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I am sorry for old question but now is 20 year of my CD time, I find out that I don't have clear reason for it, most of the time I CD, I fap fap fap (sorry again), but sometime I don't feel it's really because of fapping, sometime I want to turn myself into a perfectly beautiful woman with a clean, brilliant clothers, but for what? why? let us discuss about that odd reason of CDing
I can only talk for myself. I think I do CD because the woman that lives hidden deep in my brain needs that.
I was born and educated as a boy, but I think I am feminized deeply inside. It took decades for her to get upto the surface and makes me aware of that.
In fact, I don't want to be a perfectly beautiful woman but according to my age a mature lady with a curvy body.
This is part of my fancy and desire and I am not going to transform my body.
I think we do because it is part of our DNA. I believe we were all born with this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabine7
you are right, sometime I online and reg a female account (facebook) and act, talk and even THINK as a womanQuote:
Originally Posted by Crissy 107
Based in part on the variety of personalities that I've met in this forum, I'm sure there's no single reason.
Personally, I think of transgenderism as a spectrum that goes from people who have experimented with crossdressing on one end, to full-SRS transwomen on the other. I feel like I'm lucky to have been born low enough on the spectrum that frequent crossdressing is all I need or want. It satisfies me, and has for 50+ years.
There doesn't seem to be one single reason. From what I can tell it ranges from something sexual to loving the clothes and the look of a women to almost transgender type feelings. For me I've always had a relatability with girls since I've been young but I'm mostly fine with being a man in everyday life. I'm Becky as an expression of my inner femininity.
For me the roots of it I think stem from my curiosity about women at a young age... didn't really have a girlfriend until maybe about 16 yo... when I was 14 I "borrowed" a pair of panties from a friend's sister for at the time an unknown reason, other than I was turned on by it. Then when I was 17, a girlfriend gave me a pair of thermal underwear one time... which drove me wild, just because they were hers. In college after a bad breakup, I discovered my GF had left behind a pair of VS satin underwear, and I wore those for a while (for fact of missing her, and because it felt great.) In particular, this GF and I would cuddle at night while sleeping, and I loved her more than anything. I was devastated when we broke up, but I think I had become addicted to the closeness we shared at night. Fast fwd to marriage... tried on a thing or two in the beginning, but it all started when she accidentally left a pair of satin (again with the satin LOL) panties in my drawer... rekindled the interest. Plenty of business travel gave me chances to try pantyhose and panties from VS stores in the towns I visited. Now, my wife is not much for cuddling during sleep (something I crave to this day), so when I discovered bras and the "constant hug" from them, and then breast forms and the added weight and feeling from them... it snowballed HEAVILY at that point. It was about three years later that I finally caved and told my wife about the dressing and what not. That was 14 years ago. So while the underlying curiosity has been there since an early teen, I don't think it was until I discovered that dressing replaced something I missed that I went into the deep end with it. Probably a lot more to unpack here, but this is the best explanation I've been able to come up with. It feels good and it makes ME feel better.
Because it's me. In my DNA, my soul and heart. It's just part of who I am. Makes me happy, calm, and comfortable. It's fun, sexy and risky. I love the selections of clothing and fabrics. Just so many reasons and not one not to dress.
Because its the most beautiful amazing feeling that god could ever had given to me, I love the way it feels, I love makeup, I love shopping dressed there is no other thrill like it on this planet earth. Hearing my heels click around the Mall, the feeling of the wind blowing up my dress, the swishes and the noise of female clothes. Strutting out at night to the pubs and meeting friends, what more can I say, its soooooo me.
Debs
In my case I started under dressing in bikini panties about 20 years ago. I can't really come up with a reason why I bought them. I had gone down to Denver from Bozeman, Mt, with a friend, to pick up a Jeep that my wife left at a Jeep dealership to be worked on. My wife and I had gone down to Denver the week before to pick up a car she bought through eBay. As we started home I noticed the Jeep was overheating, so we stopped at a Jeep dealership to have them work on it. They said it would be a couple days, so my wife and I headed home.
