Can we talk about hair?

Wigs. I love how they look, hate how they feel.
Do you ever get used to the feel of them on your head?

In the past I've only ever cared about how dressing up made me feel, rather than how I looked. But I've started getting The Urge to go out into the real world while dressed up and I think I'm going to need suitable hair!

My whole life I've had the same haircut, a #2 with clippers all-over. Now I'm thinking I should grow it, but I'd need a hair cut which could be styled either as male or female. I just can't imagine what such a haircut would look like!

Has anyone gone this route and would be willing to share a picture of it?

I tried going that route, but there's not enough there to make it look good at all. I'm relegated to wigs and I've grown used to them, not really comfortable, but used to them.

As for a hair style, I suppose that would depend on your situation. I would have let mine go long and just worn a ponytail in drab and perhaps used a styling wand or curlers to add some interest when dressed. Alas, that will never happen so I change my look with wigs.
On the other hand, as I told a CD friend once. If you do grow your hair then all your family and friends will see you with that hair and even makeup won't change your appearance that much to disguise you when you're in femme mode. A risk some are willing or can take. One I was willing to chance. Are you?

Hi Cheryl
I wasn't so much thinking of growing it that long, just long enough so it could be styled in some way. I'd be up for a (relatively) fairly short cut if it could be styled to look fem... I was thinking something that just looked like a guy's mop of hair when un-styled, then something more with the addition of some hair product maybe.

I'm not even sure if that's possible! I've never even considered having my hair longer than "real short" before, let alone which fem styles I could carry off.

As far as the risk of being recognised goes - I think I'd take it. I'm concerned about my wife's parents and my kids recognising me, but I've reached that time in my life where anyone else can take me exactly as I am.

I'm a long time wig wearer and have never really gotten used to them. For me, they never look exactly how I want and they tend to make my head warm and generally uncomfortable. My biggest issue with wigs is that I need a large cap and the styles are fairly limited. Still, I persevere and wear them since I love the idea of having long hair. I would much prefer growing my own hair out. I have tried it in fits and starts but never got past the awkward, in between stage. Someday I have to just keep my eye on the prize and stick to it.

Danni,

There is a CD'er who posts on FB doing makeup tutorials and often styles their own hair from drab to femme and makes a good job of it. If I remember the name I'll let you know.

Find a hair stylist, and ask them for help and advice.

I started to grow my hair out in 2018. When I made the decision to start growing it, I looked for a hairstylist and emailed her asking if she would be willing to help me grow it out and find a hairstyle I could be comfortable with in both boy and girl mode. I currently just wear it long, just longer than shoulder length. When I have to be a man, I put it in a pony tail. When out as a woman, I really don't care if I see someone I know. I look different enough with makeup and my long hair styled feminine that I don't worry about it. The comfort, convenience, and confidence of having my own hair far outweighs any risk of being caught.

I'm an older lady and I have always loved long hair both on other gals and on myself. I like long hair with bang because not only does it help to make me look younger it also pulls peoples eyes away from my male shoulders. If you are looking of wigs that really fit and feel good you should go to a hair saloon that sells wigs and get fitted. Best of luck

Well, the first step is to simply let your hair grow out. Long hair on men is pretty much accepted anywhere nowadays. It'll take a while, but once you've got some length to it you can start experimenting. Find a good hairdresser and if you're comfortable with them tell them you want a cut that can pass as male or female. If you're hair is long enough, say shoulder length, pretty much any cut could work. BTW, that's my real hair in my avatar. If I want to go more 'masculine' I put in a pony-tail or man-bun.

Unless you have a baldness situation, the secret to long hair is quit cutting it. I've seen too many people in the salon saying "I'm trying to grow my hair out." That's like lighting a cigarette and saying "I'm trying to quit." No, you're not.

I've gone years without a cut, in male mode I simply let it hang or pull it into a ponytail (never a man-bun, nothing masculine about that, sorry.) If I want it to look more feminine, thats where clips and scrunchies and braids come in, there's all kinds of things you can do without help, even more if you have help.

Wigs are for bald people.

Have grown my hair to the bottom of my shoulder blades twice now, first time I cut it, I went just short of shoulder length. This time, about a month ago, the stylist cut 14" off to donate, to a local cancer victim, then cut it to just cover tops of my ears. Will let it grow now to cover my ears, then will have her style it. That will be it for all modes of dress. While I had fun curling and playing with the long hair, it played havoc with my sewer drains. Family and friends comment that they miss my pony tail. Just told them I tired of it. What ever you do with your hair, just own it, nobody cares. Talk to a stylist...

I also have a love hate relationship with my wigs. I have a rather flat back of my head so there is nothing for the wig band to hold on to. As such I have to wear two sided tape to keep my wigs in position. It's a real pain.

Danni,

Remembered the name, Juliette Noir.

She can be found on you tube

I have a fuller head of hair thanks to being on estrogen, taking gummies for hair, skin, and hair, and minoxidil. My hair is now about 5 centimeters (2 inches) longer than my shoulders.

Needless to say I really don't have a male mode even though I might wear a man's coat and tie outfit from time to time. Even then I wear makeup and have painted nails.

John

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Originally Posted by Bluesman

Well, the first step is to simply let your hair grow out. Long hair on men is pretty much accepted anywhere nowadays. It'll take a while, but once you've got some length to it you can start experimenting. Find a good hairdresser and if you're comfortable with them tell them you want a cut that can pass as male or female. If you're hair is long enough, say shoulder length, pretty much any cut could work. BTW, that's my real hair in my avatar. If I want to go more 'masculine' I put in a pony-tail or man-bun.

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And that is one wonderful set of hair.

Thanks Helen!

I agree with Bluesman... I have let my hair grow to the point where I haven't worn a wig in over 2 years. It feels great but it does take more time to prepare. During the day I, when in Male mode, wear my hair in a ponytail and usually under a hat. Here is what it looks like now.Attachment 340107

I am fortunate enough to have all my hair and when the opportunity came (thank you pandemic lockdowns) I grew out my hair. I really love having long hair. It's something I've wanted to since I was a child. It's currently down past my shoulders. In guy mode, I wear it in a low ponytail. In girl mode, anything goes.

If you are worried about someone figuring you out. If it's just the long hair, no biggie. Start adding a few more tells, shaved legs, waxed eyebrows, longish fingernails then people might start wondering what's up. One other thing ... A wig adds to your disguise. If you have your own long hair, people might recognize you if you are out dressed. That may or may not be a big deal.

My hairdresser took this at my last haircut 3 months ago. I was so excited when she flat ironed my hair and styled it. Yes, I am out to her. Please excuse the blue foundation, LOL

Attachment 340108

As a man I HATE that I've lost most of my hair.:sad:

But, as a CD it's a blessing! Wigs! Of every shade, cut, style go on or off in seconds!:battingeyelashes:

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Originally Posted by Robyn n TN

I agree with Bluesman... I have let my hair grow to the point where I haven't worn a wig in over 2 years. It feels great but it does take more time to prepare. During the day I, when in Male mode, wear my hair in a ponytail and usually under a hat. Here is what it looks like now.Attachment 340107

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Absolutely stunning, Robyn!
Definitely what I'm aspiring to.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BTWimRobin

I am fortunate enough to have all my hair and when the opportunity came (thank you pandemic lockdowns) I grew out my hair. I really love having long hair. It's something I've wanted to since I was a child. It's currently down past my shoulders. In guy mode, I wear it in a low ponytail. In girl mode, anything goes.

If you are worried about someone figuring you out. If it's just the long hair, no biggie. Start adding a few more tells, shaved legs, waxed eyebrows, longish fingernails then people might start wondering what's up. One other thing ... A wig adds to your disguise. If you have your own long hair, people might recognize you if you are out dressed. That may or may not be a big deal.

My hairdresser took this at my last haircut 3 months ago. I was so excited when she flat ironed my hair and styled it. Yes, I am out to her. Please excuse the blue foundation, LOL

Attachment 340108

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Looks lovely Robin! I was originally thinking of a short-ish hair style, but I admit I'm jealous of your length! :)

To be honest I'm not really that worried about being recognised... partly since I don't go out while dressed up yet! But also because I'm only really concerned about my kids or my wife's parents - and when I eventually do start to venture outside I don't expect I'll bump into either of them.

Long Hair on Men is no big Deal anymore,

I grew my hair long as a teenager and asked my then-girlfriend to cut me some straight-across bangs. I ended up keeping that hairstyle for several years. I cut my hair short when I was 20, but I soon went back to having long hair with bangs. I've been cutting my own bangs or having my wife cut them for me for over 10 years now. I've had everything from micro bangs to brow-skimming bangs, but I always keep them straight across.

I've been growing my hair out for the last 4 years and I had long hair for about 2-3 years prior to that haircut. It really isn't a big deal and I have not been growing mine out due to crossdressing. I just like long hair. I haven't had anyone question it as it is just a normal thing after a while. I say if you want long hair, go for it.

I will say that for the first couple times I went out dressed (relatively recently) I was so worried about trying to get my hair into a more feminine style. And I realized that I didn't really need to worry about it. I don't know if mine just naturally sits more feminine anyway, but it looks pretty good when dressed up. Of course, everyone's hair is going to be different but I doubt you will be disappointed and I really doubt you will get many questions on it in guy mode.

Thanks for all the opinions!
I'm lucky enough to still have all my hair, though now I've started growing it I can see it's a lot grayer than I'd thought! (When it's shaved to a #2 with clippers it's much less obvious!)
I've got a long way to go (grow) before it'll be anything I can style in any way but I think I'll have to colour it when it does get to the right length.

And I suppose I'll need to start visiting a hairdresser - even when it's still growing it'll need to be tidied-up.
I think! I've been cutting my own hair with clippers for the last 30-something years so even this is all kind of new to me. On the plus side, I've heard of an excellent hair salon in my town that's very LGBT friendly and specialises in cross and trans hair.

After two or three years of major crisis in my life, I decided to let my hair grow in 2006, right after my daughter's wedding. I had no end game in sight, but decided just not to cut it. I started with a fairly short regular man's haircut and it took probably two or two-and-a-half years to get long enough for a decent pony tail. I'd had long hair in the seventies, but had never worn a ponytail. I did get some pushback when I grew it out, but those opinions just didn't matter to me. At the peak, my hair was to my waist but I usually trimmed it to mid shoulder-blade length.

I had a severe case of covid in 2021 that had me in the hospital for 29 days and the stress on my body ended up causing enough hair to fall out that my pony tail was about the diameter of a pencil. My wife cut it to just above my shoulders and I haven't cut it since. What amazes me is that pre covid my hair was fairly straight, but when it grew out, I now have substantial curl. I've worn it down, without the pony tail, to church a half dozen times. What's really funny is that when I've worn it down, in male mode, I got several compliments, but I actually had 2 bald guys or 2 separate occasions tell me that my hair was "glorious". Exact word.

So having it whatever length will have fans and detractors.

I mostly wear a pony tail for practical reasons. I like to pull it back in a clip if i want a more feminine look. I do a bun occasionally but I'm not proficient enough to get the look I'm after and too lazy to try and figure it out. I don't look like a woman ever. i have very strong masculine features although my weak chin is covered by my beard. My preferred look is very much just on the femme side of androgyny and not like a woman. That's like the world's least favorite look, but that's exactly the look I'd be going for. I throttle my desired expression by 80% because my wife is concerned what others think. But, I've been slowly experimenting with what my end point look might be and incorporating small feminine expressions here and there. I'm probably giving way to much for your OP, but there it is...

To me, the one advantage of a wigis the fact that I can suddenly be the redhead I was meant to be. I do however, plan on getting my hair permed soon and cut into a bob. Somewhat androgynous and hopefully fulfilling my desire to be a bit more female on a daily bases.

Unfortunately, with the bald spot I have, I have no choice but to go with a wig. But that means doing my hair is pretty much the shortest part of getting ready.

I love my wigs, in fact the only thing I don't like about them is watching in the mirror as I take it off; heavy sigh. :sad:

Go for it! Wigs can be useful, and I appreciate the variety of styles one can have at their disposal. But for my money, there is nothing quite as satisfying as real, long hair.

