exclusion at the beauty parlour!

Sorry if this is going a bit off topic. my partner 'came out' to me several weeks ago and I'm totally accepting of it and am positively enjoying the benefits to our relationship.

I've welcomed everything out of storage into the home. I've enjoyed participating in the whole dressing up experience and encouraged the 'pink fog' spending on new breast forms, designer clothes, new make up, new shoes, coats and handbags. S/he has always wanted a professional makeover and I've agreed it would be fun and useful as far as wasting anymore dollars on bad wig purchases.

Now I find that s/he's booked up this makeover experience and it doesn't include me at all. I'm feeing a bit resentful. Obviously the organization doesn't welcome 'female' partners at all. And now I feel left out.

I know it's not my 'hobby'. So I'm wondering if I should stop getting a kick out of it too and leave my partner to get on with it by himself.

Does this sound like a spoilt hissy fit on my part?!

I think it is surprising that you have been excluded

It does seen very strange as most would CD's would want there SO to be part of this

It may not be your hobby as you put it but you cannot help but be involved

I think you are right to feel left out

firstly let me say , wow r partner is sure lucky to have your support. now my take on it is have you made your partner explicitly know that you would luv to partakein the makeover . if the answer is yes then maybe she is feeling still a little uncertain,ill at ease etc .

i am sure she would be of the persuasion that she would want you to share in this part of her life but maybe the "first makeover " is a little daunting for her .

all i can say is dicuss your feelings with her and maybe she would be delighted that you want to join in - or mybe she justs want the first one to be by herself - if she goes alone the first time then learns some new tricks and be aliitle more confident in her looks and style she will be more comfortable in getting you involved

just my few cents contribution

I've been told it's "safer". I don't really understand and it kind of backs up all the prejudices and keeps it sort of 'seedy' in my view. Do you think these 'parlours' really are intolerant of female partners? I suppose my partner has had to keep this thing secret for a lifetime... but I thought he wanted my involvement in it. Now I feel like my support is being thrown back in my face. I know that's probably an over reaction... but I thought it was something we could both indulge in happily. When I review all the purchases and this 'solitary' act I feel that it's all a bit selfish... something I hadn't felt before now. Sorry :sad:

MOH, all I can say is WOW! Just from reading the posts here, so many CDs would give anything to have an accepting and encouraging SO. Your involvement should be a seen as a blessing.

Have you talked to your partner about it? Could s/he think you might not want to be directly involved in the makeover? Does s/he know how you feel?

Be patient. Communicate.

xxx

Traci

She said she wanted to do it and showed me the website. I agreed. It's been a fun and happy thing that we've both shared and enjoyed until now. I probably feel 'threatened' because the website's full of transexuals and 'tranny' sex 'n stuff.

I don't have any doubts about partner's sexuality etc blah blah but feel hurt by the exclusion. He had said he'd like me to be there and I definitely said I'd like to be there but would respect his wishes if he wanted to do it alone. The fact that it's "safer" means what exactly? I dare say we'll talk about it this evening. We're quite good at communication!

if it is tarnsformation that he has booked then they may not want you to see what a rip-of it can be.
you would realise that their items can be bought much more reasonbly elsewhere

birdcage preston or boudoir london are two better venues, google them

[SIZE=4]I can't help but stick my big butt in here and make a comment. I am a makeup artist and I have a transformation studio where I do work on MtF and FtM all the time. I welcome spouses, SOs, or anyone else that wants to come along and watch the process if the client wants it. I may not understand the wording being used, "safer" but there might be more to it. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]You are such an accepting person and it seems to me that your partner may not be telling the entire story with this session. Sit and talk with her and get her to see your side of the picture.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Not trying to be out of place but I don't understand not wanting your SO to be involved if he/she wants to be.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Just me,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

Maid of Honour, As you state " Obviously the organization doesn't welcome 'female' partners at all" it seems it is the makeover place excluding you, not your partner....Try to find another makeover place.
Keep us posted please!
Beth

she's certainly aware that 'transformation' is a rip off. she has a huge (and ever expanding) wardrobe. she just wanted some hair and make-up updating and advice. i thought it would be another fun thing we could do together, not a serious under-cover operation where she furtively disappears for a whole day. i'm aware i sound jealous and put-out - that's because i am! :straightface:

best of luck whereever she's going. check http://www.northernconcord.org.uk/classifi.htm
for the other addresses and websites

thank you - and thank you for upgrading my post too - i'm not sure i should mention the name of the organization as it could open a whole pandora's box but any feedback or advice would be appreciated.

i feel better now i've got it off my chest (so to speak!) and i don't want to go now. but it has created an issue.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maid of honour

Sorry if this is going a bit off topic. my partner 'came out' to me several weeks ago and I'm totally accepting of it and am positively enjoying the benefits to our relationship.

