being told to crossdress

Hello all,
I remember when I came out to my wife about liking to wear women's clothing, for some reason I was embarrassed about it. My wife had no problem at all with it, but I did. And for some reason the embarrassment got worse for a while. I needed to crossdress but was scared to do it. So we came up with a system that I would leave a sign in the bedroom (her jewelry box lid was open) and then she would tell me to dress up. All stupid, I know, but it seemed to take the decision-making and shame away for me.
I was wondering if any other Group members used similar tactics?
I don't do that now, by the way, and my wife is still OK with my choice of clothing.
luv J

To this day, I don't always feel all that comfortable getting dressed en femme in front of my wife (who is very accepting). Once I'm dressed, I'm usually fine. If she asked me to crossdress, I would probably feel a lot better about getting dressed in front of her.

Jacques, your method of communicating on when it's OK to dress is awesome! So many of us only dream of our wife asking for it, I know I've been trying my best to find a similar system though it will always be me starting the ball rolling.

Julie, same here, I am uncomfortable while "in transition", avoiding mirrors to the max extent possible and only taking a good look when I'm 100%, hopefully this Friday!

Forced cross dressing seems to be a universal theme in trans fiction. I think it is because so many of us have wasted so much of our time and lives in shame, trying to resist doing what we ultimately know we really want to do. It takes away the responsibility of acknowledging who we really are.

Sure, many have fantasies concerning "forced" cross-dressing, but I think Jacques method is nothing more than non-verbal communication. It's a way to communicate a need and get a response. As a man with a non-accepting wife I would love it if she communicated in some manner that it was alright to be en femme. From years of reading on this site the most frequent tip a wife seems to give is "Honey, I am going out for the afternoon. I'll give you a call when I am on the way home." My wife use to do that pre-covid when she use public transportation. She tell me what time the bus was going to stop near our home. However, it still left out any presentation in front of her. Jacques you're darn lucky.

Funny that I was pondering just such a predicament not long ago. Was wondering how I would respond should my wife ever choose to say "Sure, go ahead and wear what you want when you want and I'll be ok with it forever more." I imagined feeling quite awkward for who knows how long and wondered if I would ever simply feel normal and calm in her presence without second guessing what she was really thinking or feeling about it all.

Perhaps some of us need that physical signal that it's ok to do what was agreed and accepted.

I doubt my wife would ever suggest I CD. However, early on she did say this is my house and I can CD in it whenever I want. Her only request has been no wig and no makeup in front of her. I honor that request. After she goes to bed at night, on goes the wig, lipstick, and occasionally press-on nails. If she gets out of bed and comes to the family room, she will see me like this; but, that is rather rare. Nonetheless, I don't feel badly about being "caught" as she knows exactly what I do each night after she goes to bed. It's my alone time as Heather rather than my time as her weird husband wearing a dress, bra, panties, forms and nylons. I normally get partially dressed between 7 pm and 8 pm. She retires to the bedroom at 11 pm. Heather gets her alone time from then until 1 - am when the wig and lipstick come off and the dress if exchanged for a nightie.

I consider myself very lucky in that my wife as said dress however you want in the house. I dress pretty much every evening miad (with forms) but still find it difficult to feel at ease. Tonight after a week of non cd due to being away with family on vacation I went even further with wig and a bit of makeup. I warned her with a text before she arrived home. She made no comment except to ask did I feel good dressing up. Hoping this is a sign of furthering acceptance as my dream is to be more out in the world with or without her.

I wouldn?t need to be told or asked twice. Never going to happen to me in reality.

My supportive wife doesn?t tell me to dress, but when she senses some anxiety, tension, or fatigue, will suggest dressing, especially my favorites, hose, bra, panties, slip, knowing the calming effect they have. Love it.

