My curiosity?

This may seem like the question posed in Marcie Sexton's thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=48100 but it is not, at least not to me. I am looking for the answer to something less real-world...

I realise that this may be a long lead-in to a question, but I feel I need to explain myself to get the point of what I am asking across. I have always presented myself enfemme in my adult life, ever since I was fifteen I have lived, and looked female to the world. I never gave what I was doing much thought, there seemed to be no words, examples, or definitions that fit my lifestyle, and so I didn't worry about it, and just dealt with the day-to-day problems and joys that came with living how I saw myself. I generally was, and am, happy. Over the last two decades however, I started to notice other people who were living, or trying to live with the feelings that drove me, and I became aware of the fact that I was not unique. There seemed to be so much confusion and pain, and complexity to these stories and people however, that I was not even sure that I could lump myself togeather with them. In time however, I realised that there were many like myself, but they had been waylaid into an unsatisfactory life by the pressures and expectations of their family and society. I am still wondering though, how many true variations on this theme are there? Do you modify your expectations to try to be 'realistic' about your life choices? Do you live a half-life to meet the expectations of loved ones? I wish to hear from people who can be introspective enough to cut through imposed expectations and tell how you feel in your gut, the real truth for you emotionally, not a rationalisation of your circumstances. So, the question;

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

I am not putting anyone down for making any compromises in their life due to choices they must make to succeed in the ways that are important to them in life. I understand that sometimes the world requires sacrafice, and you deserve to be proud that you are sensitive and caring enough to make them for yourself and your loved ones, I am just wondering about this as an 'ideal' world sort of way, to see if we really are so different at the core of this thing, or not.

Thanks ahead of time for anyone answering this thread, and satisfying my curiosity.

No. I am quite happy with my Private, Part Time dressing. I have no desire to expand it further.

God did not make a mistake with me. I'm not a woman trapped in a man's body. I'm simply someone who likes to present as a woman from time to time. Part-time dressing is fine with me.

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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Well, the easy answer is yes. If there were no ramifications, of course. But this isn't a perfect world, so that's not an option. So, yes...I do modify my expectations to be realistic with my situation.

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I am not putting anyone down for making any compromises in their life due to choices they must make to succeed in the ways that are important to them in life. I understand that sometimes the world requires sacrafice, and you deserve to be proud that you are sensitive and caring enough to make them for yourself and your loved ones, I am just wondering about this as an 'ideal' world sort of way, to see if we really are so different at the core of this thing, or not.

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I think for a lot of us, it comes down an issue of at what point in our lives we have come to terms with our transgenderness. I didn't really "accept" it as a part of my life that wasn't going away, and started exploring presenting as female in public until the last few years. I'm already fairly established in my career, so it's not an easy thing to just switch gears completely. My field, finance, is historically an "old boys club", so it would affect my career negatively to the point that unless I had an alternative career path in place and ready to pull the trigger on, going full time just isn't going to be an option.

I'm single, and part of the reason for that is because I haven't decided where I'm going in my life as of yet. I'm seeing a therapist now (well, actually as of 9:15 tomorrow morning), so we'll see where that goes. So my reluctance isn't out of compassion for others...honestly, I don't care what others think of me...those that won't accept me on a personal level for who I am, well, screw them. My concern is completely professional. While I'm established, I don't think I'm to the point yet where I can ensure that my clients will stick with me if I stop wearing Brooks Brothers and start wearing Ann Taylor to the office.

At the same time, I don't think my life is unsatisfactory. Quite the contrary. I have a lot of friends, many of whom know about my "issues". Would I prefer to be a female, yes, no question. At the same time, I'm young enough that I can play off the "metrosexual, slighty effeminate" male role as well, and that is sometimes sufficient to me to satisfy my desire for femininity.

I don't envision the "married, 2.5 children, house in the suburbs" lifestyle for myself anytime in the near future. And yes, my transgenderness is a major contributing factor to that. But, I also don't particularly have the desire to be "normal" in that regard anyway, so that may be why I'm not unsatisfied.