How you get it cut/styled will depend very much on your hair type. For example, my hair is very fine. It can be difficult for me to tie back, because it falls out. Or when I try to curl it, it can be tough to get the curls to hold. I usually ask my stylist to cut it just off the shoulder, with a little face framing. Anything longer than that, I find it hard to get enough volume to make it look good.But the cut works for me. It can be styled either mass or femme, and my very talented stylist can make it look great with a blowout. Unfortunately, I don't have a ton of good, recent photos. But the one I've included should give you some idea of what works for me.

Attachment 340540

Don't be afraid to shop around for the right stylist, either. I've had some good ones and bad ones over the years. My current one is my wife's stylist, and she's great. I always feel so good walking out with my curls bouncing. Keep us posted on your hair journey!

Getting fresh color as I read this. I'm happy to stay the same color. Got to keep the gray away

Though my hair is thick enough to look acceptable from the front, my huge bald spot in back rules out growing my own. It is wigs for me. I try to get mine in my natural color so my eyebrows and skin tone blend welll wit( my hair and do not contrast needlessly.

I have had good fortune with wigs. A good wig band keeps them in place. I put money into them, so what I buy, I can style easily. My wigs, with good care and not too frequent use, they last a long time. I now have three that are top quality synthetic pieces and two other that are cheap but manageable. About a year ago, I just retired my favorite wig at 25 years service, replacing it with the exact same model and color.

It takes a few hours to get accustomed to them but I soon feel as if they are a natural part of my head. More expensive fibers usually wear nicely and itch less. And taste better. I grew up in a place with hot humid summers, so hot weather in a hot wig does not bother me.

I like the range of styles available, a different hairstyle, a different wig for nearly every day of the week. They can be put on and taken off quickly and easily. Styling them off my head is a convenience that makes a wig look great and its hairstyle as creative as I happen to feel. Wigs are work but I find them worth the effort. And my bald spot, as I said, gives me little alternative.

I hope this works out for your, Dani.

My alternative suggestion is to visit a good hair stylist.
And see if she can find a good "fall", extension or hairpiece.
Easy to attach with pins or clips as the need arises. Glue? Sew it on--that is up to you.
You can get her to color and style your regular hair to match. Curls? Streaks? Waves? Perm?

I'm used to wearing wigs. My own hair is extremely thin, especially at my hairline and crown. Wearing wigs to bother me more in the summertime, but I just go wefted wigs most of the time. I wear short/medium styles, and they make it easy to finish off my look. I appreciate the pros that Abby mentioned. I also try and get higher-quality wigs, if I can help it. I like changing colors and styles anyway, although I've gravitated to a more limited range as I've gotten older.

Danni,
Your hair looks really nice in your pic.

Wigs are very easy to make look nice and easy to take care of but are hot in the summer. I would get so hot with one on in the summer my face would sweat.

Over the last year or so I've let my hair grow out to the point I no longer wear wigs I had long hair to begin with. I've had a few comments from people that know me that I look like an old hippie.

I get blond highlights every 6-8 weeks or so the stylist simply cuts my ends. I usually wash my hair everyday and use a good conditioner. It is so true its much easier to style your hair if you don't wash it everyday.
When I wash and style my hair I use a blowout serum the blowout serum is key to make my thin hair better looking. I part on the side brush it us as i blow dry it then use a light hairspray to hold. On the days I don't wash my hair which I actually plan because it is so much easier to make your hair look good if you didn't wash it that day I brush my hair up using a very light styling gel then spray.
My profile pic is a Raquel Welch wig.

A few years ago I wouldn't let my hair grow this long do to work. I'm very close to retirement I don't care now, work is usually a difference maker on your hair length.
Attachment 340719

I?ve updated my aviator with a recent pic with my own hair not a wig.

A lot of people have no choice but to use a wig. In that case buy a good one, wigs have gotten so much better in the last 15 years or so. Raquel Welch wigs was my favorite.

I can only comment on wigs. I do wear them when I go out and wouldn't have it any other way. I do get used to them and don't find them particularly uncomfortable if they fit right.

I have two wigs, a cute little bob that is my favorite, and a mid length. Both are ash blonde color that looks good on me.

