Printable View
Hi girls,
I'd just like to ask why people come out as crossdressers at older ages like 40's and 50's. Was it really so hard to come out in your 20's or younger and why? I'm 24 and I havn't had that much of a problem being a crossdresser and coming out.
I assume it's because people care a lot more what their peers think when they are younger. I'm in my 20's and have only really been comfortable with it for a few years. I think also that the internet helps a great deal, and people in their 40s and 50s wouldn't have had access to the same community support and information that we enjoy now.
B I N G O !!!!!!!!!
The world has changed in the last 30 years....we have gone from being the Lone Ranger to 1 in 100 men. Many of us would love to have our youth back again. And many of us have so much to lose being over 25 and established that it takes us a long time to get so miserable that we are willing to give it all up to be who we are.
Emily Ann
Yup and Yup! Two very wise women...hit it right on the nail!
Most of us in our 40's and 50's have by now long-established families (children, grandchildren) and working relationships. No matter how strong the impulse of crossdressing is, you have to consider how it will affect your immediate and potential extended families. It can be an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT thing to do.
Plus in my case, I had a young family to raise and care for. Had to be the 'man" whether I wanted to be or not. Now that my children have grown and flown, I can be myself. Ericka
if u go back to when they were 20.... there wasn't such a thing as the WWW or internet!Quote:
Originally Posted by Mz_Jenny
now-a-days its alot easier to find support and info on crossdressing and transgenderism...
Times have greatly changed over the years. I'm 53, and back when I was young and wondering why I felt like a was a girl, we didn't have anywhere to look for help, information, or support, we were on our own. Now we have the internet and the world at our fingertips, back then we were alone. I didn't know I was TS, or anything about it, until I read a Life magazine article on it in 1968. You couldn't exactly go to the library, or anywhere for that matter, and find information on the subject, because there wasn't any.
So what did we do? We hid in fear and shame, and built up walls to protect us from the world. Funny thing about walls, they're real easy to put up, but a bitch to tear down and clear away. We got comfortable behind them because we felt safe and protected, it became a way of life. All I can say is that old habits die hard.
People have a much different outlook on things that are different to them now. I live full time as a woman now without any problems at all, but I do remember the days when I was chased by gangs because I had long hair. Can you imagine the reactions and what would have happened if I tried living as a woman then? Gays were called fags then, and they were routinely beaten and killed, now they have their own hit TV shows and are celebrities. Things are just so different now, and for the better.
Even with all of that, the reason I finally came out had nothing to do with today's liberalism and open-mindedness, I just couldn't live a lie anymore, I had to try living as myself. The pressure had become to great, and I decided to take a chance and come out to be the real me. I still expected to be hated and ostricized, and lose family, friends, everything. I was willing to accept that, I expected the worse and hoped for the best. I knew things were different and such, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I decided that I didn't care what people think about me, I was going to go for it, because I felt if not now, then never.
Thankfully, things have been just great for me. I've found that those who loved me before still do, those who didn't still don't, and I don't care about them. Even with today's new attitudes and such, people don't understand it, but that's okay because I never did either. Most folks I come in contact with go out of their way to be kind to me because that's how I am to everyone. I'm just glad that you younger ones don't have to go through what we did. I know it's still a difficult road to be on, but it's a lot smoother now than when we were your age.
Karen
I dont' know but that seems to be the way. I know when I was in my 20's and single and looking to date a crossdresser it was like looking for a needle in a haystack! I literally can count on my two hands the cd's who I knew were 'okay' with this and willing to meet or date someone into this. Most were so freaked out that even the 'idea' of an acepting girlfriend scared the bejeezus out of them!
My husband actually wrapped his head around all this when he was like age 30/31 and started making an effort to be comfortable and secure with himself.
I have had several younger gg friends express an interest in dating a cd {like my husband..cool/cute/sexually-gender secure} and for the life of me I coudl not find an available cd in their age range!
But regardless it is great that you personally are in a good headspace. Good for you!!!!!!! :thumbsup:
Times have changed but then again sometimes I wonder have they really changed for the better.
