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My husband is newly opened up to me about crossdressing and being a woman inside. He has been reading threads here and doesn't understand if some here are dressing for sexual gratification or for completing their feelings or just being transvestites. I am soooo sorry if I step on heels here because I want him to join here, and understand you all share a common bond.
Any input please.
I am putting my flak jacket on now
For my SO at first it was a sexual thing but as time went on that waned, now she cd's 24/7 and just enjoys wearing the clothes.
And if your hubby is reading this then, join you will find you a lot in common with the members here. :)
That is wonderful that he has opened up to you. It is a major step for him in the trust of your relationship. And, from the way you just posted your comment, it sounds like you are making a wonderful step toward him in acceptance. Such will bind your relationship and make it stronger and your love will grow.
I never did feel it was a "sexual thing" but rather I did it because I know in my soul I am a woman in a male body. I have always been so. It was just a matter of accepting myself and then properly dressing.
I am happy for him as well as you.
I too am a TG--having gone full time now for some time. I am not married so I do not have to be concerned with an SO.
The only suggestions I would make are be supportive, understanding and loving. You will both win. And, if you have children, help them also to understand provided they are old enough.
I'm certain others will want to contribute their congrats as well as suggestions. Most are here to help you and your family. Be open to their words.
Have a beautiful weekend.
Hugs
[SIZE=4]Welcome to the family![/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]We don't really do flame wars here, all of the members are very verbal and will be delighted to tell you all about themselves, you just have to absorb it all. Some have labels, others don't and it can be difficult to pin down a person, but you will learn that pretty quickly.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Your hubby should join, he may learn a few things about himself he didn't yet realize.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Above all, have fun.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Your new sis,[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]
I think you are very helpful to your husband by having an open mind and trying to understand his situation. I think you have courage and compassion and you are very caring to try to help and understand. Many people who come to this forum do it for different reasons as you say in your thread. I come here because I am a crossdresser and because I like dressing and feeling like a girl when I can. I am in the closet with my crossdressing but my wife does know as she has seen my dresses, swimsuits, lingerie, jeans and shoes. She does not understand or encourage it so I am respectful and only dress in private.
I am also the father of a son who I love and care for very much so I would never transition or dress publicly. I am comfortable as a crossdresser as I have come to terms with it and know that I was predisposed to it because I felt compelled to dress like a girl since I was 5 years old and have done so all my life but never admitted it to others or dressed publically.
I sometimes wonder how I can keep something I really enjoy doing so private and never share it with anyone. I would love to wear a dress to the mall or the park or for that matter to work but it will never happen in my lifetime!
Well I wish you and your husband good luck and extend a warm welcome to you both!
emmi
xoxo
hi and welcome to our home, you will find that we all have our reasons don't be shy ask away. and it is so good to have another accepting person here :love:
Hello Koolaidkid99!
Thanks for joining us and giving your opinions. Having the input from the woman's point of view is helpful to all of us with wives. As for your husband, he will benefit writing here because he will have an instant family of caring people that are going through exactly what he is. That said, the body of people here for the most part are CD's that have significant others, are not gay, and dress because we feel good doing it. Some of us have a different personality when we dress, some dress because it is sexually pleasing, and others like to dress and go out shopping, nightclubbing, or just to the post office while completely dressed. Some of us have felt that they were born in the wrong bodies and just always felt like woman inside and now have transitioned into being woman 24 hours per day. Some, either do or would like to go out with men when dressed. We are a diverse group. Reading the posts on this forum you will get the opinions of many. The things that they all have in common is that we all started as men (or young boys) and now wear woman's clothes as your husband does. We aren't sexual deviates because we do this, we do not hurt other people by doing this, and in many cases we are kinder and gentler people because we do. I hope your husband joins our forum and reads the posts with you.
For me its pretty much who I am.The clothes are great but it runs deeper into feelings and how my mind works.
Well, for what it's worth, I crossdress because something inside me demands it. It completes me in some way. I'm not a woman on the inside, or a man. I'm just me. And "me" consists of many male and and many female attributes to my being simultaneously.
And sometimes, not always, I can derive a great deal of sexual gratification from it, too. I think most crossdressers do. It's likely your husband does, too. But it's unlikely that it's the only, or even the primary reason he likes to dress.
Hi koolaidkid. Did I respond to you on another forum? I remember typing a response to you and I don't see it here. In any case, WELCOME! It is great to have you here and that you are trying to get a better understanding of this thing called CDing.
You will find that there are no "one size fits all" answers. Each of us has her own unique feelings, desires, needs, etc. Thus, you will get exposure to a broad (no pun intended) spectrum of thoughts and ideas.
I was almost afraid to come back here and check the input!
Thanks ladies, he read all the replys and it has eased his mind a bit to join the forum.
This site is being so helpful.
welcome , you will find that everyone here brings something different to the party,
when i started it was a just half to try a dress and bra, ( i liked it ,felt great ) then it was sexual gave me a great rush (then guilt,) when dressing decame somthing i thought about all the time, now i dress a little and think about it most of the time and have put balance in my life
others here want to be fulltime girl , (just in dressing ) others are going to get thing cut off, and yet others are going to have things installed , all are here to share , and support
i hope this helps you and him understand (all our members)
Hi Koolaid. Welcome to the forum, and welcome to you husband too. There is a hook behind the door, you can hang you flak jacket on it, you won't need it in here. Just draw up a chair and relax.Quote:
Originally Posted by koolaidkid99
Kudos to you for stepping in. It can be scary and/or exciting, but it is an adventure. Post your questions and have him post his. This space has many people covering the entire gender spectrum. In many cases an individual evolves over time and the answers to your/his questions can change with that evolution. The journey itself can cover the spectrum. Openness, awareness and communication are key ingredients to finding those answers. If either of you feel the need for more one-on-one discussion, feel free to email me. Or pick someone that you relate to and email them. Most are happy to contribute information or life experiences.
The comment of there is no "one size fits all"answer is so true everyone has their own unique reason for CDing.
For me I get to step outside of my normal self into someone else for a while and its a great feeling.
The folks here are very warm and careing and offer some great input into this world.
No we are not all sexual devients or perverts or doing anything wrong.We do it because something inside us all drives us to do so.
I'm so glad you are here and so understanding to your SO that is a wonderful thing.
To dispell a myth you may have heard crossderssing does not mean your husband is gay or mentally deranged.Its just part of his personality thats what makes him special.
Start posting so we can learn all about you two.:hugs:
It sounds like you are nice to him and care about his feelings. A bit of that goes a long way. You sound like a great gal. :drink:
The Sexual aspect of my dressing ended many years ago. Now I dress for the pure pleasure I get from taking on a feminine role. Tell your hubbe he/she won;t regret joining. We are all sisters in common.
For me the feelings are quite powerful, but not really sexual in nature. It's more like the thrill of being who I am and dressing the part.
Your husband is lucky to have you! I'd encourage him to join here because I have found this place to be a God-send. Occasionally there are some deeply philosophical discussions, which are enjoyable and helpful. However, I find the most helpful thing to be reading stories about how others go about their daily lives, and how they integrate their crossdressing into their lives.
You said what I felt better than I could word it TGMaria:)Quote:
Originally Posted by TGMarla
If u think anyone here is anything BUT sympathetic, to your situations, you're mistaken!
There r many TS and TG members here. And 1000's of others, like myself, who dress for any number of reasons!
Just have him read the posts here. He'll feel much better about us, and himself!:)
Well howdy!
