dressing OR sex

Hi everyone, here's my dilema. My life is 99% perfect at the moment, I can dress when ever I want, wife supportive and encouraging, will be having a week away dressed and will attend a transgender weekend next month.

My wife is not in the best of health and as a result of medication her sex drive is extremly low. Although she see's me dressed more than not, and now finds it odd when I am in male mode the dressing doen't help the drive, she has no lesbian tendancies (that she will admit to) so the sex when it is around has to be planned.
We were talking last night about the future and it looks that I will be full timing, so the question came up,what was more important, the dressing or sex, I said if I had to choose it would be dressing, I think I could live with it, but cannot live without dressing.

So you girls who have partners who know about you dressing has this topic come with you?

My GF's exact words were " if you looked any more femme in that dress, I'd be a lesbian" so luckily I don't have to make that choice. I've also been told as long as I don't mess with the plumbing, she's ok with my dressing.

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Originally Posted by stevie b

Hi everyone, here's my dilema. My life is 99% perfect at the moment, I can dress when ever I want, wife supportive and encouraging, will be having a week away dressed and will attend a transgender weekend next month.

My wife is not in the best of health and as a result of medication her sex drive is extremly low. Although she see's me dressed more than not, and now finds it odd when I am in male mode the dressing doen't help the drive, she has no lesbian tendancies (that she will admit to) so the sex when it is around has to be planned.
We were talking last night about the future and it looks that I will be full timing, so the question came up,what was more important, the dressing or sex, I said if I had to choose it would be dressing, I think I could live with it, but cannot live without dressing.

So you girls who have partners who know about you dressing has this topic come with you?

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Your post really caught my attention. I too think of my life as 99% perfect. I can dress most anytime I'd like, but while my wife is accepting, she is less than supportive and encouraging.

It is my observation that the more "dressed" and "girled up" I am, the less likely it will be that we will have any sexual relations. I completely understand that my feminine appearance is not a turn on for her and so in deference to her I constantly tone down my look so it's at least not a turn off to her.

In a perfect world it wouldn't be either or. I'd choose to have it all. But of course it's not a perfect world....And so it goes.

For me, that sounds like fresh apple pie, served cold, without any ice cream on top!:sad:

Of course, I don't have an SO! ( Hmmmm. I wonder if those two things r connected somehow?):eek:

I lived with a gg for 2 years who always wanted me dressed for sex. My second wife found it to be an absolute turn-off, she was totally non-supportive, and very hostile to the idea of my cd'ing. Though she knew about it before we got together. Guess she thought she could change me, I just had to go back in the closet.

I can't help but ask this...

If you are going to bed, you don't normally wear makeup and wigs do you? So I suppose I don't understand why this is a question. In other words, if it is male mode that she's physically attracted to, and the majority of time you have sex at night before going to bed, and you aren't dressed with a wig and makeup, then you really need not choose.

Or am I really missing something here? :doh:

sorry i can't help you. what is sex ?

If I am going to bed to go to sleep, no make up or wigs..but when one ends up in bed...

Can't you both just work something out that is mutually satisfying?
When you told her you'd take cd-ing over sex w/her that's probably not the answer she wanted to hear and I'd assume it hurt her feelings even though you didn't intend that.
I don't get why it has to be one or the other, remember for better or worse, we all have to compromise to a degree sometimes for our SO.

Hope you both can reach a happy median.

For many of us it's not a sexual thing as much as it's an identity thing. I do know of a couple of girls that are concidering full time and possible SRS. They are sexually active as women.

Sounds like she has the concerns of many SO's, if you do go full time will SRS be next and would being with you as a woman make her a lesbian which she is not?

She has a very good point and sounds like she 's looking for some assurance from you. We have set up one night a week for date night with me in butch mode and we do whatever we want to do that is of her desaire (spl?) which gives her the security of being "straight".

As for me looking for sex outside of our relationship as a woman is very very low on my to do list.

HUGS Sandra

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Originally Posted by stevie b

We were talking last night about the future and it looks that I will be full timing, so the question came up,what was more important, the dressing or sex, I said if I had to choose it would be dressing, I think I could live with it, but cannot live without dressing.

