How should I come out to my mom/ added how did you come out

I want to come out about crossdressing to my mom so i dont hv to live in secrecy and i can dress alot more but i dont know how i should.Some of my ideas are:

1:Dressing up and then showing her when where only ones at home.

2: Just telling her (but im to scared to do that.)

3:Getting caught on purpose (basically same as 1)

4:Making a bet where i hv to wear womens clothes for some time that way she doesnt really know and me losing on purpose.

and last one 5: Telling her im curious of how girls clothes feel and then dressing up like one and sayin i would like to do so more often.

so which idea should i take or do u hv any ideas for me that might be better i appreciate all help.

Ive always had a good relationship with my mom and she may already know but im not sure.

Please no games...the taa daa is not fair to your mom.
You need to talk and explain.That just makes for a shock if she doesn't have a clue and be easier to talk if you just wore what you normally wear and the focus would not be on clothes. You can show her if she wants to see just don't start it out that way. Make sure you are truthful and answer her questions the best you can if she has questions. Just start it out telling her you need to talk to her about something important and just try to explain the best you can. Also try to find time where you will have time to talk without interruptions. You can do it. Best Wishes

Just tell her... That's what I did and she was ok... Not ecstatic, but ok...

If you have a good relationship with your mom already, and you truly feel comfortable sharing this with her, then maybe try to just initiate a conversation about how you feel in regards to crossdressing. It's not a condition or disease, but rather a part of you that you enjoy and celebrate and have chosen to share.

Things to consider before hand:

1) How open-minded is your mother?

2) If she is not accepting of this, how might it affect your standing in the household? This depends greatly on your age, level of maturity, and ability to support yourself outside the house in a worst case scenario.

3) If she attempts to correct what she sees as an illness or psychology disorder (your cding) - how will that impact your life, relationship with your mother, relationship with your family?

My mother would most certainly not have been accepting if I had come out to her when I was still living at home. Both of my parents would have sent me to therapy, thrown the Bible at me, and taken measures to man-me-up, so to say. I would have gotten more messed up in the head than I already was at the time.

Get a sound game plan together and when you've figure out the best way for you to come out to her and considered the potential things that can go wrong, sleep on it for a few more days. Let everything sink in to your head. Once you come out, there's no turning back. If things don't go well, you're stuck with the fallout.

I hope your coming out turns out well for you though. I would love to hear a story about a supporting mother. :)

Good luck.

I started the conversation with the weather. I said it was so cold out my legs were freezing when I went to work and that I tried long underwear but then it was too hot at work. I remember saying that women had it easy. They can wear pantyhose. She said I should do the same. That was it and it grew from there.
Good luck.

Moms are a very special,loving and caring.
And there wisdom is endless! And in todays world you may get a big suprise.
i
I told my mom years ago we are even closer now than ever she's my best freind.

Just tell her the TRUTH - it is better
JoAnne Wheeler

I have to agree with others that have asked how old you are. This could very much influence your relationship with her in the present and future if you are still living at home etc. You could just try talking to her and asking her questions that will get you answers which will give you insight to her attitude about crossdressers. Once you have that, you can determine if she will be accepting of your desire or not. I was fortunate when I came out to my mother, I managed to get myself "caught", but then I knew her attitude about life in general so I was pretty sure she would understand and accept.

Kandis:love::rose2:

You could watch an episode of the Springer show when they have Cross Dressers on there and jokingly asked how she would react if you were to dress,"like that"? as long as you didn't drag (no pun intended) her on national TV or do it around her friends

Curious to know how old you are as well...that could very much determine alot in approach to the subject. I can't speak for everyone but telling my mother something like that at 16 would be very different than telling her at 25 when she has more of the "your grown attitude and have to live with your choices" attitude more so than when i was a teen or younger adult. Now at 35 she'd probably wouldn't be as shocked, but would have her preferences!!!

Now some people can manage being thrown into the pool and just deal with the cold water until it warms up, others like to ease in...but the wrong introduction to the cold water can ruin the swim for anyone. Take care in choosing the right path and observe how your mother enjoys introduction to anything new in her life.

And with anything talking to your mother should be taken with the same care and respect you would want in your parent talking to you about any serious issue they had to manage.

first tell mom i have something to tell you . that way you can't chicken out. just sit down with her and talk to mum.
if you have pictures have them but don't show them unless mum wants to see you. know what to expect be ready to answer her questions.
and let her know how much you love her and care for her..
it's never easy and there's never a good time .
don't Evan think about jumping out of the closet fully en femme people die of heart attacks that way

Write her a letter. Tell her what you feel, including your fears of rejection. Be truthful. No games, no half truths.

Stay with her whilst she reads it. Tell her you will answer honestly any questions she has.

Be prepared for tears - hers and yours.


