Who has been out in public and what was it like the first time.
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Who has been out in public and what was it like the first time.
It was terrifying - but nothing bad happened (I do not go out often, but when I do people are friendly)
Verona, I was petrified the first time, but got comfortable pretty quickly. The misconceived ideas about what will happen are quickly replaced with the reality that no one cares.
That is comforting
Do you go out often
Omg, I remember the first step outside. I was fully dressed and made up, and needed to move the sprinkler. Just decided to go for out and do it. But that one step broke the ice. Within a day or two I was shopping, having coffee and meeting friends for drinks.
That?s amazing Kim.
I don?t think I could go and meet others as I don?t want anyone that knows me finding out. I guess I?d have to make new friends and visit their town etc
Verona,
It depends upon what you mean by public. many of us started with night time drives, perhaps stopping to quickly walk away from the car. So scary at the time. Move on and it's out in daylight but in quiet places with little chance of bumping into someone. Still scary especially if someone say a dog walker appeared. Then there's the full on, out in full sight of folks, going shopping mode.
I've related this tale many times. Sat in the car in the car park outside the shops. Determined not to chicken out, hand poised on the door handle. After a few moments that seemed like hours, door opened and stepped out into full view. Coat and bag rescued off the back seat, coat on and hair flicked into place over collar, bag on shoulder, remember to lock car, and then head off towards the nearest store. Butterflies like vultures, nervous as hell, entering the store expecting to be pounced on by security or greeted with gales of laughter and pointed fingers but......nothing. Started to scan the racks getting calmer by the minute. After ten minutes I'm in my second shop, all's good. Still a little nerves but getting less all the time.
The trick is be confident, don't skulk, you look like a shop lifter. Folks are too busy with their own day to take much notice. Dress like all the other shoppers. Micro skirt and 6" heels will get you noticed. Dress to blend and that's what you'll do. Going glam is for another time and place.
And that's your other option. Going to an LGBTQ friendly bar/pub. Being a little more outrageous is more the norm but I'd still tone it down a little the first time out. Whatever you choose, you will be nervous, it's natural. But it will fade and you will find folks are generally not taking much notice. never had a problem in all the times I've been out.
Oh my God, I was terrified and so excited! It is a long long time ago, I was just a teenager and just out walking around in the middle of the night.
Many outings since that first one, it gets easier, but if you cannot do it very often, there is like a learning curve every time in my experience.
As other had said, be confident, look like you belong, and hold your head high. If you try and hide, people are going to pick up on it and think something is wrong.
Terrifying but exhilarating.
First time was to get a make over. This was a very safe environment. It was my second visit (first time was in drab). Second visit I went all in. The beauty salon was very low stress and I was accepted as one of the girls. No negative reaction from anyone there (it was quite a busy salon - lots of GGs there).
After the makeover was finished, I sat and stared in the mirror. I started to see a girl in there. Any and all of the feminine features I had were enhanced. I was awe struck. I started to think this is the best it's ever going to get, we need to test it out. Let's go to one of the busiest malls in the city.
Now this was scary. Hostile territory. If there is a mob with pitchforks and torches I'll find them here. Initially I was clocked by a couple of women. Nasty stares. I almost panicked and backed out at this point but thought this was my most important opportunity to really try this out. Fail here and it screws up future outings. A couple of deep breaths and on I went. I started to own it a lot more like I didn't care about what anyone thought. From this point forward everything was great. I kept looking for negative reactions but didn't see any. Nobody seemed to notice me. It was like I was invisible (I blended in pretty good I guess). WOW!. It was clear sailing for the rest of my walk. I was checked out by a few guys the way guys do (oh you rascals...). On the way out I went through a major department store and there was the makeup counter. I figured if I was going to be clocked, the girls here would do it. I strolled right through without any reaction. Whew. All in all not too bad.
