Looking behind the scenery...

I'm sorry to blow your cover fellow CDs, but there's a strange insincerity going on in CD land. Or maybe that is not the right way to explain it....Maybe I am just in the minority after all.

But I have noticed that it is convenient to sanitise crossdressing for public consumption and to get acceptance from wives and girlfriends by warping the real truth of the psychology going on, so that it takes on an element of transexualism and almost mental illness, with no sexual conotations, and with the purity of wishing to emulate real women. "I can't help it..I was born this way. I want to be a girl and express my girly side!"

In my version of 'truth'....

I have no compulsion to dress that would make me ill if I didn't....but I like doing it...and don't do it very often really. (although to be fair.....if I couldn't do it for family reasons etc it would annoy me.)

I would actually be horrified to "wake up as a real GG" because I have enough problems being male and I think that's the easier option. Being a woman for half an hour would be fun in a fantasy but that's it.

I do not dress JUST to express my feminine nature as it often has a sexual element.
I do not have an obssessive compulsion to wear any particular piece of clothing that makes me feel "relaxed and free from stress".

Whatever it is, I don't know why I do it. It's sexy, it fun, it's a form of artistic expression, it's a way to express something I don't even have a name for. But it's a lot more raunchy and confused than the version I'd use to explain it to my confused girlfriend. And then she would be even more confused by thinking that there was some element of transexuality in it, rather than a strangely warped gender identity that got mixed up in a clothing fetish.

By sanitising the real CD motivations you come across as TS. If you are TS then fine...if you aren't and you're just a hetro CD...then you're confusing the issue and actually lying to make it easier for your SO to accept. It's no wonder they get confused. But then....I can't explain my own motivations either so I don't blame you.

So are you all TS now? Or is it just a good public relations exercise?

well said.

I hear you. When I explained it to my current SO I just told her the truth; I like the way it feels when I get dressed up, and there most certainly is a sexual element to it. I understand that there are individuals who genuinely are transexual to one degree or another, but that's something more and different than being a crossdresser, in my mind.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Julie York

So are you all TS now?

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Although i haven't been diagnosed as one I believe i've never made the comment that i'm a crossdresser. ;)

Well,
people "understand" TS
people "understand" gay
people "understand" fetish

people would understand "female side" (though I think CDs are not schizophrenic)

According to my experience CD is something different.
There isn't a one phrase defintion for it, if any appropriate.
That's why it is hard to understand, hard to explain and why it is argued in terms of TS, fetish, gay, female side etc.

CDing doesn't follow the KISS-rule so far.

Wellp....the cat's out of the bag. I dress for a myriad of reasons that I have difficulty explaining even to myself. Much of it is sexual, as I find feminine attire very attractive and often arousing. I'm not transexual, and I'm not "a woman trapped in a man's body". I fantasize about being female, but that's just what it is...fantasy. I also detect within myself some kind of envy that women are able to wear such beautiful things, but that these things are forbidden for men. I don't like being forbidden from things I like. When I put on a dress, I feel pretty. I like feeling pretty. I don't like being confined to the usual gender norms. There is much in me that could be considered feminine. When I dress up, I'm manifesting that. But my reasons can be summed up as follows: I am drawn to it by a desire to look and feel pretty, and I am often aroused by it. I think alot of us probably feel the same way.

When I embarked upon transition, a friend revealed that they too were in the process of becoming a woman. I was unaware of any help or support on the internet, and my friend showed me her website, the title page showed a greeting and either side of this were pardon my language/phrases - ejaculating penises which were early cgi and moved and well you can guess the rest. I didnt say anything, but I was horrified, I was deep in shock, because I knew within myself that I did NOT associate myself with this, or identify with it. I went away asking myself over and over"what does this have to do with being in the wrong body, transgendered people dont need graphic and obscene images like this being linked by the person in the street to what is a very real conditon, and not some kind of perversion".