Good luck

When I decided to get the "girl" job and be out in the public. This is when I decided to tell my brothers and my mother. My dad unless my mom told him, does not know.

I did have a slight lump in my throat when I told my mom, I must admit. And she is very religious and states that God will cure me. I have told her that this has nothing to do with God but the way we are born and she should have no regrets of how I turned out. She did know of my crossdressing when I was younger and did catch me a few times. She even took me to our family doctor but I was to scared to talk to him. So my mom thought I would grow out of it and besides I did like girls.

As you can tell by many members that some TG's are married and interested in girls, so many parents overlook the "condition" that we live everyday.

My mom after I told her wanted to see a picture. So one day I brought her a picture and she wanted to know who the girl was and if she was my "NEW GIRLFRIEND". I told her "NO" mom, "THAT'S ME". She looked at it again and then at me.

I think moms would take our TG life better than our dads in the long run.
Hugs,
Tamera

Sometimes I use a letter to tell people things that are hard to say. You can often say things more clearly in a letter than you can verbalize. As suggested give the letter to your mom and wait till she reads it, and then answer her questions.. Foremost pray first before talking with her..:battingeyelashes:

Just sit down and have a talk, I am willing to wager that she already knows or suspects.

This is what i did to clear the ground for my future assault (outing myself completely).

Yes start by always complaining about how disinterested u r in the demands put on u by the society as a man/guy and tell her how much u envy women on how easy their life style is, and how u love how they carry themselves and most especially their fashion sense...........tell her that u wish u r nt a guy some how and see how she reacts.

I use this tactic not to come-out to her but to justify why she noticed some traces of nail polish on my nails, after telling her almost all the things i mension above with the exception of the last part "wish u r nt a guy somehow". She laughed and told me how difficult it is in being a woman we actually talked about why i keep my hair longer than usual and she jokingly recommnd that if i like i can plate the hair just like the rappers do and wear bright colored shirts and paint my nails but concluded that the reaction i will get from the public might make me want to change my mind.

Good luck.

I am in my 40's and my wife knows but telling my mom would devastate her. If your young you might want to find a close genetic girl friend and tell them first. This is a tough decision and I don't have the right answers.

I would like to come out to my mom so i would like to hv some help and i request that all of you tell me how you came out, when, how you were dressed at the time, and some questions that were asked just tell me this plzz

I had done a complete purge and did not dress for several months, I felt worse and worse about the situation and went on a thrift store rampage. I knew the only way to get past the guilt and purge cycle was to come out. I carefully began to hint about it to friends and family. When I finally came out to my daughters they told me they had known for years. I only had one bad reaction when I told my best male friend. Took him a couple of months to get beyond it and see I was the same person in a different wrapper.
As both of parents have passed I don't know quite how to answer that part of it. What is your mother's opinion on it? I started out by telling about going to a CD show at a local club and gauged who to tell on how they reacted. Many people assume if you dress you must be gay or bi, not true of course. Start out slow and realize that it may end up being a don't ask don't tell situation.
Good luck,
Khelli

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Originally Posted by Alessandra

I would like to come out to my mom so i would like to hv some help and i request that all of you tell me how you came out, when, how you were dressed at the time, and some questions that were asked just tell me this plzz

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Alessandra,

My Mom and I had always been close, and she's an open-minded, compassionate, loving person. I was in my late 30's and had never had a long-term relationship (been rejected by GG's after I told them of my "femme side"), and in my mind I thought that my mother had questions as to why. I sat her down and told her to let me say what I needed to say and ask questions afterward. After explaining everything, I asked, "Do you have any questions ?"

All she said was, "No. I just want you to know that I love you, I have no problems with you being a crossdresser, and as long as you are happy.....I am happy."

We hugged and cried for a while, but it's all good to get it out in the open with her (the rest of my family ?.......I don't think it'll ever happen).

You know your Mom better than any of us, so only you can make the decision when and/or how you tell her, but if she is anything like my Mom, she'll be OK with it and still love you as she always has.

Good luck with everything, hun. :hugs:

I'm coming really close myself to telling my mother , just so it would make things easier.
Only thing that is stopping me is my fear of getting too close to people (I know its stupid , I dont know why).
I think my mother would be accepting, but I think thats what scares me off,
I only really feel Like telling her when she is in a bad mood with me :S Its screwed up, I know, But I'll hopfully tell her soon,
Ill share it with anybody who asks, but to my mother I think its abit hard.

I have posted this previously, but since it was asked again, here is my coming out story.

