I need answers about my cd boyfriend...please

First of all I want to appologize for my lack of knowledge in the terms.
I met the most wonderful man 2 weeks ago. We hit it off right off the bat. 2 days later we talked about things we liked in bed. I being a "gg" asked him if he would ever wear stockings. He asked if it bothered me and I told him no and it doesn't. I find it erotic. He then opened up to me. He told me he was a CD. He said he has never felt s comfortable around someone before to tell them as he did me. I am so new to all of this. I have never been with a CD nor have I ever met one. I am 100% supportive of gay, lesbian, bi ...you name it.
We have also discused things sexualy. I am open to everything he wants in the bedroom. I even gave him/her name. He calls himself a girl all the time, which there again, I am accepting of. My major concern is that since I am the first person he has ever admitted this to is that I am just a bridge to help him cross over. I care ALOT about him. We even talked about out future together. I am wondering if after he feels more comfortable because i accept and support him that he will want to become a woman and be with a man. When we talk about it he says "not yet" or "only if you are with me if he decides to experiment with a man."
Am I a bridge?
Should I not get in a "relationship" with him?
Is he using me to help him transition?
Is he bi?
This being my first encounter I am FULL of questions and I need answers. I do care for him and I respect, support and accept him totaly.....either way he is dressed.
Can someone please help me understand and what I need to know before I get my heart broke?

Weird. You asked him if he likes wearing stockings... Why?

I think I smell a rat... Or have to give my humble apologies.

we talked about his feminine side and I find it arousing to see a man in stockings. I have had previous boyfriends do it once or twice, but never want to fully dress.
I am not a rat...I am sincere

Am I a bridge? This is possible. Sounds like you need to know more about where he is at with the cding and where he sees himself going.
Should I not get in a "relationship" with him? Depends. How would you feel if he did transition or get with a man? If he might, and you know you wouldn't like it, that's your answer.
Is he using me to help him transition? Possible. But, again, you need more information.
Is he bi? Probably. But, that might not become an issue if he can be a woman with you. I guess it depends on his desire. Is it a common CD desire to emulate a woman sexually? Or does he want to be a man-with-a-man. The first can be handled with a GG. The second cannot.

Ask yourself, what's likely in his future, and decide if you can handle it. If he just wanted to dress up, etc. that's not too much to handle. If he may transition, or have to fullfill bi desires, that's more to handle.

OK, then I give my humble apologies. It wasn't clear from your post.

I wouldn't worry about it being a cross-over situation, or bridge. You just need to make sure you talk a lot, and take one step at a time, communicate a lot and be open to each other.

The fact that he is a CD and you accept it is great. Treat it like any other relationship.

I am accepting and willing to be the male desire in bed. I worry it will want him to want the real thing. I even bought "bedroom helpers".

Forgive Emily's skepticism. We get a lot of "trolls" here, people who purposely post as bait for their own amusement, while not really being involved in the CD scene. Anyway, many of the questions you ask might well be posed to this guy you are getting involved with. You seem to be able to speak of things openly. As for your being a bridge to something else, I'd have to ask, "A bridge to what?" You may well be just what he's looking for, a woman who not only connects with him, who is physically attractive to him, mentally compatable with him, and supports him in being a crossdresser.

I'd only advise caution in that many CDs get into the "pink fog" where for a while at least, the feminine desires and instincts to dress up a lot take over to the detriment of their male lives. Many even begin to consider sex changes when they really are not ideal candidates for such a drastic move. But then again, he may never have any tendencies towards this. Pursuing this relationship slowly, but steadily will give you the opportunity to learn just what CDing means to him and how he is able to incorporate it into his life.

Good luck to you both!