A lot of the pain that others feel seems to come from the fact that there weren't really the outlets to learn about oneself 20 or 30 years ago that there are today, and as such many t-girls buried their feelings deep inside them, out of shame, (perceived) homophobia, whatever, and now in their 40 or 50s, those feeling come out with such force that they are virtually unable to handle them. But, by the time the feelings become so strong that they can't deal, they're married (usually to a spouse who is unsuspecting), have children, status in their community/church, etc. Coming out at that point is fraught with risk, so they just become even more traumatized with their situation.

I enjoy dressing for the clothes, at my best I'm still a man wearing a dress. While I thoroughly the times I'm wearing a dress or a skirt I also enjoy my male side. If I were forced to choose between male and female, I'd choose both {Yogi Berra is my hero.}

I would have to say I am very happy to be who I am, a person who enjoys presenting myself as feminine sometimes and otherwise, male. The main benefit of being male is moving a great deal faster in tennis shoes than high heels! I really would not want to dress and present myself everyday as the amount of time would seriously cut into my time with my family.

I got all geared up to try and give a response as thoughtful as your post and discovered that LisaK gave a reply that is just about perfect. The only difference is that I DO have a wife and 2 children and my choices are most definitely affected by this.
If there were NO ramifications, my wife and children would not suffer or be unhappy, I would not loose my job, and they could turn this ugly old man into a realistic looking woman, I'd go for it. Problem is that is NOT the world we live in.
Kim

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?I

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Yes!

Now would I go all out and transistion, do hormones and get an operation? Probably not...my fantasy would to just be full time Tgirl (Transexual, Tranny, CD whatever label applies I never can remember what I am by the way...too many labels and terms for us!!!) Would luv to just be open about me being a Tgirl with everyone.

In Atlanta I think it would be possible without too much drama and flack...especially down in the liberal/gay parts of town. But right now my job would not work out at all with that and my kids don't need more stress in their lives. Getting them grownup and educated is way more important than my femme desires & dreams.

That is an extraordinary difficult question to answer. There is a lot of variability in "If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?" One one side it could mean that "my wife won't divorce me, kids won't disown me, and my boss won't fire me," to "my wife thinks it's great to have a girlfriend at home and the company gave me a promotion to add to the diversity of senior management." In many cases most wives will be very unhappy she lost her man, teens will be embarrassed that dad's a girl, and people at work will snicker behind one's back.

The problem is deciding what "won't affect" really means. Assuming that means my wife won't be unhappy and everything will be normal at home and at work, and that I could pass well enough that it's not an issue to live full time as a woman, then yes, I'd do it starting today. Probably would even start HRT as soon as the doc would see me. SRS is another issue.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

I am 100% male born, tough, rough, mean. Had many fights with other guys, I would rather be friends with GG than a guy anytime. My wife says I'm not femanine I think otherwise, I love to CD anytime I get a chance. :happy:

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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YES.

Though as many have said, such a life is not probable in our world. I am married with four children and I cherish each of those relationships. If I could live as I wanted AND I knew that such a lifestyle would not adversely affect any one of them, then yes, I would live my life enfemme.


Jenna

My children complicate this consideration. In a lot of ways, I've lived most of my life as a womyn - without presenting as one. Things are different now. I guess I'm essentially fine with the way my life has evolved; hard knocks and all, I still have faith in the happy ending.
:daydreaming:

No!!. I am very happy as a man. Now that I have come to grips with being a cd, I just like to dress up every now and then to go out in public and present as a woman. You girls know the drill. You have the clothes. You just have to wear them.

Jodi

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If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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Given that I'm self-employed and people don't see my face, and given that I'm single with no siblings, I probably could get away with doing that.

I don't know exactly what I want to do, though. If I were born GG, I think I'd be happy being a tomboy: Obviously female, but free to express myself without worrying about if something's too masculine/feminine.

I'll let you know Bethany. I'm doing an experiment with that presently and have lived as Ericka pretty much full time for the past couple of weeks. I don't know if that would count towards your question though. I have more latitude than most. I recently retired and am home alone, so don't have a family here or a job per se to contend with.Going out is mostly about getting groceries or picking up the mail and other errands. I can live either way really but never had an opportunity like this before , so I'm using it to see if I would really want to do it or not. After a little over two weeks, things seem to be settling into a routine but right now it is still a novelty. I think , however, it will probably become less and less thrilling as time goes on though. After all, it's just another way to live and I remain the same person.:happy: Ericka

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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As I see your question, it boils down to what I want. Since there would be no relative cost to doing it male or enfemme, I'd have to weigh the relative advantages.