I'm reading the autobiography of Christine Jorgensen right now. When she got off that plane back in America in the 50s she got an awful lot of positive vibes.
She got some negativity too but according to her, the postivie far outweighed it. And this was the 1950s folks. And even though she was TS and not CD, she still was TG.
She became a national celeb. Got all sorts of awards and offers. People and society on the whole was far more intriqued by her than they were hateful. Out of the tens of thousands of letters she received, only approximately 40 were hate-filled. She had no idea the story would break like it did but handled it with confidence ,grace and dignity. She knew that God/Universe had designed her as It saw fit, and walked proudly in that knowledge.
I've seen various other aritcles in maistream press as early as 1952, glorifiying gender-bending pageants and balls that I KNOW I'd never see today in those same mags concerning the same subject matter.
What the hell happened? Even in the 70s, Donahue, Sally were doing intelligent shows about it, not this Springer trash.
Again I say, what the hell happened?! If there was gonna be any kind of revolution, sadly I think it should have happened then, by today we would be reaping its rewards.
So IMHO, we have and continue to go backwards as a society. Its sad. I think the revolution should have occured during that brief window in time when Jorgensen was getting all of the press, she opened up a door and TGs missed an important moment to walk thru it.
But I was not there and can only report what I have read. Any older TGs care to give an opine?
im in my 20s and came out last year so not everyone is over 40+, and i think you will find most of the FTMs if not all were under 40 when they came out
Things were different when I was young. About the only CD's (?) you saw was Milton Berle (and was he?) on TV. Of course, Christine was a curosity and occasionally you read about drag queens, but they were, for the most part, gay. And if you weren't, it confused you even more.
Plus, if you grew up in a really small town, it made it worse. There was no internet, no gender radio, no documentaries on network television (of course, there were few cable stations at that time, too.).
Each of us thought we were the only ones. There were exceptions who went out dressed, but most of us never heard about them until the INTERNET and search engines.
Plus there were other reasons which have been mentioned in other posts here.
So, please, don't think that we were wimps or something like that because the times were different.
Christine Jorgensen became a celeb because the press made her one, perhaps that's why she enjoyed some level of protection. Like I said, I remember the days of being jumped for having long hair, hell, I once got jumped for wearing bell bottoms because they were considered femmish.
As far as TV goes, it was just as trashy then as it is today, the only difference being the censors are all out to lunch now. I remember Donahue's shows on the subject, they were quite condenscending. I do remember seeing Merv Griffin do a show on it, he handled it with class and dignity.
As far as a revolution goes, perhaps we had a quiet one. All I know is that I go everywhere as a woman now, and yes I do get read, yet I've never had any problems. I've even ended up in places I wouldn't go as a guy and made it out in one piece. The key for me is to treat everyone with politeness, courtesy, and respect, and I always get the same in return.
Karen
Gurly has it right. We all have to consider our place in our social and family network. Real harm can be done. Plus, it is just a whole lot more fun to selfishly keep our little mistresses to ourselves.
all great answers, and i wish i had a £1 for every time my wife said " i wish you had told me about your CD'ing when we first met". Now we've been trying to catch up with 15+ years of wondering how Sharon would have gone through life, but it has been fun:D Sharon.
I remember once when I was 16 we went to a rodeo. Four of the cowboys caught me coming back from getting something from the snack bar. They tied me up and cut my hair off with a pocket knife. Now my hair was just shoulder length. So can you image trying to buy a dress back then or makeup. I'm 54 now, and I understand what Gypsy is saying.
Note on the hair just 2 years ago I had over 18" cut off. When I was wearing it 95% of the time I got complaints on how it looked. So I know there been a big change in that area at least.
and what's wrong with being over 40? lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Mz_Jenny
Well i just turned 36 and back in the old days when we didn't have seat belts in cars or playstations. We also didn't have this thing called the internet to get support from others like you young whipper snappers do now.
Now where's my cane i have to hobble up to the store to get some Ben-Gay. It's 10 miles up hill both ways don't you know?
