What to do with my funny bunny wife

Ladies,

Ok...its been 6 weeks since she found out and she is fine with it. She really has no problems or hangups about it. Our love life is better than ever and we are actually better together now than ever before. Last night I was laying in bed looking at all the pretty gals in gowns giving my commentary as my wife laughed. She asked if I wanted to talk about anything and I said no..Im ok. Five minutes later she asked again...and said really its ok. She said that she is not trying to ignore it but wanted to give me time as I seemed to feel more awkward about it than her (thats true...I dont know why).

The third time she asked...what can I do...then I shrugged my shoulders and said oh nothing. She laughed and said you need something or you would not have shrugged and the oh nothing <said like a sick puppy> was a dead give-away. She asked me if I wanted her to participate in some way but she also expressed that shes not at that level yet...and probably can not even imagine what "participate" means.

Then she asked me the question....so whats your name when you play dress-up...! Gulp...I literally ran to the bathroom in fear..I could not answer her.

Whats a girl to do? I felt like an idiot...meanwhile shes giggling in bed throwing out funny names at me...If she had said Elizabeth I would have hurled.

Beth

Honey, what on earth are you waiting for? You're a lovely girl with a lovely name, and a wonderful wife. So introduce yourself already!

She is trying to be open and honest with you. You need to do the same. I'm sure that she has a million questions and takling to her is necessary.

Remember that there is no way to go around it or above it or under it... The only way is to go through it.

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Originally Posted by Holly

Honey, what on earth are you waiting for? You're a lovely girl with a lovely name, and a wonderful wife. So introduce yourself already!

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Holly if you havn't written a book on CDing you should!!!!!! I love your comments.:thumbsup:

Hugs
Brenda

Beth, I don't think you realize just how lucky you are. She has just about given you an invitation to dress for her. Don't keep pushing her away. She wants to be a part of you. If nothing else, ask her for help with your makeup. They have many more years of experience at putting it on....BJ

HELLLO! The others have spelled it out pretty clearly. Read some of the threads. There are gurls on this forum who would gladly trade SO's. Don't spill your guts all at once, share some ideas, a fantasy, a dream, and LISTEN to how she responds. Your SO is a keeper. Don't push her away! Go, go, go!!! why are you still sitting here reading????

WOW you all so open about this...I dont know why I clam up whenever she mentions it. She makes little jokes all the time and I still cant spill the beans. When she got back on saturday she just smiled and gave me a hug and said "the maid" did a wonderful job cleaning the house and she can come by as much as she wants. Ok I admit I like to dress and clean...sue me!

Part of me just wants to get all dolled up and...OPPS...have her catch me one night when she comes home. I know she wonders from the questions and comments she has made. Last night we had a riot eating a pizza in bed, watching the awards and looking at all the gowns...she made non stop comments about it all night. Finally I did break down and joke a little about it a little with her. I still feel very awakard about her seeing me for the first time in 4" heels, lingerae, tight pink dress, curly wig and heaven forbid...pink passion lipgloss. I need to go lay down I feel dizzy again;-)

Beth

Beth,

I can certainly sympathize with you on this. There were times early on when I felt strange being dressed in front of Mrs. Missy, but I got over it. As I got better at appearing femme, the feeling of being strange disappeared. I suspect that your wife will help in this regard if you give her a chance. Joking about is is a good way to start.

I hope you appreciate what a true gift you have in your wife for her being so accepting. Treat her like the princess that she is.

Now get out there and make it happen! Just take it very slowly, for both of your sakes.

Best regards,

Missy Anne

Beth,

You will be nervous and scared to death the first time you dress up for her, but after a few minutes you will be fine and wonder what you were so afraid of. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Huggs
Melissa

Just do it, but don't do it to perfection, leave something she can give advice on, she will feel she can help you with that, and it leaves something to talk about besides look at me.
And remember, being shy about it is normal, the fear of ridicule, or rejection is scary, but it does not sound like that is going to happen to you. If she is laughing and making fun and not judgemental remarks, that is cute, just keep it light and have fun with it, then maybe you can both get comfortable with it.
Then don't do it to often, and let her get used to Beth, I think she will love her!
Tina B.

Hi Beth

From a GG perspective, she may not KNOW how to approach you about it, so this could be her way of saying "please talk to me, as I need to know about this stuff - don't know what there is to know, but I need to know it". And she'll be listening closely to every comment you make about the girls on tv to try and form an image of it in her mind.

