CD's and Depression

After spending a great deal of time reading the various entries on the forums here I begin to wonder it there is a significant link between Crossdressing and spells of depression that have been present on and off for years.

Speaking for myself, I have suffered from chronic depression on and off for much of my life. To this day, I still suffer from spells of minor depression even though I take an antidepressant to control it. The low's just aren't as low as they once were.

Just a thought ladies, any care to comment?

Kerry

Bingo - you win the prize~! I play with depression quite often, sometimes it's fairly over whelming. For instance, oh, right now! :-)

Nope.... I rarely ever get depressed..... never have... probably never will... and if I do.. it has absolutly nothing to do with crossdressing....

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Originally Posted by TxKimberly

Bingo - you win the prize~! I play with depression quite often, sometimes it's fairly over whelming. For instance, oh, right now! :-)

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can we help Kim? :hugs:

Yeah you could well be right Kerry I am feeling very depressed at the moment but that's partly due to my SO of 12 years walking out on me just before Christmas and there is only me & the three cats now and I am finding it very difficult to pick myself back up again. I could dress all day long if I wanted but only wear bra & panties under drab.
I just cant find any enthusiasm for much at the moment guess it still hurts?.

I have noticed that my depression seems to be greater when I'm not dressing. There have been some other issues in the last four years, but before that I was almost never depressed. When I do have a chance to dress, I almost feel guilty for taking some time for myself. I used to dress maybe at least a couple times a week, now I'm lucky to dress once a month.

I'm with Karren. No depression here ever.

I'm at a low spot today, too, Kim. Actually, I've been sliding more and more over the past week or so. I've been on a healthy dose of Prozac for the past 2 years to keep me from having severe panic attacks so who knows how bad off I'd be if I weren't.

I've tried to research and find out if there's a link between crossdressing and (clinical) depression. I haven't found any conclusive evidence, though. My guess is that they not mutually exclusive and that whereas one can influence the other, one does not have to be present for the other to occur. I did find that those who are prone to depression and are also CD's may suffer more severe forms of depression especially if they are restricted in when, where and how they are allowed to crossdress. I believe they called it Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder.

Personally, I think crossdressing is a nice distraction from my depression. I never feel more or less depressed while I'm en femme, I just have something to momentarily take my mind off the depression. I think that's because my depression is chemical-based due to a seratonin imbalance. I still feel the underlying problem; I just have something I enjoy to distract me from it.

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Originally Posted by Cassia-Marie

I'm at a low spot today, too, Kim. Actually, I've been sliding more and more over the past week or so. I've been on a healthy dose of Prozac for the past 2 years to keep me from having severe panic attacks so who knows how bad off I'd be if I weren't.

I've tried to research and find out if there's a link between crossdressing and (clinical) depression. I haven't found any conclusive evidence, though. My guess is that they not mutually exclusive and that whereas one can influence the other, one does not have to be present for the other to occur. I did find that those who are prone to depression and are also CD's may suffer more severe forms of depression especially if they are restricted in when, where and how they are allowed to crossdress. I believe they called it Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder.

Personally, I think crossdressing is a nice distraction from my depression. I never feel more or less depressed while I'm en femme, I just have something to momentarily take my mind off the depression. I think that's because my depression is chemical-based due to a seratonin imbalance. I still feel the underlying problem; I just have something I enjoy to distract me from it.

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Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder sounds about right to me. Have to check with my Dr. next time I get my "head shrunk"

Kerry

I was building up towards a burn-out for several years and didn't realize it. I wasn't depressed during that build-up -- I can't say I was especially happy either, but it wasn't inconsistent with the rest of my life of long hours of demanding technical work and little social activity. Anyhow, during that build-up, although I didn't realize it at the time, I was increasingly often "trying on" some of my wife's clothes; I wasn't wearing them, more like comparing how they would look, seeing what looked good together. I was regularly buying clothes for my wife (and she generally liked my taste), and I think there were some occasions when I flirted briefly with the idea of trying on the clothes to be sure they would look okay on my wife. Amazing how the human mind can kid itself, eh?

