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Do you find it hard to hide your c/d from friends / family ( thats if they dont already know ) !! :o do you wish sometimes you could just burst out and tell people that you c/d ??would it feel like a "weight off your shoulders if you did" ?? :rolleyes:
And do you think it would make it easier for you in your life , if those people that were important to you ( either family/friends ) knew about your "dressing" +?
The people who are most important to me know already and more are finding out everyday. I make very little effort to hide the fact that I am transgendered. I go to work everyday wearing women's jeans, earrings in my pierced ears, and nail polish (mostly reds and pinks). I'm just too old to play games any longer :eek:. But before I came to the realization that I'm am who I am, yes, the closet was lonely and the fear unbearable. Good question, Angie.
I agree with Holly. I'm just getting too old to play these games. I don't go around wearing a sign and shouting to everyone who I am, but I don't attempt to conceal it any more either. If anyone asks, I will tell them if they are that interested.:happy:
I'd say most of us are pretty good at hiding it, Angie, especially the older girls. After all, we've had lots of practice. :)
If I have a strong urge to tell someone, I do. But it's not something I want to share with everyone, only people I trust. OTOH, I'm not overly worried about being read by strangers, as long as they're not violent or abusive.
:hugs:
Robin
I would love to tell everyone. Unfortunately I have a little higher public profile at times and it could hurt not only me but many others because of how the general population judges us.
Hiding is not good for anyone.
I have a lot of privacy, so hiding my clothes and other stuff isn't too bad.
But my mother had noticed that I was wearing makeup (which I thought was subtle). Noticed with a negative tone. She doesn't like the fact that I am growing my hair, or that my finger nails are longer sometimes.
I would like more freedom.
Trouble is I know I would get lectured all the time about being a boy, I MUST DO CERTAIN THINGS IN LIFE.
I am almost at a point of not caring even what my family think any more.
Yes, it would be easier if people knew.
Maybe you find this strange, but I find it easier to talk to strangers than to family.
Why most cd's keep it a secret is the fear of disassociation from those that are closet to them.
I was brought up to be honest, but being secretive is painful in a way.
I would also love to be able to tell everyone, especially at the office. I work with a lot of women and I could be free to ask them questions, get tips and make comments and they could understand why.
The other day my Team Leader, a woman, was commenting how she loves bow ties and she would have liked to have gone to her prom in a tuxedo. I commented that I would have liked to have gone to mine in a gown. She laughed thinking I was joking, I wasn't, but that's not how I'm seen. So if they knew then my comments would be understood and possibly discussed further. But that's not to be. My SO works a few floors down and she would be terribly embarassed if it ever got out.
Bonnie
Angie, I wish I was like Holly and Sal, I am old enough to be my own person and to heck with everyone, but I hide. Not in my own place, but I am moving in 3 weeks, my family will be moving me...I am boxing and securely taping all boxes, and doing a mini purge. Why...because I don't want to have my family's disapproval.
Ithink some of the family would be OK with it And some of my friends but not
everyone :hugs:
Angie
Nothing wrong with erring on the side of caution Jenni. You should see the security I used to go though when I WAS hiding stuff. NSA had nothing on me for sure.:happy:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenni Y
I too am too old for the games any longer.
The following saying was on the wall at my grandmother's house. I wish I had payed more attention to it as I was growing up. "We get too soon old, and too late smart."
Stephenie
I hid all my life. The "world" said it was wrong so I had guilt and shame. It was not until I lost my wife of 30 years that I said the hell with it and started searching. That's how I came upon this site. What an eye opener!
Today I'm careful, but I believe I am true to myself. My hair is long, so are my nails that I use a lite pink polish on, hoop earrings in pierced ears, perfume, mascara and rings and a bracelet at all times even when I have to play Charlie at work.
Some friends know and are O.K. with it, but have not come out at work. I love what I do and don't want to put that in jeopardy.
Outside of work it's all womans clothes, usually jeans and a blouse. Last year I was on a pink cloud and dove in head first. Went passed my comfort zone and got scared. Now I'm taking it slowly, though I am getting a little bolder. A group of us from work went to see "Grindhouse" a while back, and I was in my usual attire, but added some eye shadow as I normally do when not at work. They had to notice but not a thing was said, at least in front of me.
Could get interesting in a couple of weeks. We are probably going to have a company get together to welcome the summer season. Swimming, bbq, ect. My internal debate is whether I show my shaved legs or not by wearing shorts. I an coming to the conclusion to say the hell with it and wear the shorts. Long pants might raise more questions then bare legs.
Love and xxxx, Lily
My Wife has known about my x-dressing almost imediately after we got married, but she was the only one to know for more than 35 years...