No one here is going to flame you so you can relax. There ARE people here that do it because it completes them, there ARE people here that do it for sexual gratification, there are people here that . . . ah hell, there are folks here that do it for countless reasons and we try to welcome them all! :-)
Welcome, this is a place were CDs and GG can be our true selfs without the jugdement of the outside world. Feel free to ask as many question as you like this is a very friendly group of humanbeings. And do have your husband at least read the forum and when he is readly to ,I'm sure he will want to jion the rest of us girls.:love: I'm with Kimberly on this one.
welcome, koolaid. i have a few questions for ya. but before i get to them, i want to give you the respect you deserve for being so accepting. in looking for answers you've shown that you truly do care about him and that you want to understand. you deserve a pat on the back, 1000 times over. we all share a common bond mostly because to many we are misunderstood. and thus, through accepting and helping each other, we all grow closer. i've been on many forums for many years, and this is the first one that i've found that i'm never worried about being judged. it's a beautiful thing.
ok, to the questions. how long has he felt like he was a woman? how far does he want to take the transition process? has either one of you considered seeing a gender-specific therapist or seeking a support group in your area? there is no specific trend or pattern to crossdressing/transgendered people, we are all individuals with many different reasons. the only real way to understand is to get to know him (or her from what it sounds like) all over again. if he is really thinking about changing genders, he not only should, but needs to (required by law) seek counseling. it's nothing bad, but just a way for him to figure out what he wants, and a way to help you understand. once again, i congratulate you on being so accepting and open. welcome to the forum. you will find no flaming here.
For all of us who started experimenting wearing women's clothing during puberty it certainly was physical because wearing something that was "unacceptable" in our minds was very sexually stimulating. We all still occasionally get that sexual arousement no matter how old we are. But as time passes and we come to accept ourselves and not be as guilty about our desires, dressing takes on a whole new meaning. It might be a way to relieve tension or stress, it might be a kind of performance to exhibit or present oneself as being a different personality or, it might be a desire to begin down the road of transitioning to becoming a woman. There are many more reasons than I could possibly think of as each of us a very different but we all share the common bond of wearing pretty feminine things.
It will take patience and understanding on your part and total honesty on his part to even begin to understand what is going on internally and what motivates his crossdressing behavior. Good luck and don't be afraid to return to us.
Annie
We're all the same but we're all different....
Now that's clears it up right??? Probably not....
We're all the sme because we all dress "femme"...we're all different because we do it for different reasons...
I do it because I feel that I am bi-gendered...that is I have a male side as well as a female side. My wife knows about it and is OK with it. At first when I spoke to her about wanting to try it was all over the place and thoguhts it had to do with my bi-sexuality. She's also bi-sexual and we both know of each others' biness....
I've only started dressing since this past March. Anyway we shop together to help each other selelcting clothes and do the girl thing together. I don't try to do it constantly...got to have a balence here...nor do I want to do away with my male sida.
For me it was ackwowledging my female side, accepting it or embracing it and then by dressing I validated it...and really now it has very lettle to do with anything sexual. It's more about letting my female side out and letting Stephanie come out at times to be Stephanie....nothing more or nothing less....
This is a great site with great people here...so sit back (the both of you) and relax and start to know us and we'll get to know you two and we'll all share and learn together....
Best to you both
Steph
My SO has told me he has felt that he was a girl since he can remember. He thought when he went through puberty and had knots in his breast he was finally going to change....unfortunatly he just grew body hair and an adams apple and he was sick about it. He has had to mask his femme side all his life and was a real a-hole some times. It is only now I understand why he was so angry. He did tell me if he was younger and single with all the availabilies there are now he would go to change his physical body to match his brain. But he knows reality won't allow that, especially with our two young boys to raise. He wants to be discrete, there would be too many ramifications to come out in public. He doesn't want to hurt his family. It is a tough spot to be in. He does feel great now that I know. I like this part of him being prominate. It is a unique situation but I am pretty sure we will do fine. With all we have been through in the past...this is a cake walk.:)
With an attitude like this, koolaidkid99, I think you both are going to be fine, too. The most important thing is to love one another for the persons that you are, not the sex you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by koolaidkid99
Your husband's feelings while he was growing up and the conclusions he has reached at this point in his life are not at all unique... that given different circumstances, a different path may have been chosen thought. I have a feeling the the two of you are going to be a nice addition around here :hugs:.
All this deep tought going on I think my brain is on fire!LOL
You two are going to be OK. I think you being so understanding and showing so much love for you husband how can it go wrong?:D