But I didn't become a cross-dresser, didn't realize that I wanted to wear the clothes, until after I Burnt Out one Christmas, and not even then until a year of mental and physical hell later before I started treatment for Depression -- didn't realize my interest in cross-dressing until I had been on anti-depressants about 7 months. Interestingly, the anti-depressant I was on at the time has a known (positive) sexuality-related side effects (not an aphrodisiac as such, but people found they enjoyed their sex life more), so it might not be entirely a coincidence: the anti-depressant might have repaired / unkinked / unclogged / whatever, a neural pathway that I already had. Or it might simply have un-muddled my mind in general enough for me to be able to process the idea clearly.

It didn't take me long, though, to realize that getting dressed and going out was one of the best anti-depressants going, much more effective than the drugs I was taking. Without question, the drugs were important in helping me, but especially at the beginning, they had a lot of internal chemistry to repair, and even on the drugs I could be pretty muddled and confused and unable to plan and somehow unable to Just Get Out The Door, and mostly just wanted to crawl back into bed. But once I got the idea to dress up and go out, I could find my (hidden) stash of stuff (it wasn't "too much bother" to do so) and I could put on some cosmetics, and I could choose clothes, and I could get myself out the door to the bus. Even then I might be telling myself "I'm not sure I really want to do this, maybe I should just go home, I'm not really feeling too good" -- it wasn't a Miracle Drug, other than the minor miracle (at the time) of actually getting off my butt and getting out the door to try to do something (especially in the middle of winter.) And not infrequently after I got where I was going, five minutes after I'd arrived, I would be thinking, "This was a mistake, I should have stayed at home, I'm not feeling good, I should just call a taxi and go home and curl up in a ball." But I didn't. And then suddenly, somewhere around half an hour later, I would realize that I might or might not be a bit bored, but that I was thinking clearly and I wasn't confused at all and I could look at everything (my depression was bad enough that I sometimes had "tunnel vision", where I had to block everything that wasn't immediately in front of me out of my perceptions, to get through one step at a time.)

You might expect that going out in a skirt and top (and no wig!) to a local mall, where lots of neighbours or people from work might plausibly show up, would be one of the most nerve-wracking things one could do, but for me, it made me feel normal for a while. And if you've ever been clinically Depressed, you might remember that one of the hardest parts to deal with is the feeling like your misery is never going to end: even on anti-depressants, you can feel like being Sick for-ever is your new reality -- so to go from there to feeling normal by cross-dressing is mojo of a very high order indeed!

I've read a little on the subject. Whatever cross-dressing is, for a lot of men, it acts very powerfully. When not dressing, they may be wracked with feelings of guilt and fear and self-loathing of their "perversity" -- so why would anyone want to go through all of that? And those feelings should get worse when one actually dresses, right? But No: some scientists have done medical studies, and found that when such guys finally dress, that their blood pressure drops a lot, that their brain waves grow much more tranquil, and the stress hormones (e.g., cortazone) in their blood drop quite measurably.

If you've ever been sure that somehow when you cross-dress, that it just feels good in some non-specific way, then you might be absolutely and completely right, that it is affecting your body a lot.


I am not saying that cross-dressing (or repressing cross-dressing) can trigger a depression -- though I do personally believe that repressing cross-dressing could plausibly trigger a medical depression. My experience is on the other side of the coin: that I am certain that for those so inclined, that cross-dressing can relieve depression. (Still: yeah, one doesn't always feel like one wishes to cross-dressing whilst one is depressed.)

I've never been plagued by depression I thin in part becouse I dress.:hugs:
Angie

I had severe depression the first half of my life. I spent a couple of years in mental hospitals and many years on drugs and therapy - including self medication. But, I haven't experienced any significant depression in over 30 years and I've been through it all during that time - divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, deaths of close friends and family members, etc. I've taken no drugs nor seen any therapists. I still have bad days but nothing like the hell I once lived in. I'm just grateful to have been given another chance. I dress a lot more now than I did then. I never wanted to do anything when I was depressed.
:love:

Put me in the camp with Karen. I rarely if ever get depressed. Though I vary in my urge to dress, I am always extra happy when crossdressed. :D :D :D

After I got OUT of the Army and my marriage, anyway!:heehee:
Generally, I'm Mister Evenkeel!:brolleyes:

Strangely enough, I get more down about NOT dressing, when I have opportunity and DON'T, then by anything else these days! :doh:

I dressed today and am on top of the world rite now!:D

I used to experience periods of depression many years ago. This was during a period in my life when I was not accepting of and did not understand why I had the urge/desire to wear womens clothes. I felt that I did not want to do this and wanted to be 'normal' like the rest of the guys I knew. I fought with this for many years until I finally accepted it as just the way that I am and the feelings I had were not ever going to go away. When I learned to accept this part of me my feelings of depression disappeared and my life was changed for the better. I could not be any happier now.

