "Thank God I can stop wearing women's clothing for awhile."

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There are many times when I, dressed in my cute girl clothes, am so reluctant to change into man clothes that I let slide chores that I know should be done, even if it's 3 a.m. and I could probably get away with taking the garbage out to the curb while in a cute top & skirt. Even that, could mark me as gay or trans, and potentially ruin the good relationships I have with my ultra conservative neighbors.
So I just accept living within my restrictions; I'm only 'Sometimes', a Miss.

Being dressed has always been like a runners high to me and the longer I'm en femme the harder it is to change back to male mode.

I'm just a casual crossdresser. Switching back and forth is not a problem for me. I'll wear a bra, dress or skirt, stockings or pantyhose, and shoes when the mood strikes me. I wear girl shirts when they come up again when I cycle through my everyday clothes. I'll
wear panties when I run out of regular underwear. I always wear panties when wearing skirts or dresses. I primarily only dress in my house. I do go out when I have girl shirts on or panties. No one can tell the difference. I don't go out fully dressed and I'm not sure if I want to. I don't drive anymore and I don't think I can use public transportation wearing femme clothes.

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Originally Posted by JulieC

I find that the longer I am crossdressed, the more difficult it is for me to change back to drab. I don't want to change back. If I've only been dressed for a short time, it's pretty easy. If I've been dressed all day, I just don't want to change back. Of course, reality insists I must.

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I agree with Julie. It really hits me hard after spending 4 days and 4 nights 100% in girl mode at the Keystone conference. I even developed a plan to counteract it that I call, "Soft Landing". Basically, I make several stops on the drive home, each time becoming more boy and less girl. When I walk in my house I'm all boy.

When I have enough time, I also do the soft landing approach. I?ll lounge around in my more casually cute things wearing panties and a tee. I do find the switch from women?s clothing to men?s is a lot more difficult to adjust to mentally and physically like I said. The feel of the material is so vastly different and how it?s cut and sits on your body as well. Like I could be wearing a thong all day then when I have to make the switch back to my drab underwear, it feels funky. It?s a bit hard to explain but like it feels like something is missing.

Like I have to adjust all of my male movements just based on clothing alone.

My problem is I have bra straps that stay for about a day. Next day I start all over again adding new bra straps.

The part I can't seem to understand is it doesn't matter how much time you have when having to go back its always so depressing. Last winter there was a snow storm that kept us in for a whole weekend. From Friday night to Sunday night I dressed all weekend, different outfits and accessories so one would have thought I would have been more then content. Instead I got a feeling of sadness instead of taking it as what a great weekend it was I still wanted more. So I guess I know where your coming from.

Really good question, Kimmy. As I settled in to a non-binary identity mode about 8 years ago, the switch is quite easy and occurs fairly quickly, like less than an hour. My dressing style follows the shifting of my identity. That is, the mental identity precedes the male-like or female-like outward expression in the way of clothing.

When in male-like mode I can sense a shift in my identity toward the female-like mode and that seems to be associated with social circumstances and what fits best with those circumstances. That shift can take maybe an hour to as much as a couple of days before I get a bit squirmy with my male-like expression and start searching for a stronger female-like expression.

Keep in mind that both are usually present all the time; it is just the degree of intensity that is what determines my desires to be more purely one way or the other, but it is never purely one or the other. I am comfortable either way so long as it parallels my mental configuration. Most of the time I may be in male-like expression but I may wear shirts that are definitely in the female-preferred color scheme. I may include other things. For example I always carry a shoulder bag with my stuff, but it is a "unisex" bag that fits either expression. I rarely ever experience dysphoria anymore and even then it is slight to moderate and mostly slight when it does occur; sort of like a mosquito bite that can't be satisfied by scratching.

hello Kimmy,
I cope by never going back into full male mode.
I usually wear something feminine:
perfume, women's tee shirt, socks or panties, clear nail varnish, jewelry, lip balm, deodorant ... always something.
luv J

Yes, this question (or something similar) has been posted before. I can't IMAGINE having a problem with returning to boy mode. But then again, there I have discovered that there are at least TWO types of Crossdressers. I have always found CDing an EROTIC activity.--- Especially when I first started as a pre-teen. And most of my sessions still follow the same pattern. Get dressed and made up, enjoy the sensations and sights for several hours (or longer), and FINALLY "pleasure myself" when I have had enough.---- When THIS happens, a change comes over me, I can't get out of the clothing and clean the makeup off FAST enough. I have NO MORE desire to dress--- At least for a few days or a week or so afterwards. It's like a "drug" I HAVE to have my CD "fix" which kills the desire until the feelings creep up again.