I've welcomed everything out of storage into the home. I've enjoyed participating in the whole dressing up experience and encouraged the 'pink fog' spending on new breast forms, designer clothes, new make up, new shoes, coats and handbags. S/he has always wanted a professional makeover and I've agreed it would be fun and useful as far as wasting anymore dollars on bad wig purchases.

Now I find that s/he's booked up this makeover experience and it doesn't include me at all. I'm feeing a bit resentful. Obviously the organization doesn't welcome 'female' partners at all. And now I feel left out.

I know it's not my 'hobby'. So I'm wondering if I should stop getting a kick out of it too and leave my partner to get on with it by himself.

Does this sound like a spoilt hissy fit on my part?!

---

Hello Maid of Honor!
I don't get it anymore then you do. You SO has a loving spouse that has let him come out of the closet and is supportive. Most of us would kill for such a turnaround. My spouse does not want to see me or hear about my dressing. You on the other hand are only wanting to help and be a part.Your SO should go to another salon, if that is what it is, and be more then happy that you can become part of the process. I have never heard of a salon not letting guests sit by their SO while a makeover is being done.

You must be a part of this...omg! What a perfect bonding the two of you will have! This is important for both of you and really can't be missed. I really hope everyone reconsiders and starts again in "we" mode!

:2c:

tina

Just a thought but why don't you offer to do the make over yourself? I know the beauty salon experience is something many of us feel is another step in exploring our feminine side but if that excludes having a female partner present then to me it's hardly feeling like "just one of the girls". I've only once had a make over in a salon and even though my wife was present and the results were good it still wasn't as much fun as when she did my makeup.

Well I think you're right to feel left out. Why can't another place be found that allows you both to go.

Well, thanks all. I feel justified in my pissed-offedness. I guess it's booked now so too late. And, yes, I thought I was helpful in the whole process (although I don't have his decades of experience) and can say when a hairstyle or eyebrow line looks unflattering. It'll just drive a bit of a wedge between us. We'll talk later! Thanks:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maid of honour

....pissed-offedness....

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I checked....it's a word *lol*

:)

it's definitely a word! there are others too! :)

I just came out to my wife a few weeks ago, and like you she has been very supportive and helpful. We haven't done any makeup yet, since I,m trying to take it slow and easy, but she has bought me nylons, panties, and helped me purchase some nice stilleto heels. In turn, I went shoe shopping with her, and helped her select some nice heels that I thought looked very nice on her. We are having a ball. She has said she would help me with makeup eventually, so I'll wait till were both ready, and then let her do my makeup. It is so much more fun exploring all of this together. You need to talk to him/her, and work this out. I wouldn't want you two to ruin this great experience. Good luck.

Hi,

My wife has been accepting of most of my changes but drew the line at going to a transformation studio with me. If made me feel bad, like she couldn't handle seeing me completely transformed into the female-like person I'd like to become. Your partner is a lucky person and I'd recommend the appointment s/he made be cancelled and a more tolerant place selected. I think it's important.

Paola

Yup...something fishy there if the salon says you're not welcome....

Appointment made? So what! Cancel it...even if you lose a down payment.

If your gurl wants you there, then there you should be!

And, btw, if you do like it and are enjoying participating, then it is your hobby, too.

Aawwwwww. I feel for you, I really do. I couldn't do a makeover without my SO and she wouldn't want me to do a makeover without her. My SO expended some significant effort at a very busy time for us finding somewhere we could both go and be welcomed. So these places / people do exist. Is it definitely too late to cancel and find somewhere new? It just seems such a shame to diminish a great opportunity for you both.

Sarah...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by suchacutie

You must be a part of this...omg! What a perfect bonding the two of you will have! This is important for both of you and really can't be missed. I really hope everyone reconsiders and starts again in "we" mode!

:2c:

tina

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I agree Tina and to be honest I am with Tamarav on this one. I would be very suspicious of any makeover business that didn't welcome SO's and I'd definitely take my business somewhere else. It almost sounds like there is a hidden agenda which with some of them there is.
Good on you for being so supportive but explain to your SO that this isn't on.
Take care
Bev

Hon, sounds like you two need to some talking, bottom line.

If the makeover service doesn't welcome you (never heard of such a thing, personally), then cancel that and find one that does.