This gave me confidence for future outings. I don't know how many people I fool (not all for sure). Many just aren't interested enough to care. I've walked other malls, been out to the theater (saw Eddie Izzard one night). Been out to LGTBQ events and had fun. Volunteered at a pride festival one day and mingled while dressed, some interesting interactions (none bad).
Here is my best advice if you are thinking about doing this. Halloween! It is my one go-to, never-miss outing. I love it. Wife and I usually go out for dinner first, then a party in a bar of some type. Always had a good time. Out and about mingling with the masses, proud and bold. Low stress, take no prisoners. What fun.
My first time I almost did not get out of the car and I did go back into the car before just taking a deep breath and going to a LGBT friendly bar to meet some tgirls. Heart pounding avoiding eye contact I proceeded and wow it felt great! It took several outings before it became comfortable but today I go out a couple times a month to meet friends for dinner or go to a tgirl event and I do not even look to see if there are reactions around me and I am guessing there are not many, people are busy doing their own thing.
Loved reading thisQuote:
Originally Posted by sweetdreams
Halloween is a fantastic idea
Thank you
It's scary as heck the first time, but it gets less scary with each successive outing. Take the plunge, you won't regret it!
There's that moment before I open my hotel room door dressed to the 9's. Then again when the elevator door opens on the teeming casino floor!:eek:
I've done this countless times before but my heart is always in my throat the first time I do it yet again!:straightface:
Universally I think we all terrified that first time or 3. It gets easier every time. I get out 4 or 5 times a year, per an agreement with the wife. I was out earlier this week, met a friend for lunch went to the post office, did some shopping. A great day overall, still there are times you feel a little nervous. Get out and enjoy.
Sara
The thought of going out was much more terrifying than actually going out.
The first time I went out dressed I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival. It's an affirming venue where a lot of people are in period costumes, but primarily same gendered costumes.
I did a lot of prep work prior to going so that I would be well prepared for contingencies.
I rented a "wench" costume and I walked out and about among thousands of muggles, plus a few other random CDs. If I had any fear, it was alleviated when I got to the costume shop. The GGs that ran the shop were so affirming and even helped me lace up my bodice, which I think the did for all "wenches".
I had planned on getting the "Fair Maiden" costume, which included a "full tapestry bodice". The costume lady advised me to get the "Wench" costume instead which included a "tapestry waist cincher" instead of the "full tapestry bodice". I forget the exact words she used but she said that the "full, tapestry bodice" would become very uncomfortable after wearing it for a full day.
There were a few kind of scary moments, but they weren't really too concerning. Since I was among thousands of people in the open, I didn't think anything bad would happen. There were many more positive moments. My favorite was when I was passing a group of GGs coming towards me. At least one of the GGs made me, and give me a big smile. Not to be intimidated, I gave her a big smile back. She gave me a thumbs up as we passed each other.
While not necessarily for everyone, I had a great time, and I went back to the Renn Fest several more times "in costume".
My first time going out in public was with a new trans friend who I had just met and she took me to dinner at a Brewery in Ashville NC then to a college bar. I was scared to death. I had only been dressing for less than 3 months. The next day she took me out for lunch then to the MAC counter at the mall. I got to sit in the big chair in front of everyone... It was terrifying but the experience gave me the courage to go back out very quickly after that trip. Now I go out 2 to 4 times a week and even travel as Robyn. I agree with a lot of the posts that it is not as adversarial out there as we initially think. Enjoy the moment.
My first time was scary I made an appointment at a wig shop, I needed to replace my cheap wig. A couple day before I went into the local Ulta store to get makeup. That was aslo kind of scary but the s/a made me feel much more comfortable, she was a MAC makeup artist her name was Allie. When I told her I had a wigg appointment she told me to come back after I got my wig and she?d give me a makeover.
Another customer at the wig store told me ?get out there and have some fun? as I was leaving wearing my new wig. That made me feel much more relaxed! I?ve haven?t had a bad experience going out dressed, even going out with my best friend who can?t go anywhere without running into some who knows her.