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Originally Posted by Kerrylee61

After spending a great deal of time reading the various entries on the forums here I begin to wonder it there is a significant link between Crossdressing and spells of depression that have been present on and off for years.

Speaking for myself, I have suffered from chronic depression on and off for much of my life. To this day, I still suffer from spells of minor depression even though I take an antidepressant to control it. The low's just aren't as low as they once were.

Just a thought ladies, any care to comment?

Kerry

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Hi, Kerry!

Just to make sure we are talking about the same thing... everyone has highs and lows that are cyclical. Sometimes our highs are really high and sometimes our lows are really low. But we know it is just a part of life.

However, when one hits a low point and it goes on and on and on and it doesn't seem to be getting better, it becomes important that one starts to focus on why things aren't getting better. When one feels very low and doesn't feel like doing ANYTHING, danger signals should be going off. When one feels very low and actually doesn't do ANYTHING like get out of bed or go to work, then it is time to seek professional help.

There can be a number of things causing depression and there are a number of different treatments for depression.

Tess-Leigh describes the very powerful effect crossdressing has on us both as a way to alleviate the depression or to cause depression... Someday some scientist will figure out chemically what goes on in our brains when we crossdress. For many of us our mood is SIGNIFICANTLY altered when we crossdress or when we can't but want to.

For some people there may be a link between crossdressing and depression. However, it may be difficult to determine the cause and effect relationship(s)...

Robyn P.

Let's just say Depression and Despair are old personal friends of mine and yes in part it's because of "This Thing of Ours." I've tried various methods of dealing with it, self acceptance works best, that and the sparkle ponies. But that....is another story.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

I had never had depression, until I lost my wife to cancer in February of 2005. We had been married for 49 1/2 years, and had known each other for over 60 years. She had known about my CD'ing and fully supported me!

That caused me to become so depressed that I, a good Catholic, was actually thinking of suicide!! I have two wonderful children, but I still was thinking about it. Then a totally wonderful darling lady (GG) in Scotland came to my rescue! We started off with email, and progressed to the telephone. She convinced me that my life was more valuable then I thought, and told me that she loved me even though she had never met me in person. So here I am today, still kicking and still dressing.

BTW, I do have a strong philosophy that has carried me through everything except my wife's death! It is a very simple one, and I highly recommend it to everyone. Simply put, it is this! Worry only about the things you can control yourself!! If you cannot affect the outcome, don't worry about it!! Doing so will not change anything!!

Life is great, LIVE IT!!

yes i suffer from depression big time. some days are good but on the bad days well it can be bad ...

I generally get depressed when I go for a long time without dressing. I underdress 24/7 now but it just doesnt do it for me. My wife has recently (last month or so) become more open to talking about it with me and that has helped tremendously. I still need my "gurl" time though and its been almost 2 months since my last outing. I always feel great during and right after I dress.

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Originally Posted by Kerrylee61

After spending a great deal of time reading the various entries on the forums here I begin to wonder it there is a significant link between Crossdressing and spells of depression that have been present on and off for years.

Speaking for myself, I have suffered from chronic depression on and off for much of my life. To this day, I still suffer from spells of minor depression even though I take an antidepressant to control it. The low's just aren't as low as they once were.

Just a thought ladies, any care to comment?

Kerry

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Yeah.......We are doing something that isn't socially accepted that within it's self is depressing enough.. Now add seperated because wife who knew of this before a long 20 plus year marriage and had the power to hold it above you..Oh and lets add the bad times with the economy.. ANY ANTI DEPRSSION PILL TO ME IS LIKE M&M's right now!!! Oh but I get to look forward to dressing again and all by myself because I am so stubborn I will not let anyone I know get envolved in it.. Closets rule right??... Sorry went on a spat...No offence anyone..Hope I don't get fired only thing I have to look forward to is my sh@ty job keeps me sane..