It was a 10 hour drive between Bozeman and Denver so the friend and I stopped at a motel in Casper, Wy for the night, staying in separate rooms. While at the motel I had a thought about wearing women's panties. So went to a nearby Walmart and bought a package of bikini panties. Got back to my room and opened the package and put on a pair. They felt just so wonderful! So for the next 20 years I would buy, wear and then purge panties. I don't think my wife ever knew but I'm not 100% certain.
The tail end of Mar last year my wife had an accident and broke her right leg. She had it operated on and between two hospitals, the one in OKC that did the surgery and one out here in Clinton, she was in the hospital for about three weeks. She came home the end of Apr and I had a hospital bed in the living room for her. One day in the middle of May we were talking and out of the clear blue she said "I'll be dead in six weeks", which scared the hell out of me. She passed away from pneumonia on July 5th.
Before her accident I had purged my latest bunch of panties. The beginning of Sep I decided to go to Walmart and buy myself some more panties. On the way over I had a thought pop into my head, "I wonder what I would look like in a dress". I had no idea where that thought came from but it was followed up by, "transforming Dean into Diane". Again no idea where that thought came from. At Walmart bought myself several packages of bikini panties and found a couple dresses I liked. Needless to say it has exploded from there. My female wardrobe has pushed my male wardrobe out of the bedroom closet and into another room.
In the long run all I can say is that it feels so right, normal and natural to me to be wearing women's clothes. I think I'd have to agree with Sabine that there is a woman deep in my head, Diane, and she finally had the chance to express herself. I am Diane and Diane is me.
I apologize for this being so long. This is the first time I've gone into detail, online, about my wife passing away last year.
That's a loaded question Marihanne. First I would say I'm not even sure I am a CD. I say this because I've never gone out in public as a CD and only CD in the privacy of my own home and it's always lingerie (nightgowns) although I think that if I new how to be a convincing female I would venture out as one.
To answer the WHY is more complicated. I know it gives me a sense of calm and gives me peace within. It's also the sensualness of feeling the material on my body. With regard to the peace it brings me its a mental peace. Without going into details there were traumatic things that occured to me when I was a teen which went on for years. I've questioned my sexuality ever since. I've had a fondness for women's "underthings" since I was a young teen and never grew out of it. My interests are mainly more female oriented and I'm more comfortable conversing with females. In general I'd say I have more feminine traits and just sense I'm more a female.
I've said quite a bit so I'll leave it at that. Have a great day ladies.
Like most others here, I've given this a lot of thought but unlike others I haven't really got a real grasp why I crossdress.
It started with me looking at Christmas catalogs when I was little and stumbled upon the lingerie section.
As I reached puberty, I didn't have access to male adult magazines, so I would look at old catalogs of women wearing lingerie to enjoy myself. Then I wondered what the lingerie would feel like against my body, which turned me on quicker than just looking at pictures.
Now I am more comfortable wearing women's clothing around the house and no longer get turned on by it. I will admit that when the wife and I were on vacation and she suggested that I dress as a woman while traveling it was exciting, but after a while I just back to being comfortable again while driving. Hower the excitement came back when she suggested that we go into a convivence store to get some drinks, but after a couple of minutes the excitement disappeared and it was just the 2 of us getting something to drink.
So why do I crossdress, I am not sure why I enjoy it so much other than fact it I feel more comfortable wearing women's clothing.
To me it has to be something hard wired in my brain that eventually compelled me around 5 yo to put on my mothers bra and stuff it with whatever materials I could find. Just felt like it gave me the correct body shape. Having breasts/bras was my main focus (never had a piece of other fem clothing) until two years ago when had the talk. Then with the newfound freedom been expanding to a relatively small wardrobe/wig/now starting makeup- and have been slowly venturing out more and more. No intention to trans but also not sure where this expansion of behaviors will stop- kind of nerve wracking.