And am not sure I'd have liked to have "stumbled" upon my SO dressed - exciting for you possibly, but it may be shocking for her! We planned it for a long time so when it happened, I had no scares standing in front of me - I'd seen most of the stuff in their boxes, anyway!

PM me if you want to know what we did to make the 'event' easier.

Emm

it sounds like she is trying to "coax" it out of you, and get you both talking about the c/d, its very nerve racking for GG's, and its the fear & uncertainty of it all. also its a good sighn thats shes asking or suggesting names for ur "femme" side :happy:
take a deep breath , and just go for it :thumbsup:

Beth hon just do a little at a time.Try, with your wife, just putting on high heels and walk around in them. the next time take a little more till you both feel compfy with it all.

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Originally Posted by Bethany Ann

WOW you all so open about this...I dont know why I clam up whenever she mentions it. She makes little jokes all the time and I still cant spill the beans. Beth

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I've tried to explain this to my wife, after so long hiding what's inside it can be very hard becoming open about it, especially if you're not the sort of person who finds it easy to talk about themselves anyway. I said it was like walking a tightrope for years (and still being on it sometimes) it's hard to realise you've reached a platform and can relax. I'm still working through it all after years, not made an easier by us not getting much time alone together without the chance of little ears listening in. I'm sure you'll get there in time Beth, I'm sure I will too.

Beth, I sounds like you have a wonderful wife. You are being the average male who has been hiding something and is having trouble opening up to her.

TELL HER THAT! for starters at least.

Tell her you want to open up to her and do not want to hide things from her, but are just having trouble opening up. Be she needs to know this and that you are not trying to block her out.

Something that help me and my wife was to write things down. Write down her questions and then write a reply to them in the other room or later. either individually or all together in a letter. You may be surprised at what flows onto the paper that you can not spit out. And once on paper either read it to her, or give it to her. And if you need to do the hand it to her and run, do it.

But what ever you do, do not leave her in the dark. You need to learn a way to communicate to your wife the information she wants and needs. An un-answered mind will look for answers on its own. And those answers will most likely not be your answers.

KimberlyS-CD

Missy...thanks I do know Im a lucky gu...girl;-)

Melissa...Im mortified...not just scared...Its hard to imagine her eyes looking at me as I look back standing there all dressed.

Tina...I also agree slow is best thats why I have intentionally avoided it. I would rather her come to me about it than the other way around. I guess I need to know when she comes she obviously needs or may want to talk about it if for no other reason than to learn more.

Emma...we need to talk...hehe. You make perfect sense and thats the way I think she feels...slightly lost. I would like to know how you finally got everything out, that would be helpful.

W Blonde...she was definately having fun with me that night.

Kimberly...What you said is so simple and sometimes that eludes me but it is true. I did write her a nice letter a week after she found out and I later found it tucked in the bottom of the lingerae drawer (no I didnt touch a thing) with all the other recent love notes I have given her. Given the nature of the topic I assumed she had destroyed it. Finding it on top of all the other love letters should have told me everything I needed to know...she loves me no matter what.

Thanks ladies...I really appreciate the help and advice.

Beth

I also have to aggree with the other, Slow is the best policy. But another real great policy is to be faithful and truthful with your wonderful woman.

I must say that before I came out to my wife I was not 100% truthful to her. But now I can honestly say that if she were to ask me any question at all I would tell her the truth. She knows where the key is for my closet, and has seen amost all of Raychel's things. She did ask me if I wore those heels that were in the closet. I [gulp] said yes. She just said with a quizicle voice "OK"

If she were to ask me what my other name was I have no doubt that I would [gulp] say Raychel.

It does get easier to talk about it as time goes on and you do finally realize that she does accept you, even if she does not wish to actually meet your fem side.

Beth talk to her girl :hugs:
Angie

[SIZE="3"]Bethany Ann,

Could it be that old habits are hard to break?? I find that there are aspects of CDing that are very personal and private. I ,as many here, had many years in the closet and would never have dreamed I would share these deep secrets with anyone, infact my gg gets upset when I buy something and keep it secret. It is a knee jerk reaction to keep this hidden. She is totally accepting and I have no reason not to share it all with her. I have to fight against all those years of conditioning. Share the real you with your wife, gently and reassure her that you are still the man you have always been. your relationship will flourish

Jennifer:happy: [/SIZE]

Beth,

Just another thought I had about your situation. I think your wife knows more about this subject than you think. For her to know that we have femme names when "playing dressup" indicates to me that she has done a little bit of research on her own.

That would be a very good thing! Maybe she has been here already and if not, maybe she would like to join us.

Best regards,

Missy Anne

Raychel, I have to laugh as this all started with her seeing pics of me on the computer. After the dust settled she asked what the hell that outfit was and what was I thinking. I could only laugh inside and think Ive come a long way baby. At that point there was no make-up, wigs and everything else. I felt so bad about those pics because they were terrible and not who I am now...now I transform and its a whole different level.

She knew I played dressup for a few days before I told her everything else and that it was so much more...she didnt have a problem with that but it did shake her a little. She did just make me laugh a little bit ago when she asked me on the phone if the maid came by today....translation...please play dress-up and clean the house so I dont have to do it when I get home!

Jennifer, I agree..I guess I will take it slow for both our sakes and just tease it out a little at a time. I guess I need to stop and think like a GG for a moment and figure out what is the most non-threatening way to bring this out. I like the idea of writing her a series of short letters over the next few months that slowly reveal it to her and give her a chance to read it on her own and process it before we talk. I know the last one I wrote ended with a big hug later that night and us just sitting quietly talking for hours.

Thanks Gals...needless to say the house is...spotless tonight!

Beth

beth your one lucky girl "just let her sit down and read all these replies" :2c:

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She knew I played dressup for a few days before I told her everything else and that it was so much more...she didnt have a problem with that but it did shake her a little. She did just make me laugh a little bit ago when she asked me on the phone if the maid came by today....translation...please play dress-up and clean the house so I dont have to do it when I get home!

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It sounds like to me that you have a pretty good arangement there. She knows you dress and accepts that. It also seems as though she is willing to allow you the time for yourself, as long as the house gets cleaned.

It is kinda funny, I do the same thing. I am hoping that my wife will say someting one of these days. But it seems as though when she does take the klids and leaves me at home alone. I get a chance to play maid. I clean the house like a mad fool. And most often she doesn't even appear to notice.

I am hoping one day that she will say something about how well I have cleaned. Then I will say. "I figure if I do a really good job cleaning the house, You won't get quite so upset when I buy that Maid's Dress that I have been looking at."

But at this point she hasnt even noticed that I have been working my @ss off. But at least we do get a clean house and I do get to play dressup. :p

i will be married for 28 yrs this june.
my wife has known about my dresseing for about 10 yrs. Well she buys me pretty things and used to help me with make up til she said i got better at it than her.
all-n-all, it has made our life together better now that we can share this part of me.
so, go with the flow

We each have to handle "coming out" in our own way, and despite all the suggestions, you ultimately will have to find your way to introduce yourself. Yes is will be traumatic. Yes she will giggle and laugh. Yes you will be sweating bullets. Yes you will be paranoid, wondering what she thinks of you, of what you've become. But you know, the world will not end. You have an obvious love for each other, and that is the foundation for the trust and understanding that will get the two of you to the next stage...the formal introduction. It's like being an 8 year old child at her first piano recital, but when it's over, you'll tell yourself that it wasn't that bad after all. I finally told my wife one day that when she came home from the store, Suzie would be here. She winked and understood. Then I dressed and nervously sat reading the paper, looking out the window every 30 seconds to see if she was coming up the driveway. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally arrived, came in the house and stopped. "Oh my!" And that was the ice breaker, the moment we became much closer than in the 36 years that we've known each other.

So go ahead and introduce her to Beth. And then tell us all about it! :love:

My SO knows and is very supportive. For my last Birthday and Christmas included things for my Femme side an Valantines was just purely gifts for Han :) (I was so nervous lying to my friends about what I got at valantines). Even throughout her make up tips and girly times, trying on her clothes and flouncing around in front of her, I am still nervous.

I get incredably stressed especially when changing in front of her, from Drab to en Femme. I even freakout on occasion appologising to her for being a twunt. I still feel uncomftable sometimes when she uses my Femme name, even though it is good code when out shoping ;).

I think it is partly to do with spending so much of my childhood and early adult years convinced no women will ever except me, and the most important thing of all, I have yet to come to terms with it myself. Again repression in my earlier years.

My advice is to keep talking and keep doing all things femme with her, or as much as possible. It is helping me come to terms with who I am with someones elses exceptance as an aid.

Plus all the fab advice here on this and other forums.

Bethany,

Please check your private messages - I've sent you one.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

Beth, I'd be over the moon and back again for a wife like yours :D

Talk to her over a decent bottle of wine or three, openness and truthfullness are the best way forward, you have a diamond of a wife there look after her.

:happy:

Btw remember when you talk to her, remember to listen as well :happy: