Oh great, it happened - mom tosses stash.

My mom emptied out my stash.

I knew after she found my stuff last time I should've changed where I put everything, but it was bound to happen.

Now I didn't use this as an opportunity to "come out", since I know how she feels about crossdressing, so I tried my best to play it off when she asked about the stuff.

I since then have figured out a new are to keep everything I build up in the future, underneath my dresser.

I have a drawer in my dresser that is broken, so I keep it on a bottom row, and well, I can easily slip stuff in and out like that, especially if I try to keep it A) discreet, and B) not open.

Trust me on this last line though, ASAP I am going to move out.

oh, i know what you mean! all my stuff is hidden folded inside other clothes XD!

She had no right to do that Hun. I'd have a talk with her.0.02

Since she knows about your "stash", I think you should talk to her. At least let her know that you know that she knows (you know?). What I mean is, if she found your crossdressing things, she is on to you. Don't wait for a bunch of years to pass by. Now is the time to come out and let her know who you are.

My mother found some things of mine when I was younger and I pretended that she did not know. I missed a lot of years connecting with her until I finally told her. Don't make that mistake. Talk to her now!

The best hiding place ever is in your parents room. That's what I did as they always rifled through my room when I wasn't home. My theory was that they would be least likely to search thier room for my stuff. As much as I can recall, it always worked.

Terri,
You didn't mention your age, but when I was young I developed Gynecomastia and had breasts that filled the cups of my oldest sister's 36B bras very nicely at 13 ... After all three of my sisters and my Mom caught me wearing their bras, panties, stockings, dresses and high heels a several times each, my Mom contacted a professional councilor who dealt with family and gender issues and all five of us went to weekly counseling sessions for several months.
During the sessions the councilor explained that there my need to dress in feminine clothing was a result of my breast development, that there was nothing shameful about crossdressing, and that I should be allowed to dress in feminine clothing as often as I wanted to at home but that it would be best to only do it at home because the general public wasn't very accepting of males who wore feminine clothing in the late 1950s.
Maybe you would be better off to "come out" to your Mom and see if you can get her to get her to attend some Family and Gender Counseling sessions with you ... You'll both be better off once your Mom comes to understand that crossdressing IS NOT abnormal and perhaps you won't need to hide your need to dress in feminine clothing from time to time anymore.

Hugs-N-Kisses
Jeanine

It is wrong to throw out someone else's clothes.

You must say this to your mom.

In fact why don't you hide most of her clothes, and when she asks where they are, you tell her that you trashed them all. What will be the reaction? I suspect it is the same as for you.

Yes, move out when ready. Before that, I would get a lock on your closet (or room).

Well, you haven't talked to your mom thus far about tossing out your stash and I think that you should talk to her if you don't feel comfortable doing so. I know I wouldn't talk to my mom if she was throwing out mine, I just wouldn't want to talk about it. I would imagine that you would feel the same way that it's an awkward subject and in some ways a little embarrassing as well. Not to mention that you are not going to be able to change her mind and she's not going to be able to change yours, I think you hit it on the head, find better hiding places and move out.

Your post brings back memories of my teen years when my folks would every now and then come across my wardrobe stashed hither and yon. I must say that I was fortunate enough to have very cool heads in my parents -- dad is an ObGyn and mom is a most sensitive and compassionate gal; I think I get my cues from her, but that's for another thread:D .
Anyway, Theresa, I think I agree with the other posters here inre: you making an attempt to put all this on the table with your mom and dad, and find out where their heads are at. I truly know what it's like to be found out, but I never had anyone toss my clothes stash ... it was always the other stash that freaked them out and caused aneurysms.
Is it possible that your folks think these are the clothes left behind by some GG after a tryst in the house that they may not approve of? I ask because one time, the very first time, my mom found some stuff under my bed and they asked me who she was and if she had climbed in through the window ...

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The best hiding place ever is in your parents room. That's what I did as they always rifled through my room when I wasn't home. My theory was that they would be least likely to search thier room for my stuff. As much as I can recall, it always worked.

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You have no idea how exactly right you are, Noname.

Get a suitcase with a good lock and don't even hide it. It will drive them insane!!




:D

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Originally Posted by Julie York

Get a suitcase with a good lock and don't even hide it. It will drive them insane!!




:D

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I am a security expert and that is what I would do. My stuff is in a safe in the basement and my wife cannot open it.