Best of luck,
Carol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maid of honour

she's certainly aware that 'transformation' is a rip off. she has a huge (and ever expanding) wardrobe. she just wanted some hair and make-up updating and advice. i thought it would be another fun thing we could do together, not a serious under-cover operation where she furtively disappears for a whole day. i'm aware i sound jealous and put-out - that's because i am! :straightface:

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If this is in NYC I have heard they don't allow partners. I would have her pick a different place. i use many mainstream salons that are fantastic and don't overcharge for makeovers by real GG's. The two of you could have a spa day at a location you both are comfortable at. if the NY/NJ/pa. area is good for you i can sugest some salons. Just ask

I agree with those who said "find another place".

I would definately be requesting that h/she cancels and finds another place where you can enjoy the process together. It's been really important to me to have involvement in my SO's makeover which happens this weekend. My involvement has made me feel part of her journey and we are sharing these milestones together.

Had I been told I couldn't be present I would have considered that illicit goings on may be on the agenda and that would have been totally unacceptable to both of us!

I really feel for you in this dilemma.


:love:

there are services like eli hunters in germany that give spouses a free ride for coming along-i call that smart marketing!!

I would insist on going along.Put some pressure on and it may even enhance the relationship.YOur partner is a lucky "girl"!

MOH, my wife comes with me for most of my makeovers. The first one was especially poignant and a special experience that neither one of us will forget for our whole lives. The studio I normally go to not only welcomes SO's they offer services to them as well. When my daughter turned 21, we took her for a makeover and photo shoot. They did college co-ed looks, evening looks, even a Las Vegas showgirl look.

I hope the root of all the tension between you and your partner is a poor choice of transformation studios. That's pretty easy to fix... get rid of the appointment and find another place where your participation is welcomed! If your partner is reluctant to do so, something is way out of whack!

I don't want to advertise any specific sites/services (contact me privately if you want to know), but the wife and I had a wonderful experience together on our honeymoon at a transformation boutique - tons of pictures, and tons of fun. I think the folks at Applebee's are still recovering:D. I think if the two of you can't do it together, then neither of you should do it:2c:.

Hi Maid of Honour,

I have a very accepting wife also. We do everything together.

If anyone EVER told me my wife was unwelcome wherever I went, they would be sent down the pike so fast they wouldn't know what happened.

My $0.02 is, get another place. Your SO should feel the same way. Maybe we need to remind him how lucky he is.

Hugs,

Missy Anne

I agree with all those who've said "find another place". We talked about it last night (with difficulty) and he feels that although he does want me by his side, he also wants to do it alone so he doesn't have to worry about me. He's offered to change the date and find out whether it really is unacceptable for me to go. I've said go ahead with my blessing and do it anyway. It has created a tension between us. We had really opened up to each other emotionally since he 'came out' and have had a lot of fun exploring it together. I do feel superfluous to requirements now and have a strong urge to do stuff on my own too. From his point of view, this is something he's spent a lifetime hiding and often feels foolish for indulging - part of his not wanting to go is because he feels embarrassed in front of me, especially if the place isn't welcoming. If he changes it and doesn't go I will feel I've spoilt it for him and if doesn't change it and goes I'm worried he won't enjoy it because of the wedge it's created. He said he didn't feel the elation he expected to when he booked it anyway, but I suspect that's because of my cool response to the fact that he's doing it alone. I'm not sure how we'll resolve it... but huge thanks to all of you for your supportive words. In the meantime I've emailed the place to ask what their policy / approach is to female partners attending but they haven't responded. We'll get through this. I don't believe there's anything sinister in his intention really... so perhaps I should indulge his indulgence! The last thing I want to do is drive it back into secrecy.

Sounds like buyers remorse to me. He's probably wanted to do this for years and now that he can, it just isn't the same as doing something you "can't".

In the end he will realize that having such a wonderful wife helping him transform at home will be so much more enjoyable!

I've found that there is an edge to crossdressing. The excitement of doing new things can be addictive. I'm sure that you two will have many years of fun as you discover new things to do together!

:hugs:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maid of honour

I agree with all those who've said "find another place". We talked about it last night (with difficulty) and he feels that although he does want me by his side, he also wants to do it alone so he doesn't have to worry about me. He's offered to change the date and find out whether it really is unacceptable for me to go. I've said go ahead with my blessing and do it anyway. It has created a tension between us. We had really opened up to each other emotionally since he 'came out' and have had a lot of fun exploring it together. I do feel superfluous to requirements now and have a strong urge to do stuff on my own too. From his point of view, this is something he's spent a lifetime hiding and often feels foolish for indulging - part of his not wanting to go is because he feels embarrassed in front of me, especially if the place isn't welcoming. If he changes it and doesn't go I will feel I've spoilt it for him and if doesn't change it and goes I'm worried he won't enjoy it because of the wedge it's created. He said he didn't feel the elation he expected to when he booked it anyway, but I suspect that's because of my cool response to the fact that he's doing it alone. I'm not sure how we'll resolve it... but huge thanks to all of you for your supportive words. In the meantime I've emailed the place to ask what their policy / approach is to female partners attending but they haven't responded. We'll get through this. I don't believe there's anything sinister in his intention really... so perhaps I should indulge his indulgence! The last thing I want to do is drive it back into secrecy.

