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I've been debating whether or not to actually post this, but I have another question if you don't mind. I'm just curious that if you could tell a GG anything about crossdressing in general, what would it be? It could be about your physical appearance, about what you think, or anything.
Please share your thoughts, inquiring minds want to know.
Thanks,
AJ
If I could tell a GG about my CDing, and it would be kept confidential, and she accepted me for who I am, completely, I would tell her everything. It would be such a relief.
I wish it was that easy
My post are normally very short but if I start on this subject we could be into a few pages
There are so many subjects and aspect to crossdressing it would be difficult to know where to start but you can be sure it would take a while
Why, How, When, Are you. Words which get used a lot in crossdressing
Understanding the answers can take even longer
Well I guess what I mean is what crucial things about Crossdressing would you tell her. Different personality quirks, what do you think about, what do you feel either emotionally or physically et cetera.
I don't really know how to express the thrill I get when I'm dressed. I get a sense of fulfillment when I'm in women's clothing. The whole experience is difficult to express.
I'd tell this to anyone who asked my why I crossdress:
I do it because it's part of who I am. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am a university student. I am a crossdresser. It's not something I can change about myself. Even if I stop overtly acting on it, I will always be a crossdresser at heart. Inside, it is simply who I am. I can give it up just as easily as a writer can give up writing, or an artist can give up art. Without it, I wouldn't be myself anymore, and I'd lose an important part of my identity.
If I could tell a GG anything, I'd let her know that I empathize with them.
Guys need to wake up to what a poor girl has to go through. The unrealistic expectations. Putting yourself out there and getting knocked back by such a shallow culture, catty women, rude guys, old farts.
I appreciate the effort that a GG goes through to be polite and professional when necessary, sexy when she wants to be, a friend, a sister, a daughter.
I'd tell her I want to do lunch.
Kathleen
Great question. Firstly, I would say that I do it because I like to. It makes me feel good and, more importantly, it makes me very happy with a lot of smiling on my part. I would also tell her that I am not sure where this is taking me, since I have just started. I would ask her to think about it before she responds, and that I would like to discuss her feelings about it all.
Since I do not have a current SO and I am looking, I am not sure when I would tell her when I found her. Yes, I agree that honesty up front is the best policy. But, I myself need to determine what is more important first, a SO or my CD interest. When I can answer that truthfully, I can be more up front and early with that difficult conversation.
a gg, or anyone else that wanted to listen..
that everything is not black and white
that gender identity variations as as natural as sexual preference variations
that crossdressing fills a void that would otherwise be a dark hole
that with crossdressing I feel more complete and more relaxed
that I like the tactile feel of ladieswear and ladies underwear
that I like to look petty
that I like femininity and being able to express my femininity
that I like what high heels do for my legs
that I am more in touch with myself emotionally
that I am more sensitive because of crossdressing
that I am more sensual because of crossdressing
that I am the same person I have always been, but I am now more evolved in my understanding and the expression of who I am
that I still need help with style
that I need new shoes - hint hint
that I like the person that I am!
I have been asked and I said it's because I like to dress this way, it makes me feel good and it is me. I am bringing out what is in my head. What I feel about my body, how I would like my body to be more in line with how I think and feel. I have recently been asked if I would have surgery i was like yes i would xx Felix :hugs:
If i had to explain just one thing, it would be that cross dressing gives me the opportunity to be someone different each time I dress. IE: i can be sexy in a mini skirt, I can be classy in a LBD, I can be matronly in slacks and nice top. I can be a blond or a brunett.
I think you get the idea. If you compare that with my male self, I am just my male self and thats it.. To me, there are so many more choices of texture, color, smells, and expieriences that are avaliable to those of us who have the ability to stop and smell the roses "as they say". This is probably more than just one thing, but it gives you my 2 cents worth.
Well...
-How did it feel when I came out to you initally?
-How about when I started cross-dressing again?
-Did I tell you enough stuff about my dressing right away?
-Did I leave anything out at the time that would have been helpful in knowing right off?
-Is there anything that I SHOULDN'T have told you?
-Is there anything I could do in your opinion if I came out to another GG (say...to our mutual friend and my ex C.P. *cackles* She'd 'love' that!) that would make the revelation less akward?
Sorry to turn the tables on ya, sweetie, but I felt like I could! Plus, it may help answer your own questions here a bit and help out the other girls here know what to and what not to say if/when they tell other GGs about their cross-dressing.
I don't honestly know what I'd tell another GG, especially one I don't know as well as you.
I'd probably tell them what they need to know first - that I cross-dress, that I've been doing it since 2nd grade, and that I feel it expresses a part of me that I can't express as a man. I'd probably just automatically throw in: "...and I'm not gay; I'm straight..." because that question kinda seems to come with the territory.
After that I'd probably just let them ask questions and then answer them to the best of my ability.
I think the next GG I'd tell about my cross-dressing to would be my sister...but you know how hard that could be...
Great post, aj! Love ya!
[SIZE="3"]I would tell a gg that I love women! I love everything about them. I would also add that I love women as a man and I love being and dressing like one!
They have said that this is a man's world, I think not! Men have been boxed in and have been denied expression of the softer side. Big boys don't cry! Hey don't be a sissy! Your acting like a girl!! Well so what if I am I love being this way:D
Jennifer:hugs: [/SIZE]
Well said Katheen. You hit the nail on the head. This GG listened and thanks you.
Angela xxx
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathleen Ann Trees
I've done this. I told her about why I felt the need to do it and how I felt doing it and how I related to other people.:happy:
Dificult one this...I have lost so many relationships where i told my partner at time even in a long term relationship where you think you have built up enough trust. I have even lost a marriage through my crossdressing. It was only after my marriage broke up that I thought in any future relationships I would tell the girl straight away. That way it saves any future heartache, my idea being if they know and stay it will be good, I have now been with my partner now for over three years and she knew from day one. We have a great time shopping together, and I love her to bits. Sorry to go on a bit but my advice is be carefull who you tell.
Take Care
az_azeel
I have three GG that know about my crossdressing and they are a support system of sorts. One is my electrolysist and we share the excitement of shopping, I show her my new outifts and she does the same. We never talk about sex or anything too intimate.
Two other ladies help me with transformation sessions and they see a lot more of me....literally. We talk more openly about emotions, feelings, being more feminine in daily life, what it's like to be a female, etc. We share a lot. It's been real helpful. The conversation goes both ways....it's like having a sister or a best friend to confide in. Even though I have to pay for the session, it's almost like therapy. I could not do without them.
Crossdressers (just like everyone else in the world) come in many shapes and sizes and we all have different likes and dislikes about this wonderful thing that we enjoy.
Everyone here knows that (for us) wearing women's clothes feels nice. They grip you in different places than men's clothes (especially underwear), the textures of silk, satin and lace, and straps etc feel different on your body and that strange different feeling is nice, and we like it. Dressing this way also seems to tap into another side of our spirit, a more feminine side of our personality that we (as guys) if you look at the world today, are not supposed to be expressing, least of all liking it. :happy: The only problem we have is that sometimes this can lead to feelings of guilt about enjoying feeling this different way because it's not exactly a mainstream activity and sometimes we feel self conscious about doing it especially if we don't feel accepted by people who otherwise love us.
Finally, the best thing that could/should come out of crossdressing is that IMHO all crossdressers should take an interest in women's issues in society today. CDers could and should be able to empathize and show support for women way more than other men generally do in the world today. If we truly want to emulate GGs then it's our duty to do what you can to make things better by learning and supporting women all we can. :sb: :2c:
I would tell her that I truly believe that women, by their nature, are closer God, that they are the nurturing, loving, caring sex and that I envy them for that, that they generally give much more than they take, that they have a greater sense of what is important and what isn't, that they put up with a lot of crap unnecessarily, and finally, that if I could, I would be one of them.
I would tell her that boys want to look pretty too, this is as natural as girls wanting to look pretty. Being a hetrosexual man, I tend to be attracted more to the sexual/sensual side of femininity but as I grow more comfortable with my feminine side I am exploring the emotional aspects.
I would also tell her if she wanted to understand me, the first thing she would have to do is reset her brain back to zero with regards to gender and ditch everthing she has learned about what makes a man since it is fabricated hogwash.
Wow i think you got it all coveredQuote:
Originally Posted by Carin
That there are more colors than black,brown and blue like the mfgrs tend to make all male clothing.. I love the fabrics,colors,styles,feel fit and every thing about the female clothes I love the smell of makeup and the tast of lipstick.the feeling of nail polish being applied to my fingers and toes the way the sun glimmers off them,. blinking my eyes and seeing that I have mascara on my lashes feeling the swish of a skirt as it brushes my legs and pantyhose.
I would tell a GG that I respect them and love them as a man and as one of them.
I envy them but I love them most of all I think..
I would tell her that we are all DIFFERENT, so don't judge me by another sister you might see on TV, and that it's alright to really not understand me fully because I DON'T UNDERSTAND myself fully either.
Emily Ann
Wow...Lots of great replies to this question so far.
Here's what I'd be sure to say to aa gg:
I'd want her to know that crossdressing isn't something that can be turned on and off like a light switch. I have always been a crossdresser, and I will always be acrossdresser until I take my last dying breath. No matter how much you may wish it to be true, you cannot make a crossdresser change. (Sometimes, a crossdresser will tell you that he's willing to change, to stop crossdressing. I simply think he's only fooling himself when he says this!)
Anyway, my point is that I'd want to make sure the gg in question knew as much up-front as possible. That way, I believe there might be fewer surprises down the road. Honesty is always the best policy. Hope this helps.
All of your answers have been awesome thus far and I appreciate what all you've told me. Thank you very much for being so open and honest.
Thanks again
AJ
I would ask, how do you hook and unhook bras from behind. It drives me crazy that I have not mastered this skill yet. It should be easy arrgh!
Some can be difficult from behind. I just always save time by wrapping it backwards around my chest, do the hooks & then slide it around to normal position & put each arm through.Quote:
Originally Posted by jessie_cal
Alright, I will answer your questions, I guess it's fair that you turned the tables.Quote:
Originally Posted by XDW Nathan-Natasha
1. I was shocked and stunned. I didn't really know what to think except that aren't crossdressers just people from movies or extremists who have their sex changed or men who are gay? I knew that you weren't any of those so I knew what I could say and that was that I still loved you.
2. I was noticeably and understandably upset. You had led me to believe that you were over this minus the lady's gloves and I had come to acceptance about that as long as you didn't touch me as you were wearing them. I am a very sensitive person to the sense of touch and I can read emotions very well through people's eyes, body language and if they would like shake my hand, give me a pat on the arm et cetera, and when he wore gloves and held me, I didn't feel him, I just felt the gloves.
3. You actually told me too much. I was in extreme sensory overload for about two weeks until I could be rational about it all. I had only wished you had taken smaller steps.
4. No, but it would have been nice to do more of the initial conversations about cross dressing in person.
5. Not really but this can be left for private.
6. A less awkward coming out to C.P. ummm, well it would make for interesting conversation since she's going to be my maid of honor. But something to make it less awkward, it's Halloween and we corner her into a private conversation and tell her while dressed? Yet I still think that it would be awkward.
AJ_GG:
You surely have put forth some very deep and important inquiries over the last few weeks. IMO, some of the replies have been the very essence of what CDing is all about!
I am a crossdresser b/c that IS what I am! I cannot change this aspect of my very being!!! It IS a part of who I am, and I have known this since I was very young (5 y.o.)! I guess this is why I refer to my CDing as my "second self" -- that my very being is absolutely and unequivocally dichotomous!!! I have a masculine aspect and a feminine aspect; the latter is expressed through, and manifested by, my dressing! True, I could force myself to not dress, but that would be emotionally and mentally painful beyond all belief!!! I used to try and deny it. I used to purge frequently. But, no longer -- I will NEVER again lose the duality that is me!!!