Yes, I go out about every other month.Quote:
Originally Posted by Verona
Yes, the first time out was scary to say the least. Since then its gotten easier. Once you realize nobody really cares or they are wrapped up with their own thing. So if your dressed to blend and not flashy or trashy no one will give you a second look. Just enjoy the moment and do your own thing.
Hugs Brenda.
One of the first time out, I met up with a local T-Girl who I met online here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn n TN
I remember the first time I went to the MAC store and sat in "The Girls Seat" in the middle of everyone. I'm glad that I had a wing woman with me.
I also went to a wig shop as Steffi. I spent part of the time out in the open and part of the time in their private room. I found out afterwards from another CD client that I met that the husband of the SA I saw was a CD.
I this the scariest early outing was went to my first pedicure at a salon. I did a lot of recon to find the salon. I wanted one that was not near where I lived, not near where I worked, not in a mall, didn't have big picture window for lookie loos walking by and had nearby parking so I could leave the salon with open toed sandals and painted nails so I could walk back to my car without getting clocked.
Everything went fine until it came time to painting the toes. My foot started shaking so hard that the nail tech couldn't paint my toes. I needed to do some relaxation breathing to stop my feet from shaking. Since that first pedicure, I've gone to half a dozen different salons, many times as a walk-in. My wife has neve seen my painted toe nails (thanks to promiscuous wearing of socks), but I've gone to yoga class many times with painted toes. At first, I'd try to hide myself in the back o9f the yoga studio. Eventually, I would set up my mat anywhere, like a dude with painted nails was the most normal thing in the world. I asked one of my yoga instructors what color nail polish she was wearing. Another time, a different yoga instructor and I had a side bet about who could/would wear the best ocean blue nail polish
It's so much more fun when you have a partner in crime.
!st time was at a friends themed birthday party with my wife. I've done this several times over the years, being to careful not to do it to often unless specifically asked to avoid a pattern emerging. I did however go once to another city (university town) for a weekend visit to a cd friend who was fully out in the area. After dressing up the 1st night and taking pics of each other in different outfits inside, he suggested some more pics the next day outside in the gardens. At 1st I was terrified as we were clearly visible from the street and neighbors. However once I calmed down, realising no one would know me, it was great fun. In fact on a later visit we even went out to a student bar and got chatting to some girls who asked to join us at our table outside. One of them knew my friend. When it came going to the toilets I was worried. I mentioned that in conversation we might have to go as obviously the Gents was out of the question. One of them grabbed my hand and said put on your big girl panties, you are coming with us. My 1st visit enfemme to the ladies with 4 other girls. One even touched up my make up in the basin counter area. Later that evening we went down the street with them to a Pizza joint sitting down at at table and sharing Pizza's before heading home. My most memorable outing.
It's hard to take that first step it gets easier with each step you take. It helped me the first time by getting a make over at a Cross dressing friendly salon.
My first time out was horrible. It scared me back into the closet for about a year. My second time out was wonderful. I was pretty much out every weekend after that for quite a while. Now ive Slowed down a little just naturally as i'm getting older. I think you have to go out at least 3 or 4 times before. You can make a real decision if it's good to be out or not. If you're not getting anywhere after a few times then maybe it's not for you.
You cant judge it on one experience. Or even 2, that's why I say. Try it a few times before deciding if it can work
I also say this to lower your initial expectation. So that if it does go bad and it likely will you won't give up so easily.
Maybe it will go okay, I hope it does. I can only relate my first experience and I mean, my first time out just to go out as opposed to a few halloweens or whatever. It wasn't actually my first time out but it was my first time I went to go out as a girl. I'm Going Out to be out as a girl. It wasnt there's a party and I can be a girl there because of some random situation. Those don't count those usually go well on the first try.
Asking me several decades later. What's it like to be out? It's just normal. A more relevant question might be what's it like when you're not out? Those are the ho hum boring moments of life. Life with Gen tends to get interesting and it's always more fun.