What I've learned from experience, is depression results from many stresses over a long time that make you unhappy. This causes hormone changes and anti-depressants help get the hormones back to normal so you can remember what it feels like to be happy. Then you have to work on your attitude and thinking to keep from getting stressed. Not being 'at peace' with CDing is one stress, not having a good job, happy wife, etc...are all others. They add up, CDing is not the direct link to depression, but it is related.

...something that helps...do something that you know has made you happy in the past. Exercise and sleep is good. And laughing.

I,ve suffered bouts of depression quite often in the past, not always c/d related, but i nearly always found dressing helped me get over it quicker.
Since accepting myself completely for who i am i ,ve actually found i get depressed very rarely now and the depression i do still get isn,t c/d related anyway.

I have had bad periods of depression and was on medication for sometime. I struggle with seasonal affective disorder so if I am going to be depressed, this is the time of year that I can expect it. Now if I go for long periods without dressing I will become depressed just by the emotional repression of my need to expresss my inner self! Since being able to dress at home whenever I want my depressions are few and mild!!

Kelsy:)

I get so terribly depressed when I can't let JoAnne out as much as she needs. I have and still do have to take three anti-depressants a day plus a mood stabilizer. I have had this depression ever since I started CDing as a child - it has grown to include severe irritability, anxiety and suicidal thoughts - the only real relief that I get is when I am dressed to the fullest - it is only then that I feel like who I was always supposed to be
Love,
JoAnne Wheeler

I can not offer the actual statistics right now (at work and can't get on the sites) but there is a connection or correlation between crossdressing and depression. I would be happy to provide some further information on this if the group would like to read more. I just can't view those sites here since they tend to get blocked.

Lauren

Eh, Depression is a natural process, at least for me, of processing unresolved issue's. I tend to let it run it's course. It's like teething children, if I try to medicate or 'deal' with my depression it just make it last longer. Ususally I just revel in it, because tomorrow I will feel diferent. I will say that my depression moments HAVE decrecesed since I found out I was TS. And I went on HRT. That helped a lot. Carol

One night early in our marriage we were playing around and my wife told me she noticed that every time I watched her put on her makeup I would get so excited and interested what and how she was doing it. We were camping at the time in our camper. We were away from home and in a safe place. She asked me if I would like to try wearing her makeup and I agreed. My wife sat me down and started applying her makeup to my face. I asked her if I could also try on her panties she agreed. Well by then end of that session I was forever changed.

I played it off as just one of those things but I suggested more and more often that we play dress up. It didn’t take her long to figure out I was a crossdresser. When she said that I was a crossdresser I got mad and denied for years but still wanted to play dress up very often.

I never thought that I had depression. As a matter of fact I thought I was as far from depression as a person could get. My wonderful wife however does have bouts of depression. She has had treatment for years and she manages it well now.

She noticed how I suffer from mood swings, short tempered, drinking more and more, losing sleep and so on. She noticed I was very unhappy all the time.

I would end up getting blind drunk over and over denying the label of Crossdresser and it was taking a serious toll on our relationship. Finally after one of my meltdowns she told me to just dress and get it over with because she couldn’t take much more. I agreed but she said no alcohol just dress and we will see how it goes.

A few weeks later for my birthday my wife gave me a skirt, top, a pair of heeled sandals and my own makeup bag. We set a time and date for me to dress a few weeks later.

Well the story is long so I won’t go on. It was only after we figured out that when I was having issues coping with crossdressing and not fulfilling the need I would show symptoms of depression. So now when I feel I am slipping I tell her I need to dress and for a week or two I dress often as I need to and then I am good for a while.

I also noticed if I am under stress I have the need to dress more often. I guess just like in Happy Gilmore I have found my “happy place”. What I learned is repressing the need to dress was too hard to cope with and I would self medicate to fight off the urge and that is harder on our relationship than me dressing. It’s been a long time since the last meltdown and I pray I never have another one.

I still don’t like calling myself a Crossdresser but that is what I am. Maybe I will just call myself Brianne. :daydreaming:

I suffer from depression, I really don't notice it but my SO does. Not sure if there is a link between depression but I know at some of my darkest points in life I normally dressed to feel better.

I occasionally feel a bit depressed, but I find a good cry helps. Generally, I'm a pretty cheerful person.