I was upfront and honest with my wife early in our dating -- and I guess, to answer your question, that is THE most important thing to tell a gg about my crossdressing!!! When I was a teenager, and into my early twenties, I would try and tell girls I dated that I was a CD -- usually by "feeling" out their opinions through jokes, etc. I knew better when my wife and I started dating and we saw it was destined to get serious -- I absolutely HAD to be honest!!! WHY??? B/c I had come to realize, and she needed to know, that much of what she found attractive about me (attractive vis-a-vis my personality, beliefs, etc.) came from the feminine aspect of my being!!! Thankfully, she quickly understood this and became accepting, supportive, and encouraging. Yes, there were a few times she would come up with a problem (or, better said, concern or question), but these times were few and over quickly b/c we sat down and discussed them fully and openly! (They mainly came when she was chatting on a SO-only site -- NOT the one that is part of this site -- and ran into an overwhelming majority of highly negative SO's who only, as my wife puts it, wanted a forum to BigITCH on and not to really discover and grow. Funny thing: my wife quickly quit chatting on that site, but about three/four years later went back for a visit only to find that, for the most part, the EXACT SAME negative SO's were still dominating that site -- they, more or less, had made it their private bash club.)
Anyway, I have digressed: I would have to say that my answer to you would be to explain what I am very, very early in the relationship, adding that I am absolutely heterosexual, and underscoring that this IS a deep and abiding part of me -- and explain what I mean by having a "second self." I hope this makes sense!!!
By the way, Kathleen Ann Trees is dead on correct AND I did follow what she suggests (b/c it is my opinion that CDing should incorporate what she said)!!!! I did let my SO know that I empathize with gg's -- and if she ever saw I wasn't, that I would appreciate her letting me know. Kathleen was oh so correct when she said, "Guys need to wake up to what (girls have) to go through . . . I appreciate the effort that a GG goes through to be polite and professional when necessary, sexy when she wants to be, a friend, a sister, a daughter." Kathleen has succinctly, but powerfully, said that a CD who truly cares about his SO should not only care about the dressing, but should put actions into words by trying to emulate the mindset and emotions, to the greatest degree possible, of the women we dress like!!!!
Carin gave you a great list!!! I think you'll find that, as far as couples go, Carin and Louise have a GREAT relationship -- and I think my wife and I have a great one, too -- and CDing is an essential part of both of our marriages! All of what Carin said was significant, but if I may, a few items really hit me as very important and should be part of what a CDer should tell a SO:
1.) everything is not black and white,
2.) gender identity has natural variations,
3.) that crossdressing fills a void and completes me,
4.) that, indeed, I like to look petty and love to be able to express my feminine side b/c it truly makes me more in touch with my emotions and makes me more sensitive in a very good way.
As Jennifer said, I'd make absolutely certain that any SO/GG I would tell understands that, "I love women! I love everything about them . . . I love women as a man and I love being and dressing like one!" I'd ad that I understand that any SO needs to know that I know that sometimes the SO "needs her man." So, there has to be open communication -- but that is part of being a woman, and if I do have a feminine aspect to my being, I need to emulate that, too, with compassion and understanding.
Well, I hope I have added some insight that will help you!!! I have to end by quoting part of what Rachel said, b/c it is VERY IMPORTANT:
Wow! That's powerful -- and ABSOLUTELY true!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel Morley
Hey! Keep posting your questions!!!
Barbara
PS: By-the-way, I used to not think much of tattoos. Then, when I was passing fifty, I decided what a great way to express something about me -- and in a way that the meaning was pretty much exclusive to whomever I decided to share it with. So'ooo, I got a ring of greenery tattooed around my right ankle with a few violets. On the inside, there is a break in the band, and, perpendicular to the band are Chinese letters that stand for "Inner Peace and Happiness to be A Girl." (The symbol for girl can also be interpreted as "feminine" or "female" or "woman.") Why do I tell you this??? Well, my wife was wholly in favor of it -- and we are somewhat conservative and live in the deep south. She was in favor of it and encouraged me to get it b/c she felt it was a permanent expression of my dichotomous personality, even when not dressed -- even when not visible b/c of the necessity of waring long pants from time-to-ime!!! Had I not been honest with her from the start, not only wouldn't I have this wonderful expression of who I am even en drab, but I probably wouldn't even be married to such a wonderful gg!!!!!!! Ironically, in a day when GG's can get tribal tattoos around an ankle or arm and nobody says a thing, I have rec'd a few gances at the "greenery and violets." For the most part, though, nobody has said a thing!!!
Some of you have already had the fortune of hanging out with GG's. I for one have not had that chance so my question for them would be;
I am a CD and I would really like it if I could be your friend and go out together. This would give me much insite of the "Female Gender" and help in my "PASSING"
LOL
Tamera
It's an acquired "skill" that everyone has to learn Jessie, including GG's.:heehee: SalQuote:
Originally Posted by jessie_cal
It takes time but I hook my bra with my thumb to pull it down where I can reach with my hands and then unhook.Quote:
Originally Posted by jessie_cal
Okay -- I guess we have gotten a bit off subject, but I just had to laugh out loud about this!!! Why??? For some strange reason I have ALWAYS been able to hook/unhook my bra much easier than I can hook/unhook my wife's --LOL. In fact, I actually think I'm faster and better at hooking/unhooking MY bra than my wife is at doing the same with HER bra!!! (It is late -- or early, depending on how you look at things -- so I guess I'm getting punchy. Bet this post won't seem nearly as funny when I read it later!) :DQuote:
Originally Posted by aj_gg
I think at some point in EVERYONE'S life, they tend to feel dissatisfied with their condition and try to do things to make it more in line of what they feel like on the inside. I've struggled with weight issues and I realized that when I saw photographs of myself I was much bigger than I actually felt. I think the same could be said for anybody who dyes thier hair, tries to dress better, goes for a makeover, wears makeup etc. To me, dressing and acting like a woman makes me feel more in line with how I feel on the inside. So I guess I would tell a GG that crossdressing for me is like putting on makeup for them. It won't change who we are, but it goes a long way towards making us feel better about ourselves and making the outside feel more like the image we have of ourselves on the inside.
There's a line in an old William powell/myrna Loy Thin Man movieQuote:
Originally Posted by Kathleen Ann Trees
spoken as a male is looking at a lingerie catalog:
"You women sure take a lot of punishment"
That always stuck with me.
Sure like the way heels and a bra make me wanna stand up straight.
All of your posts are just amazing, is there anything else you could share?
Only the fact that I think you are an amazing person AJ, especially when I read about the first time you two went out together yesterday.:happy: Sal
Thanks Salandra, it means a lot. :hugs:
Throughout my life I have been fascinated with women. Not just the way they look, or smell, or move or talk but about how they feel. Listening or talking to my mom, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, wife and friends. I rarely tired of being with them. I've loved doing all of the things that guys do. From childhood through manhood. But inside I'm also that boy who listened to and admired the women in my life. It was almost as if I was one of them.
Girls could always talk to me, confide in me and include me in what they did. It was not unusual for me to play with the girls on the playground or go to a concert or field trip with 3 - 6 women who, as often as not, were the wive's of good friends. They trusted me fully and their husbands trusted me fully. I lived both lives. I competed and joked with the guys and laughed and coversed with the girls. When one was sad we talked and hugged and cried.
One Halloween I agreed to go to the parties as a girl. As my date had a great time getting me ready I was uncomfortable, self-conscious yet thrilled at the same time. I could not believe I was actually going to do this. She kept giving me compliments and telling me how good I was looking while she worked on me. As she applied the lipstick she stood back and looked at me in the mirror. Without hesitation she said, "My God, Glenda. You are a woman."
I saw myself and couldn't even have imagined what I would see. I saw that I was a girl while listening and talking to the women and girls when I was a boy. I was a girl when going out with the girls to dance or to a concert. I was a girl when one took me in her confidence and poured her soul out to me. I was still a guy, but at times I was a girl. She was looking at me in the mirror.
At the parties I was a great success. Everyone told me how natural I looked as a woman. I was so nervous and self conscious. Before the night was over I was learning to flaunt it a little bit and was able to relax and just be me. Move forward a few years (some trial and tribulation) and I still go out with the girls. I still compete and joke with the guys. I still council my kids. But sometimes I do it as Glen and sometimes I do it as Glenda. No one knows who will be home if they drop by. Sometimes someone will call and ask that I be one or the other, but most often they just see me.
I'm the same either way. Only now, you see all of me. And my friends accept it.