Closet CD's why r u so shy?

I get what trans r dealing with. It can be terribly confusing! When I thot I was trans I dealt my conflicting confusion all alone. Thinking I was the only one in the world!:doh:

Then, I discovered CD.com and 1000's of sympathetic T's and CD's!:hugs:

That made me realize I am a CD. But, I'm a closet CD. Only my immediate family knows I dress. And, altho I've met countless vanilla folks and other trans and CD's, they were at events and places far from home. Sherry has traveled all over the world and appeared on TV a number of times. Yet, I still consider myself a closet CD.:daydreaming:

Because no one except family who knows me knows about Sherry!:battingeyelashes:

My question is: If I can do that? If u r a CD and desire to go out dressed, why haven't u?:straightface:

My SO knows I dress but doesn't want to see it (DADT). In addition, my daughter and her 3 children are living with us. This makes it hard to get out into the world. I do manage to get out a few times each year when they are away.

There are some crossdressers like myself who simply have no interest in being out and about in public. I have been encouraged by others that Danielle should experience going out in public and I shouldn't be afraid of doing so. I know for many being out in public is enjoyable and a validation of their femme side but for me there is nothing in it. It has nothing to do with fear or trepidation. My Danielle time is not an expression of the woman within or my true self, I am someone who just likes feeling and looking feminine temporarily before going back to my 99% male existence.

I've been out and decided afterwards it's not for me.

Not sure how to classify myself I absolutely love crossdressing in public I have been out many times and enjoy interacting with everyday people but I still consider myself deep in the closet with my wife I just cannot find the courage to tell her. I guess Im a hybrid half out and half closet.

I am in a big closet called my home. My wife knows and accepts, but requests that I don't go out dressed in a fashion that anyone else in the world would know about my CD'ing. I understand her request, and honour her wishes, because I love and respect her. So I cover up my underdressing with male clothes. Yet, the one thing I still do hunger for is to replace pants with simple skirts about the knee length.

I am out to a number of people, my partner, my son and close friends, and medical professionals; basically everybody except my neighbors and casual acquaintances. But it's taken me a lifetime to get to this point, because I am basically a shy, reticent person by nature.

My wife and I are in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage and sometimes that drives me nuts. She has not said "boo" about my cross-dressing since the 1980's. My first and only forays outside my home with the intent of interacting with fellow humanoids was on Halloweens. My comfort level was only to interact with cashiers at grocery stores. I feel comfortable (Mentally, not footwear wise) taking solitary evening strolls. I have seen cross-dressers out in the wild who do not pass. I watch for the reaction who see him. It is so obvious nobody wants to acknowledge his presence.

Essentially, I like the escape from the male world. I want to feel at ease. I gather be a June Cleaver; preparing meals and baking cakes than aimlessly walking around. My home is my comfort zone. However, if there was a local support group of seniors my age, perhaps I'd consider attending.

Well, Doc, it's because you cover yourself completely including your face so no one can really see who you are. I don't wear a mask, or makeup, or a wig, so I look like me no matter what I'm wearing. So if I were to go out into public in a dress I would immediately be quite out of the closet.

Now John H will come and tell me to go for it, but I'm not at that point yet. Maybe someday.

I have definitely returned to the closet. It just makes life simpler. My life is pretty good and I don’t feel the need at the moment to go out and about. I may in the future after my daughter leaves home IDK. I enjoyed going out before I was married. I also had a lot more time and less responsibilities.

That's not true, OAG! I rarely ever go out masked in the USA, altho I wish I could. I'd probably be maimed or dead by now if I did!:doh:

Americans r some the most superstitious, phobic folks on the planet!:eek:

The pics I post r taken in the few moments I dare to mask at "friendly" venues. Even among my trans friends and here, most hate my masks!:sad:

When I dress to the full nines, I am not being the real me, I'm merely wearing a female costume to experience something different. I have no interest interacting with other people in a costume, the real (male) me is just fine for that. So I go out, and meet people, presenting as myself, a male. And I have fun dressing as a female in my privacy, once in a while.

I've been out and about since joining my support group in 2007. But it still makes me nervous before we go on a shopping trip or a restaurant. Just never felt comfortable in front of the general public except at drag shows and CD galas. And sometimes seeing the negative news headlines makes me more nervous being in public.

Been there done that, even have some of the swag from Southern Comfort in '07.
I have been around Atlanta several times, and Savannah too.
I was going to dress while in New Orleans staying in the French Quarter back in 2012, but I decided I didn't want to be the "highlight" of people's vacation pictures.
It isn't anything I care to do anymore and has nothing to being shy.