Was I sneaky? I suppose for the first several years I was sneaky about going into my mom’s and sister’s rooms and wearing their clothing, I would do it every chance I got. Mom and Dad both worked so when I was home from school due to illness I had the full day to dress up and have fun in their clothes. I recall one day where I almost got caught by my sister, I had decided that I needed to experiment with her make-up as well as wearing her clothes. I hadn’t thought about how to remove it though, I scrubbed and scrubbed and thought I had gotten it all off, but when she got home from school she saw trace of her blue eye shadow on my eyes. She never said anything about it, but I wish she had, it would have been nice to have an ally, then again, she could have become my worst enemy as well. I have since lost touch with her and really wish I could connect back with her so I could talk to her and maybe repair things between us. (What happened there is another thread entirely I won’t go into now).

Those first years of sneaking around became wonderful memories, but the time came when I wanted some items that were “mine” so I kept a watch on the laundry and their dressers to see what items were not worn EVER, and made my choices of some nice panties from my sister, a bra from mother, pantyhose, slip, and a body briefer from mom. I had never seen these particular items in the wash and they were always in the back of the dresser drawers so I figured they would be safe items to remove and keep as my stash. Well, I hadn’t put much thought into where I would keep them so I put them in the bottom of my pajama/underwear drawer. Mom worked for Johnson & Johnson Personal Products Division so there were always samples of items in the bathroom, so I took a sample package of Carefree Panty Shields, lightly scented for that more feminine feeling (still wear them daily now along with my panties and pantyhose), and had them stashed in the dresser drawer as well.

Mom usually did laundry and would, on occasion put our stuff away, either that or she was just a nosy person (not my real mom but technically my second cousin, her mother was my great grand-mothers sister and I was “adopted” by them for a brief period [10 years], of my life). Anyway, I had spent all day at school fantasizing about when I got home and would be able to put on my bra, panties, pantyhose, slip, and body briefer. When I got home from school, I immediately went to my room to change and when I opened my dresser, the clothing was gone. I went to see if I could find it again, sure enough it was all sitting on mom’s dresser. She never said anything to me about it, but eventually I got tired of sneaking and hiding and I wanted lingerie and feminine clothing of my own. I figured the best thing to do was to tell her, or rather allow myself to get caught with my pants down showing her panties and pantyhose.

I prepared myself as she and I were the only ones home, I went to the laundry room and took some of my sisters panties and a bra off of her stack of clean & folded laundry and snuck into her room and took a pair of pantyhose and put them all on underneath my sweat pants and sweat shirt. I went out to talk to her in the back yard and asked her some generic questions to get a feel for her mood and then we went inside. As we were walking into the house and heading upstairs, I was taking off my sweat suit and asked her if she ever wondered why I had her clothing in my dresser. She said “no”, I said “Well, this is why” and I tossed my sweats over her shoulder and stood there wearing nothing but a bra, panties and pantyhose. She of course over reacted and decided that I was sick and needed therapy and that was the end of that.

Six months later I left there and moved back with my real father and mother and went back into hiding until I again decided that I wanted to have some stuff of my own. This time I would do it right, mom (my real mom) was much more understanding and open about things so this time it would be different. Once again I set myself to be caught. I knew that mom would be the first one to come home and so I went into her room and dressed myself in her bra, panties, and pantyhose underneath my bathrobe. I have very pale skin and my socks only came up to the mid calf range and my robe stopped about two inches above the knee. This means there was an area of about 5 inches of my legs exposed and the suntan pantyhose were QUITE noticeable. I heard her keys in the front door and timed my exit from her room with the moment she was in the apartment and closed the door behind her. She saw me coming out of her room and asked “What are you doing in my room”. “Nothing” I said, I can see her eyes move to my legs and she asks me with a knowing smile “What are you wearing? You have a box of your sisters bras in your closet (I was storing them there for her honest, [besides, they didn’t fit me]), and now this”. I smiled and said “No, I don’t have a box of bras, only one”, and I opened my robe exposing myself wearing her underwear. She smiled and said “Well, you know you can’t just walk around in a bra and panties, let’s find you something to wear over them.” With that, we went back into her room and she proceeded to find me something to wear over the top of the lingerie, and she gave me permission to wear her things until we could go shopping and buy me some of my own as long as I washed all of her things before I returned them. Now, she gives me lingerie and femme clothing as gifts, and she calls me her daughter as well as her son.

Kandis:love::rose2:

For the sake of brevity, I'm not reading other replies here.

My simple advice is to just say it. I mean, you can lead up to it and all, prepare her, maybe even beat around the bush a bit to try to gauge how here reaction will be. For example, try to figure out how she regards the gay community in general, as we're often considered (and I consider us) to be part of that. That would be my best advice.

I would say if she is open and accepting of the gay community, she shouldn't have that much of an issue with it if she can process it. Assuming you are, emphasize that you're straight, still identify as a male, and are still her son. If not, you should figure out how to break it into stages. I mean, these things could be a lot to handle for some people.

I mean, I dunno what else to say, but hopefully you'll be able to put some of this together.