[SIZE="4"]When my SO found my stuff, I told that I dress. She wasn't too happy at first. Now we share skirts and tops. She is not totally accepting (doesn't like to seeme in a skirt) but she let's me wear my panties, bras, and blouses around the house. It is a good time to talk with your mom about it

Gennee[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by Emma England

It is wrong to throw out someone else's clothes.

You must say this to your mom.

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Sorry, but I have to voice some dissent against this.

A friend of mine has two teenage girls. One of the teenage girls (say, "Amy" decided she would wear incredibly ****ty (borderline barely acceptable at school) clothes. Her mother found out, told her not to wear those clothes to school. Amy then decided to wear them anyway, but stuff them in her bookbag and change when she got to school. Mom found out anyway, and raided her closet, throwing out the ****ty clothes.

I don't see a big problem in that scenario.

Different houses work differently. In some (and it's perfectly acceptable), there is no democracy, and children do not have rights that usurp a parent's responsibility to raise them. Would a parent not have a right to throw out a baggie of weed if they found out? You can say, "that's different! It's illegal!" but it really isn't different. Most parents attempt to instill some sense of right and wrong into their children. To many parents, crossdressing is a 'wrong' (not that they are right), and react in a manner in keeping with that.

I wish the original poster's parents had reacted differently, but I don't find the reaction surprising, and I don't really find much 'wrong' with it per se. What is wrong isn't the action; it's the parent's lack of understanding of crossdressing.

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Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

What is wrong isn't the action; it's the parent's lack of understanding of crossdressing.

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Good point. It is also the simplest way to 'deal' with the embarrassing problem without dealing with it head on. Mother may even have 'disposed' of the evidence as an act of kindness to protect the son from the upset should the Father find out.

Although I think it was wrong for your parents to search your room and trow out you things, it is their right, as parents.
However, I also believe in being hones. So, I think you should tell your parents the truth, that you're a TG person and they were your clothes. Now, if this results in family counciling, to help you all understan CDing, so be it. At least you won't have to lie, hide, or be ashamed.

Wow that sucks. It's so depressing to hear that your mom is unwilling to let you pursue your cross-dressing to the point that she will empty your stash without thinking to ask or tell you, or just let you keep it. I mean, what harm is it doing to her?
I would frankly be pissed off if I was in your shoes and would have probably thrown a mega hissy fit in the process. It seems like you handled it as well as you could though. I'm sorry to hear about the unwilling purge. I hope you can recover from it and maybe recliam your goods before they make it to the dumpster or wherever.
I would agree with the rest of the girls here though - talk to her. She has to throw aside her ignorance in favor of your happiness. If she loves you she should do that much.
I really hope that all this works out well for you. Take care!

Oh, and to the general assembly out there: I can't belive how most of you have had to live in secrecy like this about your cross-dressing. My parents never rifled through my stuff (that I know of) or confiscated anything related to my cross-dressing. When I was 16 I had a closet full of dresses and other less savory items and no one said 'boo.' I'm sorry to all of you who have to keep this part of yourselves a secret from your loved ones; it's just not fair.

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Originally Posted by XDW Nathan-Natasha

My parents never rifled through my stuff (that I know of) or confiscated anything related to my cross-dressing. When I was 16 I had a closet full of dresses and other less savory items and no one said 'boo.' I'm sorry to all of you who have to keep this part of yourselves a secret from your loved ones; it's just not fair.

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Lucky you.

I'm trying to conjure up the image of what sort of people your parents must be to be so understanding when they would have been (at a guess ) born in the 60's They must be either exceptionally intelligent beyond their years, or wear a lot of flax and play crum horn at weekends :D











(Don't worry. I'm not entirely sure what that means either.)

My beloved Mom passed away a few years ago. As I have been dressing since I was 5 - there were several instances when Mom found clothes or was missing "things". We never spoke about it.

As the desire to dress and even present as a woman seems to increase with age - now that I am out to my wife and a few GG friends and dealing with my tg stuff (I'm just a very part time girl)- I really really regret that I did not takle one or more of the opportunitites that you now have in front of you. It is not an easy thing and I nevere did it. I wish I had.