I cannot look like a female, build and features prevent that. So if I go out I look like a guy in women's clothing. For me that line in fashion between men and women is silly and made up but it exists. Frankly, it seems one more obstacle to judging someone based on what kind of human being they are. I have gone out in women's clothing and I do not like the feeling i might be looked at. Frankly neither me nor they want to feel that. Often I go out with subtle femininity, if one looks close they could see a bra outline, a top that is women's, women's jeans. But I do it to feel good and not be noticed.

The only time I've been public has been for Pride and that's mostly due to the ball gowns that I wear whenever I do dress up. I don't have anything that would blend in with the real world, but that's ok so I mostly dress up at home whenever I'm in the mood to dress up. Also, there is the fact that I can be shy and nervous about doing something different like that so I'd rather just keep it to my circle of friends instead of out in the public world.

I stand corrected, Doc! But it really doesn't change my answer though. As much as I agree with Joannie about the made-up "fashion line" between men and women's clothes, I really don't want to be the test case. I do push the boundries a little bit on a regular basis (women's t-shirts and tanks, socks, jeans, anklets, etc) but I'm not ready to go to the sports bar in a skirt, as much as I'd love to.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Americans r some the most superstitious, phobic folks on the planet!:eek:

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On that we agree!

Sherry,

It is a question that I've asked and do ask every year. I know there are a good few here on this side of the pond that stand poised behind their doors with an itch to go out yet when handed to them on a plate, the offer of chaperones to guide them in what is considered to be one of the most accepting cities in the country, leave themselves still standing looking through the spy hole.

A night in an LGTQ friendly pub surrounded by like minded souls, hotels for whom having CD's as guests is as normal as the cooked breakfast they serve. A package all ready to go.

It is those little gremlins, the ones sat on a shoulder whispering that bad things WILL happen despite all the evidence to the contrary that it seems still hold sway.

Look I'm not so naive so to realise there will always other factors at play. Distance, time off work, in the closet to family so difficulty in escaping the home, all are valid reason why it's not possible. However I found ways around those problems and it's my opinion that every CD'er should at least once I their life, experience life in the big wide world even if it's only for a few hours. To know that feeling of liberation, that moment of realisation, just to be out in the fresh air is something not to missed in a person's lifetime.

I live in rural Maine and have been cross dressing for a very long time and have always been in the closet. My wife knows and is mostly comfortable with my cross dressing, but beyond that I'm only out to a number of online friends. I know that some of my close friends might not disown me if I was to come out but I don't think any of them would understand, (how could they as many of us don't really totally understand), and they would likely talk. Anything strange and unusual gets around a rural community very very quickly, and the gossip would invariably hurt my wife and she might loose some of her friends. I couldn't bare to hurt my wife over getting out of the closet. I have driven a couple hours from my home and gone out masked and walked around an outdoor arboretum and a Walmart, but even then I was careful not to be really noticed. I think it is also hard to adjust to the idea that there is nothing wrong in being a cross dresser when for most of my life I believed that there was something wrong with me.

I don't feel a NEED to go out in public Cross dressed--- Indeed! In those who do (IMHO) it reveals yet ANOTHER "complication" in their Psychology (Besides simple CD) that they are having to deal with (and I Don't)

ALSO I stay closeted as all too many of the "muggles" Cannot differentiate between Cross Dressers, Homosexuals and Transsexuals, etc. And believe a lot of the most negative myths and stereotypes about the latter two. I do not need to risk the hassle and possible abuse and possible "damage" to my reputation (even if minimal) I have PLENTY of "FUN" safe in my own closet, thank you. ;)

Helen, thank u for bringing up a good point.:thumbsup:

I don't go out to vanilla venues alone dressed for 2 reasons. I dress to look good!:battingeyelashes:
So, dressing to blend is repugnant for me.:thumbsdn:

And, I've discovered even if go out dressed the way I like and don't get directly confronted, the poisoned stares, muted guffahs, and fact that I'm a spectacle and stand everywhere is NOT something I like when I'm just out shopping or getting a bite to eat!:sad:

But, as Helen points out, if I go out with a group of T's I can dress the way I like and relax. Because of course we're going to attract attention wherever we go.:daydreaming:
But, folks watching AREN'T FOCUSED ON ME! And, that makes all the difference girlfriends!:)

For me, I?ve tried to do it on a drive along a old highway but need better makeup and tinted windows lol

So, if no sees u what do u get out of it, Busty?:straightface:

Great question! I feel that I don’t share myself fully with anyone but my wife. We are private people and keep to ourselves most times. We still socialize with a group of neighbor's and a few friends, but I feel that Kitty is someone to cherish and don’t feel like sharing with anyone who may not deserve to meet her.

I've been out as Heather about 10 times. I've not had a lot of interactions with others; but, I've had some. I know I don't pass. That said, I've not had anything derogatory said to me. I would like to go out more; but, to respect my wife's wishes, I can't. Thus, I have to be well out of the area to do so. When I've had the chance, I've been out. I expect to have a chance in about 4 weeks to spend a day out shopping as Heather and 5 or 6 days for Heather to be able to see some sunshine in early June. However, since I am cross dressed at home (dresses or nighties, nylons, bras, panties, forms, jewelry) about 60% of each day, if I don't get to go out dressed in public, I'm fine.