Because it just feels right.
When I dress up and go out as a woman, many would say that I'm masquerading as a woman. Our society has groomed me to all my life to dress like a man. However, when dressed as that way, I feel more like I'm masquerading as a man.
I feel more comfortable with a group of women, and feel out of place in a group of men. I've been that way since kindergarten when the teacher extract me from teh girls'' play area and force me to go over with the boys.
It just feels right, and it always has.
-peace
-Gracie
There's a theory, or postulate (that I read in the book "Becoming Nicole") that it's not DNA, but it is physiological.
Fetus has XY genes and starts to develop male gonads (parts) in the first trimester. In the second trimester, the brain begins developing. For some reason, there is more estrogen in the amniotic sac in the second semester "than normal". This additional estrogen "feminizes" the structure of the brain. Since the gonads are already formed, they continue to develop as male parts. But a person with a feminized brain and male parts is born transgender.
I know this doesn't describe all of us, but it is an intriguing theory that may apply to those who knew they were different early. I would guess that there are some environmental factors, like socialization of parental acceptance that may make it easier or more difficult for the femme side to come out.
O don't have a deep reason. I just do it to make me feel better at times. I will admit that wearing women's clothes does feel natural.
Do not really know, do not really care anymore. Knowing won't change anything for me going forward or explain the past. It is what it is and it is not going away.
Karren - great point - I was glad to be able to pinpoint the origins of this for me, but tbh, that was more for the therapist than myself. I figure I am what I am... and it's not going to change, so might as well deal with it and enjoy it :)
CDing, It is just who I am , And it's Just what I Do, And I totally Enjoy being a Pretty Lady,
U can read my reply then forget about it, Marihanne, I'm one of kind. Altho it's taken me decades to figure out that when I began dressing in my 50's, I am simply a man with no woman inside to please or appease. :sad:
As to why? I expect because at my age, 80, it's the most exciting, challenging, and fun social "hobby" that I can still passionately enjoy! Like I should give up Sherry for golf or model trains!?:eek:
I would compare becoming Sherry to a drug or alcohol addiction. But, with more of a high and without the hangovers and early death side effects!:devil:
I have always had the desire to dress up. I've been dressing up regularly for three years, managing to blend in, so I got rid of my inhibitions and do it in public without drawing anyone's attention.
I have also tried to guess the reason for this inclination, primarily expecting that I have a female alter ego stuck in me.
I went so far as to spend two months in female disguise, with short breaks on 7/24.
After that I know 100% that I don't want to be a woman, nor does any Betty live in me.
My satisfaction with cross-dressing is of a fetishistic nature: when I was young something caused me to transfer my interest in women to their things as well.
Judging by the content of posts on the forum, posted photos - I suppose this applies to most of the people here, although certainly also - not all.
As previously stated, we/I are part of the spectrum. I am not just a CD though but my sexuality is affected and then finally transgender bouts manifests. Sometimes Steffie possibly might have something as to the root cause...
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...You-Crossdress
I have no real idea but I do know that's it's fun. Suspenders and stockings are a fetish on cis women as are the rest of sexy things women get to wear. And when I say sexy that is in each and everyone's opinion. I love skirts and dresses, make up high heels and I suppose all the other things few women of today seem to wear (normal everyday attire) Me wearing today is just an extension of that. I admit im a young starter like most CD and was always fascinated by underwear, only dabbled very occasionally most of my life annd it was only lingerie not clothes until 4 years ago then I started a lot more. Maybe it's because I don't see these things any more (or my SO not wearing them) but it fulfills a void. I also love the taboo aspect, although I'd like to be able to go out without prejudice I also do not want it to main streem either. I don't do it for sexual gratification but I will be honest and say it is very sexual and sensual. I also feel free and happy when dressed or may be that's just an adrenaline shot lol I only fully dress about 4 times a year. Underdress each week.
