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A not infrequent topic here is how some of us in DADT (don't ask, don't tell) marriages deal with our spouses.
Kandi asked the same question and my response is posted today at her blog. It's how I stay sane in my marriage. If you are interested, click over and have a read.
https://kandis328772669.wordpress.co.../staying-sane/
Staying sane meant counselling for me
Staying sane meant coming clean to my wife and letting the chips fall where they may.
I had to be able to be me to stay sane and it just came to the point that if she couldn't accept All of me then maybe it was best that we part ways. I was one of the lucky ones. She was willing to talk, ask questions, investigate and learn what this is all about and what it meant to me. She eventually became fully accepting and now we do everything together. No more hiding, lying or stealing time from her for myself. Now all my time is hers as it should always have been.
I had to take the chance to save myself.
Sanity is overrated. The older I get, the less I worry about it. From the 1974 song, Angie Baby: it is so nice to be insane. No one asks you to explain.
I was up front about my dressing to my ex. She was totally ok with it. I met my current while I was dressed so she knew about it before we started dating. She's totally accepting and encouraging about it. I'm a lucky guy.
Jon
Good post. My dadt doesn't allow anywhere near the latitude described in your post. Imagine barely being able to dress, always alone, not enough storage or freedom to shop online and take deliveries resulting in not being presentable in public. Retired, no outside crossdresser activities (too rural for that where I live) and no way to join a group in a more populated area. In other words, dadt leaves some in a very restrictive situation with seemingly no way out. My only option is to either risk a fifty year marriage and demand a right to dress or stay hidden and hope I can endure. I did not understand myself at a young age and only came to understand what I am the past couple decades so that is why I didn't reveal it to her fifty years ago.
No complaints though, I have to deal with my own unique situation and in that respect I am on an island in spite of having well meaning sisters in this forum. Apparently dadt means different things to different people and I can only relate to the strictest forms of dadt as that is my experience.
My favorite line is....Quote:
Originally Posted by abby054
I used to be Schizophrenic, but We're ok now.
Same boat as Cheryl and she sums it up well.
Staying sane meant coming clean to my wife and letting the chips fall where they may. x
I guess a mutually agreed upon lie can work in keeping a marriage together. It certainly works better than the collection of shaded and half truths that I gave my wife and myself.
What a great blog!!
Okay, I am certainly biased...... Dee, thank you for all you do for Kandi's Land!!
DADT is so difficult for so many, but you are obviously not alone.
It is kind of difficult for some of us I think. I had made many attempts to get the slightest amount of freedom to dress and even sleeping in something feminine in the dark was too much for my wife. I do not want to throw away my marriage of over 30 years so I endure in secret, but I have to say that being cooped up because of covid has made me engage in risky behavior that would get me in hot water. So far I have been pretty lucky. I wish things were back to where they were last year. Sigh.
Sandi
Lol I have a shirt that says The voices sound strange sometimes but they have some great ideas.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheryl T
Helen Reddy, who sang the song, died today.Quote:
Originally Posted by abby054
Along the same lines, I once had a t-shirt that said that even though you are paranoid it doesn't mean people aren't out to get you.
For those of you who feel trapped, my empathy. Can't you find a good cover story to get away and find time to dress?
Gone fishing? A golf outing? Take up running or triathlons and do a race out of town and dress while you're not doing the event (been there, done that--just ask Kandi).
One of my first times out was a golf trip to Reno. I extended it by two days to drive to San Fran, get a Sephora makeover, and go out dressed.
Find a way to help yourself stay sane in your own way.