I'm on the GG side. We need to start taking resonsibility for who we are

I keep hearing that my spouse found out, and I need to purge, and the relationship break-ups that happen over this cross-dressing. I hear it over and over again and it is destructive to live in a relationship that has lies. It makes no wonder that the GG's SO get pissed with us when they find our stuff. They think that we have lied to them for so many years and what else are we lying about. This is something that they should know about. I know it makes it hard after you have been with someone for some time, but, coming out to her will be better instead of waiting for her to find it. It sucks for both of you, perhaps part of the reason relationships don’t last is because people don’t trust the other anymore.

I have been in the situation where I’ve lived with someone and kept it a secret and I purged and then bought more because I can’t stop being who I am. I have ended relationships because I didn’t have the guts to tell them. I’ve been busted and that sucked big time.

I have also been in relationships where I’ve told my partner and guess what the 3 relationships that I told them, they were ok with it. They were curious and wanted to know more. I was honest and that goes along way in a relationship.

If she was doing something behind your back wouldn’t you be upset?

Just my :2c:

OK now let me have it.

Bloody hell Michelle....a cd that talks sense, well done you !

em
x

nothing to let you have, except a cookie... you're absolutely correct, a marrage or any relationship where one party is continualy hiding something from the other is doomed if the dam breaks and all is exposed, it's best to be upfront about it instead of skulking around behind the SOs back, besides sneaking around seems a bit shady, and leaves the SO to wonder what other shady things you are up to while they're out of the house, if you couldn't be up front about something like CD...

Attachment 45854

Thanks Michelle

[SIZE="4"]BRAVO ![/SIZE][SIZE="1"][/SIZE]


Emily Ann

I'm with you Michelle. People need to look at the situation from the other side. What if it were the other way around. Would they approve? Marriage and friendships are supposed to be based on truth. When one keeps a little to themselves, they're in for a big let down and what suprises me is, they can't understand why.

Lanore

Quote:

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Originally Posted by michelleupnorth

". . . it is destructive to live in a relationship that has lies . . . (t)hey think that we have lied to them for so many years and what else are we lying about. This is something that they should know about."

---

Okay, I'll let you "have it" as you said: Well said, Michelle, well said!!!!!!! You are absolutely right!!! To use the title of a Billy Joey song, "It's a Matter of Trust." IMHO, a marriage is only as strong as the foundation upon which it is built. Build it on lies and deception, and I don't care how smart you are or how careful you hide your secret, your marriage is built on a foundation that is doomed to crumble!!!

And, most people (men and women) that I know, will, when they find out they have been lied to in a major way, will always wonder, "what else has this person been lying about." Trust is broken -- and broken trust is perhaps one of THE most difficult things to rebuild in a relationship!!!

So there you go: well said, succinctly and accurately!!!

Barb

Well put, I have been truthful withmy wife and after some time to hash things out we found a new strength in our relationship...

We are going stronger than ever...but given a choice between my own self satification and my family's happiness, wanna guess who will make the sacrafice...

I've always believed this as well. Nice post. I agree 100%. I guess that means I'm also on the GGs' side, lol.

While I believe it's best to be honest, you have to realize that not all SO's react in the same way. Some will not try to understand and will never accept it no matter what we say or how we feel. We are all different and we all react differently. Yeah, it's best to be honest and hope for the best but be prepared for the worst and all the fallout that comes with it. It's a decision every one of us has to make individually.:happy:

I think that many who hide are worried about how their SO will feel. So much so that they would rather hide and lie than risk hurting their partner. The trouble is their partner has a right to decide for themselves. Of course many of us are hiding from ourselves too.

I suspect that many of us crossdressers need to share this with our partners for ourselves and for our partners. That we cannot be whole without doing so and that we cannot be in a relationship in good faith without doing so. Do we have the right to decide to try and protect our partners from the truth rather than to let them make up their own minds how they feel about it? Isn't that like telling a dying person they are fine so they will die in ignorance but without being upset? Is it better to risk losing the person you love by being worthy of that love and not deceiving them and yourselves?

