Advice on going to events

Hey Guys,

I’m writing here because I’m a little confused. One of my favourite idols, Sister Roma, has announced that she is coming down to Sydney, and I expressed interest to my wife in going to see her. There’s a few events that she’s going to, but since im really not a party animal I’ve decided to see her at a simple meet and greet at the Gay Exchange.

When I told my wife this, she was a little confused, and she made some valid points. Sister Roma cross dresses as a performance art form, when I cross dress I’m not performing, I’m in a state of being. Cross dressing to me, in the way that I do it, is not a performance but an extension of who I am. Now don’t get me wrong, my wife didn’t say that I was being hypocritical, she’s been exceptionally supportive of my choices, but in the point that she made above, I can see where she’s going and im struggling to rationalise that, and provide an appropriate answer. Where does cross dressing cease to be a ‘performance’ and where does it begin to be a lifestyle? I switch between male and femme all the time, and I find myself not exclusively in one gender, which I think is where im having some of the issues.

What do other people think in regards to this?

A second issue, is that my wife is new to this. We live an hour from the city and she is a little worried about me travelling alone to see Sister Roma. She’s offered to drive and come in with me which I see as very supportive, but I know that this is very outside her comfort zone. I think that it would be important for me to go and visit Sister Roma as Femme, but I don’t want to potentially alienate my wife. Though I do recognise that there’s potential to create a bond, and help my wife face her uncertainties.

There is nothing wrong with being a fan of someone like that, for whatever reason. Though your wife makes a good point, I do not think that it is reason enough to not go. Go and enjoy. Regarding if your wife should join you: I think that is a great idea if it is a safe venue and you are there to support here. Again, go and enjoy, and a big recognition to your wonderful wife for being so supportive and willing to talk about it.

How about telling your wife how much you love her and appreciate her support. Then tell her you would rather spend the evening with her. Get a bottle of wine, dress up a little (maybe both of you), cook some good food, and have a romantic evening. I'm only guessing but she might feel special because of your gesture. Sister Roma will come and go, but a supportive wife is pretty special.

Just a thought.....

Having followed the link in your post I can see why your wife might have doubts and uncertainties. Sister Roma is, from what I've read, very active on the Gay Rights scene and heavily involved in Gay pornography. That's enough to worry anyone as to why you would want to see her.

Hi Rickish:hugs:, I agree with Helen I would pass for my own safety...:daydreaming:...

I'm unfamiliar with Sister Roma but she's apparently someone you admire, she's coming to your area and you have a chance to see her, right? So what's the problem? You both crossdress but have different reasons for doing so? Seems thin. You want to go see her, it's an event you're looking forward to -- go do it. The fact that you'll be crossdressed because of your identity and she'll be crossdressed as an act of social rebellion/subversion/whatever doesn't matter. You're getting to meet a person you want to meet.

Dame Edna - I so would have loved a girl chat with her, but no way would I go, as you never could tell if sir Les Patterson was around.
But if this is your thing, then go as the next chance will probably be decades away.

Riskish, according to your post u move, "back and forth from male to female easily'. Which doesn't explain your hesitation in dressing and going out? It sounds like u must go out dressed often if what u say is true?

If I've misunderstood for some reason, and u don't go out dressed often? Why not go meet Sister Roma in drab and have NO worries, issues or conflicts?:)