When did the change happen?

I was just realizing how my dressing has just become about feeling relaxed and it lost most of its sexual feelings. When I was younger it was wear pantyhose and slips for a while and do a dirty deed and then feel disgusted and throw the pantyhose out or hide them swearing never to do that again.
When I opened up to my wife and I confessed my entire life to her, from the first time I put on my sisters pantyhose up until I wore hers that same morning.
She didn't want me wearing her clothes and we went out that same night clothes shopping, she was picking out bras and dresses but all I really wanted was pantyhose and maybe my own slip. I guess she thought I was a fully crossdresser and I decided to go along with it, little did she know this was the first time I tried on a bra and women's panties, for some reason when I was younger I felt a bra and panties was more of a private thing and never tried them on.
This morning I'm trying to think back when it really lost its sexual habit and became just a normal habit, don't get me wrong I still love the feeling but now I dress a few times a week and sleep every night in some fem wear and it doesn't end like it used to, it just seem to doesn't end at all and not in disgust.
I know we all dress for our own reasons, we are all in the same boat but going to different destinations, but did a transition happen and you didn't even realize, almost like it went from lust to love?
Maybe it just happened with age

Maria, I think that it happens with age. I started to see a shift in my late 50's, I could enjoy dressing in a sexual way for three and four days before losing the interest after the 'deed'. Into my 60's I strongly preferred wearing the clothes and regretted having the sexual feelings, that interfered with my enjoyment of dressing up. Now, I dress for the love knowing I can and I don't think much about what any others might think. I just enjoy lingerie, skirts and hosiery, for the comfort, feel, peace they bring me.

I suspect that discovering an interest in womens wear during early puberty can create a strong association with sexual gratification that endures for a long time.

For others, the interest in women’s clothing emerged in early childhood and persisted to puberty, with exploration into womens clothing beginning around the time of early sexual explorations, and running in parallel for a number of years. In my case, by my late teens I had convinced myself that the interest was simply sexual, but in the back of my mind there was a nagging combination of fear, curiosity and longing. Fear that if I gave in to the desire, I would never be able to turn back (the old slippery slope logical fallacy). Curiosity about whether I could even remotely be presentable as a woman. And of course, longing to find out, restrained by the fear.

The association between cross dressing and sexuality may tend to diverge as we get older, have more sexual experiences outside of the context of cross dressing. I suspect that once that young adult hormonal tide begins to subside, interest in cross dressing may diminish or disappear for some, but continue for others because a) they simply enjoy it, or b) it is either part of or has become part of one’s gender identity.

Well I can only speak for myself, but it's part of a gradual ongoing process. I started wear panties many years ago, not all, but most of the time. There was an element of wanting to be a little bit feminine down below, but I also discovered they were far more comfy than briefs and just held everything in beautifully. More recently I've acquired some skirts and tops. In fact, I've currently got a mini skirt on order. Not sure whether I'll ever wear in public, but that's one for another day.

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Originally Posted by Maria 60

I was just realizing how my dressing has just become about feeling relaxed and it lost most of its sexual feelings. When I was younger it was wear pantyhose and slips for a while and do a dirty deed and then feel disgusted and throw the pantyhose out or hide them swearing never to do that again.

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It?s like you are in my head lol. It started just for sexy times with me as well. Over a couple years I began to wear more than lingerie and heels. I added a few skirts, then makeup. That?s when I started wanting to dress just to dress. The change came when I got my first breast forms. That day I became Kitty full time. The only time I was in dude mode was to run errands and then right back to Kitty. So it?s mostly about being me, oh and there is still plenty of date nights. I no longer get dressed for date night, maybe something sexy but I?m always dressed.

Everyone of us have a different story or view about wearing women?s clothing but for me the only difference was I never did it young I?ve been dressing since 1982 and finally gave in and went full time in January of 2023. 42 years of crossdressing total thru now. Only difference was I never got off sexually it was different for me. But the softness the smell the felling of let?s say a child with a comfort blanket or stuffed animal or whatever it might be. The pure relaxing effect is mainly what it is with me. I suppose the major thing for me was the guilt of doing something wrong and when I worked all that out it changed my life I believe for the better. Before I?d go thru the guilt anguish purging numerous times and then it always came back to the calming effect it had over me. No more ulsers have had numerous problems with my stomach and bowels over worry and stress. Love and let live is my physiology nowadays. I?m even working with another crossdresser who for the first time ever meeting another like me almost two weeks ago. We?ve made plans to go shopping and out to eat once a month or so. She?s new to going out and really nervous and very shy. I?m hoping to help her to just be herself and I believe with a bit of time she?ll be able to accept herself just as I have. I?ve told her about our place here and am hoping she?ll join soon. If she does let?s all welcome her to our group. Her name is Josie .