It was nerve wrecking, but my first time was also at the local Pride event so I didn't have to worry about too many weird looks there. Once I got comfortable at the event, I was free and easy... even though my southern belle dress didn't blend in too well with the rest of the crowd!
I remember sitting at the gas pump working up enough nerve to fill the tank feeling the socks in mom's bra under layers of shirts and a jacket.
Sherry, I'm not sure if Vegas really counts as normal public. I never got the sexy french maid picture at the Welcome sign like I wanted but I barely got noticed no matter what I was wearing it seemed like.
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I've found it's much like going on stage or public speaking - terrifying at first, but you warm up to it quickly once you begin. That feeling never completely goes away, but over time you learn you turn those fears into excitement of the moment and actually begin to enjoy it. As many have pointed out, once you realize you are not the center of attention you thought you were it gets quite a bit easier and more fun.
I have never gone out in public, but probably would if I could either (a) talk my wife into making me up to pass, or (b) connecting with another CD to do the same thing.
Probably why I haven't done it up until this point.
I think of it like taking a swim in cold ocean water. You can take it step by step, getting you toes wet, then stepping in up to your ankles, then calves, knees and thighs. I prefer to start 50 feet back and run into the ocean at full speed, until it gets deep enough to dive in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kris Burton
First time was 2005 and it was scary.
When I realized all eyes were not on me it got so much easier. Now I don?t give it a second thought.
First time was scary, and I went back into the closet for about 10 years--10 years of wasted time.
I dabbled a few times in2014 and 2015, then tore the band-aid off in 2016, and haven't looked back. I have probably 100 threads of my outings in the picture folder, just a lot of posts at Kandis-land.com. Been to a concert and a musical the last 6 weeks, a bar with a band a couple of times, flown four times, a baseball game, etc. It gets easier, and I've made friends and never had a bad experience.
Jennifer has been out in public a few times. I've been to group meetings in a secure location and I've been to Girls Night Out at public places. Both scary and exhilarating.
My first time was when I was 16. It was amazingly scary and exciting. I can still remember every single step outside.
My first time out was about 3 years ago. I wore a covid-type mask and went to a couple monuments in a neighboring town. I was pretty nervous but felt better after seeing my reflection in the car windows. It took a couple more similar outings before I had the nerve to go into a store or have anything like an interaction with someone. Since that time I progressed to going out mask-less and fully made-up. I've not had a negative reaction (thus far) but have gotten several compliments and was hit on once.
My first time was over 40 years ago when I was first out of college and out on my own. I walked through a mall looking in the windows only I was scared to death. The second time out I went dress shopping and I remember a sales lady staring a hole in my back. Then marriage and kids halted all my dressing and adventures until early 2000's when wife of 18 years left me for another woman. She knew about my crossdressing before we married and said she liked it but then 5 years into the marriage she did about face and said she would leave if I kept it up. Go figure this one out.
Now I stay dressed pretty much all week as I work from home and get out as a woman at least several times a week. My favorite thing to do is dress shopping in Macy's and Dillard's. Rarely ever buy as their dresses are expensive but get a blast out of trying on all the beautiful dresses.
The first time was about the scariest thing I had ever done. I still get nervous, but it gets easier.
I got a nervous looking for the ladies restroom at Walmart!
I wasn't sure where it was so a lady at the Customer Service counter helped me out after I backed out of the maintenance area.
"Yes, thank you," I replied. First time I've used the ladies room even though I know exactly how to pass.
I hovered over the toilet, almost, but not quite sitting down.
I was wearing my black booties and had my hair down for an early morning grocery run of inexpensive stuff.
Fresh bottles of dried spices, two fly swatters, some stuff to protect small gas engines from nasty ethanol, marigold seeds, bug spray, and a ten pack of Chex snacks.
No way was I going to find all that quickly.