Hi Theresa,I'm not as experienced a crossdresser as some of the other girls in the forum even though I am an avowed cd,I've been out en fem a few times and I've been dressing since I was 11 or 12.I'll be 51 in a couple of days and I've been shopping for clothes,wigs,makeup and everything else since I was 19.I'm sorry I don't have any words of sage advice except that I understand the annoyance of having your stash pillaged and thrown in the garbage.Now I've never had that happen to me but I have had mail intercepted.Once I sent a $30 money order for this "Catalog of Transvestite Clothes".That was in the 80's before the internet and it came to my Mom's place brownbagged and stamped "Adult material enclosed".I know because my Mom and sister told me about it a day or 2 later.They thought that some kind of hoods had found our address and "sent us some porn".So into the kitchen garbage it went!Then there was the Elura Wig Catalog 5 years before that which got sent back to the postman as undeliverable by my Mom.She wondered forever who in our household had wanted it and why.I'm 50 and I live at home but now I don't hesitate to tell Mom or my sister or any relatives or family that I love em as much as when I was a first grader but they damn well better not noodle around in my bedroom or my closet or any stored boxes unless it's a real emergency like involving faulty wiring in the bedrooms,problems with the heating pipings,etc..This post is a bit long winded.Sorry,just a few thoughts.

it was always bad enough when i used to purge myself and get rid of my clothes many years ago.

let alone having someone else off my clothes!!!!:Angry3:

IMHO, it doesn't matter where you live, privacy is privacy and parents shouldn't be going through your room at your age, tossing out your possessions!!! My daughter is 12 and I wouldn't dream of going through her things, unless I suspected she was doing drugs or something....

You need to stand up to your mom, tell her that you're old enough to have whatever clothes you wish and she should stay out of your room period!!! And they say teenagers have no respect for elders :Pfft:

Why should parents throw things out that don't belong to them

At the very least you need to know why

when my children were younger I found a few items (by accident)which not to my likeing but not illegal so I did not touch them

People may say you have to live under their roof so therefore their rules
But you still need privacy

Honey --youre 18 and in a few months I suspect that you will be leaving the house for good----despite what some say about confronting your mother, that is really entirely your call, nobody elses--after all they are your parents-the rest of us don't have to put up with them---if you elect to talk to your mother about it then you will have my support or if you elect simply to wait it out you will also have my support---either way you are almost ready to fly the nest and in a few months this will no longer be a problem.

The vast majority of parents are routinely in their child's room. Putting clothes away. Finding something stored in a closet. Stripping sheets. Emptying a wastebasket. The list goes on and on and on. Any notion of privacy for a child is really false. You just don't have it, even if the parents are not intentionally rifling through your stuff.

I have daughters. If I have any reason to suspect they are smoking (tobacco or otherwise) I sure as heck AM going to go through their things. I have a responsibility to them as a parent, and part of that responsibility is trying to ensure they don't do stupid, terribly damaging things to themselves.

For some parents, there are things which are borderline or beyond activities. For them, they do not want to accept that their child could be dabbling in X activity. You become a parent, and you want with your innermost desire for them to be 'perfect' (which of course is incredibly subjective). Life eventually teaches you that your children are anything BUT perfect, but many parents still try...and this isn't wrong.

When I was a young teenager, my own stash of pantyhose was discovered. They vanished one day, and later on that day I got a lecture from my mother quoting from the bible, and preaching this that and the other thing...without ever directly talking about why I wanted to wear pantyhose, where I got them and how, etc. My mother was doing the best she could in a difficult situation. She knew, as all of us here know well, that society treats people who crossdress as freaks, outcasts, degenerate and perverted. Look at the reactions of the article at http://news.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs...30027/-1/CINCI referenced in another thread here recently. This is how society reacts to us.

There's very, very few parents out there who are equipped and capable of encountering crossdressing in their sons with aplomb. The vast majority are going to view it as "imperfect" and will do what they can to remove the imperfection.

My mother and I never talked about her finding my stash of pantyhose. I made sure to hide them better in the future. The subject never came up, and it was left at that. She's gone now, and I long ago forgave her because I never really felt there was much to forgive.

In sum, I don't find any fault with a parent going through a child's things, whether inadvertently finding a stash or purposefully finding. It's normal. It's also entirely normal for a parent to react in a negative way on finding a stash of women's clothes in the closet of their perfect little boy.

I think we're finding fault with these parents very disrespectfully. It's like taking the whole weight of society, smashing it into their bodies and pointing a finger at them to say "You're a blithering idiot!". It's not their fault, and it's not improper for them to react in the way they did. They're doing what we as a society have set them up to do. No surprises here.