I am not the only one who feels this way, others have mentioned this in the forum too---And a few have expressed "embarrassment" and a reluctance to post such matters. But I think it is quite IMPORTANT as It suggests that there is an important Erotic aspect to CD for some of us, and Conversely, for others, it is more an "Identity thing" with NO erotic factors. Is the latter group a "lighter form" of TG? Yet Still, I go with the definition of a Cross-Dresser(Noun) as a person who wears the clothing of the opposite bio-sex, but is STILL Heterosexual. As opposed to Those who identify with and wish to be the opposite sex (TG), Or Homosexuals, (attracted to the same sex) who also both might cross-Dress, (verb) but for different reasons.

And even Hetero Cross-Dressers may have different motivations. Mine started as purely erotic and moved to being "Totally relaxing" as I became "not me" and psychologically could release all my stresses and worries assonated with both me and "being a man". The erotic element is still there though, and I find it is an excellent way to end my sessions, as it "kills" the desire to be dressed, when I am done.--- I hope my information has helped people who are like me and will give us better insights into our respective activities.

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Originally Posted by Jamie001

Why do you need to have a boy mode? It does nothing but make you feel sad and inferior. Why not just stay in feminine male mode and wear what you want to wear? It took me over 50 years to realize this and I am much happier and don't feel trapped in some lame boy mode.

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I agree but to a greater degree. I am a widower so I can dress however I want. So I hardly ever change to boy mode. I wear dresses virtually all the time in the summer, even to church. When I go to church I also wear makeup, nail varnish (polish), and heels. When you go to femulate.org lately there are postings of people in boy mode and girl mode. It seems to me male fashions are plain and ugly, which goes against the natural order of animals, especially birds where the male is the flashier gender.

I sort of experienced this yesterday at my local Pride event. I dressed up in my prettiest Southern Belle dress and went out to Pride for a few hours. Got lots of good reactions, had a good time. When I finally got home, my feet were hurting... but I didn't want to take the dress off so it stayed on for a little while longer before reality set in and I had to change to go get myself some dinner for the evening. I kept my bra and panties on for the rest of the evening, but just missed wearing the full outfit with corset and hoop skirt on. After I came home, I put my breast forms back on for the rest of the evening under my boy clothes so I kept the good girly vibe going for the rest of the day. Was a really good day for me!

Now I gotta fully transition back to being in boy mode for today, but part of me wants to put it all back on again.

I'm like Julie and Steffi: the longer I've dressed, the harder it is to change back. If I've just spent four days at Keystone full-time en femme, then putting on my drab clothes and driving home Sunday morning is very hard to do. If I just throw something on for 60 minutes while the family is out, I have no problem removing it and getting back into full guy mode.

i agree with you Jamie, the longer i can dress, the harder it is to change back.

If I have had a long outing of being dressed pretty, and it becomes time to change into my guy things, I feel a yearning sometimes to just go home dressed pretty. I wish I didn't have to isolate this part of me away from the people who love me.

Every time I dress as a woman, I eventually have to return to what I am, a guy. It's pretty routine and I don't have a problem with it.

When I had 10 plus hours a day for most of the week to stay dressed up, the crash to guy mode was hard. It was even worse when that time all came to a screeching stop. Incredibly depressing. I get to put things on but not even remotely close to how I use to, when I can even that little bit is a downer when I have to go back to guy mode.

Last year I spent 4 days in girl mode, at the beach, with my wife. We had a great time and was hard to say goodbye to the morning routine of getting my makeup done and wearing the bikinis, ready to a beach day. Now this year I went to the Viva Wildside Las Vegas for the first time and have 8 days in a row, completely in girl mode. A wonderful time, but the pink fog was real: next weeks I spent daydreaming of those days and gave me a lot of happiness and sadness and the same time (in Brazil we call it "saudades"). Truth is: I never be satisfied enough if I have a chance to dress more often.

I have been writing my reply here and deleting it before I posted it. Today, I am gathering my courage to do this. Sorry if it is too much information for anyone.

Today, it would be exactly eight months since I had the chance to fully explore to be me. I had the privacy that I wished for at the beginning of December 2022. I wanted to make full use of it. I had my whole body waxed, including trying out facial waxing too. It was painful, yet, I wanted to go through to at least be for a few days to live the life I wanted to.

I had help. I have been to one of the feminization services here and I have spent three days living the life. I even drove around the town when I was dressed. Truth be told, I shouldn't say dressed - I should say being myself. I went out to a caf? walking around downtown and also to a local bar on the next day. It was the first time that I have been completely out.

The depressing part started the next day (fourth day). My body hair started to grow back. I wasn't feeling the confidence that I had over the last three days. I was smiling from my heart for those three days, but I have cried so many days since then on why I couldn't live my whole life the way I wanted to.

Reality is hard. We all have wishes, we all aspire for something in our lives. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to deal with it. Life is hard. Yes, I might again get chances to dress occasionally, but I know, it is not about dressing - it is about who I am. Thanks to reality - living my life as I want to, somehow, feels like a dream.

its heart-breaking to return back to that mode