Of course most of us are not entirely (or at all) comfortable with what we are and that can make it near-impossible to share with others. Some of us don't come to terms with it (or even discover it) until after they are well into a comited relationship or marriage so it isn't as easy as being honest upfront. Some like me are as upfront as we can be at the time but from only a limited knowledge and poor understanding of this phenomenon, what it means and how vitaly and deeply important it often is to us.

It's more than just looking at it from the other side a holisic view is neccessary for understanding. Could, for example, some GG's understand better if they knew how much being open and forthright about this is not an easy thing for many of us. That even being honest with ourselves is for some terribly, terribly difficult. That said, what is the point of living skulking in the shadows? What is the point of going through life in an empty shell? What value is there in living a lie of 'normalcy' when normal is clearly a broken concept desperatly needing to be redefined?

To be whole and complete we all have to come to terms with who we are and to present who we are to those we wish to share our lives with because only that is showing a full respect for those you love and for yourself. The risks taken in doing so cannot though be swept away with simplistic rules or judgemental views of others moral decisions. I find it wryly amusing that you have to be able to 'be man enough' to be able to admit to wearing womens clothing.

And why is it so hard? Because we are taught to be uncomfortable with this part of ourselves, we are taught that because of our gender we should be a certain way, fit a certain mold, play a certain role and have certain expectations. If it was more visible and more common around us, if it was more accepted in society, then less and less of us would have this problem and it takes us, not other people but us to change society. We can't wait for others to do it for us. Perhaps we should study at the feet of other great causes for equality and social justice.

Anyone even slightly caught in this dilemma I think should try, if possible, to get quality counselling to help them on the path to self acceptance, and perhaps then to try and be open about who we are (dependant on circumstance of course). I think there needs to be more qualified services for us crossdressers. Perhaps a concerted effort to lobby and educate and expose and guide and support the whole community to create social change.

We come from all walks of life. We spend a good deal on clothes and make-up and such. What would happen if we pooled our resources? If we donated a small portion of our time, our talent, our pantyhose money for the cause?

Ultimately can it be enough just to accept ourselves? Can it be enough just to tell our partners? Don't we have an obligation to do even a small part to make it easier for every crossdresser to come out to their partners? To be comfortable with their own nature as crossdressers? Isn't it all part of the same thing, the same solution?

Also, if the estimates of the extent of crossdressing were even 4 times greater than the actual numbers isn't there an obligation to make the general female public more aware that this is such a common thing, that expectations of many for their husbands might need to be changed, that the stigma associated with it needs to be stamped out and doesn't it make sense that by helping female society and culture become more accepting and appreciating of crossdressers and the numbers of us suffering in fear and silence that this will in turn help many individual GG partners accept and come to terms with us?

Do we have the same equal obligation of honesty to ourselves and our partners and then society?

I've been thinking about this even before this excellent post by Michelle, because i wonder if hiding behavior from a SO is part of the turn on, the thrill of CD for some guys. That doesn't improve chances for success in a relationship, but maybe that's part of the "acting out" for people who can't be honest in their coupling. Any thoughts?

Yep. Gotta be honest. It shouldn't even be a question.

The toughie is when you don't realize yourself that you're a crossdresser until you're in it. I was with sobe for 2.5 years before it hit me. Before that it was "just a fetish." Still, the sooner you say, ther better.

Iv been waiting for something like this to turn up for years :heehee:.
No way i would be brave enough to have started it.

Quote:

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They think that we have lied to them for so many years and what else are we lying about

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Think thats the key part to it for me.
I truely hate the idear of ever haveing to lie to anyone.

Iv not so much as kised a girl for way to long because i cant bring my self to start the lieing thing and have a huge problem with the trusting someone enough to share thing.

:daydreaming: Just how dose that convertion start when you come out to someone anyway.
(Heads of in to the deap dark depths of the forum to find out).

Wow so proud of you for posting that Michelle that im going to have to give you a big hug.
:bighug:

Michelle. I'm not sure i can say this and you not take it wrong because i don't want to offend you but you have been from your post in a lot of relationship's and it's not the same for someone who's got 10 15 20 or more year's invested.My wife know's but for a lot it can be a big risk to come out to a long time partner. Justabit

When watching TV series, a crossdresser was in the series. Then my SO said, just like that: if you ever do someting like that I´ll pick up the kids and leave.
That´s not an invitation to tell her :(

God were sooo happy for you.... That you beat the odds and had 3 SO's that love crossdressers soooo much!! And now that you've sucked up to all the GGs on the forum... Hiding behind their skirts.. Ok maybe their jeans.... Hehehe

But for the majority that are in the closet and/or have SO's that won't never ever approve its virtual relationship suiside to come out and admit it!!! I know never would have if she hadn't found out!! And I don't recommend it unless your 110% sure to have an outcome as good as all yours appearently were... Was... Are....

So let's all go out ourselves and destroy our happy marriages and lives and kids lives..... Make for some really really great posts I'll bet!!! Lol

Some peoples kids......

Love Karren

Here is something to think about. many of us are boomers. This means we were born in the late 30's/ early 40's. Grew up in the 50/60's, and got married in the 70/80's. Long before the Internet and such. I bet most of us did not tell our wifes when we first got married mainly because we knew that they would not have married us. Also we were ashamed, because back then if you were a CD, you were SICK, PERVERTED, MENTALLY ILL, and no woman wanted a man like that. As such as time went on we kept it hidden. When the Internet came around and forums like this one came along, all of a sudden we discovered that we were not alone. Second society has changed enough that being a CD is no long a Mental Illness and people are more tolerant to us. I think the GAY Revolution had a lot to do with it. Even laws have changed. It used to be we could have been arrested for impersionating a female. In most cases it is no longer a crime and even law enforcment officers will treat us with respect. So here we are today, still in the closet and if we tell our wifes, we risk them leaving us because they precieve that we lied to them and so forth.
If I was just starting out today in life, yes I would tell my future bride all about me because today it's a lot easier and people are a lot more tolerant. Case in point, 3 CD friends of mine. All three are boomers like myself. All three have been married for decades. Then all of a sudden two decided to tell thier wifes they are a CD. The third the wife finds her out. Two are now devoiced and the third is getting a devoice. I look at as a catch 22, your damed if you told them at the beginning (1970-1980) and your damed if you tell them today (2000-2007). IMHO, don't be so hard on us boomers. It may be too late for us to come clean with out losing everything. It may be best to keep it in the closet. As for the younger generation since the internet, you have a better chance than we do. So tell them early on.

Michelle

Thankyou

Yes, quite true. There is great honor in truth, and this message has been lost on so many, including children. Part of the honor is that sometimes the truth is painful, but that we should be strong and courageous enough to face it head on. The other part is a deep demonstration of respect for the person we share the truth with.

An excellent and important post.

Now Karren, that's not fair. Your wife does know, doesn't she? I know you never dress in front of her and I know you never talk about it, but you aren't living a lie, are you? She does know.

I think FAR more of our SOs and our families would be at least marginally accepting of us if only we were honest enough to tell them. I think we often sell our SO, families, and friends short in the acceptance department.

A whole lot depends on OUR attitude and OUR self acceptance. And, of course, how we wish to present ourselves matters greatly. We recently read about a new CDer who wanted to do yard work dressed in his/her Daisy Dukes. This would be inapropriate for ANYONE, male or female, in my neighborhood and I would only embarrass my wife and myself if I wanted to do this. 6" heels and fishnet stockings are inapropriate in all but the clubiest of venues. And yet many of us seem to want to "come out" dressed this way. I know that an atitude of self acceptance has gone a LONG way towards Stephenie's ability to function in society. And I know that your own personal atitude of self acceptance and your ability to appear "apropriately dressed" has gone a long way towards Karren's ability to function so well out in the world.

I think that Michelle's plea for honesty in any intimate relationship is a valid one. Trite as it may sound, and as scary as it may seem, honesty is often the best policy. I know that for some this is just not possible, but I am willing to bet that far more of our SOs would welcome a bit less hiding and lying, and a bit more honesty and self confidence from us than we offer them.

JMHO,
Stephenie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

God were sooo happy for you.... That you beat the odds and had 3 SO's that love crossdressers soooo much!! And now that you've sucked up to all the GGs on the forum... Hiding behind their skirts.. Ok maybe their jeans.... Hehehe

But for the majority that are in the closet and/or have SO's that won't never ever approve its virtual relationship suiside to come out and admit it!!! I know never would have if she hadn't found out!! And I don't recommend it unless your 110% sure to have an outcome as good as all yours appearently were... Was... Are....

So let's all go out ourselves and destroy our happy marriages and lives and kids lives..... Make for some really really great posts I'll bet!!! Lol

Some peoples kids......

Love Karren

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First off
I'm wondering if it is the fact that you cross-dress that causes the marriage to fall apart or if it's a lot of other things and that is the straw that broke the camels back; a good excuse to end it. The fact remains that we were dishonest and that trust has been broken. That is probably more of an issue than wanting to wear women’s clothes. Yes I have been in more than one relationship and the one woman who did find my stash was pissed. That relationship was over before she found out. I have told 3 of the women and they were sort of ok with it, I was honest and they seemed to appreciate that quality in me more than anything else.

Of course everybody’s situation is different. I think for anybody that hasn't started a relationship yet and is reading this maybe they can think about this thread before they decide to spend their lives with someone and have something to hide. If from the start the other person decides they aren't interested then move on they are not the right one for us. I believe there are lost of women who will accept us for who we are without judgement.


I don't think I'm hiding behind anybodys skirt or jeans and I'm not sucking up to anybody. I'm just as guilty for living with someone and not telling them. I'm older now and wonder if I would have said something from the start if we would still be together. For those that get caught and are still together KUDOS to you, that woman loved you because of who you are.

hi Michell well said. but if i may. you told your gg friends up front thats great
but there are many here who are married and are afraid the marriage will end therefore are in a trap of there own making. and have to live with there secret or pay a horrible price if they disclose it ... and then again maybe not. there could be a 50/50 chance win all or lose all

Well said Michelle.

For some of us CDing turns out to be much more than just playing. It can be a way of expressing our mis-gendered feelings. That's a huge huge thing to deal with. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for people to feel they have to go that route alone. If you're lucky you are in a relationship with a person who genuinely loves and cares for you and wants to help you through tough stuff. So the more open and communicative you are with your partner the better it will be for you.

That said, we must remember that not everyone is lucky enough to be in a healthy open relationship. Some people are hanging in there unhappily, out of a sense of duty or devotion, even though they don't connect with their partners anymore. Some people may love their partners still but know full well that their partner's upbringing, or family attitudes, mean that full disclosure would bring nothing but heartache. I truly feel for anyone in a position like that. It would be easy for us to say 'well, that's not healthy, you should at least take a chance and come out, and quit the relationship if it doesn't work out" but we can't speak for others and their situations. In those cases all we can do is support and encourage them, hoping that they will find what they need. It would be nice if everyone had the confidence to reveal themselves fully, but those that don't often have vary valid reasons (to themselves) not to. The problem is that those things usually blow up eventually...but then again, maybe those kind of relationships do too.

I couldn't believe it when right after their 50th wedding anniversary my grandparents split up. I thought they were the happiest couple. Turns out they despised each other in the end. For whatever reasons (certainly not following their hearts) they stuck it out together and put on a brave face. :sad:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by michelleupnorth

It is destructive to live in a relationship that has lies. They think that we have lied to them for so many years and what else are we lying about. This is something that they should know about.

If she was doing something behind your back wouldn’t you be upset?

Just my :2c:

OK now let me have it.

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Thank you.That's it exactly- once you have been lied to it's really hard to trust again. I can't imagine how hurt I would be if I had found out after years- it's so hurtful to think your loved one can't trust you enough to be truthful

One bright spot: in the early to mid adulthood of boomers, CD's were sick and perverted members of society. Now, although they may not be embraced as good-ol-boys, I think there is at least a bit more tolerance than that. Progress has been made - albeit slow, it's still progress.

As far as honesty goes, absolutely the trust and what else are you hiding is a factor with a wife. How's about kids, siblings and in-laws? When is coming out selfishly inflicting an emotional burden on a loved one vs. sharing who you are? When does seeking acceptance of a part of you warrant the cost? Case in point, my mother lost a son and husband within 12 mos and 12 days of each other. A heavy loss - would coming out to her now be liberating, adding additional loss, allowing her to experience new lifestyles, beneficial to him or her in any way? Now I lost the same brother and father AND found out my husband is TG in that same time frame - I can't answer those questions with any certainty.

Not saying hiding is the best policy, but I think the CD has a huge responsibility to know how big a piece CDing is to his life and needs to share that intimate detail with compassion and respect for his position in others' lives.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joperinal

When watching TV series, a crossdresser was in the series. Then my SO said, just like that: if you ever do someting like that I´ll pick up the kids and leave.
That´s not an invitation to tell her :(

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Preempt her. Take the kids first and leave her a note and picture :)

Hi Michelle,

Told the wife and now I'm getting divorced! TBH there were other factors in us splitting up but CD'ing played it's part. It is great advice though hun but remember it takes two to tango and if your SO is against CD'ing then regardless if you tell (rather than being caught) it still going to be an uphill battle.

Well my wife does know and doesn't like it... Personally I'd rather she didn't know.. That make me a liar, fine... An out 31 years marriage is good and strong, but only because I put my family and wife first, always... If theres time left for Karren... That's great... And I'm a good husband to my wife which is what she wants and what I want...

And I disagree the most familys and SOs would not have a problem if they found out.. To the contrary, the Totaly accepting SO is a myth and doesn't really exist except in our minds... Wishful thinking.... The GGs that aproach totaly accepting are more like a high degree of tollerence... Ask anyone... Its different levels of tollerence not acceptence after all who really want their mate to want to dress and act like the opposite sex!

And the GGs here, god love um, are biased... The tolerate more than anyone... The ones that don't tolerate are not represented here because ..... Well they don't tollerate!! Lol. Daahhhh...

So that's my story and I'm sticking with it... Right wrong or indifferent...

Karren

Not gonna let you have it, Michelle. I agree with you. It's sad that so many of us have to live this way. I wish I had a magic solution, you know "live happily ever after", but I don't think there is one. Everyone has to deal with it in their own way. As for me, I'm a 2X divorcee. Neither of my Xs knew while we were married, and this caused a lot of stress in my life. I recently "came out" to my most recent X, and she's OK with it. But, of course, she doesn't have to live with me.....big difference.

Vikki

Thank you Michelle, and Karren I don't know what your definition of "totally accepting" is but evidently the standard you're looking for is something far beyond reality. I never had a problem with Lawren or Lo's cross dressing ever.
I've seen far worse stuff that a man can do, and Lo is a angel compared to that.

Thanks so much for the wonderful post. I agree with every word in your post as well as all the punctutation!!!

Thank you for seeing it from our side michelle. It's not thhe fact of finding out as you can see I'm ok with it for the most part, still kinda weird yes but it's because most of us grew up with it planted in our heads that boys do this and girls do that. The ones who come out and lay it all out on the table and start with the attitude(This is me so deal with it) those are the ones who family's get's crushed and then the CDer is standing there in a ablivious acting like he just can't understand what's wrong with his GG. She went nuts on me well Duhhhhhh what did you expect when you just throw it out there and are not willing to let in sink in and not willing to consider her feelings. Basically you are saying this is who I am and what I like to do and if you don't like it or can't accept it then start walking.... and don't let the door hit you on the way out. I'd just like to say Thank you for litterally walking in our shoes for a moment and seeing things like we see it. :love: :love: :hugs:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joperinal

When watching TV series, a crossdresser was in the series. Then my SO said, just like that: if you ever do someting like that I´ll pick up the kids and leave.
That´s not an invitation to tell her :(

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My SO has made virtually this same statement on several occasions. While I would like to have a relationship based on the whole truth, for the time being (probably forever), I will try to continue my relationship on "most of the truth." Of course, if the shoe were on the other foot, I might feel betrayed and disillusioned. On the other hand, I think that I might understand my SO's fears about telling me something so surprising (shocking) as my CDing would be to her.
In my estimation, the investment we have both made in our relationship--a relationship with many strengths--is too great to risk at this time (likely ever).

Karen...... WRONG!!!!!!

You said.....".the Totaly accepting SO is a myth and doesn't really exist except in our minds... Wishful thinking.... The GGs that aproach totaly accepting are more like a high degree of tollerence... Ask anyone... Its different levels of tollerence not acceptence "


In my case and I know many others just like me...that searched and wanted a relationship with a cd/tg...took me a while to Find THE one I totally clicked with....but there is unconditional love...and total acceptance.( from us both)...I want Sherlyn to be happy...whatever road that leads is fine with me,,,from part time Sher time to 100 percent Sher.
You also said "after all who really want their mate to want to dress and act like the opposite sex! " GUILTY....I try to spark her into dressing whenever it wans......

So just as there are as many different types of cd,s...there are just as many different GG's

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Di GG

GUILTY....I try to spark her into dressing whenever it wans......

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i can prove to this being true! shes had me helping her lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

.. To the contrary, the Totaly accepting SO is a myth and doesn't really exist except in our minds... Wishful thinking....

Karren

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It's always good to know I am a myth and don't exsist....and Marla gg and Di {Sherlyns' gg so}....none of us exsist either...thanks Karen. Nice to know we are all figments of your imagination.

I'm often asked why our relationship works so well.

Talk talk talk talk talk talk.

Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty!

Be kind every day.

Do nice things for each other.

Understand that each partner can experience a rollercoaster of emotions at any given time, and they MUST talk about it.

That's it. The big secret. :D

well my wife knows and is not supportive at all we have made some steps forward ... a myth ??? no for me a wish .... and i am hopeful that one day she might be more open to it.... the supportive S.O> is not a myth... more a dream or a goal to strive for....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kathy gg

It's always good to know I am a myth and don't exsist....and Marla gg and Di {Sherlyns' gg so}....none of us exsist either...thanks Karen. Nice to know we are all figments of your imagination.

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I am not a figment of anyone's imagination except perhaps *the great and mighty always out there* karen!

I will join you and the others in the imaginary role of celebrating GG if you will have me!


Louise.:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rainbownine GG

I am not a figment of anyone's imagination except perhaps *the great and mighty always out there* karen!

I will join you and the others in the imaginary role of celebrating GG if you will have me!


Louise.:

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marry her in June!


A VERY pissed off Louise GG.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Di GG

Karen...... WRONG!!!!!!

You said.....".the Totaly accepting SO is a myth and doesn't really exist except in our minds... Wishful thinking.... The GGs that aproach totaly accepting are more like a high degree of tollerence... Ask anyone... Its different levels of tollerence not acceptence "


In my case and I know many others just like me...that searched and wanted a relationship with a cd/tg...took me a while to Find THE one I totally clicked with....but there is unconditional love...and total acceptance.( from us both)...I want Sherlyn to be happy...whatever road that leads is fine with me,,,from part time Sher time to 100 percent Sher.
You also said "after all who really want their mate to want to dress and act like the opposite sex! " GUILTY....I try to spark her into dressing whenever it wans......

So just as there are as many different types of cd,s...there are just as many different GG's

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Your one in a million, Di.... How about mythical... hehehe.... I don't know why I argue with a woman... I know I will always loose.... happends wevery time!!! So say there are 350 million people in US and Canada.... 50% male, 75% over 18, 5% crossdress, and 50% are married and you two are the only accelting GG's around...... That's 0.0000305% Rounding error... hehehe One in 3.25 million to be exact....

Karren

Hmmm, Just one thing to say. When I first joined here, I advised a CD to "fess up" to her SO. Man, did I get hammered for that. So, guess the thinking has changed in a year, then?

Hi there Karren,

I too am one of the imaginary type of GG's that you spoke of. I not only enjoy my partners dressing, I do most of the purchasing of the outfits, including picking up wigs in various colors, applying make-up and photographing the tranformations for us to enjoy looking over afterwards. However, I do understand, where many are coming from, society still has a long way to go before all people can feel comfortable to just relax in thier own skin. But, a life of duality within a relationship isn't a life I would wish on anyone, nor would I want to be in such a situation. Even though I certainly do empathise with the why it happens. And I do understand any GG partner that might freak out upon finding out such info, having not a clue or an understanding to the concept. The GG's feelings would have to be considered as well, she's built a life around what she now believes was a lie. She's in shock, she has to rework her entire world's concept about who you are and how that relates to her. She will probably be questioning her entire being as well, she might even start questing her own womanhood. Some will pull through this some won't.

I'm torn between feeling, its inexcusable to deceive the ones you say you care for and being somewhat understanding of the older generation. What happens if they find out by accident anyway? But, then of those that have been in their marriages from way back in the old days of where it really was deemed a mental illness or some other extreme nonsense to have done any of the things we do now, its just really difficult for me to be overly judgemental about some of the choices people made back then. So many people hadn't haven't a clue who they were/are and some never will. Sometimes it's just not fair to speak on another's situation unless you've walked in their shoes or at least have a few more details of. But, when coming out to the partner, being self serving or arrogant about it isn't acceptable, that's for sure.

Rosa (GG) Who still has so much to learn

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taurus44

Hi there Karen,

I too am one of the imaginary type of GG's that you spoke of. I not only enjoy my partners dressing, I do most of the purchasing of the outfits, including picking up wigs in various colors, applying make-up and photographing the tranformations for us to enjoy looking over afterwards. However,

I do understand, where many are coming from, society still has a long way to go before all people can feel comfortable to just relax in thier own skin. But, a life of duality within a relationship isn't a life I would wish on anyone, nor would I want to be in such a situation. Even though I certainly do empathise with the why it happens. And I do understand any GG partner that might freak out upon finding out such info, having not a clue or an understanding to the concept. The GG's feelings would have to be considered as well, she's built a life around what she now believes was a lie. She's in shock, she has to rework her entire world's concept about who you are and how that relates to her. She will probably be questioning her entire being as well, she might even start questing her own womanhood. Some will pull through this some won't.

I'm torn between feeling, its inexcusable to deceive the ones you say you care for and being somewhat understanding of the older generation. What happens if they find out by accident anyway? But, then of those that have been in their marriages from way back in the old days of where it really was deemed a mental illness or some other extreme nonsense to have done any of the things we do now, its just really difficult for me to be overly judgemental about some of the choices people made back then. So many people hadn't haven't a clue who they were/are and some never will. Sometimes it's just not fair to speak on another's situation unless you've walked in their shoes or at least have a few more details of. But, being self serving or arrogant about it isn't acceptable.

Rosa (GG) Who still has so much to learn

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Thank you! (I am still pissed though!)


Louise.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Di GG

Karen...... You said.....".the Totaly accepting SO is a myth and doesn't really exist except in our minds...

In my case and I know many others just like me...there is unconditional love...I want Sherlyn to be happy..

You also said "after all who really want their mate to want to dress and act like the opposite sex! "

GUILTY....I try to spark her into dressing

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I was lucky enough to be in a relationship where gender roles were not set in stone. We could be who we were. In fact, my wife was more courageous and embraced non conformist behavior with more zeal than I. I know her concern was only that I might find I liked men better(I don't!), and I hadn't dressed except since we experimented with it together years ago.

Now she's gone and I've been dressing obsessively for weeks, but I still sense her acceptance of me and her desire for me to find whatever makes me happy.

A BIG thank you for the post and your thoughts Michelle, excellent!
My hat's off to the rest of the GG's in this world for their understanding, and love.
My exwife supports me 100%, just can't be married to a woman. We still talk. There is hope

Well, so nice to know I'm imaginary. LOL.

My spouse is in transition and I'm having the best time of my life.

Add another figure it to your imaginary GG's Karen. I am accepting because I want him to be happy and because I do love him. Still fairly new to the idea but I have a great SO who goes slow and respects my feelings as I respect his. I'm sorry your SO wants to know nothing about your CD lifestyle but there are some of us who know and can be ok with it. It does take time to get use to but they say time heals all wounds. If someone does a poll on accepting GG's I wonder how many there would be. Count me in.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cocopuff's girl GG

Add another figure it to your imaginary GG's Karen. I am accepting because I want him to be happy and because I do love him. Still fairly new to the idea but I have a great SO who goes slow and respects my feelings as I respect his. I'm sorry your SO wants to know nothing about your CD lifestyle but there are some of us who know and can be ok with it. It does take time to get use to but they say time heals all wounds. If someone does a poll on accepting GG's I wonder how many there would be. Count me in.

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I think some are envious of supportive SOs.


from an figmant of the imagination.

Otherwise known as Louise.GG