However, since I started to accept my transgender nature much better I have told a few people that really count for me. That has been a great relief for me.
More recently I told my own daughter who told her brother... That too has been quite positive.
There are still a few friends I would like to tell about my x-dressing but I haven't had the opportunity and I don't feel it would be a right thing to do just to dump it on their shoulders inadvertently.
I almost did come out to my best friend, I've known him for about 50 years... He and his wife rang the bell at our appartment while I was alone at home "en femme". I answered the intercom and almost said come right up. Instead I said "Come up, I'm just out of the shower and need to get dressed, the door is open..." Then I took off my "femme" clothes and quickly put on my drab clothes, whiping out the lipstick gloss as neatly as I could... Fortunately I wasn't fully made up.
Now I think that I should have taken the opportunity to do a coming out to my friend and his wife, especialy since his wife is extremely tolerant and would certainly have accepted me as a x-dresser.
One thing that made me react as I did is that my wife resents that I come out to our friends...
But I think that I will have to let that friend know. I have the impression of cheating on him, especially now that I have accepted to be who I am.
:hugs:
Eugenie
holly is right , well in the end thats what i did , so i did lose a few friends and family but at least i am free to be me the closet was lonely and the fear unbearable. for me too
i told my family about my cross dressing when i was 20 i am 31 now it was hard for my family to accept it then i educate them i live in the deep south of united states i work in private security my boss knows i cross dress he says what you do on your off time is your business i have to be in male drag besides wearing panties at work i will tell anybody if they ask about my life stly i do not care what people thinks yes it did left a burden when i come out of the closet and got this attiude yes i have been threaten verbal and physical from different organization about my life stlye but i deal with people that do not play nice
I really only have one person to deal with, an elderly parent. It gets a little tricky getting all dolled up in the few hours a week I have alone, but I would never consider outing myself. It's my issue to deal with, and I'd stop before I'd burden anyone else with it. I'm kind of a "recreational" crossdresser, so it's not like I'm denying my true self or something - I know it's different for others.
I'm just Lisa... Even to my company customers. I found it impossible to lie about it.
I can imagin for some of you its extremley hard to tell people, and wishing you could !! its not as if its something that can just crop up in a "everyday" convo :(
i know from my SO keeping it a secret from me was hard going for him . he said he hated not been able to tell me, but for certain reasons it wasnt really a good idea @ that point !! :(
to NOT tell those I loved (with Carin's OK of course). Some received the news very well (actually most) and one not so good, my sister. She is *accepting* she says but will also say I *dumped* the information on her. For me and I believe for Carin *coming out* hasbeen very liberating and at the end of the day you sure do know who your real friends are.
Louise.
could make it easier or harder - you might find new friends or lose some old ones. i make very little secret of it now amongst the GGs at work, family, neighbours and close friends - a little more defensive but what the heck im too old to care. i carry a bag, varnish my nails, wear jewellery, what would they think anyway?
mitch
[SIZE="3"]Yes I wish I could, but then I respect that it would just totally freak some people out and that is not cool either.[/SIZE]
If word got out on me it would spread like wild fire. So I live at home as a girl and put up with this agonizing frustation.
I am of the same outlook as Eva Diva as respects total privacy. No one else other than you girls on this forum (and God) knows of my cding and I am comfortable with that. Outing myself to family and friends would serve no advantage and cause only massive hurt, confusion and misunderstanding. Most importantly, I don't wish to hurt my dear wife of 39 years by revealing something I truly started and acknowledged to myself only two years ago.
There have been enough clues over the past several years from her when we see TV or written material regarding cding.
At this point, my total privacy brings no frustration and I have no desire to share this with anyone else than right here.
Love,
Gretchen
I live in the US and my family (except for my wife) live in the UK. Also over here, her family is very small as she doesn't have her parents anymore and her aunties and uncles etc live thousands of miles away.
Telling my family in the UK serves no purpose or benefit for either of us as I only see them for two weeks once a year. Marla's family here that would be impacted are her son and her sister. Her sister already knows and is so totally cool about it all that she even wants to come out with us clubbing when I'm en femme. :eek: I know! ..... me en femme, going out dancing with my wife and her sister - all girls together. I'll let you know what happens, if and when it happens. :D
Marla's son is different. Telling him (assuming he's ok with it all) would dramatically improve my opportunity to dress at home and there would be no more secret sneeking out of the house on the weekends. Should we tell him? Probably. It's just we are waiting for the right moment to "let the cat out of the bag" :worried:
Good question Angie... As I am still in the closet, (which has no fear for me) I have no intention of going out En-femme.. but Alexis keeps buying me clothes so I need a bigger closet lol....