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Your wife asked you what was more important, sex or dressing, in response to your announcement that you will likely be full time. Yes, it does sound as if she cannot have marital relations with someone who essentially (if not physically) changes gender. And you did make it clear that given a choice, dressing is more important.

There may be more options, but I only see three of them if you are not willing to compromise:

1. Stay in a marriage of convenience, like room mates, and both forego sex if extra-marital sex is outside of your accepted values.
2. As above, but you both agree to each find sexual partners in tune with what you want. These other relationships hopefully would remain purely sexual, with no emotional attachments. This would complicate things.
3. You both move on from your marriage, and find partners with whom you can be connected emotionally and physically.

Or, as Jess_cd32 said, find a compromise? It sounds as if your wife has already compromised, with her support of your dressing?

Not an easy choice to make. I wish you both all the best.
:hugs:

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Originally Posted by stevie b

Hi everyone, here's my dilema. My life is 99% perfect at the moment

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I truely feel for you ............ your life is about 90% better than mine at the moment and I suspect from your post a whole lot better than your wifes, and yet you want more :Angry3:

I cant help you either as I have both worlds available. my wife enjoys me being dressed

I have been married for a long time, 20+ years. My wife has known about my dressing since before we were married. She is supportive for the most part. There are lines that I don't cross out of love and respect for her. We have made love while I was dressed but it was something she really didn't care for. It really didn't do much for me either. The wig was hot, my mascara ran and I got a run in my stockings. :o Even if I would have liked it, I still wouldn't expect her to do something she didn't like to satisfy my desires. That would be stepping over the line for me.

I have no desire to go full time. I like being a man. My hobbies are all male hobbies.....except one. Your desire to cross dress must be very strong. If I told my wife that cross dressing is more important than sex to me she would be very hurt emotionally, and rightfully so. I would never place my own desires before her well being. She has always been there for me and I will always be there for her. She married a man and she expects me to stay a man. For us, it's all about balance. She accepts, and even supports my cross dressing and I know not to step over the line.

I believe you may have a decision to make. Please be careful. You could end up a very lonely person. Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

[SIZE=2]If you are going to bed, you don't normally wear makeup and wigs do you? So I suppose I don't understand why this is a question. In other words, if it is male mode that she's physically attracted to, and the majority of time you have sex at night before going to bed, and you aren't dressed with a wig and makeup, then you really need not choose.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Or am I really missing something here? :doh:[/SIZE]

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[SIZE=2]DD, I'd love to have sex with my wife while I'm dressed, even better if she were dressed too! For me, "Dressed" in this case would be lingerie only. I agree, a wig would probably be knocked off, make-up would get damaged, and outer clothing would get in the way. But a corset, stockings and suspenders only adds excitement for me, and I love to be caressed through satin. With my wife's current atitude to CDing though, it aint going to happen with her, and with my attitude to adultery, it's DIY or nothing.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Tony[/SIZE]

Funny, I haven't dressed much lately....and sex hasn't been very frequent either..

So for me its Dressing *and* Sex ???

:rose: Roberta :rose:

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Originally Posted by Dragster

[SIZE=2]DD, I'd love to have sex with my wife while I'm dressed, even better if she were dressed too! For me, "Dressed" in this case would be lingerie only. I agree, a wig would probably be knocked off, make-up would get damaged, and outer clothing would get in the way. But a corset, stockings and suspenders only adds excitement for me, and I love to be caressed through satin. With my wife's current atitude to CDing though, it aint going to happen with her, and with my attitude to adultery, it's DIY or nothing.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Tony[/SIZE]

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But if you had to choose as the original poster does? Either dress and don't have sex, or simply don't dress DURING sex?

Personally, I think intimacy is something very vital in a relationship and although you need not have sex to be intimate... it sure helps! ;)

My wife is accepting if I am dressed en-femme during sex. It doesn't work for me unless I'm really into receiving. Playing the masculine part gets too hot too fast, at least so far. Overall, sex is better naked, for me. And, she does not want my "plumbing" to change.