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Could you share the name of this place? You may get insight into what she may expect. Erica's academy in NYC is a forced femme type of place that restricts SO's. I hope this is not the place because they are on the fringe and bit into S7m type of stuff. I strongly suggest you just go to a regular salon. Down the road let her try this place.

pandora de pledge in london, UK! there i've said it, hope it doesn't' cause too many issues but would welcome feedback from anyone who's been there or has an insight.

I have just searched a couple of forums in the UK for feedback on Pandora de Pledge. From what I can judge they are one of the reputable places. With that in mind your hubby should have a great time. I know I would love to try such a place, and any girlfriend I should have would be welcome to join too.

How about you go with him for support and pick him up after and see the end result after? Maybe it is the process of being transformed that he wants to do in private. Maybe he wants to try something some outrageous look he might feel embarrased about with you. I can understand a little since my wife has only seen me CD for parties and going for a casual/passing look might freak her out a bit.

I've seen him go through the whole process and it doesn't seem to bother him (or me). I quite enjoy it actually. Anyway, I've stopped feeling fed up about it now. I don't want it to cause any more bad feeling. I'll see the photos and maybe he should be able to do it without it being an issue. I think PdeP is ok. All those sites are littered with links to porn, but so is just about every other site so there's no reason for me to feel threatened by it in reality.

Thanks all!

PdP is extremely professional, totally "straight" (as in it does what it says on the tin) and one of THE best. Perhaps the Rolls Royce of Makeover Palaces.
And, surprisingly, not excessively expensive when compared to other similar services.

Many years ago, I had a Makeover and Escorted Shopping Trip with "The Boudoir". www.theboudoironline.com

Pandora was the makeup artist at the time, before she opened her own business. I can vouch for her skills - she is amazingly talented and a lovely person.

I enjoyed being the centre of attention and was made to feel very special and even beautiful .. now that was amazing!

Thanks Mirhani. I agree that PdP has a fine pedigree. I'm over my miffedness now. Life's too short and we're ultimately very happy with life and all the adventures that lie ahead!

Lemme get this straight: Your partner would like you to be there, you want to be there, you are paying a ridiculously over-inflated price for him to be there(heck, I'll do it for free! And very well, thank you!) Yet you're being kept away. I would have mentioned the place's name 3 posts ago! "Safer" is obviously an excuse for something, and not too valid a one. Anyway, I think it's more important that your partner wants you to be there. Since it's already booked(if you haven't paid yet, just cancel and find a new, more open place), Let him have his fun, and get over it. The problem seems to be with the business you chose, and not you two. I'm really happy for ya both. Good luck!

Hugs,

Melissa:)

I can't help but agree with you. But, where will my frustration get me? The "safer" word I questioned and it was explained it was meant just in terms of being 'absent' from family/work/friends for the day - one less person involved in the inevitable duplicity. PdP still hasn't responded to my email so I guess they don't exactly 'welcome' others. That could be because it's off-putting for other punters? Partner is upset because I'm upset, he didn't think (doh!) and I don't think dwellling on it is going to do either of us (or our relationship) any favours. He's aware that it's thrown a spanner in the works. I've accepted that this is the way it is. If he cancels then he cancels... if not then he has my blessing. It sticks in the craw somewhat (cos yes, I can do a fab job for free too!) but if you've waited a lifetime for something like that, well perhaps you should be 'allowed' to do it on your own. He may have opened up to me but does that mean he can't ever 'dress' without my prior knowledge, permission or presence? I don't think so.

After you said who it was I e-mailed them, making out I wanted to surprise Nigella with a make over and if I used their estabishment would it be ok for me to attend as well, not had a reply from them at all.

I agree with everyone you should talk to him. A loving, accepting wife is so great, he shouldn't try and shut you out.

On the other hand maybe he has his reasons, (embarassment? ) , maybe he just wants to see what he looks like first. talk to him!

Personally, I would much rather have a nice makeover with a loving partner/best friend than go to one of these places who just want your money (and a lot of it too!). In your situation, I would look into other places that provide the same service but who are more accommodating to partners, and present it to your partner as an alternative.