Hi there

Firstly you have come to the right place

You will still have a lot to discuss with your new love

Not everyone who dresses wants to become a woman

If you ask most here they will tell you most crossdressers are hetrosexual

There will be a few gay or bisexual

when you have enough posts you will be able to apply to join the FAB section (female at birth)

We have many happy couples here on the forum so it is possible to live a long and happy life together


If you have any questions I know someone has the answer

Let me add that I've been married more than 15 years. Have kids who don't know about me. My wife and I shop together. She indulges my bedroom proclivities. She knows before we got married that I had a lot of girlfriends and a couple of bi encounters. Experimentation. Although the bi thing is a fantasy of mine at times, with me as a woman of course, I do not cheat. Becoming a woman is very tempting, but I don't have an all-consuming need for it. So, if he is like me, maybe it's not so bad?

you should really tak to him about these fears. with him being as comfortable about you as he is, i'm sure he wants you to as comfortable too.

not every cd want to be a woman on a full time basis. also not every cd is gay. me personally have no interest in being with a man.

you may be a bridge to his change or a bridge to his souls freedom. i would love to come out to my so.

i guess the biggest thing i can say is just like gg, we are all totally different. don't be scared, for him to come out to you i would think is a huge deal to him.

Obviously we don't know everything there is to know about your relationship, but based on what you've said, I'd strongly urge you to think about this guy logically in addition to thinking with your heart.

First off, if he's dating you, smooching on you, and felt comfortable enough with you to tell you he likes wearing dresses and such, he's NOT gay and more than likely he's not BI either. And PROBABLY never will be.

Let's face it, all guys are sexually rampant pretty much all the time, regardless of what side of the fence they're standing on. If he was gay or bi, he wouldn't be dating you and he wouldn't be telling you this stuff - he'd be with a guy or shopping for a guy - and he'd find one. There are plenty of guys looking for CD guys, so if he wanted one, it wouldn't be difficult for him to find a friend or partner. He DIDN'T, he CHOSE YOU (or you chose him, whichever).

Most of us here aren't gay and don't plan to be - most of us are simply wired up kinda' strange. Like I've told my wife (14 yrs now), I don't like guys that way, I like girls so darn much I'd like to be one (some of the time anyway). As they say, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

Enjoy what you've found, he won't mind going shopping with you or watching chick flicks! :D

I am probably the wrong person to answer this question as I am new to the group and also have only been dressing for the last year. But I will share my opinion. You probably need to know your potiential mate a little better before you can figure out answers to those questions. I think only he knows for sure and he probably doesn't. Personally, I told my wife last year as i started getting the desire to dress, she was supportive and we have encouraged it together. I am bisexual, but she knew that before. I have know desire to transition and am happy with the way we live. I think the best thing is to keep your communication open and honest and enjoy each other for the people you are. Good Luck.
Amanda

Sounds like he is just breaking that barrier of being able to open up about that aspect of his personality. It's a common thing for crossdressers to be aware of the urge to dress for years before they actually understand it, come to terms with it, and accept it as who they are.

Without knowing this guy on a personal level, nobody here is qualified to tell you yes you're a 'bridge' or not. Just because you are someone close to him that he can open up to and explore with doesn't mean that he is using you to become something else. He probably wants your support to explore this side of himself more. Keep the 'pink fog' idea in mind. There's a reason that people have to go to counseling and live for a year as the opposite gender full-time before they can have a sex change operation.

For alot of us, hitting that point in our lives where we really want to explore cding is like (analogy time) the floodgates opening, all of these pent up feelings are rushing out, you experiement and try and find out what it is that you're feeling and where you want to go with it, and then (I'm assuming!) it levels out to what makes the cder comfortable and happy, whether that's dressing up every once in a while or living as a woman.

I tend to think that people with gender dysphoria (feeling like you're trapped in the body of the 'wrong' gender) is much stronger and understood at a younger age most likely, I don't know though. It seems to be a much stronger feeling than simply crossdressing.

So basically, it sounds to me like this guy doesn't know where it will really take him, but he probably has a good idea if he would end up transitioning or not. That's where I am right now: I don't know where it will ultimately take me but I know I won't be transitioning or living full time as a crossdresser.

As far as sexuality, that can get even more complex than transgenderism itself. Take a look at this poll about sexuality: Sexuality Poll
Also keep in mind that some CDers sexuality can be different when they're dressed (such as only being attracted to men when they're dressed and feel like a woman).

And this poll about becoming a female, but keep in mind it doesn't mention an operation: Would you become a female?