Michaela

Which u may or may not like:

But, I'm 81 and have done a lot of exciting, stimulating, and arousing things in my life, and still try to do. I've found that I can ride that roller coaster over and over again. But, it's never as dramatic as the 1st time. And, after 100 rides I can ride it or skip it next time we're at the fair. Whatever.:straightface:

The first couple years my ex wife and I were all over each other. After 5 years, not so much. After 10 years, not at all.:sad:

The 1st year I discovered dressing I was in my 50's and Sherry returned my lost interest in women and sex after my divorce. But, 17 years ago I began dressing to go out and meet others. Mostly other dressers. And, began experimenting with female characters that r lite years different from the looks that turned me on those first years. Very little of my current dressing acivities excite me that way. Not saying there aren't sexually stimulating moments anymore. Just that they r few and far between.:o

My point being: I don't think anyone can do the same thing over and over and get the same thrill u felt at first!

Thanks for the post Maria - perhaps the change came for me when it no longer felt wrong to wear a dress

For many of us our dressing goes back to early years, pre puberty. When that kicks in, hormones raging, almost anything can provoke the need to relieve.

As we pass through that and as our dressing matures so do we. We find ourselves, get a greater understanding of just who we are and get more comfortable in our own skins.

As many have noted, dressing becomes the expression of who we are and is an end in itself.

When I first started trying on my sister's clothes I was a 13 year old boy. At that age everything, and particularly anything having to do with girls, was related to sex. In my 30s when I could get the chance to partially dress it still held a lot of sexual connotation. In the past 10 to 15 years when I've gotten to fully dressing and going out its not really sexual anymore. Maybe it's age or maybe being dressed for long periods and just living in women's clothes have sort of normalized it for me.

Same release issue with me as an adolescent. The change for me happened when I finally realized the pleasure, comfort, excitement etc? of being able to be dressed for a period of time outweighed the momentary release.

It started for me as a curiosity about high heels. I wondered how could even walk in them, let alone all day. In grade school, I had a teacher who was very short and did just that. She wore very high heels all day long and walked in them like it was nothing.

My earliest option was trying my sister's shoes which were a little too tight for me. Putting on painty hose to help slip them on was never part of the original plan. That worked well for unexpected reasons. The shoes did fit but weren't much to walk in with a very low heel. I had found a new curiosity, but as yet unsatisfied my high heel curiosity.

A few years later, I was old enough to order my own high heels that would fit and be extremely high, from the back of a magazine. I was in heaven the first time I put them on and they fit. After about a month I was bored walking around the house. I had pretty much completely mastered the six inch heels. That was no longer enough. I wanted to go somewhere and wear them the whole time. Maybe go out for the night.

I knew I would have to look the part if I was going to leave the house. This had been another budding curiosity of mine. It was around this time I found a local support group for crossdressers. I felt safe going there being surrounded by like individuals. I was quickly welcomed in and showered with compliments. Looking back, this was probably the beginning of the change in mindset. This is probably where things change from more of a fetish, to people like me this way.

I eventually started going out to a local gay bar with the group after the meeting. This gave me the comfort to go out in the city to accepting places. I met new friends and old friends and friends I still have today, 25 years later.

The overriding theme of Going Out was all the positivity, the compliments and the friendships, And the special treatment getting into a lot of clubs in New York City. We always joke, we were treated like B rated Holly wood stars. Nothing too special but special for us. My friends and I were in heaven, loving every moment. By this point for sure it was never about the release.

( For some time reference, it was approximately seven years from that first time till I got my own heels. From the time I started Going Out to that monthly local group till the time I was out pretty much every weekend in the city was 1 year)

From age 10 to my early 30s, it was mainly about the undergarments and the arousal. Trying on dresses and such was part of it, but done more to explore and play than as a core aspect. From sneaking into my sister's room as a kid to "borrowing" from my wife when she would be out of the house, the pattern was dress up - for a little while, time permitting - take care of business, then almost immediately take the clothes off and put them away.

That was still how it went after my divorce. Until one day ...

I shared a house with two other guys. One time, I called out of work and had the place to myself. After doing my usual - I had the barest collection of clothes - I did not have to undress right away. I was able to step out of the bedroom and move about the house. That day was a milestone. I did not have the name Colleen yet, but that was the day my female existence truly began; I was wearing the clothing for more than simple arousal - it was relaxing and enjoyable in its own right.

Yet, it was still only a small part of my life, first because I was focused on my kids during their teen years, and then because of a 10-year relationship that I worked hard at, but which finally failed to satisfy (I did not CD at all for 7 of those years).

It has been only 9 years since I started going out of the house dressed (in my mid-50s). Even then, for a long time, it was just around Halloween, since I feared I could never pass. In the last 18 months, though, it has become something I do at least twice a month. And in February, not only did I take my first overnight trip, I did not bring a single stitch of clothes for him. What a joy that was! This was a long time coming, but now I intend to enjoy things as much as I can.

I too went through the youthful excitement of dressing along with the guilt and shame and purging with the promise Never Again.
After a number of these recurrences I came to realize that it's part of me and I began to accept it. The excitement didn't immediately disappear and it hasn't completely. I found that I really just wanted to be accepted as a woman and drifted away from the sexy attire I began with to the more average attire of the average woman. I suppose I've reached that point more and more over the last 5 years. My wardrobe is extensive, but no one would see it as that of a crossdresser. I'm sure they all would simply see a woman's closet.
From time to time that old feeling returns, but it's no longer the driving force.

I have very slightly amended what ColleenA wrote to match my own experience: "From age 13 to my early 30s, it was mainly about the undergarments and the arousal. Trying on dresses and skirts was part of it, but done more to explore and play than as a core aspect. From sneaking into my mother's room as a teenager to "borrowing" from my wife when she would be out of the house, the pattern was dress up - for a little while, time permitting - take care of business, then almost immediately take the clothes off and put them away."
Gradually, though, I realised I was more interested in experiencing not only a wider variety of clothes (for example, tights and panty girdles appeared on the scene during that period) but also longer periods of time in which to find out what it was really like to wear those things and become accustomed to them - which is what originally brought about my interest in what the girls and women I knew wore. Though very restricted in where I could dress, circumstances did make it possible to acquire more of my own clothes and dress for longer, though I was limited in what I could do while dressed.
While the arousal was still there, I learned to control it and enjoy the delights of being dressed for several hours at a time and, just occasionally, for much longer.

I'm 72, and I've only been CDing for about three years. In that time, I can say that the overt erotic quality has largely subsided, but the sensuality has not. I find it a wonderful feeling to dress up and feel sexy, and I hope that never gets old.

I'm 76 can't tell you when it happen. but I dress to look good and be the woman of my dreams.

My first experience was a total surprise. Around 8, one rainy day, I was invited to play games with neighbor sisters, which turned into ?dress up?, for which I had no interest. They were trying on nylon stockings, which all women wore and threw a pair at me. I still can?t describe the pleasurable, almost shock wave, I felt. I was hooked. That started my years of underdressing?panties and nylons. Of course, it progressed (pink fog). I told my wife, before the aisle. I?m pretty sure she never understood why, but she?s been supportive. Over the years the progression continued. Now retired, I now dress daily and still smile at the sensations of slipping on hose, along with other things. I love to and wear a bra daily and am often dressed. I love the freedom.No more guilt, tension or secrecy. I?m very happy.

Nancy tells a story that sounds like many here. One time for whatever reason you tried something on and you were hooked. How can it happen so easily and so quickly? It really makes you wonder how much of this can be a learned behavior? It is hard to be certain weather it is or not, especially with it happening so quickly and easily. Did it just happen or is there more to it? I don't think we will ever know for sure.

100% Genifer Teal!

I looked at clothes and admired so many pieces over the years but standing in for a dress alteration in my 20s, and getting to see what something so well fit and beautiful looking was my "hook."

I in a million of years never woukd have had the courage to put on a dress, but when I was helping out as a 6'3" mannequin vs the girl in heels who the gown was intended for it was a sure why not moment.

