A Halloween party? Hmmmm. Should I?

Hi everyone

My (psychology grad school) classmates are throwing a Halloween party this year and I am sorely tempted to go en femme. I don't own a wig or makeup and wouldn't bother with nail polish, but I'd be wearing a black, knee length skirt, burgundy/berry colored button-front blouse, pantyhose (nude or black, I'm thinking black) and black pumps with an ankle strap.

Other than that, I'll have my usual male hairstyle (no wig) and more than likely my "shadow" will be visible on my face, so it wouldn't totally look like I was trying to be a woman.

Of course, they'd notice my shaven legs...

Anyway, more info: The party is being held at a classmate's residence and, again, these are psychology grad students, so one would think they would at least have tolerance for crossdressing if they do put two and two together as it were.

Then again, I think about pictures being taken and... depending on the number of people who come, it's always possible that we may decided to "adjourn" to a bar/lounge or something else; who knows?

Next year, we'll have varying classes (the classes are the same this year) so I don't know if I'd see them again next year or if there would be a Halloween party next year.

I'm also tempted, if they ask where I got the clothes or... more direct questions :heehee: to come out to them.

I guess we all feel that temptation at some point, though.

What do you think, should I do it? Should I free Lisa?

Hugs,
Lisa

well thats kind of complicated.. being dressed but not really trying to pass would probably be just seen as funny.. if these people really are your friends then they wont have any real problems with it. however if its a lot of people you dont know real well.. thats a little different.. The main thing is you need to be comfortable doing it.

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Originally Posted by lisameaghan

Hi everyone

My (psychology grad school) classmates are throwing a Halloween party this year and I am sorely tempted to go en femme. I don't own a wig or makeup and wouldn't bother with nail polish, but I'd be wearing a black, knee length skirt, burgundy/berry colored button-front blouse, pantyhose (nude or black, I'm thinking black) and black pumps with an ankle strap.

Other than that, I'll have my usual male hairstyle (no wig) and more than likely my "shadow" will be visible on my face, so it wouldn't totally look like I was trying to be a woman.

Of course, they'd notice my shaven legs...

Anyway, more info: The party is being held at a classmate's residence and, again, these are psychology grad students, so one would think they would at least have tolerance for crossdressing if they do put two and two together as it were.

Then again, I think about pictures being taken and... depending on the number of people who come, it's always possible that we may decided to "adjourn" to a bar/lounge or something else; who knows?

Next year, we'll have varying classes (the classes are the same this year) so I don't know if I'd see them again next year or if there would be a Halloween party next year.

I'm also tempted, if they ask where I got the clothes or... more direct questions :heehee: to come out to them.

I guess we all feel that temptation at some point, though.

What do you think, should I do it? Should I free Lisa?

Hugs,
Lisa

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Lisa,

What are you going to do that is inducing so much guilt?

And you a psych major! And in the Bay area, no less!

You are asking about going to a Hallowe'en party, for goodness sake. A costume party! No wig, no makeup, and no nailpolish. Sounds pretty tame to me. Chill out girl, and have some fun.

You certainly don't need to "come out". Just go to the party and have a good time. What you are doing is normal behavior for Hallowe'en. Just put yourself in the other shoe, so to speak. If you go to the party as a pirate are you going to be all over a fellow student who arives as a sexy nurse? Or will you just think, "oh, cool costume". Will you automatically think "OK, there's a perv"? or will you just think, "it's a costume party".

CDing is not a crime or a perversion, and as psych major you should understand this better than others.

Go, and have a good time.

Steph

Lisa, I would say if you go to the extent of shaving your legs, then go all the way. I think if you do as you say that you will wish after words that you would have done it all the way. I went to a couple of partys dress and it does not matter what people say or think at Halloween. As a matter og fact I had great times dressed. I went to a parys one time with my second wife, we were both in dresses, her pink mine bright Blue. I looked good and as we were walking up the side walk to the party some guys sitting on the porch started whistling at us. They were surprised when we walked right up to the party and found out we were ther for the party and that I was a guy. It was strange and a little cool being whistled at. Please for your own good, go all out for it, you'll feel better and have a great time. They may think it wierd that you come looking like a guy from the neck up and a girl from the neck down including shaven legs. Check out my Thread about famous people crossdressing, more people do it and have done it than anyone will ever admit.

GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY

Hi there

Steph --

I don't think CD is a crime or perversion. I'm quite comfortable with the fact that all of my problems come, not from me, but from society's difficulty dealing with people like me.

I'm really not particularly worried about my classmates, either. I have only known them for six weeks, but I think they are all good-hearted people who are in the psych business (or will be soon) because they care about people.

I'm not feeling guilt; I'm feeling paranoia. I think of the whole "six degrees of separation thing" and worry about my parents finding out that I was en femme. If my parents saw a picture of me en femme they would know just about instantly that the clothes I'm wearing don't belong to my mother or sister. I also wonder if psych students might be more likely than others to ask answers about what's really behind my femme "costume" or ask whose clothes I'm wearing (and I can imagine that last question being asked as a matter of course). I don't even mind them knowing about Lisa. Besides, I'm not thinking of coming out to the whole world yet; only to my psych student classmates. Anyway, I'm not really worried about them knowing. It's... well the whole "six degrees of separation thing" combined with the fact that we humans can't control everything and thus even someone trustworthy might accidentally let the cat out of the bag to everyone. There's also the fact that one of the students two years ahead of me is well known to my family. This is not, in all likelihood, someone who will be at the party (As far as I know the invite is for the first year students).

Hell, let me just be honest. My parents have taught me to fear everyone and everything. This is because they're both very insecure people. They are negative thinkers. When I got into my grad school, I was thinking I had a real chance, but I wasn't sure. My parents both told me flat out, after I'd been accepted, that they never thought I would be accepted. I always want to ask them "why not?" But I don't because I know the answer (I think). It's because they're negative thinkers; it has nothing to do with me.

Anyway, they always seem to predict/expect the worst in just about any situation and it's rubbed off on me, though I'm not nearly as bad off as they are. I am much more positive (they would never have tried to get in to this school; I did try, figuring I had at least half a chance and why not, anyway?)

So, this is why I'm such a worry wart.

Frankly, I don't foresee anything disastrous happening, at least at the party -- at least, I don't think so. I think the worst would probably be a couple of people who might say something like, "Are you sure you don't like that a bit too much?" I suppose I'm thinking I might display some feminine mannerisms without thinking about it such as sweeping my skirt out from under me as I sit down. I think it's just that pesky grapevine that makes me nervous, especially if pictures are involved, especially in the age of email.

There's one other thing: I am of the personality type that prefers structure and scheduling. Whenever something comes up that's difficult to predict or decide upon (perhaps due to having insufficient information in hand), I tend to have difficulty deciding how (or feeling safe/secure enough) to proceed (like trying to figure out my gender, for instance).

Thanks for your input!

Hugs,
Lisa

Lisa, You can't worry about what others think. Just tell anyone that asks that you got everything at a thrift store for just this event. If your parents find out tell them you did it on a dare or something. You are a very smart person, you can either think of a way to go or talk yourself out of it. Think about what YOU want to do. The other you may never know or see after you are out of school. If pleasing others is first in your book just stay home and out of the way. PLEASE YOURSELF. You have to live with YOU.
GOD BLESS!!!
AMY

Oh for Heaven's sake! Stop thinking so much. Just dress fully and have some fun. I dressed one year as an old lady and another year as a biker girl. I didn't even think about being a crossdresser at the time. So I never felt nervous. I just had a blast and everyone around me had a good laugh. When I started to put two and two together and thought about my life, I realized who I really was. Now that I know I'm a crossdresser, I now worry that people might figure it out. See, now I'm thinking to much. Trust me, if you just dress up and go to the party, you will have a ball. Nobody ever ask where you got your clothes. The only thing anyone asked me is "What are you wearing underneath that skirt?" and my answer is "I'm not that kind of girl, maybe I'll tell you after another drink". We all have a good laugh.

Hi Lisa
Parties are supposed to be fun. If you won't have fun at the party dressed like you described then you should find another costume. Although you may end up kicking yourself the rest of the year for not going to the party dressed.

I think you should go dressed like you want. Anybody ask just say you came to the party dressed as a cross-dresser. The bay area probably has a few cross-dressers around so your fellow psychology students would know what your talking about. You could even 'act' like you enjoyed it, all part of the costume.

As far as the clothes, if anybody want to know where you got them, just tell them it's easy to find inexpensive clothes in thrift stores.

Anyway have fun. Would like to know what you decide and how it turns out. :hugs:

I dont know lisa, sounds like theres more hear than your letting on! geeeeees its just a party!! your not telling the world your a cd, besides I'll bet there will no dought be some one there dressed as a cheerleader, or a hooker, or ah nures! like every one says GO HAVE FUN!!!! xoxoxoxJennifer

Hi Lisa,

Go the whole hog sweety! Embrace the opportunity. Last year I went to a fancy dress party as Wednesday Addams. Ok, it was my mate's birthday and I knew most of the people there and I was there with my missus, but when I turned up in a black velvet dress with black leggings, the black Pocahontas wig, black lippy and nail polish, everyone cracked up! [In a good way] They all thought it was great- guys and girls alike. All of them straight [as far as I know- but then what do we realy know, eh?] and half of them somewhat homophobic as is quite common here in Australia.

Pretty soon I've got another fancy dress party to go to- this time I'll be dressing as a prostitute! Bring on the f#^*-me-boots, I say! Hell, I might even go for the G-string under the mini-skirt! I won't be shaving my legs, but if yours are already bare, then I'd definitely be shaving the facial stubble off completely, maybe even the arms too.

The thrift-store or op-shop is a perfect place to say where you got your gear. You can pick up all sorts of clothes from places like the Salvation Army or Smith Family stores, or whatever similar charities you have in your area. You tell people ou picked up your entire outfit for around 30-40 bucks, depending on what you're wearing, and just say hell, it's cheaper than hiring the stuff and what's better is that you can mothball it and use it again at another halloween party in years to come!

Nobody will think anything of it. If you get quizzed about the shaved legs you just ay you thought your hairy legs looked rediculous in the skirt.

Hi again

Amy, Sandygal, Jennifer: Right, right and right!

I really do over-think things and I admit it gets me all muddled up instead of just getting going or making up my mind (I should just start pinching myself when I do that :heehee: ).

I am too worried about what others think. Well, not in every way; I don’t care if someone disagrees with me and I don’t care if someone doesn’t like my station wagon or things like that. lol However, about “important” things like this I do worry too much about what others think. You know, there was one time when a guy showed up at work on Halloween a few years back wearing what looked like Dorothy’s dress (from the Wizard of Oz) but with a blond, braided wig and what appeared to be white nylons – of course, they could have been knee-highs. He wasn’t wearing makeup or nail polish. I actually overheard the reaction from two GG coworkers and they simply thought he looked “awesome”. I’m talking about a quite liberal company (or at least it was at the time), but still, the reaction was purely one of good humor (and perhaps a touch of amazement).

As for my concerns, there is more to that than meets the eye… I think that perhaps I’m worried that I’ll love being a girly out there so much that Lisa will staunchly refuse ever to be closeted again -- which would be great (not to mention healthy) in many ways, but also a bit challenging since I’m living with the parental units to make my grad schooling possible. One other thing is that a few classmates know that I'm interested in gender issues (I'm thinking about specializing in children's gender issues because I read an article about how there just aren't enough professionals to work with those children; it made me want to do that.) I'm thinking about joining the LGBTQ research group (and again, a few of my classmates know that), but the LGBTQ group seems to be focusing on homosexuality and AIDS. There's another research group that deals with maltreated children and part of that entails gender identity development, so that might be a better alternative.

I would rather go all-out if I am going to do this. Otherwise, there isn’t that much point, I don’t think. Besides, my legs are already shaven – epilated, actually, but I see no reason to mention that. My blouse/shirt is long-sleeved, so I can shave my arms or not -- actually I was going to shave them for the season, so I might as well just shave them. I might be able to buy a wig in time (I don’t have one yet). I can definitely order some cosmetics from Walgreens online, and I have nail polish already, but I absolutely suck at putting it on. :laughing: Eh, I just need more practice.

However, it might be interesting to “gauge the winds” by asking a female classmate to help me with the makeup and perhaps the nail polish.

Or, I suppose I could put in a call to Carla's and see if they can fit me in or something, I don't know. I wonder if I should buy myself a purse, too? I don't know what else I'd do with my wallet and keys. :heehee:

I definitely want to do it. :daydreaming:

Hugs,
Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I agree. You are definately overthinking this thing. Just go to the party! Later you can address all these other issues if you want. For now, it's just a party. Go, and have fun!

To address the other issues you have, you might want to find a good gender therapist. You won't have any problem fnding one in the Bay area. And what a good environment to come out in! Lucky girl! The sooner you get working on this the happier you will be. Start growing your hair. Think about electrolysis. These are non-permanent things you can do as you explore your "feminine side". If you are serious about this you will find out soon enough. Remember, this will NOT go away. You will need to come to grips with it eventually. Are you a CDer, are you TG, are you TS? Try to figure this out while you are young. You'll be glad you did! A good gender therapist will help.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Lisa,
Yesterday I was invited to a haloween party by a classmate. I am extremley tempted to go as jennifer. I have all of the clothing, I have a wig, but I do not want to wear nail polish. I just dont like it. The makeup is going to be a challange since I do not have experience.
The point is that its haloween. It is accepting to go out dressed during this time. Can you go to a thanksgiving dinner as Lisa with freinds from school?
Use this time to go as lisa, and maybe go out afterwards as lisa. Keep in mind that it is accepted for a male to dress as a female during haloween (for the most part) , and just enjoy yourself.
I have some of the "what ifs" too. I try to remember that we only live once. And I want to enjoy the time I have on earth.

Jennifer

You Go Girl,
Don't worry about being labled, just go and have a good time. Go with the flow. I went to a party one time where a friend came up behind me and lifted my dress, well he got a good look at Slip, Garters and Panty Girdle. I hope it was what he was looking for. It was a Good time and we had a good laugh. You may want to check out the thrift stores in your area. You my be able to get a wig and a purse that at a very resonable price. People won't ask about what your wearing, they'll ask if your having a good time. Relax have a good time. If you go by yourself try to find a GG that you can hang with. Most will think it is cool that you are doing it. enjoy, Enjoy, ENJOY!!! HAVE FUN!
GOD BLESS!!!
AMY

I say go for it. Especially if you don't intend to go all the way (wig, makeup, etc). I went as Britney Spears years ago in the schoolgirl uniform and I LOVED every minute of it. I had a cheezy blonde wig on and no makeup either. I want to go dressed up as a girl this year, but I wouldn't want to cheeze out and not go all they way. Just do it. Have a fun time!

Lisa.. I overthink things all the time.. worry about this or that.. The simple fact is worrying doesnt stop things from happening it just prevents you from enjoying things. I am one of the worlds worst when it comes to overthinking things so I know from experience. just go and have fun if you dont you will always wonder what if..

Umm.... Go in fancy dress??

I say go for it! I've gone out as a girl before. Don't worry your pretty little head over it.

Yeah... the more seriously you take this, the more likely it is people will think you're weird. If anyone asks you why you're doing it, just say you think you're too self-conscious and that you think if you can pull this off, you'll never worry about looking dumb in front of people again.

I am learning a lot about cross-dressers from this board. I joined because I am going to be one for halloween, and I wanted some advice, but you guys all seem to take cross dressing very, very seriously. I guess to each his own. I'm just glad I don't feel like I'm denying myself by dressing as a guy or anything like that.

But yeah, tell all your friends you're going to dress up as a woman, and say you're not sure what to do about a wig or makeup or jewelry. And tell them all that you bought your clothes at the Sal. If you do dress up as a woman, you also have a convenient excuse for if someone is digging through your stuff and finds a bunch of women's clothes, just be like, it's an old halloween costume.

Are you concerned about "outing" yourself. When crossdressed, you probably take on many female mannerisms (without realizing it) that would be noticable to others (especially women). Also, you may hear a lot of the "you walk very well in heels for wearing them for the first time.." comments.

I say play it safe, go in the dress, with the 5 o'clock shadow and low heeled shoes or sneakers to avoid any "outing"

Just go--and enjoy yourself ;)

I agree with Candy. Don't over think this one.

Go. Have a good time.

:love:

Ah, you're in a psych class in San Francisco? You can't find a more acceptant group!

It's Halloween! Anything goes.....if you went as a vampire, would you go as half a vampire, or go the whole route? Similar if you went as a bum, a pimp, a knight or anything else. You don't want others to put limitations on you, but you are doing a fine job of putting limitations on yourself. Have a blast - go the whole 9 yards. You'll be glad you did! If you don't, you're missing a rare opportunity that you will regret for a long time! :2c:

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSS
Huggs, Shelly.

I don't know precisely how "all out" I will be able to go, what with being in grad school and only having a few days left, but I am definitely going to go to this party en femme. I'm not worried about looking perfect, anyway. I don't think that's of paramount concern on Halloween.

We had a lecture today at grad school about taking action and taking risks instead of just being too introverted and safe. We usually learn by doing and then knowing, not the other way around. For instance, when applying the scientific method one begins with a hypothesis which one must then test in order to prove or refute it. I think I need to test myself in much the same way.

I think it's more than possible that I might learn something valuable about myself that might help me at least make progress figuring out my gender -- even if it is only Halloween. I might learn that I don't like being dressed in public, but that would still be very valuable knowledge. Besides, I might (very well) learn that I love being dressed in public, too. The Halloween party is scheduled to end by 10pm so that people can go out or do other things later. I might well have a good chance to go out in public dressed as Lisa and test myself with that, too.

I don't know what I will or won't learn with any certainty, but sometimes you really do just have to take the risk. Sometimes, you can't know if something is right unless you try it. Sometimes, unless you're willing to take a risk, progress can not be made.

I think this is one of those times. At least, if it's not, then I haven't the foggiest idea what is.

I've located a wig shop only a few minutes' drive from my grad school and I'll be able to stop in on Thursday. I am going to try to get myself to jokingly ask one of my female friends, "So, who's coming in drag? Someone always does and it's always great fun!" That will give me a better idea of how people might take it. I figure if I'm not able to get myself to do either of those things, then I'll know that I'm still not ready.

However, I really do want to do this. I've waited a long time to go out there and be my girly self. I'm going to do it.

The makeup and nail polish might be a bit of a trick to pull off (unless I can get myself to ask one of my female friends for assistance) but at the very least I'll have the wig (which I want regardless of whatever else happens) and can wear that and simply shave my face very closely. I'll have a lot of time down near the school before the party starts and there's a mall only, oh, fifteen minutes by car. I might be able to get a makeover there at the makeup counter or something. I'll just have to see what I can do and just go with whatever I can get together.

Well, wish me luck!

Hugs,
Lisa

If you can get a female friend to help with the make-up then do it. Girls just love doing make-overs, and especially on guys for some strange reason. Also, at the party you can then give credit to her for doing your nails and make-up. Nobody expects a guy to have any idea on those things so it will all seem perfectly natural. Have a great time at the party!