Or maybe I'm now the wrong side of 50 like Sherry and I just want to have fun and be different. All I know is I love doing it and can't wait for the next opportunity to dress.
mbmeen,
Thanks for highlighting Sometimes Steffie post, I had only been on here a couple of months when she wrote it. It was good then and excellent now.
We are blessed with both of yours info and excellent feed back on various topics...
Thanks,
Davina
It's a question asked so many times and I'm at a loss to really know why. What I do now know is that is has become as much part of me as any other facet of my personality. I know I find it pleasing when looking in the mirror and see a reasonable facsimile of a female looking back at me. I know I feel more comfortable in female clothes. I know I'm comfortable when displaying female traits and mannerisms and engaging with other as my female self.
What first drew me to start this journey I really can't say. I know it started at an early age, way before puberty so not driven by raging hormones, it's just always been there and as life's progressed I've become ever more comfortable with this aspect of myself. So I guess I'm at the stage where it is what it is and I'll go with the flow.
Erm can I ask, I'm not familiar with the description "most of the time I CD, I fap fap fap". So what's fap?
First of all, as a male sensing a feminine self of some sort or other is not abnormal. It is entirely normal even when that sense of self is strongly female-like. Second, you are not female even though the sense of self is very strong and makes you feel like you think a female feels - it isn't, not exactly.
Separate things out - you are sexually and genetically male. But your sense of self is not produced by the fact you have XY chromosomes - that is not possible. But there may be influences from your X chromosome and the other chromosomes that affect the way you react to the world and perceive the world. That in turn causes you to react to experiences in your life and even when you were still in your mother and your brain was developing that caused the production of neural networks that are configured in a way that is very much like the configurations in a female.
However, you also have neural networks that are male-like and create male-like behaviors. Which happens depends on the circumstances at the moment. You and all other males can use female-like behavioral reactions if appropriate for the situation. It is just that as a result of the development of your brain you happen to have a lot of female-like neural networks - it's OK. In fact, sometimes it is beneficial. But you tend to develop a preference for one or the other because the preference feels better and produces the most comfortable sense of consistency.
Eventually you may develop a strong affinity for the form that, in your life and with your individual configuration creates the best solutions and feelings. Sometimes that female-like side takes over almost completely even though sexually you are still purely male. Even if you transition you are still male, but your identity is consistent with the behavior of a female.
So as a result of blending a bit of genetics and a lot of successful reaction to situations your neural networks can become strongly biased toward the female-like side which then directs your behavior and your expression of your sense of self. No magic; just a normal variation. And very much the same thing can happen to a female; it just works the other way around.
There are probably multiple theories about why we to it and I?m not sure any one theory hits the nail on the head for all of us. Clearly we are all someplace on the spectrum, some more some less. My theory is that crossdressing is an addictive behavior. At least it was ( still is) for me. Early on in puberty, age 13 or 14, I became fascinated with what was underneath the clothing of girls. And I became interested in those pieces of lingerie that covered those most curious body parts. Eventually I tried on a pair of my mothers or sisters nylon panties and the endorphins or whatever kicked in. You know what happened. Wel the urge and the feeling never went away. It was an irresistible draw. And in my little hormone addled mind, I figured that if panties were good, adding a bra would make it better. Well, I was right. Eventually when I was out on my own in my own apartment, there were no limits. Living in the world of lingerie. I still had girlfriends and sex was great but lingerie was always ready when I was. Now many year later, the instant rush is gone but the good feeling of getting dressed up from time to time is still there.
Feels good, stress relief and it's nice to step outside of one's self every now and then.
I've given up trying to find the reasons. I think we can agree 'its complicated.'
I've been this way all my life.
For a very long time I tried to analyze it and determine the reason. I have come to the conclusion that it is genetic. It's the same as trying to tell someone why I have brown eyes or am right handed. It's just the way I am.
I have to agree. My PTSD counselor for combat related PTSD issues is of the opinion that every man and woman has some dna of the opposite sex; in some it is more than in others. To me, that may explain the vast range of sexuality among the human population. Under stress I think the mind calls upon the male or female traits within us when the need arises. When I was in the army as a combat infantryman my mind was preoccupied with staying alive. In civilian life when work stress arose it was time to take a mental therapy day off from work; don that pretty dress and heels and become a June Cleaver look-a-like, doing domestic chores.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crissy 107
hello Marihanne,
For me the reason for dressing has changed across the years.
Now I just do it because it is part of me and I have stopped trying to question it.
luv J
Why do I wear dresses, heels, and makeup?
Men's clothing is so dull and prosaic, especially the coat and tie outfits alone for.formal wear. And what's wrong with a little makeup to improve your looks? I describe.men's.fashions as being plain and ugly..
John
I, too believe it?s a genetic/DNA thing. In my youth, I had no interest in women?s clothes, until one rainy day, my neighbor?s daughters decided to play ? dress up? and invited me to join them. To this day, I wonder why I didn?t just leave. What caused me to stay? I picked up a pair of nylon stockings. They felt nice. She told me to put them on. And, I did. Why? I don?t know, but I knew that I was hooked, and I was. Hose, of any form are still my #1. Over the years, I?ve included more and more. Now retired, I dress in panties, hose and bra daily. Some days more. Having a wonderful supportive wife is incredible. I have absolutely no regrets, but occasionally wonder if I?d walked away?
I CD because of how it makes me feel. It can be euphoric and nothing else comes close. It is the ultimate escape from everyday life.
My desire to dress has waned to a remarkable degree over the years. The biologist in me says it's not just a DNA thing. At a very young age I noticed how much I liked seeing young women in certain clothing. As their styles and fashion choices changed, they stopped wearing them. At that young age, if I wanted to see them worn, that meant wearing them myself. And I did for a time (probably a fetish). But wearing those things was never as attractive as seeing women wearing them. And my desire continually waned. I don't believe in the "pink fog". I don't think it exists. I think it's a convenient excuse to fall back on.
I imagine that's not a popular "explanation" here, I can only speak for myself. No offense to anyone.
This is so true. Just look at what men and women wear to big events like the Academy Awards/Oscars. Nearly all men wear a tuxedo, and they are all pretty much the same. Women on the other hand get to wear a seemingly infinite variety of outfits. Both the best and worst dressed people at the Oscars are women - men are just more of the same.Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnH
This goes for clothes ordinary people wear too. Women's swimsuits have so much variety - colors, types, how much skin they show. And underwear - men's underwear is boring and ordinary. Sure, there is boring and ordinary women's underwear - but there are so many varieties of women's underwear. And so many types both look and feel sexy.
And to answer the "Why CD" question - I do it now because it is a part of my being. If I stopped cross-dressing tomorrow, mentally I'd still be a cross-dresser. I'd still look at women's clothes and want to buy and wear them.
And my further thoughts are: A lot of animal species have the male as being more flashy than the female. Look at the peacock vs.the peahen, cardiǹals, and mallards as examples. Humans have it backwards where men wear their dull clothes and women wear their gorgeous clothing.
When I go shopping I don't throw on ratty looking clothing that so many people do. I make it a point to select out a nice dress and have painted fingernails, and toenails when I'm wearing sandals. And I at least have on lipstick. And when I go to church I either wear a dress, nylons, heels, and makeup, or else wear a man's coat and tie outfit. I'm tired of seeing people of both genders showing up at church wearing jeans and gym shoes.
John
I gave up trying to figure out why years ago. Now I just enjoy the experience.
You are quite right Linda. It can change in so many ways and even fade to some degree or possibly even vanish, although that is rare. That shows this is not completely genetic in origin or operation. Being an adaptive behavior it can constantly be morphing into other variations as our bodies change with age and as we experience new things and see new perspectives.
But the genetic foundation persists as a bit of predisposition that may or may not be activated and may change. All behaviors have some degree of a genetic foundation and source even though it might be slight. That said there are learned behaviors as well and telling them apart can be difficult. But there are enough twin studies, especially twins that were separated at birth and raised in different environments to show there is a genetic element. If one twin is some way in their environment there is an excellent chance the other twin will behave in similar ways even though in a very different environment.
The point is that not all genetic elements need to be expressed outwardly and some may never surface as a behavior. The dance between genetics and adaptive physical and socially learned behaviors creates an almost infinite number of possible variations. We follow the ones that create the best results and we find those results by exploring and experimenting. If you are male put on those panties laying on the floor and see what happens. What happens afterwards grows out of the genetic predisposition blended with sensations that are positive and other experiences you have. The genetic factor may well be the source of the urge to put them on in the first place. For us who are fundamentally more varied, it is all a very exciting journey and adventure of adaptation partly through trial and error but also through reasoning and imagining what the next step might be that attracts you and then giving it a try.
Monique,
I totally agree with you...100%
Davina
I am a transvestite/crossdresser because I am addicted to how it makes me feel so sexy. Being Paula and wearing female lingerie and some clothes feels heavenly and makes me feel comfortable and relaxed. When dressed in my lingerie and admiring myself in the mirror with pantyhose or a garter belt with stockings and heels, I feel so sexy and complete. I love it!
I dress for my mental health. it is my happy place and brightens my outlook whether I am fully dressed or thinking about it. I did not start fully dressing until I was 50. I always had hid my feelings in the past and it created a lot of anxiety and depression. I realized this when I finally addressed it and with help found how amazing it felt looking in the mirror and enjoying my feminine side.
The reason for me is when I look in the mirror and I see a woman looking back at me! That?s why I do it!
I have said it before and I will say it again. I dress how I feel most comfortable.
That just happens to be in a dress. :)
I have leaned to accept this is part of me.
It just makes me feel so relaxed. Quite why this is I really don?t know.
I crossdress cause I fell more relaxed. Once Christina comes out and male me disappears a weight is lifted and everything is gone. Stress, nerves and anger all gone.
I crossdress because it jjust makes me feel good and i feel that there is something that is needed to be released when I crossdress and that is the woman deep inside me. I also want to be look beautiful as I look in the mirror with make up, dresses and hosiery.
Ahhhh, the old 'Why in the world do I want to do this?' question.
1. Simply, our mind is resolving the desire to be in womans clothing, with the social demand that we present as manly men at all times. But the vast majority of us have been raised since first being self aware, that being feminine in any way, is the absolutely worst possible thing we can ever be. Sissy, and the more genitalized version that begins with 'P' which gets automatically deleted here, are the worst possible insults that anyone can call us. After all, as we see, a man can be a wife beater, a murderer, an adulterer, a con man, a liar, a cheater, even a serial killer, and he will still have some women sexutally turned on about him. But GIRLY?? OH, NO! NEVER! It's apparently an instant turn off for over 99% of women!
So why do we do it? Something in our minds, has decided that we're supposed to be presenting ourselves as female. Why, we get back to the old 'nature vs nurture' question.
Trying to figure myself out, made me study psychology from age 14, when I first came across my sister's college textbooks. After that, with everything, books, periodicals, classes, then online BBS, then Compuserve, and then the Web when it exploded on the world in the early 1990's.
I figured out myself. But it wasn't a happy discovery. NO great relief, of finally understanding, of knowing what I truly was. For me, it was nurture, a result of many gender influences starting from when I was a toddler. So I naturally assumed that all of us developed that way. Until I found the alt.transgendered newsgroups online, discovering that so many MTF personalities had been that way seemingly from day one. So for you who have always felt like that, it's nature.