My wife is not accepting. We might have sex every 6 weeks or so. The choice for me is simple. DRESS. Just wish we could do it with me in Femme. But that will probable never happen. Can just dream. Love her but she is not letting me be me.

I really can't believe the love professed here and in the same respect saying if she really loved me, she would so it my way. Relationships are a two way street. If you can't accept her for what she can handle, but you want you SO give you everything. Because she loves you? Where's your love for your SO? Instead of focussing on your desires, why don't you consider your SO's desires.

I know I had a difficult time with being initimate with my SO when he was dressed in the beginning. he was very considerate of my feelings and if I was uncomfortable with something (wig or breast forms) in bed, he would change before we got that far. I really felt loved and respected, so in time, I wanted to be able to show the same love and respect for his desires.

now we do just fine in the bedroom dressed or not. but I will stress that he even if we are making out with him dressed as soon as it progresses to the bed, he will ask me if I want him to change. I can't remember the last time I said yes?! LOL

Wow, thanks for all responses.
Because of her health, my wife has MS, along with the meds sex is a low priority for her. Her worry is that as it was very very important to me, the lack of it now would cause us problems.

I have recently been able to work out my gender and sexual sides, since then sex has not been so important, although nice when it happens.

Going to bed without the slap on etc, I am a bloke, so shouldn't be a problem, but one thing with MS (multiple sclerosis) is it deadens things, there is very low libido, so spontanious intimacy is out. It gets very complicated.

At the moment the queston, if you had to choose what would do, is being talked about for the future.

Couples do split up due to sexual problems, one partner then strays etc. I have no intention of seeking others for sex, our relationship is too important.

It is great that we can talk about all the probelms associated with her health and my CD and all the issues that brings.

I value all your inputs.
Thanks
xx

I agree with MJ, what's sex?

-Paula-

It hasn't come up yet, and I'm hoping it wont.

Not a question that ever came up in my relationships... They were all more the blatant chop or not... Guess I lied to them all... Bad, bad, wicked Lisa.

my wife and i have a code. if she wants to have sex with her husband, she tells me i want a man tonight, if she just says "do me dammit" its cool to be dressed!:heehee:

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Originally Posted by MJ

sorry i can't help you. what is sex ?

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:heehee: :fp:

To answer the original Q. I would give up the CDing for sex anyday. Maybe thats cause I am single and havn't had any sex for over 2 years :straightface:. I have been dressing for many years now, but have never gone farther then my front door with a bra on. And have never come out to tell any one ( other then on here ).

We are in our 50's now, so it's not as important as it was when we were doing it all over the place.
Teresa, hope you get a `do me dammit` over the weekend:).
xx

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Originally Posted by Tiffany8

:heehee: :fp:

To answer the original Q. I would give up the CDing for sex anyday. Maybe thats cause I am single and havn't had any sex for over 2 years :straightface:. I have been dressing for many years now, but have never gone farther then my front door with a bra on. And have never come out to tell any one ( other then on here ).

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just for the record it's been a long time for me over 4 years. finding that special someone is not a priority. thank to hormones i have no drive and my equipment just don't work with in designed parameters anymore :sad:.
besides when everything comes off i look like a wimpy looking guy with boobs anyhow.
and i knew coming in with hrt what would happen. you who can CD have the best of both world so i envy you ..

I would choose dressing if the question ever came up for me.

I don't see sex as being a necessity in a relationship anyways. Sure it's great, enjoyable, and all of that, but it's not needed to still love someone.

I think what you'd want to tell her, is that you chose dressing because it's a part of who you are. And I'd make sure she knows that you LOVE her with all of your heart, with, or without sex.

Hello Everybody

Tiffany i know what it's like not leaving your house and going day after day seeing GG'S dressing in their clothes and looking so beautiful.

i know what your going through However life is so short to Hide and be in secret.

Take a chance go to your TG friendly Location and get some makeup done your nails your feet and dress really up scale sexy. the changes that are made. you will be surprised with the results.

once you'll be made to the illusion of passing for a woman you'll be very happy and FREE

The only person that will know who and what you are is yourself and well of course us too .

but we are all Sisters here

so throw caution into the wind have a good time and enjoy life.

and if some people question you on who you are

Just remember this YOU ARE FREE !!!!!!!!!!