Danni,

Good for you if you are able to grow out your natural hair, that is a dream for many of us. I used to have long very thick hair when I was younger, below my shoulders but not quite to my bra strap, loved it. I have had girls come up to me and say they wished they had hair like mine! But, those days are way over.

Don't know if you saw some of my recent picture posts about installing wigs with glue? Girl, that's a game changer for me! I am with you on the not so natural feel of a wig, but this feels completely different and very close to it being your own. During my current "adventure", I have kept a wig glued down for up to 6 days in a row, and it feels great. It is _not_ coming off, and not moving around, so you can brush it and work with just as you would with your own long natural hair.

I can even shower and wash it, and then do the towel up top wrap to get most of the water out before blow drying or just letting it dry on its own.

Quite a few YouTube videos available, but not all of them shows the whole story. PM me if you like.

Suzie

Thanks everyone for your replies!
My hair is now still only a couple of inches long (having started from a #2 cut all over) but still growing - though still no idea of what style will work best for me (I do really love the idea of a shoulder length bob cut though no idea if I can make that work as a "mens" hairstyle while in drab mode).

Suzie - glued wigs sound intriguing but, having a family with almost-teen kids, I'm not sure I'd be able to explain the sudden fuller head of hair! I'm going to pm you anyway though, would love to hear about your experiences with them.

Danni,

I will reply to your PM with more details in the morning, but I want to let everybody know that this method can be used for a single day/evening thing if you want to. It is not complicated, it just takes some extra time both for the install and the removal.
I have glued on my hair for one evening, and I have had it on for 6 days, all up to you and whatever fits your need.

The last couple of days, I glued on a standard, non-laze, synthetic wig, and it was a completely different experience from wearing it in the traditional way. You know how a wig often feel like it is sliding around a little if you pull on it, or if you comb or brush it! It feels like if you are not careful, you could pull it off of your head, or at lest make it sit crooked and look out of place.
With a bit of glue, it will not do that and will feel like it really is attached to your scalp ... which of course, it is.

Another thing that was important for me with the one I wore the last few days, is that it is actually a little small for my head, so the tabs in front of the ears do not reach down enough to cover my gray hairs right there.
With a little glue, now the hair is right where they are supposed to be and the risk of someone seeing "up under" your wig in that area, is basically gone.
I also glue it down in the back to prevent it from creeping up. Again, this one is actually a little small for my (big) head, but with the glue and the stretch of the elastics of the wig, it stays back where it is supposed to be and you don't have to worry about it.

Even if you just do a few dabs of glue on the sides and in the back, it will make a big difference in how secure it feels, and you will be able to brush it without loosing it.

Go for it. One suggestion I'll make is that there will come a time when you can do a ponytail. it will be tempting and there's nothing wrong with it. I wonder in retrospect, there's talk that it puts a lot of tension on your hair and they can say it leads to hair falling out. how you feel on this. I don't know. Just saying, maybe when you get to the point where it's tempting to wear one every day, don't do that. It's fine. I'm fine but I wonder if Things might have been even better. Had I not done so much ponytail for a couple of years.

I started growing out my hair in 2018. I love that it is now reaches the middle of my back. I've gotten better at keeping it out of zippers. ugh!

I love the feel of them!
Its part of the expericence, looking down and seeing yr hair drapped around your boobs...
Just the feel in general

I just deal with wigs until I grew my hair out. I know that's not an option for everyone, but I really love it. It's almost to mid-back.

Argh, it turns out that my wife isn't dealing with my dressing as well as I had thought. We had a conversation last week, part of which was about my hair. I'd thought I'd made it clear that I was growing it so it could by styled both masculine and en femme but she didn't realise that.
Once she realised that she asked me to cut it.
Which of course I did right away - I'd never do anything to risk me-and-her. And it was in that couple-of-months-growth stage where it just looked messy, so it didn't feel like a huge loss.
But now there's the wider conversation to be had: I thought she was OK with my dressing but now I'm not sure where I stand.

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Originally Posted by BTWimRobin

I am fortunate enough to have all my hair and when the opportunity came (thank you pandemic lockdowns) I grew out my hair. I really love having long hair. It's something I've wanted to since I was a child. It's currently down past my shoulders. In guy mode, I wear it in a low ponytail. In girl mode, anything goes.