For me being transgenderd is somthing Ive known since about 6, Ive accpeted it, Ive fought against it, Ive wanted to die, Ive welcomed it, Ive sought answers, and I know this will never go away. Dressing is incidental, it doesnt stop the feelings of revulsion in your own form.

Hi julie...
wow that was deep.. I dont dress to look or pass as femme.. I just love the clothes and yes it is a sexual thing (sometimes) I hate the stigma of society that says because you are male you cant wear a dress.. I hate the word transvestite and crossdresser.. Basically I hate labels (apart from designer)..I never want to be female not for one minute. I have racked my brains and gone through mental turmoil in my life .. But that has changed because I now accept who and what I am..I no longer question myself.. The internet has prooved a wonderfull tool..In my pre-internet days I thought I was a freak..now I know different...
take care

az_azeel

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Fallen Angel

...Basically I hate labels (apart from designer)...

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I love this quote. :)

There is no single reason that we dress. Each one of us is a unique individual with our own motivations. Some of us are turned on by just wearing panties, others want to transition to become women and others are happy just to be men in skirts. What may be true for me may not apply at all for you, we are all members of an extremely diverse community.

Thanks for this thread!

For me, I want to be a woman or as close to it as I can get AND I find it all very erotic. I wouldn't want to give up on for another.

But I do think that your post is interesting and in many cases true. It's difficult to tell someone you a have a fetish in our sexually repressed western culture. It's as if fetish was a bad thing or something.
I just think of all the money we can save on Viagra and just buy a new pair of panties instead. And there are no side effects except pleasure!!!

Love,
Rikki

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TGMarla

Wellp....the cat's out of the bag. I dress for a myriad of reasons that I have difficulty explaining even to myself. Much of it is sexual, as I find feminine attire very attractive and often arousing. I'm not transexual, and I'm not "a woman trapped in a man's body". I fantasize about being female, but that's just what it is...fantasy. I also detect within myself some kind of envy that women are able to wear such beautiful things, but that these things are forbidden for men. I don't like being forbidden from things I like. When I put on a dress, I feel pretty. I like feeling pretty. I don't like being confined to the usual gender norms. There is much in me that could be considered feminine. When I dress up, I'm manifesting that. But my reasons can be summed up as follows: I am drawn to it by a desire to look and feel pretty, and I am often aroused by it. I think alot of us probably feel the same way.

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Right on Marla, you said it best!!!

Love BonnieAnne
0.02

Another nail driven home by Julie York!

I'm a dude who likes the feel of women's clothes, and I think some of them can make my male body look as good as they can for a female one. And there are times this can be sexual. And being unashamedly a man crossing the line does turn some people on, men as well as women, and this has gotten me friends that I wouldn't have otherwise.

Hi, My name is Susie. I'm not an alcoholic; that meeting is across the hall.

But, since I'm standing here addressing all of you, I want to tell you that with all my heart and soul, I wish I were a woman. See the brassiere underneath my shirt?

I know I'm not, but I've spent my life wishing I were female, and doing my best to imagine and visualize what it might be like. There's a huge (pun intended) erotic component to it, but when the, um, component is no longer, er, huge, I find that I still want to be, and wish I were, a girl.

Yes, it makes me hot to wear womens' clothes, but it also makes me feel at peace to look in the mirror and see me as I imagine myself. Oh, God, if I just were a little rounder, a little more petite, and not so chunky!

So, Julie, may this confession help you see that a) yes, we can't help it, but b) no, we're not all TS, and c) yes, it's fun :).

Hugs,
Susie

We do it because we get a kick out of it, some folks like a glass of wine others a beer or cocktail: some just sip others get smashed. What this thread seems to be admitting at last is that we get a sexual thrill out of it...that's the alcohol.

Some people spend their waking moments thinking about golf, how to improve their handicap and spend horrific sums to achieve improvement.... that's their alcohol: does anybody seriously call that a fetish? We do the same: always trying to improve our presentability to the level where we test ourselves in the outside world for passability. That's no different from golf. The adrenalin surge of going out for the first time, is the public competition.