The only exception was a number of years ago when I was going through some extreme stress at work and having heart-palpitations as a result. My doctor put me on Xanax, which caused me to become depressed and suicidal. I gave away a ton of stuff that I wish I had back and nearly wrecked my marriage. When I took myself off the drug I started having all sorts of withdrawal symptoms, but nothing as bad as being on the drug itself.

I'd say that contrary to some others here, crossdressing has made me feel better about myself rather than worse. Especially so now that I've come to accept it as the precious gift that it is.

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Originally Posted by Kerrylee61

After spending a great deal of time reading the various entries on the forums here I begin to wonder it there is a significant link between Crossdressing and spells of depression that have been present on and off for years.

Speaking for myself, I have suffered from chronic depression on and off for much of my life. To this day, I still suffer from spells of minor depression even though I take an antidepressant to control it. The low's just aren't as low as they once were.

Just a thought ladies, any care to comment?

Kerry

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Agreed, for those of you registered with these forums ( mental Health issues,) I recently wrote an a post concerning S.A.D.S ( Seasonal affective disorder Syndrome) and depression and crossdresiing. I suffer from a triple whammy. SADS, Bi-Polar, and adult A.D.D. Really F****d up. Thank God for DRUGS
( the legal kind..... scripts.):straightface:

I don't get depressed, I get a down feeling sometimes, but just getting dressed or taking a walk in flats brings me right back up.

I think that crossdressing can be the reason for depression. Sometimes I feel guilty about my crossdressing. Especially when I think about what a family member might think. Earlier in my life when I did not have a lot of insight on my dressing, the feelings I would encounter were guilt, shame, self loathing, and feeling like I cannot fit in. But now I know that I am not diffrent than everyone else. So these feelings have faded.
One the other hand dressing is something that I use to relax. Someone else in one of the posts in this thread stated that studies have shown that crossdressers experience lower blood pressure and steadier brainwaves. I can actually feel more relaxed when I am dressed. So to me this is a healthy.
I also think that depression can stem from the frustration that some of us may feel. We all have diffrent situations in life. Some CD's are single and live alone which makes dressing easier. And some of us have families which can inhibit our dressing time. But I understand that there are many factors that can make a person depressed and it is not limited to crossdressing. Although it can be a major factor.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer Giovannetta

I also think that depression can stem from the frustration that some of us may feel.

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I think for this purpose it might be good to distinguish between "prolonged unhappiness" and "clinical depression". I've taken to referring to the latter as "Depression" with a capital D, to indicate the medical condition. My Depression (what I referred to as "burn out" earlier) hit me six years and two weeks ago. For close to a year I had no idea what it was that was wrong with me, but I didn't manage to get to work much (but fortunately I could work from home), and talking myself into going out the house door even to go to the corner store (3 houses down) was difficult, and I was really confused a lot of the time, like a big mental fog... I had a really hard time initiating anything -- like if someone asked what time I wanted to do something, I couldn't answer, but if they gave me a choice of particular times, I could pick one. And I was sleeping a lot and when I did get up, I might be fine and perky for 45 minutes to 90 minutes and then would suddenly feel that I had to go back to bed RIGHT NOW, barely making it across (short) hall in my house before I had to sleep. And more...

Depression in the medical sense has to do with serious brain chemistry imbalances (though whether the problem is with the transmitters or receptors varies with the individual), in which your body just cannot process stimulus at the rate it comes in -- which is hard on your body, and can lead to big panics. It can be really really hard on you. I refer to the year after it cropped up on me and before I accidentally figured out what I had, as my "year of hell". It wasn't just a little frustration in my life -- it was mood swings in a fraction of a second, being angry with my wife over the most trivial things, being helpless much of the time, and worse. I was really getting better this summer (after 5 years of treatment) but for various reasons not worth getting into here, have been worse again since the summer.

For me this is a very interesting post. Not only because I earn a living working with people who have mental health difficulties - many of whom have a clinical depression - but because I have had first hand experience of clinical depression myself.

For me, my episode of depression was as a result of being the subject of a number of significant stressful events simultaneously this included the loss of a much loved parent, being bullied on a work based placement from university and the stress of having to do academic projects whilst working full time on the placement and the financial pressures of being a student. I had a time on SSRI's which caused some tolerable but undesirable side effects. Cross-dressing was a part of the problem - social pressures caused by some morons trying to marginalise and persecute me for dressing. It was also a part of the solution as it provided a means by which I could escape down the rabit hole and into wonderland.