Marion
Actually, it was my wife who, justified, got tired of my talking about going out. Just do it. My goal was to blend in. She helped me pick things to wear. You never see hose or high heels in our area. OK no heels, but hose, yes. Tone down the makeup. Like most everyone else, I was terrified, heart pumping, that anxiety feeling in the pit of my stomach. We went to a large shopping center about ten miles away. My wife kept telling me to relax, yeah right. I felt like everyone was staring at me. Not. Things went well. Turn the clock forward, since retirement, I, we?ve gone out often. I still feel that anticipation, but it goes away. I now pretty much dress every day, which I so enjoy. If we run errands, I?ve both stayed in the car, or dab on minimal makeup and wig. I?m fairly sure I?ve been read, but don?t really care.
I’ve been going out dressed for many years. At first it was stressful but once I blended in I realised there were no limits. The first visit to the Ladies took some doing. I love shopping for clothes and lingerie as well as my frequent visits to the beauty salon.
The first time the hardest. You think everyone knows you are a guy in a dress.
The first time I went out I felt like everyone
was looking at me but they weren't.
I go out now shop around people. Talk to
the sales clerks.
Just a fun and routine experince.
I don't think it has been mentioned, but 'going out' at least for me was at first not in public. Well first times out the door were either late at night, or in the back yard.
Late at night when everyone was either at the TV or in bed...... Then late night drives in the car, at first just to be out of the house then to the 24x7 local post office to return a DVD.
After doing that far too often then daytime to the distant super mall, only driving through the parking lot, too scared to even park and get out of the car. Eventually a few Sunday trips to buy a newspaper from the vending machine totally out of the way....
Finally a vending machine at a busy gas station, I though the world would end, but as others have verified nothing at all happened. More and more trips trying to avoid anyone being able to 'see' me.....
Then one Sunday I drove to one mall, then a second, parked the car got out and into the mall I went. To my total shock no one was yelling or pointing at me. Looking back my lipstick was awful and my attire was only so-so.
Well the attire did not draw attention, but it was nothing to be proud of either..... Any way I put on my happy face and committed to walking from one end of the mall to the other regardless of the reaction of those that saw me.
Truth be known, it was almost mind blowing........ I say this because no one really cared no one reacted, Wait that is totally not true!!! As I walked I tried to avoid eye to eye contact, specially to any guys.
What I did notice was that women specially those working along my route were actually smiling at me, not in a bad way, but in a accepting way, some even mouthed a 'Hi!' or "Hello!' to me as I passed.
I would say that back then from 20/30 ft away I am not going to jump out as being a guy in drag, but from 10 ft away their is no way I can pass 'in the daylight'. Still the shock for me was that no one had a negative reaction.
Like I said, I did avoid any eye contact with any guys, still another stunning feeling was that from a distance I could see that guys were in fact 'checking me out' and (from a distance) no one was laughing or pointing etc etc etc.
That first 'mall walk' was a eye opener. I took a few photos of what I wore, and looking back, it was not my best effort at trying to look 'normal'. Over the years I didn't venture out 'in public' 'in daylight' a ton of times. Still I did
make more and more short trips, eventually going to another mall & actually buying a few items, sales clerk said the blouse would look good on me.... Another asked it the 'Sears' pantyhose were for me, and I couldn't fess up to say yes.
Since then we have moved to a more conservative / more rural area and my trips have not happened at all in my area. Too small a town, and extremely high chance that I would out myself to those that are not as open minded as I would like.
Back years ago living in a metro area I did a lot of late night walks at Christmas time to view the decorations etc. Still avoiding the light of day..... When we were in the process of moving I reached out to a member of this site telling him/her
that I was moving into his area and looking for info, support, etc. After a few PM's the response was he feared for his job & status in the community. He chose to stop visiting this site, sad! Still.....
As I have said in other posts, wouldn't this be a wonderful world if we all just accepted everyone for who ever they feel then need to be, and not try to force others to conform to what many in society feel they should appear as.
The first time, I was nervous, but not scared. I was in my teens and at the time my face was fairly androgynous, so with makeup I looked very convincing. I wasn't particularly muscular either, so clothes fit and looked right. I had fairly long hair that I was able to restyle.