Honestly the second poll really surprised me though and maybe it can be food for thought for you. Another thing to consider is having him join this site. You can both post your thoughts/concerns that you can both see, but there's also private sections for genetic males only and genetic females only if you need some privacy to discuss things for any reason. I know this is sort of long-winded but I hope it helps.

I can see what you mean but I didthe same with my girl friend she was great to me so I opened up to her she was very suportive to me even helped me out dressing thought thins were great but when I stoped her spending (over 60,000 four nmonths) she said she only did it to get money

ALSO....since I am learning and I want to be more supportive. I would also like to know if I call him a her and when.
We are able to be completely open and honest with each other.
I will, from your replys, have a heart to heart talk with him/her (sorry about putting both him and her I really have no idea which is appropriate). I also am not scared of his , lack of better terminology, coming out and my feelings involved with that. I am more concerned about me falling for a person, that will in the end, not be 100% fullfilled by me and will find his desires of another man are stronger than the relationship with me.
Keep in mind our relationship is only a couple weeks into it. I appologize if some of my questions seem out of the ordinary. I do want to be there for him, and help him and myself better deal with emotions that we may have or will have.
In my heart and mind he/she is the perfect PERSON for me.

As someone who has kind of been hurt in a LTR because my CDing didn't fly well with her, let me first say that I think it's awesome that you're so accepting of his habits.

That being said, sometimes accepting and running along with it when you know it's going somewhere you're uncomfortable with would be more detrimental to him emotionally than to just be up front now and lay out clear boundaries.

From your brief description of the way he talks about transitioning it sounds like there's a lot more information underneath the surface that he should be telling you to help you decide if this relationship is right for you.

So I'd suggest a more proactive approach. You don't have to be mean about it but I think you should tell him honestly how you feel and your concerns about being a bridge. If you would leave him if he became a woman, TELL HIM NOW. That way you don't spend months in a relationship waiting for him to decide to transition and then leave him feeling betrayed. If you suspect you might be a bridge, TELL HIM NOW. From personal experience, I really really really strongly suggest laying out your personal boundaries now. That way, if he knows he HAS to cross them because of who he is, he should be honest and forthright enough to come out and tell you that he doesn't think it will work between the two of you.

That's really the only way to get him to talk. If he likes you and wants to keep you he might not tell you "dealbreakers" (hoping that you won't care in the long run) unless you come out and say "here are my dealbreakers."

One thing that may help both of you. If there is a CD support group in your area like Tri-Ess, you might want to contact them and see if you both can go to their meetings. Not only will you and your BF get to talk to and entract with other CDers, but may of the wives also attend and you can talk to them ono-on-one.

I'm brand new here, but I just had to reply to this. You really should just relax a bit and take your time. You have so much time to get to know him and find out just how you both click.

He may not even know himself just what he is, or wants to do. So take your time, heck you still don't even know him that well as far as all the other things about him. Time will let you know just how much into it he is. Just have fun and get to know him more! :)

I doubt you are a bridge. Think about it: 'Now I've met this great girl I'm gonna find myself someone else further up my list.'

Yes, some of us are bi, but try not to fret about it.

I agree strongly with Lisa_e_love, though I would add that he may not know where he's going with it until later. As far saying him/her, just ask whichever he prefers.

Hunnie, you are in the right place! I'm a GG as well and in a similar relationship with a cder that didn't come out to a girlfriend prior to me. Although I have had friends almost all my life that cd, its different for everyone.

First, there is a lot of self exploration involved for both you and your tgirl. Don't obsess over the "what ifs" because life can change in a heartbeat and not have anything to do with cding. Learning, experiencing and growing together allows you both to form a strong bond.

Second, if you are the first he's opened up to, then rest assured its not his intention to use you. He's trying to do the right thing and be honest and open. Ask any cder here, that's a HUGE step in the trust department.

Third, there is a LOT of information all over this site. You might be interested in a few threads even I've started, as many I post, deal with subjects other GGs have mentioned to me. (I'm a bit of a big mouth, lol)

Lastly, I have to give you praise. True acceptance of another is an amazing thing. Wanting to help them grow as a person is truly beautiful. Is it possible that you help him achieve his goals in cding? Sure. Will he leave you afterwards? Its possible but not likely if he's trying to be so open with you now. Is he bi? Would it be horrible if he was? Life is what you make of it. All these questions can only be answered by time. If you don't take the chance, you could miss out on an amazing experience.