If you are worried about someone figuring you out. If it's just the long hair, no biggie. Start adding a few more tells, shaved legs, waxed eyebrows, longish fingernails then people might start wondering what's up. One other thing ... A wig adds to your disguise. If you have your own long hair, people might recognize you if you are out dressed. That may or may not be a big deal.

My hairdresser took this at my last haircut 3 months ago. I was so excited when she flat ironed my hair and styled it. Yes, I am out to her. Please excuse the blue foundation, LOL

Attachment 340108

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This is so great Robin. I share that same dream. Nothing meant more to me than growing my hair long middle of the back if I could. My wifes known about this since before we were married finally during the pandemic, I let it go. I was so nervous the pandemic would end that I would tie my bob back to hide the length. The wife kept saying lLet it down?whats the big deal? She wanted me to get trims…but I wanted the length so I could hide it in a ponytail or bun…and I was afraid that Id have to cut it post pandemic…so it was a race against the clock (in my imagination).

And then in Nov of 2021 I cut it :-( I was distraught!

I grew it out again…this time going for 15 months and a solid ponytail length…wore it in French braided pigtails on hikes and when in enfemme mode?WOW…the best!

And then?I had my first purge?cut my hair and tossed the clothes. Terrible day that I can?t really explain?because it was all on me?and my wife has reminded me of this.

So what have I learned?well..,you have to be happy with what you have and I am. My issue is that I probably look better, more handsome w/short hair?high and tight and the wife?doesnt want to admit it because she knows I want it long?but it does look better.

So here?s the plan?Im taking it one day..one month at a time. She has agreed to help me make sure it looks the best I can in any stage. If she says to get a trim?I will. If she says?wear a band or some other accessory I will. This doesnt mean Im going girly hair mode most of the time?but its the way Im gonna get there. People will make comments they always do. And my answer will be short and direct.

?I like it.?

Ive lived 50 years before it got long?I regret taking 50 years to figure it out?but Im doing it.

Bring on the braids and ponies and updos?cant wait!

Having gone from wigs to my own hair, I will say you need to commit to it. Mine had always been short, but I discovered once it grew out that it was quite wavy, very thick and I shed a lot. I also learned that those hair traps for the shower are a necessity (gross)!

It was definitely a process to learn how to manage it, but a good stylist can save some of the drama. Mine was very patient with me, and showed how to handle it that most probably learn at an early age. Whipping up into a bun is certainly an acquired skill.

I have a hard time growing hair out so I have to rely on wigs to give me the girly look that I want. I get comfortable with them, although the last time I dressed up... my wig cap kept trying to come off so I left it off that time just so I could wear my wig. I would not be passible at all if I didn't have my wigs with my outfits.

My hair has always grown well. :) However when ever I let it grow out a good my wife cuts it. :eek: So it's always been wigs. The benefits though are that You can choose your colour and style dependent on mood. I'm enjoying a red period at present with two newish wigs one long one medium length and slightly permed.

Personally I don't have any issue with comfort.

Tis me...
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I think most people will agree that wigs are never comfortable. I think it is just something you get used to. For me my look would feel incomplete without, hence it is important enough for me to not let it bother me. If you can trying glueing it in place for a couple days! Best way to get past this little hump of having them annoy you. After a couple days you probably will not even remember it is there.

When I was wig-ing it, I was frustrated with how they'd slip and move and itch and what not. Then I tried a technique I got off youtube using a wig cap set in place with got2be glued Freeze hairspray. You saturated your hair, placed the wig cap on, and sprayed it down as well. Once it dried, you used the got2be glued spike cream around the edges and set your wig, using a tight headband to hold it down while it dried. Not only did it make the edges vanish, but that wig wasn't coming off ever unless you used soapy warm water. That method opened up a lot of updos as well, because it held the back down so well.

I later refined the technique to just using the freeze spray on the second step, but it took a little more patience because it would loosen the wig cap if it got too wet. Easier to remove and clean up, but didn't hold the edges quite as well.

As my hair grew out, this way got less useful, because with more hair under the cap, the less it would hold, and the more it would shift around. There is also that period where your hair is too long to be not messy, and too short to do anything with. Six months, or there abouts of fun with that.