Don't hide anymore go out as the woman in you and enjoy the world.( AS a woman )

Good Luck and Have Fun Sweetie :gorgeous::doll::doll:

Hello Stevie!
I guess the question is then, how does your wife feel? Does she want to continue to have sex with her husband? Does she want to have her husband looking at lest sometimes like the man she married? You married her and became her partner. You owe her a vote as well.

I started to write but I'm not sure what can be said. We are in our 50s as well, and I can't for the life of me imagine sending sex out to pasture! OMG!

Likewise, Tina is not a sexual creature.

I really enjoy Tina, but stack Tina up against my wife's desires and Tina loses. Forsaking all others includes my fem. self! Giving up sex to dress???? OMG...not a chance!

tina

My wife's health isn't that great with Lot's of pains so sex isn't all that often.We have talked about me lightly dressing for lovemaking But that hasn't happened yet.For the most part I just rather just dress.:hugs:
Angie

I think that I am more of the exception than the rule. When I am able to let go and fully dress, I tend to think about sex. But, most of the time, I am thinking about having a male partner. I think that most of that urge comes from the fact that, since I am feeling like a woman, I want a man to see/want me as a woman.

I hope that does not make me a bad person.

We are also in our 50's. Sex for my wife has become uncomfortable for her. We have chosen my Crossdressing as a acceptable substitute for Sex. I have been allowed to further step out, and increase my crossing events as I wish. I truely enjoy the higher level of crossdressing. For me, this has worked out well. I wear nail polish (toes) and panties full-time. Soon, I will have my own Lane Bryant cc. I cant wait to make purchases with my real name on the card..... Susan G

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Originally Posted by MJ

sorry i can't help you. what is sex ?

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I've heard of that, its supposed to be fun... now if I only can find my remote!!!

Sex...Whassat?
It,s been so long since i used him in anger, i use him for stirring my coffee now :sad:

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Originally Posted by stevie b

Wow, thanks for all responses.
Because of her health, my wife has MS, along with the meds sex is a low priority for her. Her worry is that as it was very very important to me, the lack of it now would cause us problems.

I have recently been able to work out my gender and sexual sides, since then sex has not been so important, although nice when it happens.

Going to bed without the slap on etc, I am a bloke, so shouldn't be a problem, but one thing with MS (multiple sclerosis) is it deadens things, there is very low libido, so spontaneous intimacy is out. It gets very complicated.

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Stevie, I could have written that! My wife also has MS, and her body reacts the same way, so her needs are essentially identical to your wife's. The Interferon she takes weekly doesn't help matters, either (although it has likely prevented a further progression of the disease).

My wife knows fully about me and my "identity", and although I don't plan on full time at this time, it could happen and she is okay with that. As far as sex with her goes when I'm dressed, well, I think that my saying "I could have written that" answers that. That said, she has said that I need to be myself and "comfortable" at any time. Any time! There has never been a discussion about me being TG or me dressing when we have had sex, and really, it's not an issue. It doesn't need to be, either. For those of you who are out to your wives, and finding enhancement to your sex lives because of dressing while in the act, well - wonderful! I mean that, there's nothing better than spicing up the bedroom life, but some of us, well, we are who we are, and dressing or being TS/TG/TV doesn't change a thing about our lives or the quality of our lives with our SO.

My wife did say to me, when I came to her, that "it's a good thing I'm a manly girl, isn't it?" I suppose, and it's even better that I'm girlier than she is, too!

Good luck to you, Stevie, and blessings ~~~~ Sara Lynn

I used to have relationships.

Now these days since I am a full tyme transsexual my sex life is rather complicated.

I have certain friends I never screw. Then I have the GG's and TG's I screw and am still friends with....Then there's the men I meet on the internet and where I am just looking to get busted down for one night or something and not really have anything serious.

So due to feeling brokenhearted from lots of failed relationships as a male with females and T girls, my sex life is much different these days and being a TS plays a role in that as well.

I like the idea of not being too attatched to any one person.