I had to think about this before responding. There was a time when I would have loved if my (ex) wife had coaxed me into cross dressing. I think at the time, I felt I needed and wanted her permission to crossdress. The time came when I no longer felt that I needed permission, but I still would have appreciated if she had been able to support me without her suffering stress associated with having a transgender partner. The stress continued even when I took an 18 month break from dressing around her.

My wife is ever so accepting and totally involved with all my crazy antics. I do enjoy it when she tells me to go up stairs and put my outfits on. Such a sexy rush. Never have I felt odd or such when dressing in front of her but we started together on dressing. I have always just been bold in my choices.

Not long after our marriage she was complaining of how tight her one piece swimsuit is. I said it stretches?soon I was in it and we shared great passion together. Long journey from her suit to now a full wardrobe. She is the best.

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Originally Posted by Debbie Denier

I wouldn?t need to be told or asked twice. Never going to happen to me in reality.

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Same here!

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Originally Posted by NancySue

My supportive wife doesn?t tell me to dress, but when she senses some anxiety, tension, or fatigue, will suggest dressing, especially my favorites, hose, bra, panties, slip, knowing the calming effect they have. Love it.

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Same here Nancy Sue she seems to sense the pink fog is there or I'm becoming anxious. She has suggested a few times I go and dress to relax ,it's wonderful when that happens .

My wife is completely encouraging of my CDing, but has never told me to dress.

Hi I am rarely in male clothing only when going out, once home if I haven't changed within a few minutes my wife will ask why and tell me to go and dress appropriately which I know means head to toe. Sometimes she will tell me a specific outfit she wants me to wear otherwise I know what makes her happy and it's not trousers.

Never had my wife encouage my desire to dress up, but it certainly would be a dream.
In the early days she would make time for me, and would even buy me little presents like clothes or makeup, but that has changed over the years.
What was once maybe a tolerance from her has changed to what can best be described as utter discust of the very thought of crossdressing.
Except of course, she is very open and accepting of other peoples needs, just not IMBY.

- Suz

So with this lid up signal, you are basically telling your wife to tell you to dress. Interesting.

My goodness Amy I love your wife!

the closest my wife comes to asking me to dress is telling me she wants the maid to come a particular day. She usually plan this a few days in advance.

I have a very supportive wife, but sometimes, not knowing her exact mood I do feel a little anxious. I have also learned to be more direct about how she is currently feeling about my dressing.

I would love it if my wife told me to or suggested that I get dressed. She actually did, one time quite a while ago, and that was very exciting, but hasn't since. As you can see from my recent post, we've come a long way in terms of acceptance, if not support. I've thought about asking her to tell me to get dressed, and she would probably reluctantly do so, but it still wouldn't be the same as being her real idea or desire.

That is a very interesting story, Thanks for sharing,

Wifey is so accepting and I have never felt awkward when dressed around her. But on occasion she has said go get dressed. Usually to have me do something like vacuuming for her. Things I help with any how but dressed up is more funner?lol

My wife will sometimes ask me if I plan on getting "changed" but never tells me.......we don't have a tell each other what to do type relationship....mostly its my decision but I always ask if she minds when I fancy getting changed and if she has a preference on what I wear. It's about mutual respect for each others feelings.

I suffer from anxiety. When it gets too bad my wife will sometimes say, Why don’t you go and put a skirt on? She knows it helps.

When my wife has a tense conversation she wants to talk about she will ask me to dress, she says I'm much calmer when dressed. Even though she uses it to her advantage it still feels good when she asks me to dress.

My wife has said, in the past, it is okay with me dressing. However, I am not ready to dress around her.

My wife never makes me dress up. However, she will ask me at times if I?m going to dress up tonight. Our agreement is that I can dress up Friday Saturday and Sunday nights also Saturday and Sunday mornings when we first get up so that means I get to sleep in a nightie. She just recently bought a wig off QVC and she didn?t really like it so she gave it to me. I was very surprised at that. She said she thought the hairstyle made me look more feminine. So sometimes if it?s a weekend Night, and I haven?t gone to pick out my feminine clothes for the evening, she will ask me if I?m planning on dressing up and sometimes suggest the outfit that I should wear.