So there is no ONE cause? Well, yes, and no. We get there from a different direction, but the absolute end cause seems to be that whether we were born this way, or later had our minds influenced to truly believe that we should feel, think, dress, and behave as a female, either way, we wind up with a mind that somehow has to resolve that always there subconscious need to express as a female, and so one way to help 'quash' the discomfort of being 'stuck' as a male, is to wear feminine clothing. When that isn't enough, we adopt other things that help ourselves identify as female, too: We start to adopt behaviors that we believe are definitive of 'ONLY females', such as forcing ourselves to alter our gait so we feel that we are walking like a female; then we see the arm/hand movement changes, such as the typical 'limp wrist' motions which are often easily seen in effeminate gay males who exaggerate it to an incredible level. Smiling timidly, and practicing facial feminine 'looks', often with also preparing our faces with make up, to hope to become 'just like a girl'.
But OH, NO! I'm not REALLY a girl! OH, NO, that's not the REAL ME!... No, that's 'just a side'. I can't be a sissy! NO, never that! We begin to desperately try to distance all these feminine feelings and desires from what we feel we must be, must be that all male, manly man, because to be anything else would be the most terrible thing ever!
Gender Identity Dysphoria. Our minds desperately trying to resolve the need to feel as if we are female, even if we are not. We didn't ask for this. But we're stuck with it, whether we are transgendered, or not.
Further study revealed some things which are most often stereotypical of males, and females. Communication. Women bond through talking to each other. Men bond through shared activities. A woman gets mad at someone? She gives them 'the silent treatment'. And thinks that will get them to change their behavior. If a woman's friend suddenly cuts off communication, she will wonder what she did to upset her friend. If it goes on for a couple of weeks, she is sure that something is wrong. But men can go for days, weeks, months, years, decades, even half a century, not communicating with a friend, and then when we see him after all that time, pick up right where we left off. WHY? Because we assume that the other man is just busy with other important things, and we know that he's not ignoring us out of spite, but simply has other things keeping him busy. So the silent treatment doesn't work on men. Men love silence! We can go for hours with our other male friends, and barely say a word. HIke over a mountain, watch sports for ten hours, only to talk to get food or drink, is common. Why? It's how we evolved. Females stayed with the children and each other, watching both their own and other women's offspring, while taking care of their home and gathering plant foods. Men went off to hunt dangerous animals to eat, needing to be quiet for safety and avoid being seen before we all attacked what would become 'lunch'.
And so much more, read some of Allan and Barbara Pease's books such as 'Why men don't listen, and women can't read maps' to understand the basic differences between the genders, to see if you are really lean towards the feminine, or the masculine. Yes, I know, there are exceptions, but there always are. Even those folks will likely remember feeling those thing when they were growing up, only to reject them either because they didn't like being restricted to their birth gender roles, or never felt them to begin with. The Pease' books have references at the end, so you can further search out more information if you want.
But the end result, is IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT for feeling like you want to dress and behave like a female. So you can stop feeling like you have to keep telling the world, 'OH, that's not THE REAL ME!'. It is you. It's ALL you. And there's no shame in it, no matter what you have been told all your life.
The reason perhaps that many wind up being turned on and need to masturbate when dressed up as a girl, is that testosterone is such a powerful hormone, that it doesn't take much to get us turned on, as most of us have experienced as teens, when we would often get erections for no apparent reason. So it's easy to mistake thinking that other thoughts might be linked to feeling like we're supposed to think/behave/dress as females. We're basically just subconsciously horny all the time (that IS how the human species kept going, after all), and it doesn't take much to generate the sexual feelings going.
If you want to know about some social influences that can make a normal boy wind up feeling like he's supposed to be a girl, feel free to read my bio in the writers forum, the link is in my sig, below.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I don't claim to be the absolute know-it-all, but have given a lot of thought to this for oh, about 60 years now.
I enjoyed wearing knickers from about 6 years old. Then, from my early teens, it became erotic and very pleasurable. Now (definitely not a teen anymore), it’s not erotic anymore (well, maybe a little), but I live alone and wear female clothing whenever possible at home because it?s comforting and pleasant. I think that may be Pavlovian - I spent years training myself that wearing female clothing brings pleasure. Whatever, I’m not planning to stop anytime soon.