Whether it all started as a hormone wash in the womb is not really relevant it is something that we get a kick out of, and why not.

Hugs
Fi

Well, Julie, we northeners have a reputation for plain speaking, blunt, even.
I take all of your points, but it does have to be said that we're all different, albeit along a similar theme. To me, apart from the anonymity of the internet, it's all done and thought about in private, and I've never felt the need ( or even had the guts ?? ) to disclose my inner feelings to family and friends. Cding is a development of my girliness now that I have both time and wherewithal to seriously exploit it. I cannot say which of Ms. Dalesman or Mr.Dalesman is the most sexually aroused by driving round the Lake District with the hood down and a lot of thigh on display. In honesty, I think we both are, and the tourists ( both sexes ) seem to enjoy it too. Trouble is, the sodden ( sodding ? ) weather.
Love dalesman

Sorry Julie but perhaps your just reminding us how varied our Sisters are.
Here we don't concentrate on the sex element to any great extent, so it gets little mention. But out there in WWW land, the TV/TS/CD sex and sleaze, are alive and well. And there are no shortage of "hairy pantie wearers", who admit freely to being just that, on any personals site. No I think it's your perception...and all that ;)

It may even be that more sex inspired CD's are not bothering with TS support sites so much nowadays as the personals sites have grown more "accepting".
I wonder if you were forced to forego Julie York for some months or a longer time, whether your annoyance would manifest itself eventually as a stress related illness. For you it's an unknown, but not uncommon.

For myself, I would have a very tough time within a couple of Months, if I HAD to stop. I made myself ill, whilst in purged self-denial, and several times I have come close to repeating the mistake. Thankfully BG has got much more used to me being around and abstinence is not on the horizon. We actually have fun nowadays, tho some days are funnier than others!! :rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TGMarla

Wellp....the cat's out of the bag. I dress for a myriad of reasons that I have difficulty explaining even to myself. Much of it is sexual, as I find feminine attire very attractive and often arousing. I'm not transexual, and I'm not "a woman trapped in a man's body". I fantasize about being female, but that's just what it is...fantasy. I also detect within myself some kind of envy that women are able to wear such beautiful things, but that these things are forbidden for men. I don't like being forbidden from things I like. When I put on a dress, I feel pretty. I like feeling pretty. I don't like being confined to the usual gender norms. There is much in me that could be considered feminine. When I dress up, I'm manifesting that. But my reasons can be summed up as follows: I am drawn to it by a desire to look and feel pretty, and I am often aroused by it. I think alot of us probably feel the same way.

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Thank you, Marla, for expressing my feelings so well. - MAUREEN

As I said in another thread Jule, I don't attempt to classify myself or anyone else. I'm simply Ericka and accept each one as a individual. Human diversity being what it is, there are always variations to any theme. Ericka

I dress because I like to, full stop and period. I go out dressed (as female)when I can, enjoying it for who knows why for a reason. There does not have to be anybody around, but it helps if there are people somewhere near. It is nice to be seen (?), but as I said not essential.
There is nothing sexual in going out, but there can be sex tones in the house alone. I have no idea what it would cover if my wife knew what I got up to while she was out or even if I would like her to know... probably it would be nicer and less of that 'hiding feeling'.
One thing that does make me curious is that "relaxed and free from stress feeling" with certian articles of clothing. What is it ?
Inevitably more later on this peculiar subject from a peculiarly twisted (?) person.
Posts are coming in so fact on this one that I almost feel dated, this thread is not yet ten minutes old and it is on page three !

You're not paying attention Samantha. It's 3 days old but still fascinating.:D

I am not giving labels to anyone and I know there is a diversity. I just wanted to address the imbalance.

Marla:

Thank you girl...for putting it so well...I feel the same as you do. I love looking and feeling the femme part.