In our case the communication is more direct, it varies from questions like “how do I like my women to dress?” or “why don’t you put on something more comfortable?”, to more assertive statements like “go change”.

And the frequency? Daily.

She says that makes her happy.

I was told by a woman I worked with, even on days I didn?t arrive really thinking of it, she?d catch my eye and show me a bag she brought. She?d wave me over and give me the bag and tell me to go in the bathroom and put everything she brought in on. And most of the time, I dropped what I was doing and did as she told.
I?d find myself naked in the stall, pulling in pantyhose, and then usually thigh highs over those. She?d have 3 silk slips sometimes and demand I wear them all.
I swear I was seen on a few occasions through the stall door cracks.
I?d usually wear the nylons and panties under my pants and go back to work for the day.
A few times I managed to wear a slip and tuck it into my pants.
She would caress me right there at her desk. She was amazing.

I have never been told to do it. But that being said, I have dressed at home with my wife. It usually is a Sunday and I start in the am with a great hot shower. I come out totally shaved wearing a robe. I ask what the plans are today? If it is just to hang around the house I have asked if I could dress today? 90% of the time I get a yes. I do not ask every Sunday maybe 5 times a year.

I go full out and wear multiple outfits throughout the day. I do like to change my look every 4 hours or so. Wigs, makeup, nail polish, toes are already done.

One of these days I will get caught be a friend of hers that would drop in un announced. I do not care, believe me when I tell you folks that we are the cutting edge of cool in our fem clothes.

I had a new experience with my wife over the past few days related to this issue. At this point in our lives since having the talk with her a couple years ago and slowly dressing more often, I normally dress around 5 or 6 pm for the evening (and sleeping) every day as I?m lucky she has evolved to ?it?s your house too - dress how you want? person.
However whenever we have an argument or issue (about other things, not cd) I feel uncomfortable dressing and do a full stop for at least a few days. This time we talked about that - she first said I looked ?different? (male clothing) and that when this happens she doesn?t want me to stop dressing, as I?m a happier person when dressed. This also led to a more open discussion in general about my cd - being a member here has also made it easier to talk to her about cd issues.
So while I don?t believe she will ever tell me to dress (of course jealous of you that do have that), I?m taking this as a subtle suggestion to dress and gives me a slightly better feeling of acceptance. Thanks for the opportunity to write about this.

My supportive girlfriend would send me an email during the day, something like "Kate, should come visit tonight".

Those emails made my heart go pitter-pat, I never had to be asked twice.

My late wife would tell me to go change when I would come home from work or just after a day which put me in a bad mood. I never considered it a order, just a suggestion. She knew it would improve my mood.

That's an amazing way to communicate! I have recently started to explore and I feel the same way. Once dressed, my anxiety goes away, but I do feel that initial hesitation. My wife is very accepting and I will have to set up a system like yours! Thank You for sharing and know that you are not alone, as I have felt the same way. I have found that I am becoming more comfortable as time goes on and I continue to get reassurance that what I'm doing is not wrong. Keep it up and I would love to hear an update!

Can't say I have ever been told to crossdress Although my wife is accepting and at one point 30+ years ago was even a bit encouraging and she says she doesn't mind now I'm the one who is embarrassed and a bit ashamed by it. So I guess I can say it is my cross to bare. When there was an active CD group here I had an excuse to CD but the group really isn't active any more. It still exists but only on the web and not much communication there either. So if I dress there is no where to go and it is go alone. There is a local CD/gay bar where others who dress can often be found. And in reality you can pretty much go anywhere and usually no one will mind as long as you're spending. So it seems tp me we, us CDs, have to lose are/my guilt.

@Jacques - seems like a wonderful idea!

This sounds like a fantasy, being told to get dressed!