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Found today in a local city general chit-chat forum. The original poster is known for making random flames without a lot of thought, but I thought I would copy here as the summary point is one I have not seen people discuss.
I will probably not reply -- you know what they say about wrestling with pigs. :straightface:Quote:
Originally Posted by local newsgroup poster
It was the death of my Father which made me change my mind and do this. I think he would find it hard, but yes, I think he would be. My Mother is but never wants to see her son dressed.
Nope....
I don,t think he,d recognise me :heehee:
:battingeyelashes:It would have disappointed him for sure.
Put me down for a "nope" also.
I'm in the "nope" column. He was disappointed in me when I was a kid, so if he knew I still dress I don't think that would change.
I like to think my mum and dad wouldnt have cared less as long as I was happy. If there was any objection though it would have been from dad.
Id have never felt confident about myself to have told them when they were alive though. But that was a 'me' issue, not a 'them' issue.
No.
I think my Father would be mildly confused and embarrassed.....but that probably goes for everyone I know.
Hi All: My mother would definitely understand, after all it was she who bought me my first bra pantygirdle and slip.
My father didn't want kids and didn't really like me, so he would not have been "more disappointed" than he already was.
MY dad would not aprove .. but he would have told me whatever makes you happy .. you have one life to live
Yes I do think my father would be proud of me, I try to be the best I can be which is what he tought me to do. I was visiting my parents and my brother and sister were there a long with other family members. I was wearing short short and my legs were shave and my sister was giving me a hard time. My father told her to lay off.
Anna
My father went to prison for murder, so I could care less if I could make him "proud".
But you could file me under "nope".
Hi Tess! That's a question that will forever remain unanswered. He passed away when I was 4 so I never really knew him. My last memory of him was as he lay dying of a heart attack. That was in 1958....he was 52 at the time so, being from that era dating back to close to the beginning of the 20th century, my guess would have to be no! Now, my mom knew I put on her stuff since I was about 5 - 6 and never said one word about it or went to the trouble of trying to put her stuff out of my reach. She died when I was 14 so with her my answer would have to be a definite "I don't know!" Sorry, she kinda' served as mom and dad!
Well, here's my answer too. Yup! My dad would have been proud of me for just being the "real" me. Both my parents wanted girls but only got boys. My mom did all she could to try to raise me as a girl - fond memories :) at least until I started school and then all that "male" crap started :(
Love to all - [SIZE="4"]Susan[/SIZE]
Well I am somewhat like Susan. My mom wanted me as a girl and my father was against it, totally. So he would never have approved or accepted. My mom would have accepted it and perhaps embraced it.
Edyta
Quick answer, Nope! Long answer, not many of his generation would aprove.
But then he lived his life his way, and would expect me to live mine my way, wheither he aproved or not!
Tina B.
He's been gone for 15 years, so it's hard to say. I think the answer is yes. He became remarkably tolerant as he grew older. Also, there were a few indications that he might have had his own little secrets too.
He was finally proud of me a few years before he passed away.
But, I didn't start CDing until a couple of years after he passed. Thank goodness!:Angry3:
My dad knows. I don't think he is "proud" that I CD but on the other hand, he is kind of indifferent. He just doesn't want me doing it around my kid or his friends seeing me.
I have done things in life that pissed him off or freaked him out a lot more than being CD. This is one of those "I'd rather you didn't but whatever..."
EDIT - You know, most of us have kids and are often talking about how us being CD would effect them or our younger kin. It is kind of unusual to see this group talking about how this CD thingwould or does effect our parents. Ehh just kinda unusual.
As a strict Catholic both he and my mother would have found it terribly disappointing if they had known and would probably not have accepted it at all. Just the grief I took from my divorce is an indicator of how much their hard line Cathlic views on such things influenced their thinking.
my dad has passed ........ i don't think he would understand ......so a no here too.....
Me again, the originator of the thread.
I am a bit startled, and somewhat anguished, to read so many No's, many delivered so flatly that it is easy to perceive that there is a lot hurt out there on this topic; I get the impression that a lot of us would have trouble talking about this.