Sometimes circumstances, society and safety dictated whether you dare to come out or not. Not all society are tolerant towards CDs and LBGTQ communities. Its even a crime from where I come from for CDing in the public.:sad:

Some CD's risk divorce, alienation from children, loss of job, loss of home and physical harm if discovered so they choose a more comfortable CD journey by staying closeted.

I am a lifelong introvert. I don't consider myself to be particularly "shy". For myself, I am less likely to worry about what others think, but my wife, children and grandchildren and how any public presentation would affect them is the big concern. Since starting therapy in early '21 I've been slowly asserting my inclination to be a less traditionally masculine man. I don't do female, but I do tend towards the feminine. If I go out, I go out as a guy with a feminine aesthetic. I've slowly let my femme flag fly in subtle ways, but I have to hold tight to the throttle to keep peace at home. She's becoming more comfortable being married to a man like me, but it would not have been her first choice. I'm just trying to find a reasonable compromise as a eccentric old man.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

So, if no sees u what do u get out of it, Busty?:straightface:

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I guess it?s being outside of the apartment as Olivia which is freeing. I?m not that brave yet

For me it's the risk of being seen by someone I (we) know who's opinion we might care about.
I recently came to terms with exactly who I am, after spending most of my life feeling that my dressing meant there was "something wrong with me", so the idea of going out and being seen - by strangers - actively excites me. I don't fear people's reactions, nor have any physical worries (I wouldn't put myself in a dark alley and can handle myself one-on-one).
My only concern is people that know me and how them knowing would effect the life of my wife and kids.
If that weren't a consideration I'd be going out fully dressed today. As it is, I need to be more careful, at least right now.

MsKim, which country r u referring to? My Asian T friend and I have gone out dressed in many countries in Asia!:battingeyelashes:

Fiona, Bea, and Danni: Yes, I understand that because I'm a closet dresser, too!:straightface:

But, that doesn't stop me, or u, or ANYONE from dressing far away from home!:)

In fact I just returned from a trip to Seattle as u can see in my avatar.:daydreaming:

For safety reason, I can't named where I'm really from, sorry. But I can say that Singapore, Thailand, Taiwan, Philipine, S. Korea and Japan. These countries are pretty safe and accepting of CDs and LBGTQ communities. Certain part of China, Vietnam and indonesia is still ok but outside the metropolitan cities, the situation reverse. Its the others countries(which shall remained unnamed) that had varies reaction to CDs and LBGTQ communities. Ranging from curious stares to heckling and beating. Police were no help and might even be in cahoot. There were already cases of TG being beaten to death and the police dragging its feet solving the cases. Even women are not safe in some of these countries, more over LBGTQ communities.

Thanks for that info, MsKim.:thumbsup: We had no issues in Singapore, Thailand, Japan, and Cambodia.:battingeyelashes:

However, I believe Cambodia has moved to dampen human rites since our visit there.:sad:

I'll speak for myself, not on the behalf of anyone else...

I would very much like to go out in the world dressed up like a lady. But this is real life. People DO NOTICE! And they talk about us behind our backs.

I've read so many posts here about how no one seems to notice or care when we go out. Spoiler alert: they do notice and will talk about us for years. Anytime the subject of crossdressing comes up they will always recall the moment when they saw a transvestite in the store or fueling up their car.

And no wonder many of us don't want the world to know. We're not just sitting around in a slip and a pair of pantyhose. We're going to a great deal of effort to present ourselves totally as women and that is confusing to society. We try to convince ourselves that it's "just clothes" yet many of us will paint our nails, apply eyelashes, put on lipstick, and then slip on a dress.

Why are there shy CDs? Because we are hard to understand. I've never read anything where a transvestite explains why they do what they do and then their audience replies "Oh, that makes sense".

Again I'm only speaking for myself but I expect a lot of bitter comments

Yes, you will get noticed, but few will really care.

Yes, people will probably talk about you. So what. I was shopping en femme on Sunday and the 2 SAs were GGs. I said that "You'll probably have something to tell your families tonight. Some dude came in to the store and tried on a few dresses and even bought some. I even have one that he bought." So what! I owned it.

I hope that the SAs tell their families that "he" was actually kind of cute and looked great in the dresses "he" bought." I especially liked that 40% of his blond hair was pink.

I felt safe shopping there. So just own it. It would be great if you could go out with a cis- or CD- friend.