I feel that we need to clear up the difference between an episode of depression and the normal incidence of low mood. Everybody will at some point in their life have times when their mood is lower than others. This is quite normal. If you read the fact sheet on depression at

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealt...epression.aspx

it explains the difference between a clinical depression and general low mood in a much more eloquent way than I would. An important aspect for many people with depression is that they at least wonder about life's value. A sizeable minority will contemplate suicide and fewer still will begin to make plans concerning how they will carry out the act. For those people in the last group the remedy will generally be psychotropic medication and a (hopefully brief) stay in a mental health hospital (I presume that this is the same in other parts of the western world not just Britain and more specifically England and Wales.)

Generally if you have a clinical depression you will have at least five of the following symptoms'


You will:*
Feel unhappy most of the time (but may feel a little better in the evenings)
Lose interest in life and can't enjoy anything
Find it harder to make decisions
Can't cope with things that you used to
Feel utterly tired
Feel restless and agitated
Lose appetite and weight (some people find they do the reverse and put on weight)
Take 1-2 hours to get off to sleep, and then wake up earlier than usual
Lose interest in sex
Lose your self-confidence
Feel useless, inadequate and hopeless
Avoid other people
Feel irritable
Feel worse at a particular time each day, usually in the morning
Think of suicide.
The link between feelings of low mood or depression in some people who cross dress could be explained by Maslow's hierarchy of needs

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%...archy_of_needs

To Maslow there is a need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance - an essential need. We have a need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and Clinical depression.

Given these basic needs it is not surprising that people who are rejected socially((to many of those posting here to mention), are sometimes persecuted (that's me) for their actions have feelings of loss (Stephanie. You not only lost your partner but also a source of suppport - double whamy) The 'socialisation effect' of cross-dressing can result in feelings of guilt (how many of us have been there?) How many of us have been in the closet for extended periods of time (or are perhaps still there) and why is that? Do these very same factors not cause us to feel isolated and alone, that society is generally against us?

There is empirical evidence which proves a link between isolation and depression.

Some people feel depression as a consequence of not being able to dress, others because they dress. It can easily be seen that there are social factors at play in both these cases. Personality also has a big part to play in whether we get depressed or not that's why some people who have posted here can say never ever whilst many others can say yes I do get depressed. My general observation is that compared to the general average, there is a higher incidence of depression amongst cross dressing men than the average for men in general – though of course this isn't backed up by research (to my knowledge).

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Nope.... I rarely ever get depressed..... never have... probably never will... and if I do.. it has absolutly nothing to do with crossdressing....

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Given the above brief overview I have to say sorry Karren but I think that for many cross-dressing men (sorry girls) there is a pre-disposition towards clinical depression as a consequence of their need to dress together with social pressures that they encounter (their dressing behavaior is a triger to the depression.)

Could bang on about this for ages more but I thnk that the general point has been made, though not quite Q.E.D. I'm sure there is enough here for now. :hiding:

Thank you Anne-Marie! My eldest son was diagnosed with depression when he was in high-school, and I was diagnosed a few years later. As he put it, "people think it's like on the Simpsons or something, where being 'depressed' means you are like a teenage girl sitting around feeling down, 'I want to stop living', 'I hate my life', etc but it's not. You just can't move!"
After I resumed dressing a few years ago, I learned that this son also had been dressing. We believe that there is a relationship between the two, not necessarily causal, but a correlation. There have been a number of older threads on this subject, and I believe that my hero, Karen, is more the exception than the rule.
The distressing aspect that I see here is that many gurls blame their depression on their dressing, and there have been a few posts where 'professional help' has re-inforced that punitive attitude.
I am one of the happy persons for whom antidepressants are very effective. For me, being depressed was being exhausted, not being able to get to sleep, not being able to wake up, not being able to have clear ideas, etc. At the moment, I continue to take my meds, although I may not need them. w

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Originally Posted by julimac2003

Yeah you could well be right Kerry I am feeling very depressed at the moment but that's partly due to my SO of 12 years walking out on me just before Christmas and there is only me & the three cats now and I am finding it very difficult to pick myself back up again. I could dress all day long if I wanted but only wear bra & panties under drab.
I just cant find any enthusiasm for much at the moment guess it still hurts?.