Earlier, I did not say anything about my own father, as I did not have time then.
Like some of the others here, my father died when I was fairly young, not quite 14. I do not remember him especially well... I don't remember much of my childhood especially well (fault of the way my memory works.)
Based upon some things my mother has said (but refrains from telling me the details), I know that my father was decidedly human, a man who tried his best but who struggled with human feelings. Someone thought by many to be "remote" but who was not: someone who didn't really know how to deal with people; someone with sometimes an excess of empathy that could lead to difficulties. I think if anything he might have been a bit scared at how much like him I turned out.
I don't know if my father would ever have "understood" my dressing, but I am sure he would be proud to see how much I contribute to others, in my work and in my activities around my dressing. I think that he would have been intellectually fine with the idea of crossdressing... but it is hard to say after so many years how he would have reacted emotionally to seeing me dressed. I rather suspect that after reading about some of the struggles that some of you (and the transmasculine and the transsexuals) have gone through, that he would have felt that pit of sadness, and of injustice done, and would have welcomed me and my CD / TG / TS friends.
My father came from a family of activists, and he conveyed to us a healthy respect for the struggles of other people for dignity. He was, though, a bit estranged from his own mother and father, who were absent from home due to spending more time worrying about others than about their family. He would not have wanted to deny us any measure of compassionate human closeness, provided it was balanced with home life.
I know my father never accepted or understood my sister being gay; so therefore I assume he would never be proud of what I do now, therefore, as long as I can help it, he never will, lol. My father is proud of me, he has told me so. He is proud of who I am, and what I do for a living, and my wife, and his grandchildren. He is, though, way too old to change his ways of thinking of most in life: politics, religion, etc. That would also include this topic. Hell, if he knew I also enjoy bdsm, he probably have another heart attack!!!!!
[SIZE="3"]Don't care.[/SIZE]
My father knows, has known for about 14 years, because I told him. I don't think he "gets" the why of it or understands much about it or wants to learn more about it, but he does love me and wants me to be happy. He does't know about me not beng happy, I don' want to trouble him wth that.
Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.
The few times I met my father, on his trips to see my mother between his three other mariages, I was not much impressed with his arrogance or ignorance. In fact,though I don't really care what he would have thought of it, I'm sure he would have been disgusted in that sanctimonius way that bible thumping hypocrites are.
When I think abut it, it may even be my utter disregard for him and the men like him, that nudged me towards who I am today.
Bitter? No, not really. Indifferent is probably the right word. I'm a sensitive, caring person who eventually figured out that most men were not like the self-absorbed creature that sired me. But I also figured out that I felt happier and safer without a father at all than one like that. I also found that girls and women were much more likable and sympathetic as friends and companions.
Mom? Oh, she wouldn't have liked it at all, but I think she might have at least come to understand it, eh? Mom's are like that. They tend to love us no matter what.
(Thanks Tess, never been to therapy, but you just gave me the opprtunity to voice that little horror story for the very first time. Know what? I feel better already!) :D
Put me in the "nope" category.
I had a great dad. We got along well, even through my know it all teenage years. He passed a few years ago and I still miss him. I remember the comment he made when I was a teenager and wanted to grow my hair long. He said "I already have two daughters, I don't need a third"
I don't think he would have understood.
I am amazed that this question has come up. I must tell you a little story about my Dad and me. Then you will understand. Then I will feel better.
My Dad was very shy and uncomfortable. He may have been the most unhappy person I ever knew but I always thought little of him and never sympathized. He died in 1993, 2000 miles away from me. We never hugged and we never said "I love you." He just lived his life as a loyal, hard-working honest man. A very simple man. When he died I felt very little. I never felt close to him during my childhood nor did I feel antagonistic. I simply did not feel.
Just before Easter of 2002 I was divorced and sitting at our Holy Thursday Mass which I went to by myself. Midway during that liturgy I looked up and saw my Dad's face above the altar. He was smiling. I had never seen him smile before. It was then and continues to be a very profound experience.