And for the record... I was my ex-husband's "bridge" and it collapsed because of his own self loathing. This site helped me realize it truly had nothing to do with me. And despite how it ended, I wouldn't have given up a moment of the experience. :)

Best of luck!

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Originally Posted by jam1973

He then opened up to me. He told me he was a CD. He said he has never felt s comfortable around someone before to tell them as he did me. I am so new to all of this.

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This is a good sign that he was willing to share this with you a lot of CD's try to hid it in fear that an SO (Significant Other) would reject them. Its a brilliant start

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jam1973

My major concern is that since I am the first person he has ever admitted this to is that I am just a bridge to help him cross over. I care ALOT about him. We even talked about out future together. I am wondering if after he feels more comfortable because i accept and support him that he will want to become a woman and be with a man.

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I have the same fear that one day my SO will turn around and say he wants to tranistion. Theres a whole load of reasons behind this that i dont want to rant on about. There are TS and CDs TS are people who feel they were the wrong sex where as CD's like to dress the opposite sex. But as with everything the lines are blured.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jam1973

Am I a bridge?
Should I not get in a "relationship" with him?
Is he using me to help him transition?
Is he bi?

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The question is do you want to be in a realtionship, even the best can fail over many different things. I would say do what ever makes you happy. The fact that he is willing to show this side to you means that he must trust you. This to me is a very important thing in a realtionship. If your still unsure why not try been friends and see where things go from there.

With reguards to been a bridge how can you be..... sure you can offer support to him but hes got to want to transition is not an over night fix and doesnt happen within a month its a lenghly process.

I hope this helps :hugs:
Kim
xxx

<<I would also like to know if I call him a her and when.>>

It depends, is "she" visiting today, or is "he". Does he have a girl name yet? When he's in the mood for girlness, use the girl name.

I'm going to ask this:

1. Are you looking for a long term relationship?
2. What is your reaction going to be if he does want to fully transition?

That's just a couple things you should talk to him about.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jam1973

I am accepting and willing to be the male desire in bed. I worry it will want him to want the real thing. I even bought "bedroom helpers".

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This is one of the things he has to be honest about. Is he attracted to masculinity? The, um, er, device, will be enough if he does not desire men, but only to be a woman in bed at times. If he is bi, and you don't want that. Then walk away. If he is bi-curious and it isn't strong enough to seek out a man, then it might be okay. You have a right to a monogamous relationship if that's what you want.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jam1973

ALSO....since I am learning and I want to be more supportive. I would also like to know if I call him a her and when.
We are able to be completely open and honest with each other.
I will, from your replys, have a heart to heart talk with him/her (sorry about putting both him and her I really have no idea which is appropriate). I also am not scared of his , lack of better terminology, coming out and my feelings involved with that. I am more concerned about me falling for a person, that will in the end, not be 100&#37; fullfilled by me and will find his desires of another man are stronger than the relationship with me.
Keep in mind our relationship is only a couple weeks into it. I appologize if some of my questions seem out of the ordinary. I do want to be there for him, and help him and myself better deal with emotions that we may have or will have.
In my heart and mind he/she is the perfect PERSON for me.

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A lot of us still think like guys! We're trying to help u solve your problem and answer your questions.

In fact, your post should create more questions, than answers! These r the questions u need to ask him, and yourself. U can learn a lot about CD lifestyles from this site. But, we r as diverse a group as just about any other group with thousands of different folks. About the only thing we have in common, is the clothes we occasionally wear!

And please excuse the folks who thot u mite be a troll. U seem so unbelievably accepting, understanding, and sweet. U r like the GG many of us dream of meeting!

Let me ask u a question that many here would like to ask, "Do u have a single sis?" Or, in my case, is your mom single?

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

Hunnie, you are in the right place! I'm a GG as well and in a similar relationship with a cder that didn't come out to a girlfriend prior to me. Although I have had friends almost all my life that cd, its different for everyone.

First, there is a lot of self exploration involved for both you and your tgirl. Don't obsess over the "what ifs" because life can change in a heartbeat and not have anything to do with cding. Learning, experiencing and growing together allows you both to form a strong bond.

Second, if you are the first he's opened up to, then rest assured its not his intention to use you. He's trying to do the right thing and be honest and open. Ask any cder here, that's a HUGE step in the trust department.

Third, there is a LOT of information all over this site. You might be interested in a few threads even I've started, as many I post, deal with subjects other GGs have mentioned to me. (I'm a bit of a big mouth, lol)

Lastly, I have to give you praise. True acceptance of another is an amazing thing. Wanting to help them grow as a person is truly beautiful. Is it possible that you help him achieve his goals in cding? Sure. Will he leave you afterwards? Its possible but not likely if he's trying to be so open with you now. Is he bi? Would it be horrible if he was? Life is what you make of it. All these questions can only be answered by time. If you don't take the chance, you could miss out on an amazing experience.

And for the record... I was my ex-husband's "bridge" and it collapsed because of his own self loathing. This site helped me realize it truly had nothing to do with me. And despite how it ended, I wouldn't have given up a moment of the experience. :)

Best of luck!

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Well said, DemonicDaughter!

I think we vary so much along the spectrum of gender identity that you will get any answer you want to believe. I don't know about your boyfriend, but I can give you my feelings about this: I think of myself as a man who likes to wear women's clothing. This site has helped me accept that more readily, but it still strikes me as a little odd...

I had recently had a friend who became a lover and a steady presence in my life. However, we decided we were not going to fall deeply in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. However, we still get together pretty regularly just to talk. She is now a friend "with benefits." Some time after we ended that part of our association, I told her I was a CD. Turns out, she was fully accepting. I can be dressed either way when we are together. I would say that if anything, we have become closer and more free in conversation since my revelation.

The above serves to set the stage for one answer to your questions. I have known I like women's clothing since I was six, a half-century ago. Only in the last couple years have I really begun to accept myself. Having another person know, with an improvement in our relationship as a result, astonishes me and fills me with gratitude. While I've always wondered what it would be like to actually be a woman, I am pretty comfortable with being a man also. I have no desire to actually become a woman at this point. I have to think that if I knew at 15 what I know now, that might be different.

Like others here, I suggest that you ask, directly, the questions you have. He may have to think about the answers and be unable to provide them at the time, but he needs to know your concerns.

Sorry to have been so long-winded...

Lee

You are what you are honey....it takes someone to objectify you to make you something else...yes you CAN objectify yourself.

If, however, you simply show up as you are, accept what you do, and set boundaries around what you don't accept you will have a short, or a long, or an eternal adventure being and (re-)discovering yourself with another person who is (re-)discovering him/her-self.

If there is a particular future you need to have and it isn't in there somewhere, well you have a choice to make.

Whatever you do, be yourself. Parting with others is very sad. Parting with yourself is tragic...the greater part of dying, actually.

:hugs:

She's a lucky Guy to have had you, whatever you choose to do.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

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Originally Posted by lisa_e_love

As someone who has kind of been hurt in a LTR because my CDing didn't fly well with her, let me first say that I think it's awesome that you're so accepting of his habits.

That being said, sometimes accepting and running along with it when you know it's going somewhere you're uncomfortable with would be more detrimental to him emotionally than to just be up front now and lay out clear boundaries.

From your brief description of the way he talks about transitioning it sounds like there's a lot more information underneath the surface that he should be telling you to help you decide if this relationship is right for you.

So I'd suggest a more proactive approach. You don't have to be mean about it but I think you should tell him honestly how you feel and your concerns about being a bridge. If you would leave him if he became a woman, TELL HIM NOW. That way you don't spend months in a relationship waiting for him to decide to transition and then leave him feeling betrayed. If you suspect you might be a bridge, TELL HIM NOW. From personal experience, I really really really strongly suggest laying out your personal boundaries now. That way, if he knows he HAS to cross them because of who he is, he should be honest and forthright enough to come out and tell you that he doesn't think it will work between the two of you.

That's really the only way to get him to talk. If he likes you and wants to keep you he might not tell you "dealbreakers" (hoping that you won't care in the long run) unless you come out and say "here are my dealbreakers."