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[SIZE="3"]I just said a prayer for you, Julimac. Trust things are better.

Gennee[/SIZE]

About 4 years ago, depression hit me (in part manic depression). Only then did I realise what depression really was - it's more than just feeling depressed! Anyway, I think my depression was brought on by meds (I'd been on them for about 6 months at the time). Never had depression before, so can't blame the CDing. The depression reduced once I was off the meds and I was taking more exercise (to combat the depression). Gradually, it went away - usual ebb & flow - but came back again in the last few months, although not quite so severely as in the past.

What was most interesting (???) for me was that the depression seemed to greatly increase my desire to CD, but that the lack of opportunity then increased my depression.

Previously, I never had a great urge to CD fully, but now I do, and I've found that I want to not only dress fully, but want to remove all my body hair too - and I've got lots of that. :sad: Whilst I've never liked body hair when dressing, it's never before bothered me in male mode. Now, I'm obsessed with removing it, but don't know how to do this without affecting the rest of my life. Being older and going grey quickly, I feel pressured to make a quick decision whilst laser removal is still viable (for most of the hair anyway). Think I've got to follow this path - regardless of the consequences - but would have rather been in this position years ago, when perhaps I could have adopted a more gradual approach.

Apologies for the long post!

Depression, GAD, suicidal ponderings, stress...yeah, I think I've got something. The only thing is that I think my crossdressing desires were designed (pre-ordained before birth) to comfort me...not exactly become a result. But that's me.

Thank you for the post Anne Marie, it was very informative. I have also dealt with episodes of depression, and like many of you have mentioned, I also find comfort in CDing when I'm in a low mood.

When I had depression the effect on me was that I just could'nt see any point in living, difficulty concentrating, poor sleep pattern, difficulty remembering and deliberate social issolation. It was really hard to function normally. My GP prescribed SRRI's (Sertraline - branded as Lustral) took about 3 - 4 weeks to begin to work, this is typical and I tollerated it quite well with few side effects. Worked well for me.

I know from my mental health practice that there is no one size fits all sollution to this with meds, either the type of meds, the dose, side effects or if theywork at all or not. This is also true with depression and cross dressing for some the dressing will have a link with low mood with others again like me the feeling that I can leave my male life and difficulties behind for a while helps me displace the stresses I have in my male life. I have also felt driven to cross dress since about age 12 and dressing provides the relief I need.

Its also become accepted with professonals that a combination of talking therapies and medication are more effective than either type of intervention on their own.

I'm due to do some training on mindfulness meditation and relaxation and this is supposed to be effective for releaving stress. I'll perhaps post when I've done this if I feel it would be helpful to people.

Jennifer, I've added this bit for you hun, hope it helps. First the bad news. For you, if you do have Bi-polar (affective) disorder the chances of full recovery are much less than for uni-polar (depression) but I didn't quite understand what you were saying as you will either have the condition or not??? - By the way I always use the affective part as its a mood disorder and thats what this means but its really old hat and is ofted dropped thes days. It is however a treatable condition and provided you look after yourself, refrain from over indulging in the alcohol frame - this is often a real problem as people try to use alcohol to self medicate, just dosen't work but sometimes feels like it does, which is why people do it, but sets you back even further and deepens depression, also stops meds working properly - and remain compliant with any meds prescribed (these will often take a short while to begin to work correctly) you should be able to function normally with minimal symptoms. Its just that people with uni-polar often make a full recovery and a sizable amount will never be troubled again i.e. they a cured. With you this will probably not be the case. As a final point try to avoid stressful situation as stress is a major trigger factor to both the depressive phase and mania, or its leser cousin hypomania - this being the phase which is most likly to cause you to need in-patient care (and I'm sure you don't want that hun). Do you know what type of Bi-polar it is (type I of II).

I've edited this to put the above and three links on for you which I hope will help you understand you condition (if you don't already) and get/maintain better mental health. Hang on in there girl!

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealt...rdisorder.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Bipolar...hat-is-it.aspx

http://www.healthyplace.com/communit...FQtZHgodjE5HDQ

Never had depression and been at this for about 50 years. I have several friends who suffer severe depression but they're not cross dressers (I don't think!).