Now, in the context of this thread, I think about him and that moment and I cannot help but know two things. He knew then that I am transgendered and that I dress. Second, he smiled anyway and is proud of me. This I know but have never thought this way. Thank you for this thread. You have taken me to a very sacred place.
... said with a great deal of pain and post traumatic stress memories......
Yeah when I was 7 years old or there abouts I was goofing around like most young boys with out any deep agenda and tried on my sisters clothes and wore them around the house laughing like a young wise kid.
My fathers reaction when he found out.
"No son of mine is gonna wear girls clothes, Ill show 'em. He's going to have to wear his sisters dress every day for a week at home after school for an afternoon to break him of ever doing that again."
That forced transvestism began my long journey that stayed hidden in me and re-emerged at 13 years old. Because of him, The bastard
It was only when my mother found my stash and her and my sister can=me up behind me one night while i was eating and thrust the wig down on my head and presented me with my bag of hidden clothes, that I gathered the nm up later and secretly stole away outside into the night on a cold winter sleet filled evening and ran away with the stuff, 5 miles later I found myself in some woods when I poured gasoline on it and set it all a fire. Had I had a rope at that time I would have hanged myself outta shame.
Hours later after having wondererd in the snowy night I returned home just as my father was pulling in the diveway after being called home from work by my scared mother.
He met me at the back door, we went upstairs to sit at the kitchen table to have a long father son talk when I confessed to him I enjoyed wearing girls clothe. He recalled the earlier years of his forced en feminization punishment and said " its all my fault" I said no at the time to not make him feel guilty.
You know what you s.o.b. You're goddamn right it was!!!!!
And for this 50 + years later I should be grateful for this...this "gift"
Bull.
It was and will always remain to ME my curse. No comments please, my own opinions and feelings!
Sorry for the extended rant but it brings up a very hurtful memory from my past.
Megan
For this, I doubt it. For other things, yes.
I doubt it. When I was about 16, I discovered that my older brother (22) was also into crossdressing. I was never caught by my dad and I'm pretty sure that my mom never told him anything but I'm very aware of his reactions when he found a stash of my brother's stuff that had been left behind when he got married. He rounded up all this wonderful stuff and told my mother to call my brother and get it out of the house. Pissed to say the least, disappointed for sure. Thank goodness my mom elected to stash the boxes in the basement for a while until the storm blew over. I had a bunch of good times in those boxes and was smart enough to remove the few things I really liked before they disappeared. My brother was never told what happened and the boxes ended up at good will so my mom was trying to keep a little peace in the family.
I have never told my father outright, but I think that he has known for a long time. I left something out and he found it and covered it up! To this day he has never said anything about it. He also has never given me any indication that his feelings toward me have ever changed. I know that he is proud of me. I guess that I could ask him since he is still around.
I would hope that my father would be understanding if I where to come out to him, that this is the real me... but I can not risk losing the friendship that we have
I was the entire world to my father. He worshipped the ground I walked upon from the first memories I had of him until he died when I was 23. I can say he would be proud of me, if he knew cding was a part of me, because he loved and respected all of me. I miss him and wish he was still here, so I could share my life with him.
Yah, my father was very proud of me growing up , becoming a professional graphic artist and getting a college education. But did I love him? No. He died in 1983 and I don't miss him at all. He was a hypocrite and a social drunk who I was embarressed by. CDing was never brought up after that night.Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy Lynn3
My father was never proud of me for anything I did,if he were still alive I believe he would still be the vicious,spiteful,hatefilled,violent person he always was.
Kate
My father is 80 now, getting a little confused about many things. He has become more insular and biased as he has aged. I doubt he would ever have been proud of my choice, but today he would probably get very publicly upset.
So, nope.
Put me in the "nope camp" ... I am absolutely sure without any doubt whatsoever my father would shoot me dead if he knew! Ok, maybe not actually really shoot me, but it would definitely change our relationship (for the worse) forever!