Over and over in this thread I see comments about "It's wrong for them to throw your stuff out" or "its wrong that they went through your stuff" and some of you are even pushing her to confront her folks.
We are talking about a child living with her parents here. (Theresa, I've been your age before and remember hating that situation but it doesn't make any less true)

Her parents have EVERY right to go through her room, and every right to decide what is or is not appropriate for their child. Obviously most of us here think that their actions suck, but then we aren't the parents in question.
Judging by her level headed post, Theresa probably realizes this and has already stated her one way to avoid this in the future - get her own place.

I suppose my point here is that let's be careful with the advice we are giving the young. Lets not make her situation worse by pushing her to have a confrontation with her parents.

Theresa, if you are confident enough, maybe you should consider speaking to your mother about who and what you are. Obviously your mother has a clue, but there may be a number of things you can say to ease her mind. The human imagination (in this case your mothers) can create pictures that may be much worse than the reality. Again though, I am saying you might consider speaking to your mother about yourself, I am NOT saying you should confront her about throwing your stuff out.
Kim

Hi Kimberly

We are not talking minor

I quote

Welcome to Crossdressers.Com Please read and respect our rules for this forum as we respect our members. As this is an adult forum, you must be aged 18 or over to participate.

Yepper, I figured that out after I posted. Seems my math is not as good as I had thought it was. I have since edited my post to remove that comment BUT minor or not, she IS still living with her folks. As such she will still be subject to what THEY think is best for her, and she will have no expectation of privacy or respect for her possessions or space.
Kim

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Originally Posted by Shelly_P

Hi Kimberly

We are not talking minor

I quote

Welcome to Crossdressers.Com Please read and respect our rules for this forum as we respect our members. As this is an adult forum, you must be aged 18 or over to participate.

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I would ask what she did with the clothes. Then say how hurt you are she did it. That should open things up.:hugs:

Hi All: Well my mom caught me but it was a long time ago. She made me take "her things" off and she left my bedroom. Later she bought me my first bra pantiegirdle and slip to keep me out of trouble.

By far the worst experience I ever had was when I left out a great black spandex leotard and my hispanic GG SO found it. She went off like a siren and accused me of cheating on her. Lots of tears and screaming.

Finally thinking it would make her feel better I told her it was mine. I didn't know it would be worse much worse! Then she called me faggot and all manner of other names with lots more screaming and tears.

A day later I came home she had moved out and found all my lingerie and taken everything out in the yard poured motor oil on them and started to set them all on fire but changed her mind. Then she called everyone she could think of and told them I was a faggot and wore womens clothes etc.

I bought new lingerie and when ever I was asked by anyone about her going off I just rolled my eyes and said I'm glad to be rid of her. I think they all thought she was a psycho vindictive woman, which is pretty accurate.

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Originally Posted by Julie York

Lucky you.

I'm trying to conjure up the image of what sort of people your parents must be to be so understanding when they would have been (at a guess ) born in the 60's They must be either exceptionally intelligent beyond their years, or wear a lot of flax and play crum horn at weekends :D


(Don't worry. I'm not entirely sure what that means either.)

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Knowing his parents I would say exceptionally intelligent but increasingly immature :heehee:

I'm sorry to hear that your mom purged your stuff. Please go and talk to her. It might cause some tension for a while but will allow for more open communication later.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Julie York

Lucky you.

I'm trying to conjure up the image of what sort of people your parents must be to be so understanding when they would have been (at a guess ) born in the 60's They must be either exceptionally intelligent beyond their years, or wear a lot of flax and play crum horn at weekends :D
(Don't worry. I'm not entirely sure what that means either.)

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My parents are execeptionally intelligent people - but I guess that's expected since they ARE both (well, my mom WAS) teachers. You kinda gotta have brains for that job...ask my fiance.
But no, they're not hippies (though it would be awesome if they were - but then I'd probably be named 'Jupiter Hills' or something like that...), they're just really open minded and non-judgemental people. They're awesome. I wish everyone's parents could be like that.
Like I said, I can't believe how so many of you girls have been able to live in secrecy. It amazes me, and frightens me to think about what that must be like.

And I have no clue what that means either. As my title puts it... "'the Hell's a crum horn...?"

(Random unrelated comment: I'm finding it easier to type whilst wearing satin gloves - I just thought you all should know. I'm random like this.)

My mom threw out my first skirt I have ever bought.

After I moved back in after college she didn't throw my stuff out because I told her this is a habit I can't quit and if you throw my stuff away I'll just buy more.

Talk to your mom to get her to tolerate it.

Living out on your own at 18 on minimum wage will be very hard. And to put yourself through college will be even harder.

Well she knows so talk to her about it it may help :hugs:
Angie