I'd have to try it first. Until I try it, "I don't know what I don't know." In this case, it is learning what I don't know will make the difference.

Being a happy newbie, the question is not compelling enough to spend a month 24/7 just to find out. The question is always going to be floating around in my brain, though !

Hard to entertain the question since there ARE family members and loved ones who WOULD be shocked and disturbed, and I cant just wish that away in order to consider this question - cannot suspend that concern very well.

Also, I have not arrived at the point that CD 24/7 is my identity. Haven't yet done CD for 24/1 !

If you could magically change the world to accept me in drag, then yes, I'd toss out all my guy stuff!

If I could be absolutely 100% certain there would be no repercutions, no pain or unhappiness to be wrought to loved ones, no problems with my job then I would have to say absolutely yes.Would I go all out for hrt/srs...no.I rather enjoy who I am I only wish I could dress evryday.

Ok, I may be reading the question a bit different, but I see "all your life" as the first 40 something years so far , and then however more I have left to go from here. To that I would say yes,, if I was brought up as a girl and could have some kind of meaningful relationship and decent career, that would be what many of us day dream about. But Im emphasizing the word All here.

Would I like to live the last half of my life always in fem ? I dont think so, as nice as it sounds, its not realalistic for me now. Besides , it took a long time to accept the fact that I have these two sides so I might as well work it LOL

Cindy

Your question, as you have intimated is a very complex one indeed. As a guy who dresses i can only think as a guy who dresses and therefore to try and think as my female ego it would be impossible to believe that my thoughts would be that of a female.
The answer to your question is reletively simple from a male pospective, No, i do not want to be a female 24/7, but i do want to be Me, and that includes Jennifer, as we two are one in the same.

Yes Alistair gets depressed when Jennifer can not get out and Jennifer also gets annoyed when Alistair has to re-emerge.

your question deserves a lot of thought to be answered correctly by individuals, but i have answered to the best of my thought process, that is not to say that i may change my thoughts as time goes on as we are all on a journy and as you are probabaly aware a journey can have many stages before it is completed, if indeed it is ever completed

I hope that some day i may be able to give you a more definitive answer to my journey, but meanwhile i will just enjoy yhe trip.:love:

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

Do you modify your expectations to try to be 'realistic' about your life choices? Do you live a half-life to meet the expectations of loved ones?

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Yes.

I don't think any of my friends or family know that I cross dress and if I get a job it would probably be as a male not transgendered, but who knows what the future will bring.

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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Yes.

Seriously looking into living :gorgeous: 24/7 en femme and HRT.

Kim

:dom: :yrtw:

I don't know...I honestly don't know. There was a time I would have given a yes answer in a wink, right now I'd be tempted to say no...but I wonder if there were no comebacks, no society pressures, no marital pressures what I would really choose....maybe....

I am married. retired and fifty-nine years old. I have learned alot in those years. For one thing, I have learned that I don't have any idea what it must be like to be a female in our society. I have some clues, but that is all they are. So to answer your question I think I have to first say that I think it is not easy to be female, certainly not as easy as it has been for me as a male. I have enjoyed much success as a man. That said, I am now at a place in my life where I can answer based on lots of experience, and I must say, that inspite of my lack of understanding about being female, and inspite of my success at being male, I would choose to live out my days as a woman if that were an option. The irony is that I don't have the knowledge or experience to really appreciate the opportunity. Louise

Well If, there are always going to be ifs in this kind of question, but if I could go back 40 years and have the understanding of myself as I do now, then...
Yes, i probabally would, and maybe do the hrt/srs as well since as a teen I wouldn't have established many long term relationships or found a career. Those doors were wide open way back when.
But as it stands... No, it just wouldn't be possible to change that much at this point in my life as my male half is well established now as well.
But if... See what I mean about the IF factor?
:hugs:

I've never measured up as "one of the guys." I'm told quite often I'm not a woman. Yet I dress as one more often than as a guy. Yes I would live "female" if I could. Problem is, I don't identify as one of the binary choices. I'm more female than male. I'm physically male.

Yes I would live my life as a woman. Even though I ain't either.

YES

Lanore

Your question is a fair hypothetical, and my answer is unequivocally yes. Or, emphatically yes. Or, indubitably yes.

And would I say this were your question less hypothecical and more real world? Well, you didn't ask that, though many seem to be answering that. That's the world of all our rationalizations, compromises, etc.

But, Bethany, you and your kids are probably enough proof for me that if my life was a board game and I could call "do over," and live as a woman, without being one, second time around, I would.

My life has been wonderful and full on many levels - and I am ever mindful of the blessings I have - a great wife, kids, career, grandkids, good physical health. I am mindful that the path laid before many others was harder than any I can imagine, and I should not complain and eschew the Biblical lesson of Job.

But, on other levels, my life has been horrific. The conflict between my inherent unfulfilled desire to live as a woman and my needs for approval and security from parents, peers and society at large, is so ferocious that it has from time to time overwhelmed my sanity. I have periods of time that are blacked out, and periods of dissociative behavior that are notable - and painful. I may sound like Frodo after getting stabbed by the Wraith King, but my soul is hurt and it has never healed. And I am weary of the burden.

I am barely three months out from my last acute dissociative break. I am rebuilding who I am at core levels so that my path is genuinely different. It has to be different because I have an overriding sense that I will not survive another acute break. "That is why I must not fail . . . , everything depends on it."*

So, right now, my answer to the "do over" question you did not ask, would be yes, "do over." And I know in my "do over life" I'd find my wife again. I'd have my kids and my grandkids again.

*I know some of you are geeky enough to get the reference - (Hey, I have to joke and have fun with this stuff. Like Jimmy Buffet says: "if we couldn't laugh we will all go insane." Well, at least I would.)

PS and I love that my long winded dissertation follows Lanores, what a contrast in style to say the same thing.

I have answered this question several times in past posts as it is one of those questions that always seems to crop up from time to time. The answer is still the same:

Yes. In a New York minute!

Lovies,
Steph

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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I'm not sure I would...the big thing for me is the relationship part, even though I think I have the most accepting and participating wife in the world, she still likes to see some boy signals going on with me from time to time, that's why I dress "somewhere in between" a lot of the time. Also, to be completely honest with you, getting to the state of fully en femme can sometimes be a bit of a chore. It can take me forever to get ready to go out sometimes. If I'm ever going to be en femme for say a whole weekend and I'm going out in public both during the day and in the evening, I find I want to shave again before dinner and taking off all your make up, shaving again and then re-applying it all is sometimes such a bother, so I'd like to be able to say I'll skip the all the make up and just go out as a girly dressed guy. So after saying all of the above, I guess the short answer for me is no. :D

nope, quite happy with the "arrangement" as it is now....

Hi Bethany,
Like yourself, and many others here, I have been dressing since my early teens. I truely do believe that i have the wrong body. After my divorce to my first wife when I was 20 I had taken to a almost fulltime enfemme life, I made the decision to move cities and go fulltime (both physically and in apperance) well expecting that for a period of time at least, my chosen lifestyle would need to be funded through a "working" lifstyle. Two weeks out from moving I met my current wife and a more caring understanding person I could not have met. 23 years later we are still very much in love, but since that time my dressing has been on a parttime basis; even with periods of years where I did not dress at all. We have a family and a family business and live in a small city where I do know that a fulltime enfemme apperance would not be good for our bank account. I am fortunate that I can dress every day and that is a terrific time in my day. Although I would certainly dress fulltime if circumstances warranted it, the desire for physical changes that I yearned for many yaers ago is not as strong; in any case I am not too sure if my wife would be willing to allow me to go that far (some things you kinda get used to over such a period of time).
Samantha

Nope. I like being a man that likes to dress like a woman for the fun of it. Having fun doing something becomes something less than fun if you do it all the time. (Copy from other posts...)

It seems to me that this is not a crossdresser desire, but a transgender desire. I have a need to label things so I can understand myself in relation to others better.

Have fun out there!

Yes if there was no problems with relationships or family or job. I enjoy the things I do as a man but I could do the same things en femme. I'm doing more everyday now that I'm older and living alone.

you are right liveing to worlds is a hard life life is life

good question bethany , ive often wondered how the majority of cd/tv's felt about it.

