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Hi girls i kept wondering....would you prefer CDing the way it is e.g "burging on us anytime it feels like" or for us to have some level of control like a control valve for CDing e.g like a jinee in a bottle to turn it on-off anytime we feel like (oops i guess thats what we've been trying to achieve all along)...but i want to know your opinion
So Sosoft, I’d like to turn the valve full on and snap the knob off (good pun). Alas that’s not going to happen so I’ll settle for ‘as and when’, I’ve never liked control though.
Amanda
Sosoft...
I wish i could control it, but I am learning to let it be and come up as it will...
think of it as a woman would: she learns to feel her feelings and go with the flow of them.... as a man: we want to have some control.... it may not happen.... I have a strong masculine side too: and I am just learning to let the femme feelings cycle their way in....
I had a control valve called a disapproving wife:( Since i,ve been single again i dress whenever i want, and now i,m in control...Sort of :heehee:
Attempting to control it just seems to cause problems I think.
The only thing I've found is that waiting till you can't avoid it any longer isn't always the best idea so sometimes dressing when you are only a little in the mood can take some of the desperation out of it and then you can dress in times and ways more practical.
I've never seen it as something that needed to be controlled.
I think my valve handle DID break off!
RS
[SIZE="3"]I tried to control it for 2 years, thought it worked but only aggrevated the problem. Now theres no stopping me I am just me, dress as much as I can, what I think of myself matters more than what the rest of the world thinks of me. I have never been happier even in drab( well the closest I can get to that) I'm still Kristen in my mind.[/SIZE]
The real art is being able to direct one's feelings, which is really what the dressing is a reflection of, in a positive way that is value added rather than value detractive. The feelings and our feedback from them are what make us or break us really.:happy:
Batty is right. If you want to get more control dress as much as possible, even if you are not in the mood to. That'll help.:D
I feel that I must have to concur with you as well. When I have tried to control it and keep it down it just seems to come back much stronger and you tend to take more chances. If you are consistent about it it not only becomes more natural but eases the intense urges most of the time!Quote:
Originally Posted by Marla S
Dressing is kind of like my sweet tooth, do it in moderation and you won't get fat!;)
I don't want to turn it off hun :hugs:
Angie
Personally, I don't think it needs to be suppressed or controlled, but I kind of prefer it to be a natural kind of desire. I like to dress when I feel like it rather than when I plan to, I guess. It keeps things a little more interesting.
I'd say I have some sort of "controll", it's called "my checkbook"
Given an unlimted budget, well, you just KNOW what would happen. Now, I don't get the chance to "fully dress" (ie skirt/dress, blouse, wig, full out makeup) everyday, but I do wear "female" clothes each day. The "required" threesome of undies, jeans and sweater,from either F.B. or L.B. and some form of footwear from Payless.
So, I guess I don't really have "control" as to what gender type of clothes I wear, just which style I want to put on.
my control is an unenthusiastic wife and a family. therefore i have to negotiate and treasure my 'mitch' times. some day things may be different but for now ...
mitch
Thank you ladies for your comments.
I dont know this crossdressing in the sense of "Why are we doing it, why does it stick to us, why is CDing trying to embarass me (forcing me to act feminine while the society expects better from me cos am a kind of a role model interms of my job and position in ma family)" i can go on and on.
why am saying all this is because ma CDing is taking a different dimension. At present, i feel like i dont belong to the male gender in the sense of what is expected of men e.g the way men behave ( dress, pretending to care less about other peoples feelings in fear of beign tagged feminine e.t.c) i feel as if beign a man is "abit outdated" to me, with due respect i feel am bored with beign a man.... i feel beign feminine or female is like a progression to me due to the following advantages i obtained from trying to be "a passable CD"
1- i was able to carry out an intensive research into the purpose of life on earth (my previous knowledge was scanty)
2- i was able to learn alot about my body (biology) and how to take care of ma health better and watch ma weight better and ma appearance both as a male and a CD (all this was not possible before cos as a man am expected to have big biceps, large torso, which comsume more food and other things and that as a man i shoulnt be grooming ma self too much or looking after ma appearance)
3- that the world is extremely diverse ...that if i dont like something i shouldnt condemn it.
4- that GOD might be different from all the previous knowledge i have about him e.t.c
.....the list is endless...MY POINT IS.....
i think ma journey into CDing have been really educational, refreshing and fulfilling.
and if i can control Cding so that i can CD and have my reputation in the society intact (i.e people not discovering except for those i have chosen to inform, and they'll not tell anyone) i will be the happiest man/woman/CD/TG in the world, thanks
"Control" is not turning it off for good, but being able to CHOOSE the TIME and PLACE to do it.---which I can do. If one can't do THAT then one IS in trouble.
CDing is something I learned to do, or "discovered" that makes me feel good. I don't want to give it up and feel no reason to, but like nudity, sex or whatever, there is a time and place for it, and times and places you DONT do it. I figgure if a person can avoid engaging in orgies on the street or streaking in the Mall, one can control the circumstances of one's CDing.
Marina Twelve how can you dress and not-dress when ever you want....give us the secret recipy...pls...pls. i want to "rule" CD not let it "rule" me
You are discovering a different "you" Hon. One that is entirely different than any outside package. There are two "genies" that come out of the bottle really. One is an illusion and one is real. Being able to tell them apart is what makes all the difference.;):happy:
salandra...salandra i need more insight ..which one is an "illusion" and which part of us is "real".
Hey i have tried so many times to stop it........
i realise i cant. so i want to control it.
We kind of already do have a 'magic valve' to shut it off, or turn it on. The problem is, when we shut it off, all that desire builds up on the other side, and when we eventually open the valve, we cause major flooding.
If you dont want to crossdress anymore just go live with your parents that dissaprove of it. Thats how you can stop.
I'm a full-time, all-time, good-time gal ;)
sosoft ---How do YOU define "control"? Never doing it again or being able to do (or not do it) when you want to or "when the time is right"?
I cant imagine a compulsion SO strong that you MUST and DO CD in the here and now, despite the situation and location, any time the urge strikes.
I assume you CAN control WHEN you have sex, for example, and CAN keep your clothes on in public(be they drab or fem) , Elsewise, you would be writing us from a prison or "nerve hospital". :D How is controling WHEN you CD any different?
I might ceed that you may indeed can't control the when and where of your CDing----but if this is the case you have a very serious problem that I can't relate to. You would need professional help.
I suspect that you are simply HAUNTED by the CD URGE, and have no control of THAT. You likely DO conrol WHEN and WHERE you do it ,when the opertunity arizes. I dont think you CAN control the desire or urge, thats part of all us CDers..we can only control if and when we decide to ACT on the urge.---which is the best we can hope for.
I am always CD'ed in some form or another.
I understand about the urge to CD tho, I feel the same way about my snoking cigarettes.
Certain compusions and addictions are are hard to control.
I have no chopice but to control it. My wife would leave me and my business associates cut me out. So I dress when I can. I met another CD in a bar once (we were both in all our finery) and he told me that he only dresses for two weeks a year when he visits his TG friend in Phoenix. He leaves all of his clothes there and for those two weeks never is out of his female persona. He lives on the East coast and never dresses except when he is in Arizona. NOW, THAT IS CONTROL!
Controlling an aspect of yourself that has been suppressed or denied at some point is a major part of growing up.
I have learnt a lot from this site in the few months I have been a member and reflecting upon my development - as a person overall and as a crossdresser - I am realising ...
If you do not acknowledge and express a major part of yourself, you are storing up trouble.
If the reason you do so is to protect other people or put their interests first it can actually be more harmful in the long-run than expressing yourself more openly.
All of life is about balance, of one sort or another.
I am now paying for the fact that I gave into the fear that my cross-dressing made me somehow unworthy.
Although I have mostly received rejection when I have revealed my cross-dressing to people, I now realise that I must express it or suffer greatly.
Because I denied it for so long, and successfully suppressed it for 10 years, I have now upset my wife, who was very shocked when I told her that the urge had 'returned'.
In my fifties, I am now facing the sort of challenges that I might have addressed much more boldy in my twenties or thirties.
Whatever we are, whatever we do, we need to find some peace with ourselves and balance that with the environment we live in.
There are guidelines, and wonderful sites like this where people share their situations, but ultimately it is an individual's task to express themselves.
Good Luck! - and Merry Christmas.
I control it only to the point that my wife doesn't find out. Before I was married and I had a female roomate,I had not control and dressed pretty much 24/7, and believe it or not it was when I was most happy with myself.
Ok Marina Cding is just unbelievably strong in me...i hate it ..i love it... it makes me angry.....sad sometimes, that am less than the "standard man" even though am better than the "standard man" (in ma own opinion)...........this control i want to have is to be able to do it when i feel like because it appears as if CDing has a "mind of its own" cos this days it appears to me every where i go...not only i want to dress but inside of me something like a voice keeps on pressurising me to do something more permanent to my body e.g growing long hair...having wide hips (not by hormones but by special aerobic regimes)...to have a very feminine voice or wear girly tatoes that can "out me" i hate the feelings cos by allowing them they might take me to "total femme" which i dont think am ready for.
Hey i think i said enough marina, i feel like sobbing (really)
You don't have to be totally fem. You can find you're middle ground and be happy with it while you explore you. Maybe you can replace the word control with release. If you shake a bottle you can control the pressure by just cracking the lid a bit. Thats how it is for me .I release the pressure,and only as much as I want. Try to let go of your fear as to where this may take you,the worry will take away the fun. It might take you somewhere you always needed to be anyway.
HI All: SoSoft, darling U R all worked up in a state. The best thing is to get a new pair of heels or a lace brassiere with matching panties.
Here is the thing; when U R a crossdresser it is much like being left handed or extra sensitive hearing or sight.
U will see and hear things slightly different than your "standard Man", so in many ways your intuition that U R superior by certain parameters is correct.
The reference to being left handed is not that LH people R superior, but rather we R often perceived to be different than we really R, and so we adapt to a R handed world.
