My marriage is over too.

I have just read a post about a marriage being over. Well I have been thinking of writing this post for a wile now. My marriage is over too. I have moved to an apartment and I am on my own now. My wife is the one that wanted out. She has been really good about everything and we are doing it without lawyers. The reason she wants out is because of my cding. She does not want to deal with it any more. I can't say as I blame her because I have pushed and pushed until she broke. Until we broke. If there is any good coming out of this it is that I am writing this with my nails painted, My forms are glued on, I have on new pj's that I bought yesterday (wow do they feel good) wile on a GNO in Bangor. I would not have been able to do these things living at home. We already have a court date. And life is going on for the both of us. It is very better sweet and quite a roller coaster ride. But I will survive. Thanks for listening.

Paula, I am so sorry to hear this :hugs:. I hope this is what both of you really want.

Paula,

I'm so sorry. Can only imagine how much that would hurt.:hugs:

Sorry to hear Paula. Relationships are hard enough to keep as it is, add to it that you're CD, and there's a whole new set of issues to deal with that the adverage person doesn't.

Glad to hear you found a little solace in being able to dress at home and are keeping a possitive attitude. Remember, your SISTERS are here for you if you need us.

Take care and good luck with the future. :hugs:

Caroline Emily

Paula, let me add my condolences to those already given, I know it is not easy to go through that even if it is mutual, and harder if it's not. But remember many times life gets better, because you get a chance to find someone that will love you as you are.
Stay strong, and keep looking for that silver lining!
Tina

Hello Paula,

Sorry to hear that it has come to divorce. But it sounds like maybe this is what you both needed. Sometimes people just grow apart and need to start fresh. I am sure that wall will work out well for you. It is also good to hear that you were out for a GNO. I am sure that ther eare alot of friends there that can help you thru troubled times. Wishing you the best.

:hugs:
Raychel

...because I have pushed and pushed until she broke...
Paula, this is so sad. But it sounds as if your CDing means more to you than your marriage. So be it. I hope you find down the road that you made the right choice.

Paula, I'm so sorry to hear about this, and about all the others who've divorced for the same reason.

What seems so sad to me is the idea of divorcing over a preference in clothing. To me it's almost like divorcing because one spouse wants to wear ripped-up tee shirts.

Of course I realize that there were probably other things involved, and that crossdressing can be a trigger for a whole bunch of other things, but it just seems so pointless and sad.

I hope the rest of your life brings you true love and happiness.

Paula,
I'm so sorry to hear this. i know it hurts and you both had some wonderful years together. i hope in time you heal god bless you.
hugs

Thanks everyone. Thanks so much. I'll tell ya it is a bitter sweet thing. Sometimes I am whoo hooing! because I can do what I want and other times I am so sad because I am letting go after so long. It's not easy but we are still on real good terms. She is really great. She knows that I can not stop cding and I seem to be getting more active at it. Like I said about pushing. In a way I did not now I was pushing so hard. Looking back I was. Don't ask don't tell was working real good for me. Not so much for her. We have had a lot of hardships over the years. I thought this was just another one. But with the kids gone, it's like that's enough. And that's enough outa me for now.

So it was just time to go your separate ways?

Well at least this isn't like a nasty breakup.

Paula

I am sorry to hear the marriage is over

You must still be good friends if you can do this without lawyers being involved

I do hope you dont have too many scars from the experience

Sorry to hear about this Paula. It's hard to take change after so many years. I hope this is one of the few stresses in your life right now. You'll need time to figure out where to go from here. Keep in touch and we'll be there for you!

I have recently seperated from my wife of 8 years as well. She wanted me to move out, and she is the one that wants the divorce. She gave me three big ticket items for reasons but the biggest one for her was my crossdressing. She said that it just became too much for her. The unfortunate part for me is that I have my own place now, have lots of time to dress, but have not really been into since I moved out. I have a GG friend who recently found out and she is encouraging me to accept it and to be okay with it. It sucks that both of our marriages are over and that crossdressing played a major role in that decision for our wives. I have to honestly say that I agree with you, if she does not want to except this as part of who I am than so be it and I am better off without her. I have hid this side of me for so long, I need to embrace it instead of hiding it.

Trisha

thats so sad to hear T_T
similarly i got addicted to a video game while dating my GF and we ended up breaking up because of it.

That's so f@#ked up that she'd want to leave you for that. CDer or not, you are still you. She should love you for all of you, not just the bits and pieces that she wants. If she can't then you're better off without her. You will find someone that loves you for the person you are inside, regardless what you wear on the outside. Stay positive. My bunny demands it =:3

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mydia

That's so f@#ked up that she'd want to leave you for that. CDer or not, you are still you. She should love you for all of you, not just the bits and pieces that she wants. If she can't then you're better off without her. You will find someone that loves you for the person you are inside, regardless what you wear on the outside. Stay positive. My bunny demands it =:3

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I couldn't have said it better myself. :hugs:

As I always say to family, and my girlfriend in tough times, I feel the best way to get through them is to focus on the good things, never focus on the negatives!