My wife is the only one in my house that knwo about my cding. Sometimes I do wish that my kids knew. That sure would make life easier for me. But I fear that being boys on the edge of puberty, knowing that their father was a cd would certainly not make there lives any easier. Maybe someday when thaey are older, I may tell them. Maybe not. :strugglin
I think with most things in our lifes, telling people what is truley going on, and trying to keep things from hurting others is a extremley hard task !! :(
"Do i tell ? and get the reprecutions ? or keep quiet and suffer in silence " ??
I mentioned once to my G/F that I liked wearing women's underwear. At the time, that's all I really liked to do, and that's as far as it went. Telling her was not a good idea. Sure, she dressed me up a couple of times, but I think that was her way of trying to accept it. I know that deep down she really didn't like what I liked to wear and that it really bothered her. It was however a lot of fun to play dress up and I commend her for trying it out, and she also didn't like the fact that she now also had to hide my secret.
Ever since re-discovering my desire to wear panties, the want to fully dress as female has grown exponentially! As much as I would like to tell my G/F about this, I know it would not be crushing news for her; not only with her, but my family as well. So for now, all I have is this forum which does help a lot! Maybe one day I will reveal, but for now, I'll stay put in the closet!
-Myst :star:
Good thread Angie! Yes I do hate having to hide it. My wife knows and is cool about it, but no one else knows. It is very hard to hide it sometimes. Since I crossdress frequently, it would be easier if some people knew. The fear that some people would think differently of me keeps it a secret. Also, I take into account my wife's feelings about telling people. She is not ready for others to know right now. We'll see what the future holds, but for now it's back to 'da closet. :heehee:
When I first came out 6 years ago, I told my Brother, thinking I could trust him to keep my secret. He proceeded to tell the rest of the family and now they want nothing to do with me. This is why I no longer hide anything because there is nothing left to hide. We all have our own crosses to bear, it seems.:happy:
I never had the urge to come out in one "grand play". It was incremental. Three years ago I started feming-up my everyday presentation gradually morphing from he-man to gurly-mann. No reaction that I could tell. Decided at that point I may as well tell my closest friends and associates figuring that some must have and others not noticed. No problem except with my best friend and thanks to the counseling of his wonderful wife he thankfully got over it. Today my cloths are all female (a mix of stuff) but nothing outlandish and my accesories are all girly. I'm very comfortable with this. This gradual coming out has been quite smooth. At this point yes; I do feel liberated!
I'm only known to my wife and one friend. It's a frustrating situation because I can be my true self with only two people in the whole world. I want to become more open and I hope to do this little by little.
Fortunately the world is changing and I think it will become easier as time goes by to present as a less than totally masculine man. Also the media are gradually spreading information about the true nature of crossdressing (that is, we're not gay, we're not transsexual).
Honesty with the people around you is very important but the older I get,and I don't like to sound ornery,the more I have a tendency to figure that there's no harm being done and it's nobody's business!Of course a lot of people know about me.I used to go around my hometown and the nearby area in a kind of makeshift girl/boy mode and there were people who knew all about me.I was out with the 3 GG's that I've been close to.But you can't be out with everybody.Some people just want to beat the crap out of sissies and some people seem accepting but crossdressers and crossdressing give them the willys and they treat you coolly when and if they should happen to find out about you.The public is a little bit more educated than it was 30-40 years ago.A few people,anyway.I remember that it was about 25 years ago that things got a little more accepting.But,actually,while it was no longer considered to be a mental perversity a lot of people thought of CD'ing as a prelude to Transexualism or Homosexuality and not as something in it's own category.Strangely,of all the things you could inherit,CD'ing is a pleasure.
Well, most of my family already knows. Sometimes I wish that they have not found, but it is like not I tried to hide when. I would always leave my clothes out in view in my room and shit. eSO , it is ok somtimes for them to know. We don't just talk about it, Its like they know I know and I know they know. but they and myself just don't talk about it. As far as telling my manager would some of my gg's that I know would be kinda of cool, becasue then I can talk girl stuff with them or go shopping, but That remains to be seen.,
MD
I'm still pretty much in the closet, more from inertia and force of habit than for any other reason. A few weeks ago a friend asked what I' done over the weekend and I gave him a vague answer, when he kept asking for more details I finally told him that I had gone to a drag show and had worn my best dress. He wes shocked and stunned but we are still friends, he makes an occasional comment regarding crossdressing just to yank my chain.
I would feel great if i was able to let friends and family know about my cding,then i wouldn't have to hide it anynore.
Its quiet a shame really :( when you really would like to tell those that matter to you , about your dressing. none of us are perfect , we all carry secrets in some shape or form :o
To be honest I am not contemplating telling anyone. My wife knows and does not disaprove too much but I dont go out so why should I tell anyone, its not like I want to turn up at their house dressed coz I dont
[QUOTE=Emma England;857813]Hiding is not good for anyone.
Maybe you find this strange, but I find it easier to talk to strangers than to family.
We have a word for this attitude here in the US and we are very good at it. It is NIMBY (Not in my back yard). We can converse easier a lot of times with strangers because they aren't affected as much as our family is. Our family suffers potential embarrassment and ridicule for our actions and we are very aware of this. I know that most of my family knows about my crossdressing (maybe not my transgenger situation), but very few accept it and only one will even closely talk to me about it. My friends and coworkers are the same way. Some suspect but will not mention it, I will not deny it, but I am not going to add to their discomfort by being more open than I am. I am in thier "backyard" so to speak and they don't want to deal with it that close to home. They, on the other hand, may be the strangers you can comfortably talk to.
Michelle
Its a double edged sword isn't it? If people with higher profiles felt comfortable enough with "coming out", then this would work wonders for the ts/cd/tv community. If more people came out more generally, then the stigma would be reduced to an extent that it wouldn't be deemed as harmful to careers/reputations of more "higher profile" people.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lissa Stevens
xx
My wife, our massage therapist and one girlfriend of our know. No one else in the family (children, grandchildren and spouses) knows, although they saw me in femme once for haloween. I would love to tell them and know that some would be accepting, but others I'm not so sure about. Today is mothers day and everyone will be at our house to swim and have dinner. That means I have to take off my toenail polish before everyone gets here. I could leave it on and that would get the message out, but I'm chicken to do so.:love:
If it was not because of the kids, I am sure by now I would be totally public about it all. She would be totally supportive if the whole world knew.
Our kids know and see it everyday. But it really is because of them that we keep it all a secret. There is no need for my family or hers to know. They do not live around us, so what would be the point?
But I know she wishes she could talk about it and share it more. She has wanted to bring it up to her best friend. So far, she has been able to contain the desire to let the cat out of the bag.
Michelia
My wife knows. Hates it. Self emplyed so no worries about a boss. But now in my mature years I have grown more comfortable telling others and strangers. Store clerks. Hairdresser. Doctor. Girl at adult book store.
But my wife does not like this--she is very much opposed to any of our friends or relatives learning my secret. So she has to keep the secret, too. Uncomfortable, because she lies for me. Dad is going to business meeting--really it is Tri-Ess.
Only three of those closest to me know. I would like to tell some others but if word got about it would create difficulty for me socially.Of prime consideration of course is my Wife. She would prefer that things go no further than they have.There are other aspects to my life also that are equally, if not more important . My current situation accordingly will continue.
[SIZE="3"]My wife has always known, it never really has been a secret and she is most accepting. Recently (prior to finding this forum) I could no longer suppress the need to dress fully and to go out. In light of this and two ventures into the public realm, my wife and I have told a very select few in our group of friends. The most surprising thing is not one bad reaction, it's all been positive so far and supportive.[/SIZE]
My dressing is a secret and only my family on here know about it :hugs: and with 2 teenage kids and a wife who wouldn't understand the only time i get to dress is when i am on my own,i would love to dress and put on my makeup more but wouldn't want to mess up my kids lifes by splitting up my family :sad: which is what would happen if the wife found out.
She did ask me if i was having an affair last week as i was spending more time on my appearance ( and she found my anti wrinkle cream :heehee: ) I told her then i have enough to put up with with her :Angry3: so why would i want another woman ( except the one inside me )
When I had my apartment and was living alone I dressed just about every day after work. I was active went out a lot and had many friends. I was working hard to get approval to begin my transition. I was happy and alive and living on top of the world. I made the mistake of telling my oldest daughter who was about 25 at the time. She went berserk and we have not spoken to eadh other since. It really hurt because I knew that she was a lesbian at the time ( still is). She is a brilliant person with a Phd teaching at at prestigious eastern university. So I guess we all have to discreet when we share our secret life. Not all the people march to the same beat of our drums
My wife recently found out and we are working through it. I told my sister, as she has always been my best friend. My brother in law also knows (as he was on the phone when i told her) he is black so they already deal with all the prejudices that are out there. I haven't told mt Mom and may not, she is 78 and why bother her with it. No way I am telling my older brother. The best part was Saturday, my sister and I took Mom out for her birhtday- she said my your legs look so nice ( i tan and shave) I looked at my sister and we both almost started laughing, it was great! Made me feel pretty damn goo too! This is the greates forum ever though, it has helped me so much just to read through all the posts and realize there are lots of other people with the same issues as me.