I was wearing a skirt and top that I had long ago rescued, which my sister had thrown away. I went for a walk in a local park and nobody appeared to notice.
Step forward in time and it became a lot scarier as it was more difficult for me to disguise my older male features with makeup. I'm not a great makeup artist, so it's a bit hit-and-miss.
If I get it just right, I'll go out. If it's not so good, I usually just go for a drive.
My first time out was wearing feminine items in male mode. I went to a coffee shop in a woman's top with some pearl jewelry. But, that morning was an early experiment with makeup and that part made the outing a failure. Since then I've been out in feminine items that were fairly stealth and I've learned to do a more subtle job of the makeup that enhances my eyes without being obvious.
I feel like I need to explain in each post that I am a bearded man whose style is more hybrid/androgynous/freestyle. I've slowly increased my tolerance for negative reactions. I have only faced one overtly negative reaction.
I think it's unique and wonderful. Don't worry about explaining it with each post. I think that's unnecessary. Save it for n00bs who question you directly about it is what I would suggest. As a result of your actions I've been strategizing lately just how to do it. In other words, don't try to pass, but don't be afraid to wear something obviously feminine as part of the overall outfit.
Quite proud of you actually. You've got ***** to approach it this way. (self-edited)
My first time truly going out in public I went to the local mall. I sat in my car in the parking lot for at least 20 minutes. I pulled the door handle and started to open the door at least 5 times. I even started the engine once, intending to just drive off. Finally, I took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped our. I felt totally vulnerable when the car door closed behind me and stepped away. I hurried into the mall trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I was sure everyone in the mall was staring at me but the reality is, I think nobody even noticed me.
I've been out dozens of times since. I still take deep breath before stepping through the door. Something I read once on a CD site still resonates:
"Someone will probably recognize you a man in a dress but, with the makeup, wig and different context, it's unlikely anyone will recognize you as YOU in a dress".
Hope you give it a try and enjoy yourself
In the late 90's I had some mass mailing to do. I summoned up the courage to this in a dress and heels. No wig, but longer hair and light makeup. It was quite frightening at first, but I found the courage to go into the Post Office, buy stamps, apply them and drop letters. Got some looks but no comments.
I've been out 4 or 5 times total so far I think (all of them are documented in threads I've created here). My first was in Chicago because it felt safer to be further away from home before I let the world see Natalie. The next 2 or 3 were at the Mall of America and then the last one a couple weeks ago was just around town going to a movie and dinner.
Every time I had my partner with me so I have never gone out alone. I am not sure I am ready for that yet but maybe some day. I will say that every outing has been successful and there have been no real negative comments. In Chicago I did have someone that I *think* may have been recording me on an escalator but that could have been more my paranoia than anything else.
We are planning on going to California for a trip in a couple months and Natalie will make an appearance there for at least a couple days and I am definitely looking forward to it.
It takes a lot to get out dressed up the first time, but I think once you have done it once or twice (assuming things go well enough) it is much easier every time after that. I wish you luck in getting to that step of your journey :)
The first times going out were super thrilling. The very first time was probably more on the terrifying side of things LOL
I've been out hundreds of times now and it's still thrilling. What is really nice is the times when it almost feels normal.
I am not sure why I went to the Post Office in a dress that evening. I was very obviously a man in a dress. It was definitely out of my comfort zone. As I live in small town Wisconsin, I drove to a bigger city to somewhat fly under the radar. I was quite on edge, but when it was all over the world did not end. I really need a lot of practice if I am ever going to pass in public. There is a group that meets regularly in Green Bay, I am thinking of making the long drive to meet and hopefully get the help and advice of those more experienced. It would be lovely to have a safe place filled with acceptance.
My first time was dropping off a bag of female clothing at Goodwill. It wasn?t scary. I remember thinking, "Well, what else should I be wearing?" It seemed perfectly normal and natural.