Since you seem interested, I have not come out to my parents or any of my parental figures. My mother is not in my life as she was an abusive druggie, and if I tell her anything ever again, it will be something along the lines of "Start praying."

My gf knows, my best friend knows, and my cousin's gf knows. My gf helped me get started and bought me a great deal of my clothing. My best friend is a lesbian and she came out to me, so I figured it only fair that she be the first person to know who didn't "have to know." My cousin's gf is a sweetheart and gives me a good bearing on some things in life. Coming out to all these people wasn't as hard as I'd imagined.

I'll never be coming out to my dad, it'd kill him, honestly. So that's where I stand.

When I came out to her, it wasn't so much that I even wanted to. I was in my mid-20's and living at home and because I spent a lot of time in my room and not watching her same tv shows, she assumed that I must be on drugs. With my mom, you have to understand that we're all supposed to like exactly the same things as her no matter what- we're all supposed to be her clone. Anyway, one day she went snooping through my closet to find these supposed drugs (of which, I've honestly never touched drugs...ever!) and instead she found my boxes of heels, makeup, clothes, wigs, etc. When I woke up one Saturday morning, she called me into the living room and told me what she found- which in turn, caused my admission. My mom, with her skewed views on life, thought that me dressing as a girl was far worse than if I was on drugs, or if I was out raping women or molesting kids. Yes, you read right, CROSSDRESSING IS WORSE!! Go figure that one...

I agree with everyone else, in that you should tell her.

My mom suspected for years and I got busted a few times and covered it up with some lame excuse. However, I officially got caught when I was about 14 I was in karate class and had on one of her leotards under my karate outfit and was sparring and I was exposed, my mom had finished with her karate class and was watching me fight when she saw I had on one of her leotards. We had a long talk and it took her a few months before she officially accepted her son was a CD.

Geoff

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Originally Posted by cindym5_04

When I came out to her, it wasn't so much that I even wanted to. I was in my mid-20's and living at home and because I spent a lot of time in my room and not watching her same tv shows, she assumed that I must be on drugs. With my mom, you have to understand that we're all supposed to like exactly the same things as her no matter what- we're all supposed to be her clone. Anyway, one day she went snooping through my closet to find these supposed drugs (of which, I've honestly never touched drugs...ever!) and instead she found my boxes of heels, makeup, clothes, wigs, etc. When I woke up one Saturday morning, she called me into the living room and told me what she found- which in turn, caused my admission. My mom, with her skewed views on life, thought that me dressing as a girl was far worse than if I was on drugs, or if I was out raping women or molesting kids. Yes, you read right, CROSSDRESSING IS WORSE!! Go figure that one...

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Your mother wouldn't happen to be Rick Warren, would she?

Hi Alessandra,

Your Mum is your Mum and you are her son. Don't ever forget that that and cherish that relationship. Don't even try to dress in front of her for now. She will need time to accept what you are saying. My Mother phoned up the Samaritans when she heard! So keep it low key and develop it over time,

Good luck,

I agree with others that you should tell. However, this is not only hard to do, but you should be prepared with answers to some of the questions that others spoke of. Also, if you do tell her, you should be prepared for the worst case scenario. You know what that is----just check your own mind.

The question about whether to tell her is interesting. If you planned on cding in a more minor way, I would debate on whether she needs to know at all, except for the fact that if she does find out, accidentally, she could be more upset that you didn't trust her with this part of your life. It sounds like you are planning on more, and it's (or you want it to be) a big part of your life. So she is GONNA know, so best to be up front. On the positive side, she could end up being your biggest supporter, if not immediately, than over time. It sounds to me that since you do have a good relationship that you want to tell her, but may be just too nervous to do so.

Good luck, and best wishes.:hugs::hugs:

Well here is how I tell people if they don't already know, AND if it is a long time acquaintence-
If they bring up the subject of CD or whatever, I will make a comment that suggests that I am also and they they usually ask "Are you CD....?"

Like this little chat I had a couple weeks ago with a now ex-friend -

Ex-friend - "...having a friend who is a crossdresser, that would be cool"
Me - "Well you have one"
Ex-friend - "Say what? You are a CD?"
Me - "yes I am, and no I am not joking"

So maybe my approach is different but I don't bring it up with the "I have something I want to tell you" starter, I wait til it comes up and mention "By the way..."

That way you can tell people news without having to say it, they will ask you.


And my experience - With my real mom, my wife told her, and it didn't phase her one bit.

I would wait till some talk show was talking about cross dressing as a topic (springer nails this topic regularly) and then judge how she thinks of this behavior and decide if you should tell her..

Carly's idea is good, if you can find one at the right time in the right place, but that would probably be difficult...plus the fact that Jerry's shows usually offer mere caricatures of whatever the theme of the day is---and those are usually most unflattering, to say the least. Use a documentary or some other show with an honest straightforward approach if you are so inclined, or rent a movie.