I have been trying for nearly two decades to separate the sexual feeling from crossdressing, and it seems like in the last couple of months, I finally reached that goal when my wife was out of town for extended periods. For me, it seems like the transition happened because I have purged most or all of my judgment of crossdressing. I feel rather fiercely now that there is nothing "bad" about it, and that it is my right to put on a dress in the morning the same as it is to put on a pair of trousers. From the time I became aware of the urge to do this, I worried about what others might think. Eventually, my therapist showed me that the bad things I expected other people to think about me were my own thoughts about it. The other night, I enjoyed an outing en femme for dinner and a play, and I didn't spend one second thinking about whether this or that person saw me as a man dressed as a woman. I *did* think about how I was perfectly satisfied with the imperfect-looking woman regarding me in the mirror. I'm pretty happy right now.

Stress seems to be a factor for me to some extent, sometimes I see something and it triggers that urge. I enjoy the shopping for things very much also, not in person but online. I think sometimes I just want to feel good and thats a guarantee for me for sure. I can see that this could also turn into just wanting to, I know this is me and it will always be here. I know I cant imagine not.

I will let you know when (if) that happen!

I was a late bloomer, not starting until my early fifties. The sexual aspect of dressing has always been a very small part of the picture for me. I felt more of a sense of peace and rightness about it. I used to set up a tripod and take photos when alone time allowed. There were never any real signs of sexual excitement. When I looked back at the pics, I never saw a woman. I saw a man in his element. The photos were the victim of some drama when I felt a sense of rejection in my marriage. I miss them. They were a very good representation of what I get out of wearing things from the women's department.

I would say maybe around my mid 20sis when I realized that it was more about feeling relaxed over a sexual feelings. I feel that being Christina at times when I?m feeling stressed helps me become relaxed and able to put the real world aside for a bit and become different in another world.

Maria, Even in my sixties there are still sexual feelings from dressing. However, it is not the only feeling as when I was much younger. There was no tipping point when I realized the difference. It just happened over time.

It was a little fetish for me, But since my recent divorce my feelings of dressing up and becoming more girly has grown even more.

Age is definitely a factor. Still love it but the feelings are not as intense as they used to be.

What an excellent post, so many people with similar experiences to me.

I started wearing just lingerie in my teens and it carried on like that until last year.

Looking back it should have been soooo obvious to me! My sexual awakening thirty years ago, when I realised I was bisexual, came about when I was watching porn and realised that I fantasised about being *her* rather than *him*. My whole adult life I've shaved my whole body hair. For decades I told myself I just dressed for the sexual thrill, I never bought more than knickers and stockings because hey - anything more than that would make me some kind of crossdresser and that'd be weird, right?

Last year, in my late 40s, I finally bought a dress, then some skirts, bras and all manner of fem clothing. It was like an avalanche, starting with that first dress that made me feel incredible when I wore it.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it doesn't feel sexual anymore when I dress up. It feels amazingly comfortable, like a particular piece of me that'd been denied for so long is finally able to be expressed. But I still sometimes feel incredibly sexual when dressed too, which shouldn't been a surprise - after all I sometimes feel very sexual when I'm wearing male clothes!

I've finally reached the point where being me - whether that's dressed drab, en fem, or somewhere inbetween - feels great, with no guilt or feelings of negativity. And sometimes that can feel pretty damn sexy! :)

This sums me up quite well also. As I have got older, it becomes less about sex and more about sensuality and comfort - a kind of inner peace. I have decided I'm also bisexual of sorts. I love my wife dearly so I am completely monogamous, loyal to her. I square that round peg by thinking it is about the person I love, not their sexuality.

I do wonder what percentage of CDers are straight versus more flexible sexualities. To this day I'm not sure if I love to feel fem because I'm bi and (for me) feeling fem fits so well with being with a man, or whether it's my love of feeling fem - I'll hesitate at saying "wanting to be a woman" - that attracts me to men.

Either way, like you I'm completely monogamous and haven't been with a guy since before my wife some 18 years ago.

The trouble is that, I think the pigeon holes of Straight - Bisexual - Gay are too clunky. I think it should be considered as a spectrum, say from 1 - 100; 1=totally straight, 100=totally gay.

I honestly believe that many man aren't 1, but because they aren't actually gay, nor want to be labelled as bisexual, they stay "1" to the outside world. Whereas in truth they could be, say, a 15, according to my scale above. There's plenty of women I know who mention how attractive another woman is, or kiss them when they meet or even hold hands. Normally they would not be considered lesbian, nor bisexual, just very friendly to one another. If we see a man doing the same with another man, immediately everybody would label them as gay.

So I have to say I am bisexual, I am not gay nor straight, but totally monogamous with my wife because I am madly in love with her.

There is an inbalance with attitudes between the sexes. Society has a lot to answer for.

Ah, yes - that scale exists as the Kinsey Scale, though it only has 7 increments. And I agree, though I think a lot (most?) people who would describe themselves as "straight" or "gay" would put themselves at 1 or 100 on your scale.

Also agree that society's attitudes to intimacy between two men versus two women is very imbalanced.

Just a small further thought... I can clearly remember a time when, while dressing was very much a sexual thing, I annoyed myself by reaching that climax quite quickly, then being disappointed that it was "all over" and time to return to male mode. I made a big effort to resist reaching that stage so quickly so that i could remain for longer in my women's clothes and enjoy that experience for longer. Gradually that led to being satisfied just to be in the clothes and experience the enjoyable sensations they provided without rushing to satisfy a sexual outcome. Ultimately I could avoid the "sexual outcome" altogether and. wear the clothes for longer periods of time (as dictated by circumstances). There was something very satisfying about knowing what it was like to be dressed for a whole day.

My experience was much like Lorna's. It started out very much about sex and has evolved into an identity.

Same for me actually, a distinct sexual component, and as some have described, a really strong feeling of disgust of being in girls clothes after the deed was done. I always hated that because I really wanted to continue the good feeling of being the girl, but at that point it was all just terrible and I hated it and myself.

I have been making a serious effort to separate the two and not have that problem and am doing much better with it now.

Cant help but think there might be a chemical release or something going on, causing this mental turn of what was pleasure to make it become disgust! If not, then I suppose it is all the brain playing tricks on us when that happens.

Perhaps the one thing that I can contribute to this thread, is that the sexual component often associated with crossdressing didn't exist for me until I reached puberty. All the crossdressing was gender identity affected. I believe that perhaps as with non crossdressing teens, masturbation is simply due to the incredibly strong effects of testosterone, and as many of us have experienced, it doesn't take much to get us sexually excited at that age, in fact, often there doesn't even seem to be anything sexual happening at the time, we're just running on 'automatic' and it just happens, like when we are sitting in algebra class, no girls in sight, but there we are, ready to go, as if we've been thinking about sex for hours already.
So just because we have the desire to crossdress, and we have the desire to masturbate, doesn't mean that there's any connection between the two, just that they have both occurred at the same time. As some have found, having lived the entire life of having the sexual desire skyrocket for decades only to finally quiet down a bit as we get old, just being dressed in girl clothes might not be the trigger that you think it is. In fact, once past puberty, you might not need a trigger to set you off at all! Those who have experienced 'morning wood' know that!

A lot of use describe the sexual component. I still remember the day I first borrowed my mom's panties to try on. I didn't even get them pulled up before sexual arousal. It constituted a complete system test that everything was OK.

But, I wonder if the sexual component is a side effect to dressing, but not the main event. I don't think that I intended for sexual arousal to occur when I tried on mom's panties. Maybe I did it out of gender dysphoria, due to the feel of nylon on my skin, or just because I felt like breaking societal rules about what kinds of clothes boys could wear. I think it goes to the question of why we do what we do. But I don't think that sexual arousal was in the top 3 reasons for crossdressing.

Also, it stated with panties, bras and girdles and I added stocking once I figured out how to attach the stockings to the garter clips on the girdles. There were no pantyhose in my mom's drawers. Maybe it was her style thing, or maybe pantyhose weren't invented by 1963.

I eventially tried on some lipstick and some jewelry, but I wasn't really in anything beyond lingerie.

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Originally Posted by Lorna

Just a small further thought... I can clearly remember a time when, while dressing was very much a sexual thing, I annoyed myself by reaching that climax quite quickly, then being disappointed that it was "all over" and time to return to male mode. I made a big effort to resist reaching that stage so quickly so that i could remain for longer in my women's clothes and enjoy that experience for longer. Gradually that led to being satisfied just to be in the clothes and experience the enjoyable sensations they provided without rushing to satisfy a sexual outcome. Ultimately I could avoid the "sexual outcome" altogether and. wear the clothes for longer periods of time (as dictated by circumstances). There was something very satisfying about knowing what it was like to be dressed for a whole day.

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Wow you have just described me and my cross-dressing life.