I think you'll be fine, Paula. You have lots of friends here to support you! :love:

While I cannot say I know how you feel, I know of how you feel. 14 years after I came out and my wife adopted a don't ask don't tell policy she decided to force a purge. Either get rid of it all or go. I did. two years later one of her main reasons for wanting a divorce was, "I cannot accept a man who enjoys dressing in women's clothes". I gave her a convenient excuse...there are always a myriad of reasons for a marriage to end, this was but one of them. We avoided the whole lawyer thing, have maintained a decent friendship, still alone. I sometimes wonder where all of these accepting women are.

Hi Paula, My divorce after 12 years was tough, for about 12 months I felt this sense of total loss.Now I see that the loss I felt was because of my daughter and not my ex wife,who is rather insensitive.It created a new beginning for me and the future holds promise again.You do not have to spend your life with someone at the price of sacrificing your free will.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paulaN

She does not want to deal with it any more. I can't say as I blame her because I have pushed and pushed until she broke. Until we broke.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mydia

That's so f@#ked up that she'd want to leave you for that. CDer or not, you are still you. She should love you for all of you, not just the bits and pieces that she wants. If she can't then you're better off without her. You will find someone that loves you for the person you are inside, regardless what you wear on the outside. Stay positive. My bunny demands it =:3

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Perhaps if Paula had not pushed and pushed as she has said she's done, then her wife may have been able to deal with it a bit more, and they may have been able to work through this.

An update... Last night and today I was depressed and I mean real bad. I cried and cried a lot. I was so depressed I could not shake it. I talked to my wife twice and cried and cried with her. No too her. We are done. That is a fact. I still could not wrap my head around it. I did a lot of things to screw up the marriage that is also a fact. I needed to try and rectify it to try to make amends to ask for forgiveness and to try and start over. It did not work I am sorry to say. The only thing that came out of it was the feeling that I tried. I truly did. I don't know what else to do. I managed to get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon and I feel a little better. So the rollacoaster is still rolling. I have to try and keep a positive attitude and move forward. Maybe tomorrow will be a whoo hoo day who knows.

have a gg who loves me not an image. it really goes both ways. one foot infront of the other a day at a time, hour by hour we move on. "CD HOTLINE". 1888 843 4564. THIS IS A SUICIDFE HOTLINE NUMBER GIVEN TO ME AFTER MY MARRIAGE WENT SOUTH. bigg huggs Brandi

Hi Paula,
I'm happy for you having your new CD life, but sad that it had to come at the cost of your marriage. I hope everything works out ok. Leaving a marriage, even a bad one, is not easy to do. I wish the best to both you and your wife.

Hi Paula. The end of a relationship is never, ever easy and it's rarely just one thing that makes it break. I know you know that. I know you know neither one of you is 100% at fault.

I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry you are in so much pain. It will get better eventually, but that doesn't make the now any easier. So, I'm thinking of you. Hugs.

Paula I'm so sorry, best of wishes to you, and your future, be only as you are a lovely person.

It's nice it's not a nasty doings. Still sorry to hear this news hun.:hugs:
Angie

I can relate and in fact it brings back memories of my divorce, although not for cding. It isn't easy to give, in my case 28 years, of yourself no matter how imperfect you were. And then there is the whole kids thing. Your most recent post, Paula, brought tears to my eyes. I know it's really, really tough right now. The range of emotions are deep and varied. I can't give much advice, but I can say for me it was just as well she ended it. That reality may need time to happen in your case. Married life was not good for me, and that is an understatement!

I hope you both use this forum as much as needed. Also, if their is someone else you can have a physical conversation with that would be good. They need to be a good listener.

My heart is with you. And, I give you a big hug.

P.S.

Thank you every one. Thank you so much. One thing I know for sure you can't find a better bunch of people any where. People have just dropped me a note saying sorry. Lots of you I have never even talked to before. So thanks again.
Well I don't know if it shows, but I am feeling so much better today. I'll tell ya yesterday was so so bad. The last time I was in that kind of shape was when I hit bottom on my drinking. Which I have just celebrated 5 years last week. Woo Hoo!!!!
Today I'm back to my old self (for the most part). Today it is ok to be transgendered. It's ok that my marriage of 31 years is gone. I'm going to be all right. I am looking forward, forward to what I don't know. But looking forward. I know what I can look forward to. I was planing on getting my ears pierced on the day of my divorce. That's what I will look forward to. ttyl paulaN

Hello Paula!
It sounds oh so hard to be ourselves, open to our wives and still stay married. It is my belief (GG's jump in here) that our SO's have the Prince charming, big guy savior mentality about us when we marry and just cannot handle the girl in bed with them later. If the tables were switched, I would have similar problems. I'm so sorry for your turmoil and having to deal with a breakup. Divorces are always bad, no matter how civil. I wish you all the best.

Paula, I feel so sorry for you, I remember well just how bad it was when I separated from my ex. You're going through the most difficult thing anyone can. But remember, this too shall pass. Yes, you are going to feel sad for quite a while, this is normal when a relationship ends. You need time to 'heal'. You will feel better eventually, but it's going to take a while. Hang in there. Enjoy whatever little things in life that you can to cheer yourself up. I wish you the best.