To add to it , i think there is still alot of uniqeness about. I dont feel like a True TS in that i was not a woman born in a mans body , I was a woman born in very feminine body. That body was not compatible with societys expectations and allways caused myself and others discomfort and confusion.Since living as a woman life has been easier for me and everyone else , and just makes more sense. Though i am on HRT and will have SRS and that is what gives me the TS label.

Bethany,

Without any resistance, intolerance, loss of family relationships or financial loss. Yes I would but I would sure hope to be as lucky as you and find myself a great wife like your's.


p.s. I've some of you chapters on your website. They are great!!!


Kiera

If I could be totally selfish and make a decision that will make me 100% happy regardless of the effect on the people around me I would be live my life as a woman BUT this remains just a dream

huggs :hugs:

Fiona

Today, I say yes.
A month from now, I say no.
It seems like the tide-- it comes in, and goes out.
Anybody else like that?

Present enfemme %100 of the time? Doubt it. Present femme as a what to wear today choice with no ramifications? Yes, often

I would in a New York Minute. And I will in a few months

Michelle Liz

While you are all pondering your answers to the question, Im out partying enfemme!:devil:

Don't we all wish that we could be doing that right now !:love: Maureen

[QUOTE=Bethanygirl]

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

I would say yes to about 80 percent of my life for right now.

You know it never ceases to amaze me the range of how different this plays a part in each of our lives. Given the safe opportunity some here would still do it on a limited part time basis while others would live as a woman for the remainder of their days. That is the wonderful human Quality that makes each of us so unique.

There is one constant theme that seems to stand out though. What we all seem to be seeking is the absolute unfettered "freedom of expression", To be whatever and whenever we want to be.

We just wanna be free........

Good question Bethany

Dar

I like my life just the way it is now.

Only one or two things stop me from living fulltime as I feel Ishould , the first is my wife ,[ I would be devastated if I lost her ] , second is shaving facial hair twice daily , can't stand the feel of stubble under makeup .
Greetings & happy new year from downunder , Toni

Even if it wouldn't affect my relationship or career, I wouldn't want to be femme 24/7. But I wouldn't want to be masculine 24/7 either.
I like being feminine sometimes and I like be masculine sometimes and I like when they blend sometimes. In short, I enjoy the variety.

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Originally Posted by Deidra Cowen

Yes!

Now would I go all out and transistion, do hormones and get an operation? Probably not...my fantasy would to just be full time Tgirl (Transexual, Tranny, CD whatever label applies I never can remember what I am by the way...too many labels and terms for us!!!) Would luv to just be open about me being a Tgirl with everyone.

In Atlanta I think it would be possible without too much drama and flack...especially down in the liberal/gay parts of town. But right now my job would not work out at all with that and my kids don't need more stress in their lives. Getting them grownup and educated is way more important than my femme desires & dreams.

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Deidra, like you I would say yes. However, I would continue and have HRT, SRS and other feminization surgeries. I have been 'not myself outwardly' all my life. I would like to be who I really am when I look in the mirror. To see the woman that I am inside is my dream. Hopefully in a loving caring relationship to sustain and nourish me for all time.

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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Today, I would say no. But, I have the right to change my mind tomorrow, being 60% female and all. I would be thrilled to just dress enfemme as I would please, when I pleased.

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Originally Posted by Bethanygirl

Do you modify your expectations to try to be 'realistic' about your life choices?

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Yes. This starts with the body features. Living as a woman, I think I'd "suffer" form the same drawbacks even more that prevent me now from looking more fem as man.

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Do you live a half-life to meet the expectations of loved ones?

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Yes, but it is probably less the exceptations than the wish not to worry them.

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If you could live enfemme all your life, and not have it affect your relationships or career, would you?

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Enfemme yes, as woman probably not (see above).

Hi Bethany
Variations is the right word you used. The world of people is filled with variations. Variations even in similar life styles, so I believe there are variations with regards to CDs,TGs, and etc. We love to classify but it is a practice that just does'nt cut it.
I could not live full time in femme. Not because of societal constraints, but because I love the male side of me just as much. I think I would get depressed if I had to give up any side of my persona. I am quite fortunate that I have an SO that loves every side of me. The male aspect which can get on her nerves and the female aspect of me that can also be somewhat prissy.
No way would I want to be full time. I love flowers and I love Tigers.

Just my thoughts on the subject.

thanks