Both of my parents died when I was 18. I'm now 63. I never told them and they never knew. Would he be proud of my CDing...Never
I believe my father knew that I was "different", but he did love me very much I do know that. But as for me being TG/CD...no...he would not have understood that. My father was very black and white about things...no shades of gray there. He still would have loved me if he had ever known about it, but in the same context I know that he would definitely not have either understood it or approved of it and would have been somewhat embarrassed to have had a son who wasn't "all man""...so to speak.
I loved that man very much and never a day goes by that I don't think of him fondly. That said...he was a product of both his generation and their time. That has to be taken in consideration when you "judge" them and their very definite distinctions between how men and women should be.
Thankfully we as a people living now in the 21st century, though certainly not the majority opinion by any means, are beginning to understand, comprehend, and become more tolerant and sympathetic of those who do not fit society's "norm" of what men and women should be.
Just my opinion here.
My father and , now deceased, met Melanie for the first time in 1989. My father made this comment, "I have a handsome son and also have a beautiful daughter. You look so much like your mother." With those words I cried with happiness.
A couple years back I decided to tell both of my parents (separately) about my CDing. I told my dad over a couple beers at a local sports bar and it went just fine. His first comment, "Wow, that's really interesting!" was absolutely priceless and so much like my dad. We talked about it for a couple hours and he even complimented me on how good I looked dressed at a Halloween party my wife and I held a few years back. Just as big a compliment was saying how amazing it was that I was able to keep it from my mom (she is extremely anal and he thought she surely would have noticed if I didn't leave her clothes the exact same way I'd found them). We haven't talked about it much since that night but he's obviously cool with me. Overall, a good experience.
while it was my mother who caught me in my sisters pantyhose when i was 12,,,they both are alive still and proud of me for the other things in life i have done and still do.....:D
btw..EVERYONE who knows me knows i dress or at least that i wear pantyhose :D
That suggests to me a general question: is it harder to tell fathers than mothers?Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda_in_MA
I continue to be amazed by the variety of these very personal stories. When I posted the thread, I expected a couple of random flames about public ignorance and discrimination; I had no idea of the emotional depths the question would raise!
My dad and I were very close because, Because I wanted it that way. I'm so sorry that you other's didn't have that. He never did but one mean thing to me. I soon forgot it, and we were close all the rest of his days. Would have he understood ? I'd say he would have tried for my sake. He knew I was sensitive and caring. More so than any male should be. He wasn't perfect, but our relationship made him proud.
Mom suspected it, because it was her clothes I wore. She teased me a couple of times when there was a CD on TV. Or was that a TV on a CD ? LoL
When I came out as a crossdresser to my Dad over the phone he shouted 'Good on ya!'.
He is definately proud of me.
Neither of my parents would have approved of Audrey. Part of the reason I'm in therapy now. Even though I've grown a bit (going to Tri-Ess, being on this forum) I still deal with the occasional pangs of guilt over my dressing.
-Audrey
When I was a kid, my dad told me stories of him and his buddies growing up in the '30s. They skinny dipped a lot (in a circular pond that is still visible on Google earth) and also spent a lot of guy time "comparing" and a few other things that country boys did without a second thought. He was very open with me without trying anything funny. He encouraged me to try anything that made me "feel good"on my own. (if you get my drift) Today it would have probably considered some sort of child abuse or improper communications.
I discovered my love of nylon at age 5 and snuck everything I could from my 2 sisters or mom. Once when I was old enough and had enough allowance and paper route money saved, I bought myself a beautiful nightgown set at Woodward and Lothrop in DC. Once I had it home I slept in it every time I had the chance.
On one weekend my family left to go to an aunt's house for dinner. I ate and made a hasty retreat back home to put on my gown. I laid on the bed and fell asleep. My dad came home and found me but let me sleep for a while. After an hour or so, he woke me and suggested I change before mom came home.
Over the years we have talked about my being a CD and he seems to understand but when Mom is around within earshot he is dead set against it. I am not truly sure how he feels. very confusing signals, but as he is now 83 I don't push the issue. Thankfully my older sister is totally cool with it but my younger sister is a real prude.
Christine