Control is not really the question here. I think sosoft is asking more how to gain a decent balance between the male and CD aspects of life. The question asked is "would you prefer CDing the way it is e.g "burging on us anytime it feels like" or for us to have some level of control like a control valve for CDing" In my mind, I interpret this to mean I want to balance my life out so there is not so much imbalance.
I being a married male CD who has a loving wife and daughter can dress when I want to at home. Now, there are times when this is not possible such as the past two weeks as my daughters brother has been visiting us from SD CA so I have not been able to dress as openly or other than while going to bed. Now, in a perfect world, we would all be able to wear what we want when we want without worrying about what others will say. This obviously is not the world we all live in.
I guess what I am saying is that our having "control" is all open to each individuals interpretation of what the word "control" means. I feel I have a great balance of control on my dressing. While I would enjoy more freedom to dress more often, there are times when that is just not a possiblity all the time.
Kandis:love:
I busted the dam and let it flood on out:eek::D
I go with the flow, loving every minute of it:drink:
For me the key word in my life is "balance". Being married and having children put all kinds of controls on my life. When I cant dress for extended periods of time , which is often, I just look forward to the time I will be able to dress again. I also look back at the wonderful times I had when I was dressed. I used to put it this way. I love pizza, I could eat a whole pie in a sitting, but I dont because I dont want to weigh 300lbs. As the years go by there are less controls, kids move out, hopefully retirement, etc. I hope that in the future I will be able to get out more, but until then I just "Balance" that part of me in my life.
Yours Terri
I'd like to control the urge a bit more, but I realize that I'm probably dealing with an addiction. Fact of the matter is that I like this addiction and will continue to grow as a woman.
These are some good points. For me, proper balance is important. I am a husband (I have a supportive wife) dad and employee. I have a very full and busy life. When I was young and single, it was much more difficult to keep a proper balance. I think if I would have let it, CDing could have controlled my life much like drugs do a drug adicts life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marina Twelve
I have found my proper balance, and really look forward to the times I am able to dress (6-8 weekends a year). The times I am not able to dress are rewarding as well. I dress 100% or nothing.
Thank you for all your input. I must say its quite refreshing.
KandisTX, Celeste, Terrim, Samantha43 and other ladies on this post your advice is well taken and am goin to try them.....am not married am scared of "it" cos of all the stories i've seen in real life and some of the ones i read in this forum. I must find that balance before i get married.....i must find an accepting GG before i get married.......cos the way things are going at this moment i dont think am ready to commit, even though i have an accepting GF, am still sceptical about her "acceptance" cos of the stories i've heard (GGs SOs bailing out on u after marriege) so thats my plan and again we are not getting any younger and Cding has been "puzzling" (stressing) me for many years.
I have to move on with Cding but it has to be in that "Jinnee bottle".
Thanx.
from my point of view i cannot control the urge, it,s part of who i am, i can only control the dressing part when situations dont really allow for it but it never goes, if left for too long it builds and makes everyone involved unhappy in some way or another, i personally get really frustrated
try to go with it and not to swim against the tide, lifes too short:straightface:
I am going to AMEN AMANDA JANE, not because she looks so cute, but because I agree.... I have been off a whole week and as soon as the family left and the wife went to work, bam..... there is Phyllis.... Three days in a row and one all night....... With a little love making from wife to Phyllis..... girls... thats living..
Yeah i need more advice on the "control" more inputs ladies
I don't know that control is something that is going to be useful. I mean, aside from not dressing because you have to get milk and smokes, or go to the bank, or whatever time it is you must be your man self. That to me is not control, that is simply wearing the appropriate mask to get the job done.
Control is a funny thing and I believe fear often takes that role to make us feel safe. I'm guessing here, but are you afraid of these feelings that you have about having out grown your man mask? Maybe you have. I believe one of the parts of transition is living as a female for a year before any surgery is done. They do that to ensure that the transition is right for the person. Maybe it would be good for you to dress as frequently as you want and see what happens. Nothing bad can happen, right? Either you will gain balance, and you will be okay, or perhaps you are meant to make the journey into a full time fem life, and you will be okay.
Cding stresses me out too, very much, but all we can do is trust that we will be okay and go in the direction we are supposed too.
love
orchard
Nobody in their right mind can control crossdressing (its genetic) period.. The first given opportunity even if it is a risky one of being exposed, a CD presumeably takes it to crossdress, or to feel and enjoy the dress against his skin. It can happen in a store, secretly, even if his family is around. Its a bodily urge unstoppable. The urge can only get reduced if the community accepts it and dont bother giving a second glance towards a CD to make him feel abnormal, or with a release in my case for few hours atleast. I have to go with the tide as someone said. If Try to contain , it attacks viciously.
And in my case with age I am becoming more than addicted to crossdressing, life would be so suffocating without it.
Orchad when ever i get painful but REALISTIC comments/posts like urs i become depressed and afraid cos CDing is going to take me to total femme if am not careful....cos like i said am sinking into the "PINK FOG" faster than i can imagine.
Meralehanger thank u too.
Once a CD always a CD. You might be able to stop but it can start up again at anytime. I know I have stopped many times I'm stopped now but I know it can start again anytime. So you control it one day at a time. Or it will control you.