Hey!! Watch who your calling miserable Lady!! Hehehe. And I may be over 40 but Karren's not!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Ann Brown
Love Karren
What happened was counter-revolution. The right wing nutbags rode in with Ronnie Reagan and are dying hard. But it's a matter of two steps forward, one step back. Things are going the right way, but the Loonie Right has the money to be heard and the glibness to be believed so we've been sliding popular-culture wise. Have hope! Here we are, after all, communicating with each other instantaneously around the world, no longer the isolated individuals of the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by kwebb
So why are we over 40? Like others have said, we built our walls and sham lives to hide behind because it seemed the only way to survive. How long can you really hide from yourself? Two, three, maybe even four decades for we really fearful types. But you're always in there, and you know it. For me it took a personal disaster of the first magnitude to make the walls irreparable. Here I am, 50 year old guy on the outside but the much younger Teresa through and through.
hi girl my name is phylisanne and i am one of those old girls who have just come out within the last few years .the answer to your question is that lucky for you ,you are living in the age of computers ans an open society.in my 20s which were the 60s we didnt have this great crossdressers .com to talk to all the girls around the world and find out that there are others like me out there .when i found out about cdi in new york and went to a first meeting i never would have been able to be going out and finally expressing my desires to dress and feel like a woman ,back then if you put on a dress you would probably have been shot or something less terrible.for you today you could for instance if you lived in new york city come to our cd group become a member and come ,dress and have a great time with all the girls in our group.and probably as you are still a kid go out dressed with us to all the great things we do in new york city.well enjoy yourself and have a ball..love phylisanne:love:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mz_Jenny
With the posts by the other girls, the internet has opened doors for many of us.
Although some people may not agree with me, I think the "gay movement" had a lot to do with some of the changes that have taken place.
A brief quote from wikipedia:
"Prior to 1965, the police would sometimes record the identities of all those present at the raids, which on some occasions was published in newspapers. At the time, the police used any number of reasons they could think of to justify an arrest on indecency charges including: kissing, holding hands, wearing clothing traditionally of the opposite gender, or even being in the bar during the raid."
You may want to check out the info at the below link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots
Hugs,
Brianna
or "in" the scheme ..the history of female mimicry or drag queens , has been around a long long time , Flip Wilson as Geraldene or "Uncle Miltie" and many great British "Dames" may have softened the image of a man in a dress, but the humor was generally at some gender's expense and not very complimentary.. and issues of a man actualy desiring to dress that way was and still seems catagorized as a sort of sexual perversion so far, by too many (misinformed) people . Some might see Ru Paul and form opinions, while a film like Trans America could open more eyes to some truths ...
I'm not sure..but in my life as a "crossdresser" , I know the internet and this site, have helped me find more peace ...with "who I am " denying perhaps all the times of feeling alone and alienated ..during most of my ( "TV" ? ) life.
...and I'm beyond my youth now .. but greatfull in many ways ! :thumbsup: xx"K"
Be in our high heels now and then think back to 25 years, ago. You should get the picture. And I'm 45 now.
20 or 30 years ago you were a freak with a fetish, things are bit different now.
I came out when I was in my teens, and this was back in the seventies. I didn't wait for Al Gore to invent the internet in order to come out.
I am 26. I feel that it is a lot easier today for many reasons.
The internet helps. :hugs: CD's tend to be a secretive bunch, and unlike other out or fringe identity scenes we have never made any load sounds about the discrimination. Well, especially in the UK.
I am speaking as a young'un here. So I could be wrong
It's much much easier now than in the 60s. You could be beat up or worse. They thought we were sick or had a medical proublem I'll talk about that later
Jannette:straightface:
I went to my first drag bar in 1980, joined ETVC support group in 1981. Long before anyone heard of the Net. SF/NYC have had such bars since WWII at least. It was a lot more trouble to find them. And needless to say they weren't in the best sections of town. (I remember my first trip to the Black Rose, I wasn't worried about being caught, I was worried about being killed, robbed, whatever.)
Like so many things, being black, being a woman with a job, being a Cubs fan, minorities are no longer on the outside looking in. Also, behavior deals like being gay, Rainbow Nation counterculture stuff, or voting Republican, marginal social behavior is tolerated in a much greater degree now than it was pre-WWII. The reasons for that are book length, so I will skip them. Just suffice it to say its been a gradual breaking of the damn over the past half century (At least in the industrial West).
From what I see a lot of the girls here don't go out, and this becomes their outlet, and no doubt the internet has allowed all sorts of people who thought they were alone to reach out and touch each other. (Google "FURRY" and see what I mean, yeesh, people think we are nuts.) This is a good thing. And by the time we hit these tender years its become obvious that its not going to go away, you didn't outgrow it, therapy didn't help, drugs didn't destroy it, you couldn't give it up for love - So... What the hell? Might as well sit back and enjoy it. These pages and posts are a way of doing that for a lot of people here.
I work with a lot of groups that have a lot of younger members, like LYRIC, and girls, these boys DON'T NEED the internet. They have grown up in a much different climate and are much more open - and out an about. Also - they are here (on the net) its just different sites where they are in touch with people who are more like them in a generational sense. I can quote the Rolling Stones in here and most of the girls know where it came from, but if I quoted Bright Eyes???? Besides do you really want to listen to crossdresser rap and hip-hop? Didn't think so.
As all the others have said we didn't have the internet when I was in my 20's and many of us had families and then we didn't dress in front of them.
When you reach 40 + you have in many cases less to lose and more confident to dress.
0.02
I honestly had no freaking clue that this stuff went on. Ok this is gross but true. The first time I ever really knew that transgendered stuff went on is when I was in my late 20s and saw a ******* Porn magazine in the locker room at work believe it or not. That was the 80s and guys had porn around before sexual harrashment laws and stuff. I knew I had femmy urges but just thought I was bi or gay...and I surpressed all that. Was scared I was a gay guy. Did not realize I really should have been a chick and somehow my brain is wired up wrong for the plumbing I got!!!
I still kinda just thought it was like 1 in a million deal and then it was a sleazy porn thing. But the internet came along and 5 or 6 years ago I started seeing stuff on the net then took a big interest of course. I saw there were cool girls like Renee Reyes, Brenda Glass in Atl, Briania Bryant and yes Eva from this forum that were not perverts and were accomplished people with successful lives.
I first dated some Tgirls with me being the guy :heehee: then last year said heck with it I am going to dress up. The rest is history. But out at the clubs in Atlanta I see lots of young Tgirls. They are exposed a lot earlier than I was and I envy that they are lining up their lives to be Tgirls a lot earlier than I am.
Not complaining however, the past year has been a very happy one for me. Right now due to needing to make a living I'm a guy during the day. But I'm a chick at night and on the weekends. Its a good balance and enough for now. Might go Fulltime when the kids go to college but who knows.
Sorry you hit my button with this thread and I went way too long on it. :p
Because those younger have the advantage of youth with no responsibilities or commitments, ie wife and family. Some of us have been holding this in for decades so this is our release especially if we have no support from the wife.
This is why it is called gender confusion. It takes a while to figure out what is going on!
It is a different world today. Then we did not have the info that is available now and views were not as enlightened as we think they are now.
If I were 20 today I might be more "open" about it and make my decisions in life differently. At this point with a family and other responsibilities I have to take little things and be content.
Enjoy the freedom that you have and keep in mind what you want in the future and make your choices accordingly.
Peace comes from within
In my case I grew up in a small redneck town. There was one guy there who was TS and didnt hide it in high school. He was ridiculed and so on, and even had to run for his life a few times, but held his/her ground. That being said, I wasnt about to be outed back then. Now that I am 39 and have had the internet the last 5 or so years to do the research, I have found out who and what I really am. And of course this website has helped me tremendously. I even met with a couple of "sisters" from the local tri-ess the other day thanks to this site. Now....If I was younger and new then what I know now.....things would most likely be a lot different for me.
After reading many bios on the net over the last few years I find that the typical CD describes how their interest in female clothes began at an age between 5 and 10. I am no different and remember playing a game where I swapped underwear with my female cousin. What I find is that for me, this "thing" has become stronger over the years. For many years I was content with the occasional opportunity to wear an item of clothing but when I turned 40 I realized that there was more to this and that part of me is a girl. It its then that I gave birth to Kattie, my female self. Soon after I told my wife with bad consequences but that is another story. In any case, I suppose something similar happens to other CDs and at some point the urge becomes so strong that one feels the need to stop keeping it secret. Maybe 40-50 is the typical age when this threshold is reached. CDs who come out in their 20s maybe have a lower threshold or the girl inside them 'grows' much faster. This is just my theory. But I agree, the Internet must surely have an impact on this.
im 21 just had a hard life lol no realy i was thinking i was the only one like this when i was young i am so glad im not and now my wife knows we do things together moor and even meet people too there are a lot of nice people out there and i think now life is good :thumbsup:
It's alot easier if you start early. Years ago, with little info and not much help it was very difficult to even decide what the problem was. Now there is so much more medical help (hormones, plastic surgury, and of course SRS) and even just retail help (just google crossdressing and see how many devices, pads, clothes, etc.. that you can buy) that you're not alone.
If you talked to most older CDs here I think you'd find that the majority had not talked to another person about this until a few years ago (maybe an exception for their SO). These message boards are making a very big difference for all of us, but especially I suspect for the closeted CD. Just knowing that there are many others out there makes a big difference on your outlook.
Good luck. Most of us would love to be able to have started in our 20's with CDing. If you think you might be TS, this is the time to explore that, not after you have established a male life and family. You might want to read "She's Not There" by Jennifer Boylan.
http://www.colby.edu/personal/j/jfboylan/
I'm 52 and just recently started dressing. I always had urges, but it wasn't until this year that I decided to give in totally. Sally24 is right in that this site in particular was a big reason for my deciding to dress. I really thought I was alone in my desires, and when I met all these wonderful ladies and read about the fun they had, I felt so good. And make no mistake, I do feel VERY good about myself and my desires to be a crossdresser. But I do wish I had started much earlier. It is so much fun!
kathy id love to have a girlfriend who would get into this with me, my search has been in vain as well, i am 29 btw ,this issue tends to scare most girls off
Hello mz. jenny,
I'm 36 so I think i'm still under the 40 mark but getting closer , although i'm having a blast doing my thing especially in a new city. So not all of us are not 40 and over. I like to think we paved the way for the younger people out there. hugs and kisses,
Kelli
Actually, before my wife and I were married in our 20's she suggested it, after catching my landlords teen aged daughter, whose boyfriend was dressed in her bra and panties having sex. My wife thought that was quite kinky and wanted to try it.
I had worn my mothers and grandmothers things before, but felt uncomfortable wearing my girlfriends things in front of her. Until now.:hugs:
Hey girls,
I'd just like to know what other members think their most femmine feature is?. My most femmine feature would probably be my hips, especially when wearing tight clothes. I'm fortunate to have a slim waist and look very slimming.
Jenny
Nothing wrong with being over 40 and just coming out,or admitting to what you are.Many of us here in the states had to put several years or more on hold while we did the military thing.Uncle Sam just didnt like it very much.so we had to put our urges on hold as much as we could.I also agree with the others over fort that the internet has opened up a whole new wolrd to us.We now know that we are not freaks or alone in the world .The only thing that kept me closely sane before retiring was that my ex did understand about my problem as she refered to it.I look at it as those of us that are older just laid the ground work for the younger ones coming along now.
My little toe's are hot.
Legs,feet,ass.
That would have to be my mind, girls. The rest of the package suffers by comparison. But my mind can soar.
Lovies,
Stephenie
My wife says I have very feminine legs and I would have to agree. I just wish I had to butt and hips to compliment them......oh well.
It seems like most everyone is in agreement......the internet has done wonders for the cd. I am 57 years young, and all I can say is thank God and the people that had the guts to come out and say "This is who I am....If you don't like it, its your problem, not mine" I try to be as beautiful a woman as I can when I am dressed,because thats how I feel inside, like the woman that I have been for so many years. May God bless all cd's for just being who they are. Stef4955
When I was in my 20s and 30s, it was still illegal for a man to dress as a woman, in a lot of places. It was also considered queer, or gay.
My most feminine feature is probably my shaped eyebrows. I must say though - I also have terrific man-boobs!
(. Y .)