Dandy

So you really were sleeping behind the scenery ?
~Samm

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sam-antha

I dress because I like to, full stop and period. I go out dressed (as female)when I can, enjoying it for who knows why for a reason. There does not have to be anybody around, but it helps if there are people somewhere near. It is nice to be seen (?), but as I said not essential.
There is nothing sexual in going out, but there can be sex tones in the house alone. I have no idea what it would cover if my wife knew what I got up to while she was out or even if I would like her to know... probably it would be nicer and less of that 'hiding feeling'.
One thing that does make me curious is that "relaxed and free from stress feeling" with certian articles of clothing. What is it ?
Inevitably more later on this peculiar subject from a peculiarly twisted (?) person.
Posts are coming in so fact on this one that I almost feel dated, this thread is not yet ten minutes old and it is on page three !

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That "relaxed and free from strees" feeling is likely because in CDing you have "Dropped" both your "normal" RL identity AND your Male side, both of which have their own "burdens" or obligation, responsibility and somewhat "repressive" "codes of conduct" . Being free from all of that is very liberating---you are taking a vacation from both YOURSELF and MANHOOD---and for the time being are FREE. Of course reality will finally catch up and its time to be your male self again, but hopefully you will return in a "refreshed" state that will stay with you until its time to become a girl once more.
Thats How I see it in my own CDing anyway. The point is NOT to "be a girl" so much as it is to--"Get away from ME and the pressures of manhood"--and if I have to become a girl to do that --so be it.

As many CDs out there you will find as many theories on why we do it. Does it really matter? Whether we want to change our gender or are just having a good time, complete with thrills, with our dressing, we ARE doing what we want to and being what we want to be.

As time has gone by I have become comfortable with myself as a crossdresser. I have shed the guilt and shame and am thoroughly enjoying dressing. The sexual turn on comes when I look in the mirror and see an attractive woman letting my imagination take care of the flaws. Another thrill comes from the risk taking. Taking a walk around the block enfemme can give a high that lasts weeks.

And it is the support and love found in this forum that allows us to feel free to be what we want to be. Ourselves.

QZ2

What a great thread!

For me, it has brought into focus a few of the things that make this such a cool site.

First of all, a lot of the replies have shown what a diverse community we have, and, secondly, the lack of sexual overtones show how much respect we have for each other. How many good relationships have been ruined by sex? Without any sexual tension, we are free to discuss a variety of issues, while having no worry of offending anyone, or sending the wrong messsage.

But, I'm sure that there are many more of us that enjoy the erotic rush of CD'ing as a primary motivator than are freely willing to admit to. Simply for the sake of "correctness". Nothing wrong with that.

But, since the cards are on the table on this one, I admit that I enjoy both the sensual/sensous thing, and the (percieved) freedom I have to explore both sides of this funny little gender catagorization game.

Just my two one-hundredeths of a greenback.

Is it a TS/TG thing? I never really thought about it. I just dress because I want to. Okay so it does go way back to even before I can remember, I was only like a month old when my 5 sisters started dressing me up.
And yes I have been to a couple "shrinks" trying to come to an understanding of myself and my cding. But all they did was help me to accept who I am and that its okay to be me and its okay that other people dont like me, who I am or what I do.
My grandkids think I'm bank-of-america,
My daughter calls me a mean old man
My wife calls me "Poppa"
My sisters and brothers? Well they just don't call me!

I am 47, been cding since I was a month old and this is simply a part of who I am. I dont need to be accepted by others, I just gotta accept myself, and be happy with who I am. That in itself is a struggle sometimes.

Connie, but if you have the right satnav, and your airbag inflated, help is on its way !! Might be a touch embarassing if you're all dolled up, a thought I regularly have on my little sorties out.
Love Dalesman

That could be why it is so nice out... I am no longer me. I am someone else according to how I am dressingat that moment in time.
Where I am in what dress may also be significant ? MacDonalds in a mini or in a pencil skirt ? That just abouts describes it.
Thank you Marina
~Samm