For some reason I felt compelled to be seen dressed yet always denied my cross dressing, since the very beginning at age 16 I was venturing out. I was discovered by many but I continually denied. Why? I think it's because I saw myself as two different people. I've always struggled with accepting my desires to present as a woman. I've always enjoyed my male side of life which is so far from being fem it's ridiculous. I think it would have led to an easier life if I'd just accepted myself as a trans person and pursued men openly for as I've aged I've come to the realization that I did enjoy sex with men more so than with women, even though I love women. It's hard, still is hard being me....

Only really started thinking about going out 'en femme' about 2 or 3 months ago. It is something that I wanted to experience.

One of the first issues was convincing myself that I would pass as a girl and having the confidence to actually step outside the house. The next one was the most important of all; Finding the right type of venue. It had to be a substantial distance away from my home and somewhere reasonably quiet.

Riverside and coastal walks, botanical gardens, arboretums etc. are perfect venues for me as these are typical venues that I enjoy as my male persona. These are my limits in terms of venue types. Crowded places, shopping centres, bars, etc. are a big no-no. I don't go to them as a male, unless it's absolutely essential, so definitely not 'en femme'.

I've no real idea if I pass as a girl, or not. I haven't worn any make up so far, so possibly not. I just enjoy being out there in the fresh air feeling like a girl, at least. I don't go looking for interaction, but when it happens it is very minimal, but has always been pleasant.

I know what's at stake. I know the risks that apply to me personally and I try to reduce them as far as practicably possible. I know my limits and I'll keep to them. So far, I have enjoyed every minute of my experience.

I'm looking forward to my next outing, when, and wherever, that might be. I might even be wearing make up.

I go out whenever I get the chance I am out to my wife and kids, although I don't flaunt it. When I go out I dress down slacks or jeans occasionally I'll wear a skirt or dress but seldom heels. I don't want to stand out I have been about everywhere the grocery store of course the mall and many other places I don't hesitate to spend money if I see something that I want I have even done changing rooms to try things. Never had a problem I assume I get read ever once in a while but so what, I can't say if they don't talk about me after I go by but I don't think so since I dress to blend but if they do so what. Once years ago I had some small children 5 to 8 is my guess say rather loudly "that's a man" Generally no one cares especially if your spending money.
Now if I am going to the club thats a different story. Its dressed and made up to impress, heels, short skirts, heavier makeup and jewelry. My wife even was complemented on how well she passed one time That was at a support group. It didn't make her happy.

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I have walked past people I know and either they didn't see me or didn't recognize me I'll go with the latter

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

If I can do that? If u r a CD and desire to go out dressed, why haven't u?

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Basically, I just don't see it as a reasonable risk vs reward situation. I would not get much out of going out dressed up, and so don't want to take the risk of blowing up my life.

And the always needed explanation, for anyone who hasn't considered it:

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Yes, you will get noticed, but few will really care.

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But it only takes ONE aggressive hater to ruin, or worse, end a life. Some people just need any excuse to hurt other people.
I grew up being the little kid, often pushed around, hit, or beaten. So it was sort of a nice surprise, when I kept growing into the huge man with a resting 'keep the away from me' face, that nobody in their right mind wants to pick on. Yes, mixed feelings as I would have preferred to be pretty and easily passable, but we have to play the cards we're dealt.
So, I have no desire to return to a life of frequent fear, that I had as a kid. While many forget their childhoods, I haven't.
I enjoy being able to do whatever I like, go pretty much anywhere, and know the likelihood that anyone will try to ruin my day, is slim to none. Sure, it's possible, but every guy knows, you don't attack anyone who's oh, maybe 50% bigger (or even more) than you are, especially without knowing what they are capable of, it's just bordering on a death wish.
Nobody bothers me, and I like it like that. Wearing a dress out in public, would change all that, and I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have a target on my back. To me, that's just plain stupid.
Sure. The current risk of a problem for someone like me is virtually zero. But once out, that risk returns. So, no thanks. I like my closet. It has all my favorite things in it.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

MsKim, which country r u referring to? My Asian T friend and I have gone out dressed in many countries in Asia!:battingeyelashes:

Fiona, Bea, and Danni: Yes, I understand that because I'm a closet dresser, too!:straightface:

But, that doesn't stop me, or u, or ANYONE from dressing far away from home!:)

In fact I just returned from a trip to Seattle as u can see in my avatar.:daydreaming:

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Unfortunately, my wife's health problems keeps me from traveling so getting away is not a real option. I do think I would dress in a more androgynous/hybrid/freestyle way if I were away from home.

Too much to lose, too little to gain. I toyed with my wife about the subject early on in her marriage and she was utterly turned off about it so I never pushed the issue. Now in later years, her attitudes are still pretty much the same. She does not care,if other men crossdress of if adults are,transgender but she wants nothing to do with it. And I worked in manufacturing all my life. Very male industry. So my friends and associates are for the most part, ?men?s men?.