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ive been through this also, and i feel its because she never set those boundaries. please tell him/her what you are and are not willing to support, tolerate, participate in, and accept. and please dont just tell them once, but many times. you can set limits in a loving way, and if those limits are ignored, tell them every time, and by all means, dont be afraid to let them know where you stand, even if you have to tell them you will leave them if it was to continue without resolution.

You are only 2 weeks into a friendship/relationship. I would suggest you not worry too much about the what ifs and just enjoy getting to know him while he enjoys getting to know you. The ability to talk about things openly is a definite plus. Most people are too insecure in the own feelings to be truly honest with others. Only time will tell what will happen.

HI Jam... glad you found us. :hugs: For as early in the relationship that the two of you are, you have progressed rather well. But honestly, we can't answer any of the questions you have posed here... only your BF can do that. I've been married to the same wonderful woman for over 39 years. She knows about this part (CDing/TG) of my life and has been helpful and encouraging. We got to this point because we trust our very lives with one another. We talk to one another everyday! You've said that you don't want to get your heart broken (who does?). Then continue to do what you have been doing. Tell you BF of your fears, your dreams, your desires. See if there is a shared goal in them. You've talked a lot about what s/he wants... what is it that YOU want? Is s/he willing to support those things as well?

I'm an incurable romantic! I really believe that love can conquer all. But that love has to be real, it has to be mutual, and it has to be 100%. I cannot over-stress the need to not just talk, but to communicate with one another. Please do let us know how things go. You have already made a lot of friends here!

Hi Jam, Maybe it's too early to tell just yet. You say the relationship has only been going on for what,2 weeks? He's very lucky to have you! If this relationship developes into something more maybe you should go ahead and be a little bossy and tell him/her that you accept his CD'ing 100%,lock,stock and barrel but that you want a one-on-one relationship and that you want him to yourself. None of this "bridge" stuff. But get to know eachother for awhile.

I do want a long term relationship.
I would not mind if he transitioned, I care about the person not the gender.
No he is not attracted to masculenity.

I plan on staying in this forum and getting support like I have fom all of you. Every one of you have been incredibly helpful. I told "Brandi" that I joined this form so I could understand on a deeper level and she said that will join also to help herself.
I wanted to ask questions to others first cause I didn't want him to feel pressure to answer my questions. I know he just opened up for the first time and I am sure he is full of all sorts of emotions. I want to support his emotions. I want to know how to go about it. Thanks to everyone here I feel more confident about talking about what we both need in a relationship and deserve.
We are meeting sunday and I will definately be having "girl talk". I will also let every one know how it went.
Your support and understanding means the world to me!!!
Thank you ALL !!!

this is a a pic of me Jam and my so Brandi!

Glad to read that your workin on it Jam and you both have spoken about it. I look forward to meeting your SO :hugs:
Kim
xxx

Our talk went GREAT!!!
It was so easy to talk to Brandi. I was amazed how understanding she is as well. Iam not used to being able to discuss my fears and have them heard verses being ignored. I see us together for a very long time. I am sure questions will still appear from time to time. For now I am going to enjoy this great person who has walked , gracefully, into my life.

Our new picture together after I gave Brandi her first makeover. She is so beautiful!! Brandi on left me on right.

[SIZE=2]Jam, congratulations! And well done :clap:! I hope the two of you have a long, happy, and mutually fulfilling life together. I hope Brandi decides to join us soon... I'd like to meet her as well.[/SIZE]

That is awesome! Woo Hoo!!! I wish you all the happiness in the world! :love:

My wife and I read this post together, and at first she saw many RED flags!! Now at the end it seems to be coming together!! I believe that you two are soulmates! You seem to have come together and even through a rocky point still are together, hopefully, good things will continue for you both. My wife strongly believes in the setting of boundaries, some here are against them, they have to be mutually agreed upon IMHO. Best of luck to both of you, and we all hope to hear more good things from you.
Scheryl

I would say that you both are very lucky to have one another. Especially him, to have you. I think it is great that you support him with his CDing. And that you have come here to find help in doing so. Ask any and all questions and please keep the communication open between the two of you. And you will have a long and healthy relationship. Good luck and Godspeed!:daydreaming: