I'm Still Here, Just Not Real Happy...
:rolleyes: [SIZE="4"][Hi everybody, haven't posted anything in a long time, just wanted to let everybody know I'm not dead or anything. I'm in a bit of a dark funk, however, as I haven't dressed now for quite a long time (last December to be exact). Turns out my wife wasn't as into it as she initially put on that she was. So, everything's on hold until I figure out what to do about this matter - can't leave her, love her way too much. I didn't think CD'ing was such a big deal, she didn't initially raise any objections to it, but it only took a couple of times for her to look and act "creeped out" about the whole thing, which took away a great deal of my enthusiasm for doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to get "in character" a lot, but I can't enjoy it if she doesn't like it - know what I mean? Oh well, just wanted to say "hi" and wish my best to all. Later and God bless. [/COLOR][/SIZE] :straightface:
Just the life I thought I had~
Quote:
Originally Posted by SKINNYGIRL
Point taken, but is there anything that the gg's have to stop doing to make the males happy? I'm not trying to start a fight, I would just like to hear both sides. PS, Not trying to hijack thread!
Let’s see:
1) Put my own fears on the back burner to support him as he gets used to the concept of sharing himself with me fully
2) Something that breaks my heart because he didn’t feel he could do so much sooner ~ together 18 years then he finally trusts me enough to tell me?! [No need to bash this GG or tell me how hard it was and is for him. I know that. He tells me that all the time and so do many others here.]
3) Which brings me to this one, I can’t be totally open or honest without hurting someone or being attacked for not being 100% all the time.
4) I got dragged into that closet when he told me and while I take my place there with all the love and support I have it ain’t easy for me either hun]
5) The life I thought I had is gone. We all have these ideas, hopes, and dreams based on what we believe our reality to be. But in an instant I found out it wasn’t based on facts but lies and deceit.
6) The shopping trips that were supposed to be for me, to help me feel better and to reassure me…that he is still a man/my husband and boost my self-esteem that turned into a day of shopping for her instead.
7) Knowing it has been years since he even wanted to take a pix of me and swallowing the hurt and smiling as we do yet another photo shoot and fashion show. Something he has never indulged me in btw.
There are too many to list. I do it because I love him. ~ There are two sides to every coin dear. Just because you can’t see my side clearly does not mean it doesn’t exist. That road to acceptance is bumpy and there are road blocks and hidden dangers. Please cut me and all the GG’s some slack.
Before I'm burned at the stake
Once again, I'm sorry for what I said, sometimes, well most of the time, I put my manly feet in my femme mouth. My frustration gets the best of me.
please take a deep breath everyone
ok this issue is getting just a little fired up ... look frist off this whole cding thingy is not all together easy for the cd ... can we all say yes that's true ??. ... good thanks .... ok and for you gg's that are souportive hats off to you all i am more than shure there are parts of this that are to say the lest veary hard to deal with... that we cd's just will never fully understand.... can we all agree on that ??? good i thought so.... and then again for those of us that have so's that are to say the lest not understanding of our cding... see that's were i am as well as so manny outhers out there....gawd we love our so's and although the last thing we want is to hurt them or do something behind their backs .... this is something that we can't just hang up in the closet and walk away from ....
and as well as a cd or what ever lable you want to stick... a so supportive or not ... we will always have that ground were we ... don't see eye to eye.. and issues that just get us all worked up here.....
i am not saying anyone is right nor am i saying anyone is wrong ....time to bouth sides to take that deep breath .... ever been asked to give your opion on a issue were there is no stright forward right answer??? well this is one of them .... no matter how you look at it there can be no right answer ... someone's point of view is going to clash with the outher one's ..... please lets not let this get to far out of controll.....:hugs:
how about working on the relationship?
I read a lot of the posts and wonder why some couples are together.
I wonder, if they aren't enjoying their lives together.. or if one or the other side feels soooo put upon.. Why stay together, but not find a solution?
I see people saying "I love him/her.. he/she's my soulmate.. " and yet here they are whining and verbally bashing that object of their affection.
I see two possible solutions.
1. fix the relationship. find a way for both parties to get what they need and be happy together.
2. get out and let each of you find someone they can be happy with.
I think that for most couples #1 would work. But what's happening now is that they're not working on the relationship but are blaming the CDing or the unaccepting partner for all the trouble. They go off and get their release through dressing or through denial. Leaving the core problem untouched.
The CDing isn't the big bad guy here. And the wife isn't the big bad guy here. We pretty much all accept that CDing or being TS is not going to go away. But are we finding out WHY the unaccepting wives aren't able to accept? And are we working on a solution that addresses both parties needs? Are the CD's looking inward and really finding out what they need so that they have a clear vision of what they need from a relationship and what they have to offer?
Its easier to dress up (even if its in secret) and feel better for the time being.. and its easier to pretend that its not really happening (even if we know where the stash of lingerie is) and our husband is exactly who we thought we married. But is it loving to either our spouse or ourselves?
Yes it takes effort. It may take outside help.
And the final answer might be that you're actually stopping eachother from being happy simply by being together.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Love & Hugs
~Kitty~
I'm new here and not real happy either.
Knowing that it was a pretty big deal for a potential girlfriend much less a potential wife, I told the woman I would end up marrying about my desire to crossdress early in our relationship while we were dating.
About once or twice a year, before and after we were married, she'd let me wear something in the bedroom. Less frequently we'd have brief conversations about it.
Otherwise I was "discrete," limiting my dressing to times when she got home from work after I did or when she went out. That wasn't my "dream come true", but we were very happy in the other areas of our marriage.
After over a decade of marriage we recently had some more extended discussions over the past few weeks and have reached the conclusion that she has a strong aversion to being exposed to my crossdressing in any way. Her strong aversion is no more likely to go away than is my strong desire to crossdress.
We have agreed that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"/"keep it discrete" will be our final answer on the subject, including the agreement not to rehash the issue since there is no reasonable chance of either of us changing who were are in regard to this topic at this point in our lives. We've decided that this agreement is the worst possible one we could have made except all the others we could think of.
There are no issues related to kids or religion: she is very liberal with her only "moral" rules being no kids, no animals and--for us--no other people. I had always hoped this open-mindedness would lead to a greater acceptance over time of my crossdressing, and I believe her when she says that she sincerely hoped the same thing. Instead, we discovered that it is something that she will never be comfortable with at all.
There's a big difference between hearing from your spouse "I'm not interested in participating in your hobby" and being told fairly clearly "I have a such a strong aversion to your behavior in this gender/sex area--which we know is a more important area than most--that I must ask you not to expose me to it in any way, ever." I don't fault her, but it still hurts anyway.
There's also a big difference between "even if the odds aren't great, I can still hope she might really accept this part of me" and "I have no hope her aversion to this part of me will ever change". Again, I know it's not her fault, but the loss of hope is not trivial to me.
I love her, I know that our marriage will survive and I understand that her aversion is really no more a choice for her than my desire to crossdress is for me, but I'm still not real happy with the way things worked out.
